Need a fellow cancers support, losing my mind.

Had depression last year, docs never got round to actually helping me. Self helped but maybe still lingering.

Keep having loud screams in my head and they come out as excited stupidness and me making strange noises of excitement. I describe it as when u see ur pet dog and u rustle them up because they are cute and u make a loud noise. That's the feeling but obviously there's pain behind mine.

Where do I start, I feel Fucking useless, I'm 25 and stuck in a shitty job because of life choices. Choices I wish I could change. I have tried learning a new skill but cancers can be impatient. Not getting any younger. I feel I bring my girlfriend down because she's the opposite and is successful in her job (held it 6 years). Still living with rents and trying to move out. In trouble with police because of a small accident, taking the piss to get in touch, just paid 1200 out to a special solicitor so I'm broke and money makes the world go round. Don't have any friends really as I'm socially awkward and have some trust issues. I only see my son on weekends due to his mom breaking my heart years ago nd she has been a bitch ever since. Every time I have him he looks gaunt and hasn't slept because he's left to play games until he falls a Fucking sleep! Breaks my heart!

Going to that dark place again I need a hand to pull me out.

I'm not sure about all Cancers, but I've dealt with depression also quite a bit.

The question here isn't really so much about your problems or who's gonna pull you out, but more like what changes YOU can make. I say can because I know in those dark places it's hard to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. I went through a lot to get to the point where I was willing to admit that I caused and/or have control over a lot of my problems. So my question for you is, where you at in your ability to make some changes? Once you answer that, then you can actually take advice from any number of great folks on this message board. Otherwise, our effort to help you will go nowhere. What do you think?

Another question, what was your family life/upbringing/relationship with parents like?

Hi thanks yoopea for your reply. After I dealt with my depression, that's when I changed and started trying to look at life a little different. Before I was so depressed because I felt I didn't belong here like this world is just too horrible to live in. 1st and 3Rd world problems.
Obviously other things were in my head at the time. Some things unfortunately I can't change like the position I'm in with my son. He can't live with me nd I know if I moved out she wouldn't let him until he becomes an average child with parental issues which he will because she doesn't support him properly.
I had a loving upbringing my parents are still together even though I threatened to kill myself when I was young over the fact I felt poor and kids bullied me because of it.
I always had an older head on young shoulders.
My parents have always tried to show me fair love. I wasn't spoilt but they obviously didn't treat me like shit.
My two serious relationships I've had have possibly affected my look on life as my heart was shattered in the first. And in the second it was a messed up one (physical, mental abuse). I'm with the best person I've ever had who will do anything for me.
I just get like this sometimes, more recently than others.

We think to much and must act instead or nothing will change...

My way for dealing with depression was fooling myself into being optimistic and happy...then I just stated that way...idk if hard for to be depressed now...which is great because ppl say cancers are prone to bouts of depression... Use ur mind... Its strong enough☺

Hi sensitive blues. Yes I know but sometimes I just cat help it and a fall deep.
November 26th and may 2nd were the exes and Leo is my current.

I think you may need a psychologist/therapist.
A psychiatrist even, to give you that extra push out of this darkness.
Or have you tried anything herbal like Chamomile w/honey tea, lavender scents, or St. Johns wort supplements?

I know you feel stuck but what have you tried doing to pull yourself out?
Are the people that you do have around you positive and uplifting or do you feel they're judgmental and critical?
You need the former and let go of the latter.

Where's your moon & mars?
That may tell me what you probably need to help make you happy and what makes you happy.