Are Cancers Self-Centred?

It's not my intention to bash Cancers. I'm not saying that they're vain or that they're not caring and nurturing. And I know that they will always be there for others when it's really important. It's just that they (perhaps due to their sensitive nature) seem to have a tendency to get overly caught up in their own moods, feelings and needs on a fairly regular basis and in the process, neglect the moods, feelings and needs of others.

Does anyone agree with me (or am I going to get attacked here, lol)?

I think this is true - but then again, I'm an Aries....that's just what I have observed, but I don't think it is something that is done on purpose and honestly, I bet they don't know they are doing it. At least that is my gut instinct.

I agree yes. I have to make an effort to reach out, even when I don't want to.

I'm not a Cancer, but I have a Cancer moon and mars. I find I happily isolate myself and ignore EVERYONE, when I'm emotionally spent or just moody.
I guess just cutting people off, unexpectedly, can warrant accusations of selfishness and self-absorption. But it's not personal!

Posted by RoseTheTaurus
but I have a Cancer moon and mars.

yeah now imagine combining those with a Sun AND Venus Capricorn... it equals this guy i like that is just IMPOSSIBLE for a Cancerian (sun & moon) gal like me to get close to or safely make any emotional investments on. It's already hard enough as it is for me to allow myself to invest any emotions on someone without feeling like my world is going to fall apart. ahh ::siiiiigh:: I'm ready to just cut my loses and walk away....

Anyways, sorry ....About the main topic: Absolutely, yes. There's that "What about ME?!" quality probably bc its in our nature to give and give, while some only take. If we are not smart enough to walk away from a situation like that, we can easily feel neglected, then doubtful, then resentful, then indifferent/hostile....retreat into our shells. = Self-Centered city.

I'm a Cap, but I think the men are self centered. Love them, but gotta tell the truth!

I'm a Pisces and am caring and nurturing to my friends and family, but if my emotions are tapped out from anything I am going through.. there is nothing left until I can recharge. It doesn't happen often, but when I'm down and out.. I'm down and out. lol

Yes. Fuck yes. But if you can gind a way of not being annoyed by this then you have yourself a beautiful person.

I'm a Cancer, and yes this is me even though it can unintentional, it's funny you mention it.. something I've done I'm thinking may have unintentionally hurt some people due to me being caught in my own emotions and feelings. They can just be so intense.

Not all Cancers are self-centered. Lindsay Lohan and Mike "The Situation" are, but not all of them are as crazy!

Some of them are, however, and it can be vicious.

My ex was a full blown narcissist, who refused to accept blame or responsibility for anything and she refused to apologize when she hurt other people. She only offered the typical "I am sorry if you feel that way" or "I am sorry that you don't understand" type of statements, which were actually more hurtful than the situation itself in many cases.

She was just awful, but I am grateful that not all Cancers are as bad as she is because there are some really tremendous, helpful Cancers out there.

You just have to look really hard to find them, that's all.

🙂

Phew...I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I have no doubt that it's not done on purpose but it's a tad infuriating and hurtful at times. It's not just the shelling. It's the difficulty in accepting fault or responsibility in disagreements, difficulty in seeing situations from the point of view of others, interrupting others when they talk because they absolutely must say what's on their mind right now, etc.

Posted by ScorpioFish
Not all Cancers are self-centered. Lindsay Lohan and Mike "The Situation" are, but not all of them are as crazy!

Some of them are, however, and it can be vicious.

My ex was a full blown narcissist, who refused to accept blame or responsibility for anything and she refused to apologize when she hurt other people. She only offered the typical "I am sorry if you feel that way" or "I am sorry that you don't understand" type of statements, which were actually more hurtful than the situation itself in many cases.

She was just awful, but I am grateful that not all Cancers are as bad as she is because there are some really tremendous, helpful Cancers out there.

You just have to look really hard to find them, that's all.

🙂

I had a horrible argument with another Cancer girl at work once, she and I share the same birth date. I took some time off and when I returned to work she apologized to me and said she let the job get to her. We hugged and made up. I was so proud of her. So some of us can admit when we are wrong. I was hoping she would apologize because I really wasn't mad at her for long. She and I actually like each other.

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by ScorpioFish
Not all Cancers are self-centered. Lindsay Lohan and Mike "The Situation" are, but not all of them are as crazy!

Some of them are, however, and it can be vicious.

My ex was a full blown narcissist, who refused to accept blame or responsibility for anything and she refused to apologize when she hurt other people. She only offered the typical "I am sorry if you feel that way" or "I am sorry that you don't understand" type of statements, which were actually more hurtful than the situation itself in many cases.

She was just awful, but I am grateful that not all Cancers are as bad as she is because there are some really tremendous, helpful Cancers out there.

You just have to look really hard to find them, that's all.

🙂

I had a horrible argument with another Cancer girl at work once, she and I share the same birth date. I took some time off and when I returned to work she apologized to me and said she let the job get to her. We hugged and made up. I was so proud of her. So some of us can admit when we are wrong. I was hoping she would apologize because I really wasn't mad at her for long. She and I actually like each other.

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Yay!!!!

I love a happy ending!!!!

Posted by PurrrrHissss

Posted by paries
Phew...I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I have no doubt that it's not done on purpose but it's a tad infuriating and hurtful at times. It's not just the shelling. It's the difficulty in accepting fault or responsibility in disagreements, difficulty in seeing situations from the point of view of others, interrupting others when they talk because they absolutely must say what's on their mind right now, etc.

Hmm, I don't think it's fair or accurate to squeeze in all of those extra negative traits, hahaha. I understood what you were talking about in your original post, but these additional details seem to apply to your boyfriend more than Cancers in general. Those aren't really Cancerian traits...especially the interrupting. We may interrupt people who never stop talking when we absolutely need to get a word in, but Cancerians are generally very good listeners. Accepting responsibility can be one of our weaknesses, but we are also very empathetic and do our best to see things from others' POV. We may just disagree with it. 😛

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Ok, I'll admit that the interrupting might just be my bf 🙂 He knows he has this problem - saying that he has this uncontrollable urge to always immediately say what he's thinking. (He's the one who never stops talking, lol). Interestingly, even though he's interrupting, he actually pays attention to and usually remembers everything I say.

The difficulty in accepting fault and taking responsibility... I think it's pretty common for Cancers to have a hard time apologizing, no? Difficulty in seeing situations from the POV of others...This can tie into the shelling (both short and longer shelling) & not fully understanding at the time how this is effecting others. (They might later, but not in the moment). But in addition, I've observed that both my bf and my close Cancer friend (female) of over 20 years both have strong opinions and it's sometimes hard to convince them that other POVs are not necessarily wrong just because they don't agree with them (which is kind of what you said too).

Anyway, note that I had used the word difficulty not refusal 🙂

Posted by tiltedmoonshadow...we can easily feel neglected, then doubtful, then resentful, then indifferent/hostile....retreat into our shells. = Self-Centered city.

I have dated 3 cancers in the last 7 years. All of them were carbon copies of one another. I love them. I really do. It was all about me all the time. Every day it was how are you, what are you doing, where are you at, where are you going, can I go, I want to go, I want to see you, I want to be near you. I was like this is the best thing in the world. I am in love , he is in love...and then.............................NOTHING, GONE, DISAPPEARED. You are sitting around wondering what you did. You finally figure it out. It is not about you and it never was. It is simply who and what they are. I think if you learn them you will save yourself alot of heartache.

I know it is probably the self centered Leo in me but there is nothing on Earth that compares to the attention a Cancer can shower upon a person. It is so addictive right up there with some of the worst narcotics. I wouldn't call Cancers self centered. I think they are just all in and when they are out whether mentally or physically,they are simply done and they usually don't come back not in a romantic capacity anyway. At least in my experience.

The difficulty in accepting fault and taking responsibility... I think it's pretty common for Cancers to have a hard time apologizing, no?

Correct, and here is your cigar!!!

My ex was an absolute asshole about apologizing for ANYTHING, and she would NEVER accept responsibility when she made a mess out of things. Granted that I wasn't perfect by ANY stretch of the imagination, but for crying out loud, it was not MY FAULT every single time there was a squabble between us. Hell, I would say it was about half and half whenever we would have problems, only it would be ME who was expected to clean up the mess and say that I am sorry. When she was a bitch to my parents after my Grandpa died, she never said she was sorry to them for being so rude. Her bad behavior was enough to make me shoot lasers out of my eyes!!!

I have known 7 Cancer's. 4 Males and 3 females. I notice the MEN are the one's that are self-centered. My mother was a cancer "Was as in she passed away 2 years ago" and she was nothing of the kind. My woman is a Cancer, and she is beyond self-centered. She NEVER thinks about herself. I have to take a time-out and remind her to go get "Me" time. Example.

ME: "Honey i got you a gift certificate to the spa. I think you need a break from the kids. Your volunteer work,and your job. I am off tomorrow. You can go than. You need some R&R"
HER: "Oh? Who is going to watch the kids? Who is going to make sure that Aunt terry takes her medication at 2:00."
ME: "I Am off. I will watch the kids. I will clean and cook and make sure Aunt Terry gets her medicine on time"
HER: "You should not have spent this much money. We could of taken the kids to the water park"
ME: "I Was going to take them to the river again. It will be okay"
HER: "Okay honeybear, i love you. Thanks so much"

The SPA Day: Her. "Calls 3x to make sure were okay. Makes sure i give Aunt Terry her meds. Makes sure the dog is okay. Makes sure the air is on because it's hot out and the cats are home inside. Makes sure the kids have their life jackets on.
Calls 4x to make sure the kids have not drowned. Wants to talk to the kids to confirm they have not drowned.

She comes home. I ask her. "How was it"? HER: It was great! I do feel a little guilty that i spent the day without you guys being pampered like a princess. Please tell me you guys had fun. Than asks kids "You guys have a good time.... right?"

My Cancer is always worried about everyone else. Never herself. I have to make sure she worries about herself. Sometimes it sucks. But i love her and her heart. So i let it slide. Ha!

My point was. I do not think Cancer's are self-centered. To be self-centered is a state of mind. Its who you are 24/7. Thinking about yourself once in a while is essential. And it does NOT make you selfish or self-centered.

From my experience yes, yes and YES! Just (you care enough) talk to the person about it when they spin out of their funk and encourage them to work on it for the benefit of your relationship.

You need to read though this entire board.
Then you will have your answer.
Short answer is NO

Every sign is pretty self-centered in their own ways. With cancers, they're self-centered in that they can be so entrenched in their own emotions at times that nothing else matters to them.

Basically, envision the typical aries, only less action-y and more prone to spontaneous crying fits.

Posted by paries
It's not my intention to bash Cancers. I'm not saying that they're vain or that they're not caring and nurturing. And I know that they will always be there for others when it's really important. It's just that they (perhaps due to their sensitive nature) seem to have a tendency to get overly caught up in their own moods, feelings and needs on a fairly regular basis and in the process, neglect the moods, feelings and needs of others.

Does anyone agree with me (or am I going to get attacked here, lol)?

Yes. When I'm in a bad mood, I'm no good to anyone around me. I have to be on solid footing to offer support.

Posted by paries
It's not my intention to bash Cancers. I'm not saying that they're vain or that they're not caring and nurturing. And I know that they will always be there for others when it's really important. It's just that they (perhaps due to their sensitive nature) seem to have a tendency to get overly caught up in their own moods, feelings and needs on a fairly regular basis and in the process, neglect the moods, feelings and needs of others.

Does anyone agree with me (or am I going to get attacked here, lol)?

For us Cancers, THAT is exactly what we do ... we nurture, take care of boyfriends and husbands, look out for family, cook up a storm on a daily basis, feed our children, send care packages, work at a job till we drop, be there for others .... and THEN we CRASH!! And when I get to that point .. I finally get sick and am down for a month!! ... and nobody understands ... WHY—?? I rarely take time for myself ... and over that past few years have to come to realize, that no one will take care of me ... except for ME. So... to answer your question ..... which you answered yourself in your OP, I have become much more concious of my own needs, wants and desires. I more have more often have had to say "no" to friends and family, only due to the feeling of "she will be there" .. yet most do not reciprocate... when I ask.

we need to protect our own needs because noone looks after us as we are looking after and thinking about them.come on we are human afterall not demigods! my friends do say that i m self centered but you know we just get caught up in our world so much...its not really our mistake.its the subconscious! theres your answer!

^^And thus the fine cancer tradition of referring to everyone else as selfish was resurrected by Krebbsman in the year of our lord two thousand and twelve.

@ic

lol..no not by krebsmann! the subconscious!!! :p

I wouldn't say self centered, They just give their time too people that are most important too them. If they don't see a need for someone, and their busy with there own life, there defiantly not going out of their way to chat and shit. They are busy. They understand the purpose for every person in their life and the extent of the relationship. They will keep it that way.

Everyone's self-centered, not just crabs. Some people are just more obvious/upfront about it than others.

I suppose that is one way to describe it. As much as cancers are givers we tend to be self centered in the eyes of others when things really go wrong in their lives and here is why.

Cancers are naturally givers and are so more often than not, esp to others and not themselves. No one really cares about cancers the way they need to be cared for. Simple things really. If you are a cancer and you dont tend to be your chipper life support for the world and you start to tend to those bumps in your life it is perceived as self centered narcissistic behavior. Think of cancer self centered behavior different than that of a Leo as an ex, it is a self healing process more than anything else. This may be different for men but for women its pretty much like this as far as I have known. Not saying all experiences fit this statement.

Paries~ it is difficult for cancers to apologize, because we relive the hurt we caused or the issues and its painful every time, but a mature cancer will get over it and apologize when it really does matter.

I do disagree that its difficult for cancers to accept responsibility being a naturally responsible sign. They beat themselves over things that have gone wrong in most cases when something is not even their fault, an irresponsible person does not do this.

Posted by CluelessCancer
YES!!! Eww Lindsey Lohan and Mike "The situation" are Cancers? GROSS...

I rather focus on the real "cancers"..those mentioned above are knockoffs ...Alexander the Great... Julius Ceasar...

Lohan is a cancer..wow..well I suppose this is a prime example of self centered and addictive behavior some astro descriptions write. I do still like her sad shes an addict.

Agreed w/ Cap4Life. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and make sure you are getting what you want/need out of your life and the people around you are the ones you truly WANT and care for and want to be around you. When you love yourself, you are going to think about yourself and how you're effected by situations/ people. If it's selfish, then I'm just selfish then. But there are other signs I think this thread is meant for.

Yes, I am very self centered. I have to remember that it isnt always about me...

This is why we are the most misunderstood sign in the zodiac. By far cancer is the least selfish sign of the zodiac. Thoughtless of what others might want yes.

Here's a scenerio. Cancer sees a an alligator stuck in trap. The cancer goes and tries to free it and the alligator snaps at the cancer. The cancers immediate reaction is wtf I'm trying to help you and you do this. Screw you I'm out. He never paid attention to the fact that 1 it's an alligator and 2 it's been stuck there for days and is fucking hungry.

What I'm getting at is us cancers are driven by emotions and tend to jump in without much thought of the issue or wants of others first. We go for what we initially see unless told otherwise. Which is also why words are extremely important to us. You have to spell it out. We don't see things the way others do

When we do appear selfish however again, we are all heart and take everything to heart with in turn makes us prone to getting offended easily.

Our sign puts others before us more than others. We whether its in emotions or actions. We are either extremely happy or sad. We either give all or nothing. We are seldom ever in the middle.

I have noticed they are extremely giving, loving caring but weirdly they are very self-centered too... my bf gets stressed out or in one of his moods easily and when he is feeling that way is all about him, what he has to do, how tired he is, what he is feeling.... but then he snaps out of it and goes back to being his normal loving,giving self.

It is true, if you can deal with this side of their personality and have a way to gently remind them of your own needs you do get to enjoy a wonderful person.

This has been my observation from experience...

Classic crab

= Instinctively putting others before you, it is that 'mothering' idea, you see someone hurt/bothered etc. and the reaction which you have is to help, to reach out, to nurture so to speak. Well, that is one spectrum of it, on the other end is being completely selfish but then again Crabs need to be selfish, in a way, because if they do not have their space or mood swing time to themselves, they can not possible recharge themselves, if they can not recharge themselves then in turn they cannot to return back into the world, fully, to those whom they love and care about.

Therefore to an extent, their selfishness is in the long run, beneficial to those whom they love, people will just have to accept, understanding and compromise themselves, their ways with you all. Because at the end of the day, every one has a choice, allow the person to have what they need so they can return to you whole, or to constantly have a person around who is always incomplete.

As a Lady Scorpio, who is still learning every day about your species and being who I am. When I am faced with such choices, I'd much rather have the former for there are greater rewards to reap and guess what, it is worth it.

I have a tendency to be self-centered as in I spend a lot of time in my own thoughts not necessarily in action. I have to make a conscious effort to interact with other people and ask about how they're doing. I have a tendency to do this when I'm moody which is every other day LOL

Posted by Sugarfoot
I'm in agreement with ladyscorpio here. They can be "me, me, me" especially if something is wrong. But, they almost always come out of that once the issue has been resolved. And, typically, their reasons for getting like that have to do with something important. Like finishing school, work, or a family issue.

People in their lives have to try not to take it personally, be patient, but still remind them that its not cool to become so self-absorbed.

They just want security, that is all, sometimes it could be mistaken for a "me, me, me" attitude, or the less evolved ones may be so. But isn't that the same for any other water sign, we all retreat in our own way, Crabs into their own shell of protection, Scorpions burrow a hole to disappear in (M.I.A), Merfolks to their otherworldly place in their imaginations.

Different signs, different methods of coping, essentially same purpose, to recharge, everyone has to recharge after giving out so much to all those whom we love and care about, it is only natural.

Of course, everything in moderation.

Posted by xMoonMan

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
This has been my observation from experience...

Classic crab

= Instinctively putting others before you, it is that 'mothering' idea, you see someone hurt/bothered etc. and the reaction which you have is to help, to reach out, to nurture so to speak. Well, that is one spectrum of it, on the other end is being completely selfish but then again Crabs need to be selfish, in a way, because if they do not have their space or mood swing time to themselves, they can not possible recharge themselves, if they can not recharge themselves then in turn they cannot to return back into the world, fully, to those whom they love and care about.

Therefore to an extent, their selfishness is in the long run, beneficial to those whom they love, people will just have to accept, understanding and compromise themselves, their ways with you all. Because at the end of the day, every one has a choice, allow the person to have what they need so they can return to you whole, or to constantly have a person around who is always incomplete.

As a Lady Scorpio, who is still learning every day about your species and being who I am. When I am faced with such choices, I'd much rather have the former for there are greater rewards to reap and guess what, it is worth it.

Wow!.......just... wow. Speechless.

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Still learning, still learning...lots more to discover

You are all a wonderful species, the matured ones at least.

🙂

As a Cancer female I can say that yes, we do sink into ourselves from time to time and I think we need to. I know I do ALOT for other people and give and give of my time, emotions and mind. I have to stop myself from time to time recharge my batteries physically and mentally so that I can continue to be me. Especally true if I am surrounded by super selfish people that are very draining to a super giving person. To answer your question, yes we can be self absorbed.

Posted by rhaina
I'm a Pisces and am caring and nurturing to my friends and family, but if my emotions are tapped out from anything I am going through.. there is nothing left until I can recharge. It doesn't happen often, but when I'm down and out.. I'm down and out. lol

Bingo.

I am working 6-7 days a week over the past few months, usually 9-12 hours a day.

It's overwhelming, and I often want to be alone when I finally get home at the end of the day.

You gotta take care of you before you can take care of someone else. Love yourself first, if thats being selfish than I'll be it. No ones gonna look after me or my best interests like I am.

Yes especially the men. They are so selfish. They pretend to help you when it's just about them being oh so helpful and wonderful.
Its perverse. And never tell them any secrets. Never.
They're like little selfish kids. They help only to be praised. Disgusting

I'd say Cancers can be self-absorbed, particularly when we're upset about something. We do retreat into our shell at times and that can come across as selfish and uncaring. I can't speak for others but I do go out of my way for my friends & lover (when I had one...currently single) but when I'm feeling blue, I shut everybody out. That's how I cope and I really don't want to bring them down with my bad mood. Retreating helps me recharge.

Yes We can be self-absorbed.

Honestly, I think we're all self centered. It's a matter of degrees. I definitely agree with the moods being hard for others to take. Yup, got that problem and my response to it is to shut myself away from people. I really hate people seeing me down. I don't want to drag them down either. But I also got out of a rela. where I financially and emotionally supported a man for 8 years. That's hardly self centered but it wasn't entirely self-less either. I wanted his love. I wanted to save him. I wanted to make it work. And I couldn't. But I still love him and always will. I'm a true believer that we get the love we send out, which is not a selfless act. Again, I think we're all self centered. It's just whether we understand that our self interests actually coincide with others. We might be crabs but we're not hermits and we need people in our lives.

Posted by SyzygyDresden
I love the monologues. Quite insightful.

I though the whole of DXP is but one big catalogue build up of monologues, with everyone jostling through to get a moment on stage only to fight for the microphone once on it, no?

Posted by SyzygyDresden

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by SyzygyDresden
I love the monologues. Quite insightful.

I though the whole of DXP is but one big catalogue build up of monologues, with everyone jostling through to get a moment on stage only to fight for the microphone once on it, no?

Well I suppose some would like their time in the sun.

A monologue reveals as much as it conceals. I think there is always the hope that someone out there is not only listening, but hears what is unsaid.

True dialogue requires the elimination of one's ego and an agenda. A meeting of true minds, if you will.

Nothing is more wondrous.

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Well, the sun could hardly be contrasted by the spotlight, sometimes it is the blinding fires of hell which illuminates their speech.

As what I had once written, just when one becomes most public is when one is but most private and only those who truly understand, will hear, will see, will feel what truths that lie within and rests in the undercurrents of those words expressed.

Yes, a meeting of true minds will be heavenly but in combination with two souls who play upon the same music, as if created by one.

That is most wondrous, that is most beautiful and because of all this, it is most haunting, could one ever forget such a merging of two melodies, intertwined, harmoniously as if but played from one instrument?

Aww SD, you are too kind *blushes*

🙂