Leave it to me to find this Cancer!

Hello all

I haven't been on the boards in almost a year but I really miss it.
Soooo I'm back and have met a Cancer man that I would love to call the man of my dreams 🙂

He and I have been friends for a few years and a had a seven day fling about four years ago. Last summer the attraction came back and we were pretty hot and heavy for about six months...then we had the talk

We discovered that we were in different pages. I wanted something more but he "wasn't ready to be in a relationship." I was fine with that but said we should stop what we're doing. A day later he came over and talked. we were hot and heavy again for about another two months...then we had the relationship talk again...same story

I'm the type that would never chase, beg or force a man to do anything he doesn't want to so I'm prepared to let him go. My confusion is that his words say "no commitment" but his actions say "you're my girl". He has always been a great person and friend to me and I don't want this to destroy that. I know we love each other very much. I used to joke, even before this, and say that "he was my boyfriend." lol. He treats me better than any man I've ever dealt with so I'm a little confused about where to place my feelings.
I hate the thought of waiting on a man but if there's something there I don't want to throw it away.
what would you guys do?

If this helps these are our charts:
Him Me
rising: scorpio taurus
Sun: Cancer Libra
Moon: Aqu Cancer
venus: Leo Leo
Mars: Cancer (0degrees) virgo (0degrees)

I forgot to add his merc is in gemini and mines is in virgo. We communicate excellent about everything, unless it's dealing with emotions. then theres crickets!

If he treats you like his girl, better than anyone, you're hot and heavy but the thing that keeps messing it up is "the talk'... STOP having "the talk"!

Cancers generally come in two flavours... clingy and non-clingy (bordering on aloof) Non clingy Cancers don't like labels. Labels usually equal expectations and loss of freedom. If he's with you and not with anyone else... I think it's pretty clear you're it for him. If you can ride with that, chances are HE will be the man when he's ready and ask for more. Cancer men are pretty traditional and pull away from women trying to steer the relationship.

The only signs that I have found that don't have a problem with this are, Aquas and Pisces (with Uranian energy) Your guy has an Aqua moon...

If you can't enjoy what you have without trying to box it in... you're probably better off letting him go.

@Shellshocker

I didn't want a extra long post so I tried to summarize it, but I'll throw in some more detail. We had our first little argument a few months ago (nothing serious) but I think it triggered something and he felt like we were in a relationship, so he actually bought up the talk first. But the next day he texted me saying how special i was to him. at that point i let it go and decided to just go with the flow of things. the second time i bought up the talk because he was doing a push pull effect. some days we were good and some days he was being very distant.
i understand that cancers are moody but i was falling in love. just walking away from a terrible off and on relationships some months prior it freaked me out. Plus the inconsistency was making me nuts. But after saying "he wasn't ready" again, the next day he seemed to come back around.

I think what did it for us was when a close friend of his died tragically two months ago. He totally went in his shell, which i understand because i have a cancer moon myself. I let him have his time and once in awhile reminded him that i was here if he needed me but things never really went back to normal after that.

Over the past couple of months we've still been there for each other (i had a death in the family) and still talk but it's not like before. I still see him sometimes because we have the same friends and I can tell that the feelings are still there. In suddle ways he lets it be known that he isn't dealing with anyone else and I know he treats me better than he has any other females in the past (i know because we were friends first) but that's as far as it goes.

i don't mind going with the flow but I don't like the distant thing that he does. Plus he has issues from his past. he actually told me once that he used to asked his "women" my mother left me, how do i know that you won't

I wouldn't even bother is i thought he was BS'n me, or trying to use me. That's not the case. He has trust issues but what does a girl do?

@aurora

Thank you. all advice is appreciated lol

right now i am just living my life and doing the in meantime thing but emotionally I'm still attached. If this isn't going to go anywhere the sooner I know the better but my heart really wants it to.

outside of this issue we gel so so so well. It's everything i every wanted in a man and in a relationship. It'll be such a waste if it doesn't work

Posted by playswitfire83
@Shellshocker

We had our first little argument a few months ago (nothing serious) but I think it triggered something and he felt like we were in a relationship, so he actually bought up the talk first


I think what did it for us was when a close friend of his died tragically two months ago

I let him have his time and once in awhile reminded him that i was here if he needed me but things never really went back to normal after that.

oh dear..

You probably have specifics of what you want in a relationship, especially because you were hurt before. This guy knows you... you've been friends. You started acting 'relationshipy" and I think he let you know that he doesn't want to play that way with you. You're down playing the "little argument" you had. If it sparked a conversation initiated by a Cancer... it must of been a big deal.

You are in a relationship... but on his terms.. not yours.

And the HUGE issue of his friend dying ONLY 2 months ago you didn't even put into your initial post. Not a priority in your line of thinking... I don't think you have any clue what losing a loved one can do to a Cancer. (moon or not) 2 months is a drop in the bucket and you're anxious for things to go back to 'how they were'

You actually said.. "what did it for us"... I know you probably don't think you mean it this way... but you've worded it like the death of his friend "inconvenienced" your relationship.

I don't think Libra/Cancer pairings are worth the battleground they create. You are not on the same emotionally supportive page. Especially if this guy has an Aqua moon that can't deal with his Cancer emotions because he'd rather hide from them.

I just don't think you'll get what you're looking for from this guy. just my opinion...

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by playswitfire83
@Shellshocker

We had our first little argument a few months ago (nothing serious) but I think it triggered something and he felt like we were in a relationship, so he actually bought up the talk first


I think what did it for us was when a close friend of his died tragically two months ago

I let him have his time and once in awhile reminded him that i was here if he needed me but things never really went back to normal after that.

oh dear..

You probably have specifics of what you want in a relationship, especially because you were hurt before. This guy knows you... you've been friends. You started acting 'relationshipy" and I think he let you know that he doesn't want to play that way with you. You're down playing the "little argument" you had. If it sparked a conversation initiated by a Cancer... it must of been a big deal.

You are in a relationship... but on his terms.. not yours.

And the HUGE issue of his friend dying ONLY 2 months ago you didn't even put into your initial post. Not a priority in your line of thinking... I don't think you have any clue what losing a loved one can do to a Cancer. (moon or not) 2 months is a drop in the bucket and you're anxious for things to go back to 'how they were'

You actually said.. "what did it for us"... I know you probably don't think you mean it this way... but you've worded it like the death of his friend "inconvenienced" your relationship.

I don't think Libra/Cancer pairings are worth the battleground they create. You are not on the same emotionally supportive page. Especially if this guy has an Aqua moon that can't deal with his Cancer emotions because he'd rather hide from them.

I just don't think you'll get what you're looking for from this guy. just my opinion...

click to expand

I agree. By no means did I want to sound self-centered or like I was downplaying the death of a friend. I guess I just don't see the correlation between the two. I lost my grandmother not even a month ago. The way I grieve is to be to myself for awhile and not be bothered but I wouldn't distant myself for months from my loved ones.

He brings up his friend at random times and I'm always a listening ear. Im always going to be here whenever he needs me but he's such a closed person em