I'm so tired of this cancer man indecisiveness. How will he act if I just ignore him? Will he try harder? I read somewhere that they like to Chase, will he want me more if he thinks I'm not interested?
If I ignore cancer man
yep, at least that's the way it was in my case. The more I resisted the more he tried. 2 years later we moved in together!
As a Cancer man I have to agree with LunarLady. A good correlation might be that when you ask a Cancer to do something over and over they will be less and less likely to do it.
I hope so! Because that's what I'm doing right now too...
Goodluck!
Goodluck!
Posted by Skylark
So apparently I'm in the same boat right now. I've been really busy the past couple of weeks and when I was finally able to text the Cancer back he said..."I thought you dropped off the planet." Then when we talked later he jokingly mentioned how I like ignoring his texts. I was genuinely busy and would not just ignore him like that. Now it seems he's doing the same to me? He could be busy himself, but it just seems so odd since this happened right after this incident.
I called him last night and he did not answer. He later sent me a text saying he was sorry, but he didn't have his phone on him. I send him texts and he doesn't answer them right away or not at all. So unlike just a few short weeks ago when he could not get enough of talking to me. Now that I'm not busy it seems like he is or either playing this game with me. I so hope he's genuinely busy because I hate games. Or at the very least tell me he's no longer interested to save me some time. Last week all he could talk about was meeting and doing something fun together and now it's like...hello?...are you there? It's like he's changed into this totally different person...so sweet and nice one minute to cold and distant the next.
Is this typical of Cancers?
Mine acted like that when I directly ignored him recently.
They don't like to be ignored, and if they sense you are doing it purposely, I think it COULD trigger a certain amount of game playing. I don't know your history with your crab but mine is an ex. We agreed to take some time away from each other and when he decided he wanted that time to be up, I hadn't. So I ignored him. When I decided I was ready and I contacted him he was cold, distant and rude. He did proceed to tell me that he tried talking to me and I didn't seem interested...afer that he didn't respond. I responded to this by deleting him from facebook. He tried to add me back about a week and a half later, to which I ignored.
If you suspect he's playing a game, maybe be direct with him. Text him and tell him that you're sorry if your distance had seemed like ignoring and that you were genuinely busy. But honestly, you were too busy to answer a text message? For how long? I could see him being offended.
I think he got the vibe from you that you weren't that interested so he's backed off, simple as that. Texting only takes a few seconds, even if you are really busy (unless you're working and can't use your phone) you could find a second to just text and say you're really busy but you'll text him later. It drives me nuts when people ignore my texts and personally it makes me a lot less likely to keep texting them. It's kinda like putting yourself out there and you're just left hanging, you don't know why the other person isn't responding. He doesn't know if you are really busy or not, so you have to put yourself in his shoes and get back to him. In the past when I've had friends do that I quickly learn not to even bother texting them anymore.
So basically, you need to earn his trust back, he took it to heart and really believed that you weren't all that interested. And yeah I think that's typical of Cancers. When I get a vibe from someone and it's not what I want, I will back away very quickly.
So basically, you need to earn his trust back, he took it to heart and really believed that you weren't all that interested. And yeah I think that's typical of Cancers. When I get a vibe from someone and it's not what I want, I will back away very quickly.
Posted by Skylark
So apparently I'm in the same boat right now. I've been really busy the past couple of weeks and when I was finally able to text the Cancer back he said..."I thought you dropped off the planet." Then when we talked later he jokingly mentioned how I like ignoring his texts. I was genuinely busy and would not just ignore him like that. Now it seems he's doing the same to me? He could be busy himself, but it just seems so odd since this happened right after this incident.
I called him last night and he did not answer. He later sent me a text saying he was sorry, but he didn't have his phone on him. I send him texts and he doesn't answer them right away or not at all. So unlike just a few short weeks ago when he could not get enough of talking to me. Now that I'm not busy it seems like he is or either playing this game with me. I so hope he's genuinely busy because I hate games. Or at the very least tell me he's no longer interested to save me some time. Last week all he could talk about was meeting and doing something fun together and now it's like...hello?...are you there? It's like he's changed into this totally different person...so sweet and nice one minute to cold and distant the next.
Is this typical of Cancers?
My 2 cents:
So, he made remarks that imply that he wasn't happy that he did not hear from you. He's feeling you out, judging your reaction, and telling you how he feels all at once. If you act like you're not interested, then you should expect him to put on the brakes to assess the situation, and second guess.
I can hear the thoughts from here: "Maybe she wasn't all that interested if she can't even text me back, maybe I miss judged everything, I better back off before I get hurt, or look ridiculous going for a girl who has no interest in me".
You'll probably have to build up that rapport all over again. If he's immature, and doesn't really trust you anymore, then let the games begin....
Posted by LunarLady720
yep, at least that's the way it was in my case. The more I resisted the more he tried. 2 years later we moved in together!
So, what is the delicate balance between "resisting" and "ignoring" ?
Because ignoring my crab in the short term only seems to piss him off, trigger him to play games and act rude towards me. I'm not sure if this behavior is temporary or if he'll just think to himself "forget her!".
I'm ignoring my crab for essentially the same reasons as the OP. I'm tired of his indecision and his reluctance to commit. I've layed my cards on the table, he knows how I feel about him and he's still wishy-washy with me, saying things like he sees us maybe getting back together, but also doesn't want a girlfriend right now. It hurts. So, I'm trying to take care of myself and I can't do that right now without seperating myself from the roller coaster ride I've been on with him. I just want to know if he's thinking I'm snubbing him and being immature or if he might come to realize that I'm no longer settling for a crummy friendship when I want more.
Any insight? 🙂
Well said Wineaux.It is just hard for an Aries to ride the waves and let things happen when it will happen. We are not known for our patience. My concern is just if i ignore him will this not give him teh idea that I'm not interested anymore? Or must I just try not to be too available. If that makes sense.
@Skylark, girl hell no you dont chase him! Back off...he will be back. Be direct and let him kno you like him alot, then back off. He will be like "What happen—" Because now he knows you like him, but your not showing it he will want to know why, but this will ONLY work if the cancer is genuinely into you and likes you. If not, then i would still suggest you back off. No sense in beating a dead horse, ya know. Every man want what they cant have. Cancer's are no different, they may throw a little tantrum, get stubborn and go hide in their shell to hide their bruised ego, but they will be back in the race. They just need time to rebuild that hard shell and reboot. You MUST allow them that time. Its okay to let him no you care, but trying to force a cancer man back into your arms is a dead end street. It wont happen. It will only make him more distant and moody. So just stay sweet, back off. Stand behind your word whatever you do. If cancer man feels he cant trust you, then the whole thing is done for.
Now since this is the ONLY topic on this whole darn forum that actually gets replies...my cancer is driving me NUTS! i mean coo coo for co-co PUFFS! URGH! Indecisive is an understatment for this cancer man. He knows what he wants and is a straight up ass about getting it. He's trying to paint the image that he and I are in a "relationship". Im no gullible little bimbo. I know when a man is acting like my man and when he's just playing roles to get what he wants so he can keep it moving. This one will fuss, write me on fb, text me saying he needs me, he even called me at 2:00 am fussing about how i dont "take care of home" and how he wants to spend more time. I told him no problem. However he wants sex. He's literally trying to pressuring me into it by blackmailing me saying theres another girl thats gaining a whole lot of points with him, and that i have a certain amount of time to make a decision about us or he's going to be with her. I told him im not going to let anyone rush me into a relationship. Then he says well he's going to be with her. I told him i wish them the best of luck. And i proceeded to leave. He wouldnt let me. then goes thru my phone and made me delete a guys number that i just met.(I still have it tho.silly rabbit.lol) Dont get me wrong i want a relationship, but i want the man to date me, and i date him. We should get to know each other. I told my cancer this since day 1, and he pretended to understand yet we keep falling out because i wont have sex with him. He keeps threating to date someone else, and keep telling him TO GO AHEAD! i'm not letting anyone rush me. I know i'm right, but can yall believe this dude? Am i really the childish one?
oh yeah, and i forgot to mention that he refuses to take me out until i have sex with him. He hasnt even taken me out yet!NOT ONCE!lol. I swear i've met some assholes in my day, but this is nuts. What is he a virgin? lol
Posted by pinklibra
@Skylark, girl hell no you dont chase him! Back off...he will be back. Be direct and let him kno you like him alot, then back off. He will be like "What happen—" Because now he knows you like him, but your not showing it he will want to know why, but this will ONLY work if the cancer is genuinely into you and likes you. If not, then i would still suggest you back off. No sense in beating a dead horse, ya know. Every man want what they cant have. Cancer's are no different, they may throw a little tantrum, get stubborn and go hide in their shell to hide their bruised ego, but they will be back in the race. They just need time to rebuild that hard shell and reboot. You MUST allow them that time. Its okay to let him no you care, but trying to force a cancer man back into your arms is a dead end street. It wont happen. It will only make him more distant and moody. So just stay sweet, back off. Stand behind your word whatever you do. If cancer man feels he cant trust you, then the whole thing is done for.
This is great advice! GREAT GREAT GREAT!
My cancer guy is 25 and he acts like he's 13 and in heat! And your welcome ladies...see my cancer is nuts.After his little performance today i stood my ground let him throw his tantrum and what not then i backed off and went about my buisness.Next thing i know he in my inbox apologizing saying he really likes me and is willing to wait on me. We will see.lol. He'll prolly flip out again tho...he wouldnt be cancer if he didnt stomp his feet for things not going his way...lol
,
You wrote a beautiful post, and sometimes I agree with and others I don't.
Posted by wineaux
look...there is no answer to this question...otherwise there wouldn't be 4 bajillion threads on how to fix it. cancers as whole are not something that can be typified or demystified. it's a dance...and unless you are fully ready to embrace that then walk away. they are lovers, they are feelers, they're not people that want to be analyzed and figured out.
I think cancerians are people that want to be figured out. If they meet that person that can know so much about them without even trying, they will be amazed. Once I told to this crab... "You are so easy to be figured out!" and he says... "Ohh, just like an open book, right?", In that moment I knew that I was wrong saying that and that will make him go distant. Time passed and now I can tell by a sigh or a smile what's wrong with him.
Posted by wineaux
you cannot approach them with questions about their motives or thoughts because they change with the tides. they live in the moment - the cancer mantra: I FEEL. so if you don't feel, you cannot ever underestimate or understand who they are. they are amazing lovers, nurturers and friends. if you have one in your life, consider yourself lucky because you will never have another person who will love you for all that you are. that's not to speak negatively about other signs, it's just how they reach to the depths of your soul.
you cannot approach a cancer and ask what they want...what they need...as they will give you indirect signs. these are things that no one on these boards can explain to you as everyone is different in how they do them. they may send you a text message that won't make sense to you, but to them they're trying to say something significant. i'm not saying read between the lines and overanalyze because that won't work. you must understand that their motives are not to play...because they hate games and drama. it's a glance, a sigh, a smile...that you should be able to pick up on what they're trying to convey. again, it's I FEEL, not i think or i do or i play.click to expand
I'll continue the story related to this quote. When he trusts you, you can ask whatever you want. He will tell you, because he knows that you know there is someth
because he knows that you know there is something going on and he feels better when he lets it out.
And cancerians... of course they play games.... but they think by the way they feel.
And cancerians... of course they play games.... but they think by the way they feel.
Appart from the previous posts, here goes my story.
Yesterday met the crab. I was kind of ignoring him, had an attitude that was saying "I don't care that you are here". And... what does the crab do?
I was with a colleague trying to explain something to her. He was sitting at the window and he couldn't keep his eyes off me. Even I saw he was watching I didn't gave him not even a look. Then he moves at his desk. He touched my feet on his way. I showed no reaction. So he starts asking questions related to what I was saying, repeating my words from time to time trying to make a joke. I gave him just a look, no smile, no laughing (even he was funny 🙂). Then trying to talk to the other colleagues in the office about what I was talking. No reaction. Finally the colleague I was working with leaves. We went for a coffee together, at the window. He lowered his voice like he wanted me to be the only one in the office who can hear him, even he was saying usual stuff, nothing important, nothing secret... like he wanted that all my attention to be on him. And when he left he stood at the door for a second or two to watch me. When I surprised him watching he gave me a smile and left right away.
So that happened when I ignored the cancer man...
Yesterday met the crab. I was kind of ignoring him, had an attitude that was saying "I don't care that you are here". And... what does the crab do?
I was with a colleague trying to explain something to her. He was sitting at the window and he couldn't keep his eyes off me. Even I saw he was watching I didn't gave him not even a look. Then he moves at his desk. He touched my feet on his way. I showed no reaction. So he starts asking questions related to what I was saying, repeating my words from time to time trying to make a joke. I gave him just a look, no smile, no laughing (even he was funny 🙂). Then trying to talk to the other colleagues in the office about what I was talking. No reaction. Finally the colleague I was working with leaves. We went for a coffee together, at the window. He lowered his voice like he wanted me to be the only one in the office who can hear him, even he was saying usual stuff, nothing important, nothing secret... like he wanted that all my attention to be on him. And when he left he stood at the door for a second or two to watch me. When I surprised him watching he gave me a smile and left right away.
So that happened when I ignored the cancer man...
Posted by AngelicVirgo
because he knows that you know there is something going on and he feels better when he lets it out.
And cancerians... of course they play games.... but they think by the way they feel.
Hi AngelicVirgo,
I'd like to know from your point of view why you think crab men "play games"? Is it because they don't actually want you (the girl that is)? Or because they are unsure of how they feel?
From what I have read, they play games to test you, and when they are unsure of how they feel.
So my cancer man made a comment today about me ignoring him, so I got his attention again, it worked.
He was all friendly, and nice, and made time to chat to me even while I know he is very busy. Will keep you posted, and thanks for all the replies.
So my cancer man made a comment today about me ignoring him, so I got his attention again, it worked.
He was all friendly, and nice, and made time to chat to me even while I know he is very busy. Will keep you posted, and thanks for all the replies.
They're usually not direct. So if you take matters into your own hands and be direct with him then this disarms his ability to be potentially manipulative.
The main things I know is that you have to stay firm. You have to be grounded, rational, reasonable, and unwavering in your own emotional state.
Oh yeah, they notice right away if you're not paying them as much attention as they're used to receiving from you. You've just tapped into their need to feel secure.
My crab never used to be this way in the beginning. It is something that developed over time. If I am stand-offish at all with him now he's in my face and trying to be super affectionate and playful. He seems to like it when I occasionally blow him off to do something else too. It causes him to miss me and blow my phone up. He still likes to chase a little, and because I'm a fairly social Leo type, I can oblige no problem 😉
The main things I know is that you have to stay firm. You have to be grounded, rational, reasonable, and unwavering in your own emotional state.
Oh yeah, they notice right away if you're not paying them as much attention as they're used to receiving from you. You've just tapped into their need to feel secure.
My crab never used to be this way in the beginning. It is something that developed over time. If I am stand-offish at all with him now he's in my face and trying to be super affectionate and playful. He seems to like it when I occasionally blow him off to do something else too. It causes him to miss me and blow my phone up. He still likes to chase a little, and because I'm a fairly social Leo type, I can oblige no problem 😉
I have to disagree with most of this. I myself prefer to be chased and swooned. It's due to my Venus being in Leo. I need to be wooed. If you know enough about him, do a full astro reading on him and look not only to his sun sign, but also his venus, as well as any aspects between them. This should help you get a better feel of how to deal with him.
Posted by ninjamu
They're usually not direct. So if you take matters into your own hands and be direct with him then this disarms his ability to be potentially manipulative.
The main things I know is that you have to stay firm. You have to be grounded, rational, reasonable, and unwavering in your own emotional state.
Oh yeah, they notice right away if you're not paying them as much attention as they're used to receiving from you. You've just tapped into their need to feel secure.
My crab never used to be this way in the beginning. It is something that developed over time. If I am stand-offish at all with him now he's in my face and trying to be super affectionate and playful. He seems to like it when I occasionally blow him off to do something else too. It causes him to miss me and blow my phone up. He still likes to chase a little, and because I'm a fairly social Leo type, I can oblige no problem 😉
Love everything that you said.
My crab was like this too while we were dating. If I ever made other plans to go out that didn't include him, he'd blow up my phone all night with the sweetest text messages, telling me how much I meant to him and how much he missed me. Then immidiately he wanted to make special plans for the next night.
Posted by domanb
I have to disagree with most of this. I myself prefer to be chased and swooned. It's due to my Venus being in Leo. I need to be wooed. If you know enough about him, do a full astro reading on him and look not only to his sun sign, but also his venus, as well as any aspects between them. This should help you get a better feel of how to deal with him.
My crab has is venus in leo and let me tell you, he does NOT like to be chased. Sure, he laps up the compliments and he adores when I talk wonders of his body but if I chase him? He scurries away..
Both times we dated he did all of the heavy pursuing, yeah...I'd have to throw in the occational "you're so handsome" or "god, your body is soooo sexy" but as far as making plans to see me, he was the one making the calls and texts.
All I know is that he's cancer. How does one find out what his moon, sun, venus all that stuff is? It's like learning a new language for me. LOL He's born July 12, 1964
you need to know the exact time/date he was born and then you can use any calculator and look it up online
You only need the exact time to find out his rising sign. The date and place he was born will tell you everything else.
I have exactly the same problem. I'm dealing with the Cancer guy. We we're a couple for one year, it was a great relationship, everything went well. Then suddenly he was changed and he started to thinking about ending that relationship. With no real reason. And then he broke up. After that he constantly texting and calling me. He is saying how great couple we were and how he admires me and those SMSes are rly enormous. Like 1000 words +. Every day, 10 times per day. If I answer, I get back long SMSes. If I ignore, its the same. He was even insulted because I didnt text him back immediately. Hello— Did you broke up with me or did I? Are you stupid? In those SMSes he always asks me how do I feel and that he likes me but he doesnt want to be with me. He is saying that nothing changed in his life, except that he misses me rly hard. WTF? What does he want from me? Its making me nuts! I still love him, but those acts are childish. It makes me depressed. Everytime he says he loves me I start to thinking that he may change his mind and ask me to be with him again. But no. He is just playing. He is such an idiot. I dont understant anything anymore. What is wrong with that guy? What does he want?
Hmm..New account, first post is to bump a 6 year old thread.
I actually made accaunt because i found that thread on Google.
In that case, welcome to the forums, I wish you luck towards finding peaceful resolution to your dilemma and relationship problem.
Posted by aries12345678He wants you to be his girlfriend in mind and body but he won't be your boyfriend in return.
I have exactly the same problem. I'm dealing with the Cancer guy. We we're a couple for one year, it was a great relationship, everything went well. Then suddenly he was changed and he started to thinking about ending that relationship. With no real reason. And then he broke up. After that he constantly texting and calling me. He is saying how great couple we were and how he admires me and those SMSes are rly enormous. Like 1000 words +. Every day, 10 times per day. If I answer, I get back long SMSes. If I ignore, its the same. He was even insulted because I didnt text him back immediately. Hello— Did you broke up with me or did I? Are you stupid? In those SMSes he always asks me how do I feel and that he likes me but he doesnt want to be with me. He is saying that nothing changed in his life, except that he misses me rly hard. WTF? What does he want from me? Its making me nuts! I still love him, but those acts are childish. It makes me depressed. Everytime he says he loves me I start to thinking that he may change his mind and ask me to be with him again. But no. He is just playing. He is such an idiot. I dont understant anything anymore. What is wrong with that guy? What does he want?
Basically he wants to be able to use you until something better comes along. Are you going to let him?
He wants to go on a drink with me :/ Dont know what to do he is making me crazy ... I need to move on if he dont want to be my boyfriend ... I cant just thinking about him ... Its not healthy for me :/ Even if he is thinking only about me ... he still doesnt want to be my guy .... thats sick
Oh, I hate being ignored, and you are doing it intentionally!? Sure fire way to piss me the hell off.
Depending on my level of care for you two things will happen
I will ignore you back, and continue my day
I will contemplate why you are ignoring me, and try to get you to not ignore me
Depending on my level of care for you two things will happen
I will ignore you back, and continue my day
I will contemplate why you are ignoring me, and try to get you to not ignore me
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