The worst mistake of my life..how to get him back?

I will be highly judged and i am ashamed of myself but here's my story. We met online and we clicked. He had asked me my name and just for fun i lied. He then asked for my photo but i wasnt really sure if he is a safe person so i sent a photo of someone else. I later realized i made a HUGE mistake.I committed a sin and i was scared to tell him the truth about my name and the photo. Whenever he asked me for a photo i'd send hers reluctantly because i was afraid to confess the truth since i didnt want him to judge me.Honestly,at that point i thought that the thing between us would be over in few months time and so it wouldnt really matter.But we fell in love after a month of talks and got stronger when started talking on phone. It was going gr8 and our reltnshp was divine. We were highly emotionally attached even though we never met but the fact that i lied to him started pricking me bad. The stronger our love got the more the lie started stinging me. I have cried several nights just with the thought of what a horrible thing i did to someone i love so much.i couldnt take it anymore and a yr later,that is yesterday,i told him the truth. He was of course angry and very shattered. Has his trust and faith in me completely shaken. I sincerely apologized many times and tried to make him realize that ultimately its the person we are which made us fall in love and name/face came after that. He was very angry but he has been respectful and civilized and he said he's been so just because he values what we have shared and the person i have been else he would have broken up and remained cool about it. He said he feels entangled because one side of him hates me because i am not the girl whose photos he has seen all these months but his inner self still loves me because of what we have shared.He said he doesnt want a break up but will take a lot of time to sink in. The worst part is when he said he feels he'll be unable to forget that girl's face because since we were so emotionally attached he would imagine her all the time. I showed him my real photo and he asked for a video chat (we never skyped before because my web cam had issues and that day i finally purchased a new one). We skyped but surprisingly we ended up being normal.We behaved the way we always have been.Loving,affectionate,caring,flirty,silly and cute.He said that i look pretty and sweet (but also said that the photo girl scored more in prettiness). He tried to make me smile.

After skype it again got negatively emotional.It's been switching two ways.He's been negatively emotional at one time and suddenly he'll crack a joke to make me laugh and then again serious and negatively emotional.
I have gotto say that i am blessed to find him because had it been some other guy,the after effects would have been much worse. We have really loved each other.We still do.I can feel it in even though he hasnt really said i love you to me after the episode but i know he does because he still cares. What hurts me the most is that i am not such a person but i have created such a horrible mess and of course,it is paying me back PATHETICALLY. I know i have lost my old sweetheart.The person he used to be with me until 30hrs ago but i want him back. He said it would take him time but i fear if he really doesnt forget the girl's face.He said he's feeling extremely vulnerable and insecure right now because he has his trust in me completely shaken but also said that he doesn't want us to break up. He said we'd continue with the talks. I want him to be able to accept me back for the real me and have our relationship back on track. I want him to accept the truth that the photo girl was just a false medium and she has no role to play in our relationship.
I am so ashamed of what i did that i cant even share it my friends.Any advice as to how can i get things back to normal as before between us will be highly appreciated.

Damn that's fucked up. But I would try to be the best possible lover I could he to him. U have to go above and beyond special treatment with him. You just need to wait for him to tell you he wants to talk to you and when you talk to him be on your best behavior. Give him the space and let him go through all the bad feelings. When cancers get moody crazy like that they are 10 seconds away from exploding on you and they crack random jokes because they take the emotional positive feelings from the joke and uses that positivity to get through a moment of crisis when they feel they're about to lash out on you. As they don't want to lash out cuz they know how ugly they can get and actively try to calm down. When they're like that it's real weird ass shit and when I know I fucked up I start to wonder if she is going to slip up and knock me out in our playful conversation. But this moment won't last for long. They are just have a internal conflict ad if they love you they will eventually come back if not they will let it fade to black.

What The Actual Fuck—??

What on earth was you thinking in the first place— It's one thing to give a false name, but from the time you started to like the guy what possessed you to send someone else's picture?
You LIED for a year! Of course he's pissed off, wouldn't you be?

As for this we love each other deeply bs, sounds more like you were in love with the idea of being in love.

He's telling you the girl in the pictures is prettier than you and other horrible things. You've never even met so do you think this will improve or are you willing to accept this?

Move on from this fantasy and maybe try something IN REAL LIFE!

Posted by flowingwater
She's a catfish.

Plain and simple. People do this shit all the time.., I feel for that guy. 😢

You know I've only recently heard this term. It amazes me the lengths people go to for some attention without any regard for another person's feelings. _—

Posted by pisces123
I will be highly judged and i am ashamed of myself but here's my story. We met online and we clicked. He had asked me my name and just for fun i lied.

Who in their right mind lies to someone for fun? Seriously?

He then asked for my photo but i wasnt really sure if he is a safe person so i sent a photo of someone else. I later realized i made a HUGE mistake.I committed a sin and i was scared to tell him the truth about my name and the photo.

So its "his fault" you sent him someone else's picture....what you were scared about was his reaction when you lied not just once, bit twice.

Whenever he asked me for a photo i'd send hers reluctantly because i was afraid to confess the truth since i didnt want him to judge me.

You're lying to everyone else here. You CHOSE to perpetuate a lie.

Honestly,at that point i thought that the thing between us would be over in few months time and so it wouldnt really matter.But we fell in love after a month of talks and got stronger when started talking on phone. It was going gr8 and our reltnshp was divine. We were highly emotionally attached even though we never met but the fact that i lied to him started pricking me bad. The stronger our love got the more the lie started stinging me. I have cried several nights just with the thought of what a horrible thing i did to someone i love so much.i couldnt take it anymore

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I have no sympathy for you. Even if there was a way to help you out of this mess, I wouldn't help you.

Unlike some others here, I have compassion for you. I can understand that you might have rationalized what you did & that you kept lying out of fear of losing his attention. But that doesn't excuse it & I can't help but be suspicious that you still aren't being 100% honest with us or yourself. Did you really send him someone else's photo because you weren't sure you could trust him? If that were the case, why not just tell him you wanted to get to know him better first? I wonder if you actually sent him the other girl's photo because you were insecure about your looks? Or because at first you thought it was just harmless internet flirting that wouldn't amount to anything in real life? Wait, maybe it WILL never amount to anything in real life but that doesn't make it harmless. What do you want of out this online romance? Do you want to meet in person at some point? It has been going on for a year?

I am sorry.I know this doesnt sound good at all so i am not surprised to hear the name shaming.As i said i am ashamed of what i did and its the worst thing i have ever done in life but i accept my mistake.I am regretting it worse than he is.We have been talking. We have been discussing the issue,our feelings and everything.I am happy we are talking in a civilized way. He says that he's just too much in a fix. He wants to believe me this time but he's finding it difficult because his trust is shaken tremendously(not surprised). He said he's feeling insecure and vulnerable that something else might be hidden and i have tried my best to assure him that it isnt this way. Also,another main issue is that since Cancerians are very emotionally driven he said he wont be able to move on from forgetting her face. Let's say i told him my name is Keira Gill and i have been sharing a photo of some random girl.He obviously thinks I am Keira and i look like that photo girl.I had created a fake account on fb just for the purpose of psychology class for a research survey and i didnt want to use my actual account.I had planned to deactivate that fake account after 3 months once my project was done but thats when he happened. We started talking and got in a relationship.So the entire 1 yr he thought my name is Keira and i look like that photo girl. We talked.Shared many many beautiful moments.And then a yr later,i tell him the truth that my name is Alyssa D,and i am not the photo girl and show him my actual account. No brainer like anyone would he feels extremely betrayed and foolish for trusting me. We have been talking like before though.As in the length of talks but he hasnt really uttered my name even once.The actual name that is. I go to work in the morning and i wasnt getting any sleep because of the entire episode.We chatted the entire night. Fought,discussed and tried to make each other laugh occasionally at times. My mom used to be around whenever we would talk on phone and he would ask me to tell her hi and she would hi back.He said that he's happy he atleast finally found my mom on fb,haha.After some more time of chatting he said "I love you artifical creature.Really really.Very much" He wrote it in bold and when i asked why did he call me an artificial creature he said its because i am not Keira and he still doesnt 100% trust that i am what i appear. I told him if thats what he wants to call me then fine.Few minutes later when i asked him he said he's not sure abo

Posted by Rowan
Unlike some others here, I have compassion for you. I can understand that you might have rationalized what you did & that you kept lying out of fear of losing his attention. But that doesn't excuse it & I can't help but be suspicious that you still aren't being 100% honest with us or yourself. Did you really send him someone else's photo because you weren't sure you could trust him? If that were the case, why not just tell him you wanted to get to know him better first? I wonder if you actually sent him the other girl's photo because you were insecure about your looks? Or because at first you thought it was just harmless internet flirting that wouldn't amount to anything in real life? Wait, maybe it WILL never amount to anything in real life but that doesn't make it harmless. What do you want of out this online romance? Do you want to meet in person at some point? It has been going on for a year?

i am glad you asked these questions. See,he asked me for a photo just 2-3 days after our talk.I couldn't say then if he was a good guy for real. I dont look bad but yes,the photo girl looks better than me. And back then honestly i wasnt serious about us.Neither of us were because we didnt expect it to culminate into a serious relationship. Yes,we'll be completing a year next week.We do want to meet in person. We were even close to it but i had to walk away halfway when my conscience kicked me and made me realize that no,he hasnt seen the real me and i didnt want our 1st meeting to turn out to be our last.

Well let this be a hard lesson. Be honest even online.

I empathize with him. I feel blessed to have him because had it been some other guy he would have most probably acted much much worse. I told him that i am willing to give him his full space if he wants but he got angry and he said he doesnt want space as it will be creating a very big void. I told him that i have faith in us that things will get back to normal because at the end of it,what we shared was real. He agreed to it. I told him miss us very much. He said i am at fault for this (and of course he's right). We are sort of normal as before. The care and emotional attachment is still very much there. We talk for the same amount of time and end our chat the way we would. I know what he's going through emotionally and mentally.He said he's caught in a limbo because he loved both,the person(me) and the persona(the photo girl's face and the fake name). I just cant understand what would be the best for me to do at this moment.Should i continue being normal or should i give him space (so that he can process his feelings and realize if he wants me back for who i am or not) despite him not wanting it.

Thanks to pisces like you, we all get freaking bad reputation....

See this is the thing... not going to read all the drama... zzzzzz!

just read the first posts... but something is wrong with your self esteem... If you feel the need of not showing yourself at first, is because you don't love yourself enough to think someone can love you for who you are, no matter how you look... on top of that you kept the charade for good know when... and make this guy felt for a person who is not you, maybe he get to know the person, but in his mind he was talking to a different person... you cannot blame him for not you... love and accept yourself first and then wait for someone to love you...

Like or not, the harsh truth is, that online dating or meeting, image is a factor, and personality comes second... is sad but it is what it is... so you create this persona, who looks certain way and has your personality... but is not real... you should've come clean after few days...

no wonder you are feeling the well deserved heat here...

Cancers can have delayed reactions. The upheaval of emotions doesn't all happen at one time and a Cancer will ride every.single.one of them out. Right now he's clinging to what you shared and doesn't want to loose that.

But in time, as he works it out he'll know that what you "had" wasn't real and all he's clinging to are feelings built on lies. We fantasize tons, all the time in fact. I know every line, scar and crease of my man's face, it would be like asking to fall in love with a stranger. But mainly it's the deception involved and for a year, too. Geez, I don't think it's possible to get over something like that.

He may try to fight it and convince himself that his love for you is more important but resentment will build. It might take a long time for him to admit it won't work and you'll probably end up suffering as much as he is during the process.

Very yucky situation for a Crab

I agree with shellshocker. I'm also skeptical of your story about just happening to have a fake Facebook account with fake photos for a "research survey." Maybe you should just let go of this relationship built on fantasy and have it be a learning experience.

In a serious note... Thinking a little bit if i were that guy... I would probably felt betrayed... A year on a lie.

That remains me why I dont do online dating... A friend of mine (a girl) who is paying for match.com told me similar story and felt is just very deceiving to say the least...

Those site are full of fake people that are trying to get advantage of "desperate" people or for marketing purposes... She has come across fake profiles to get email addresses to spam them or for $ $ $ $

She was contacted her by a very nice guy who was a very compeling story and very friendly and nice (too good) only to realize the so called guy ended up being a fake account with stolen information and identity run by a nigerian guy who was using some other people's pics and story to impersonate a nice good looking guy in the military who was deployed in afganistan (first of all of you are there why to even try online dating to begin with) but long story short what they do is simply appealing to lonely desperate woman and then ask for money to return home or some other sob story to get this poor ladies to send money...

So i would feel used, because i opened up myself to someone only to realize she was only none existant...

You can argue that maybe personality wise you where yourself other than a different face... Well just like shellshoker said... His whole idea of this woman was just a fake... And this lasted for so long that no matter what you said or do, he wouldnt believe shit... And honestly i dont blame him...
In other words the end doesnt justify the means... Sorry girl

As usual reddman nothing useful

As usual ...... always useful ,lol. You see i think in heights,valleys, mountains. But who cares. Life is grand.

I'm wondering how the girl who's photos you used feels about that... Surely that's illegal, identity fraud?
Can you use someone else's pics online as your own? Without repercussion I mean?

I know what i have done is illegal,unethical,immoral of me.Also know that whatever i would say here to justify or defend myself/us would sound skeptical to everyone because i would be labelled as a liar due to what i did. We all make mistakes. Only difference is what i did was a very big one and as i said,i accept it,apologized for it and am ashamed of having doing it. This is not who i am as a person and not what i expect of me. I am hurt worse than him in this entire episode because I have done something that i am not (he agrees with this too), because i have hurt an amazing person i have loved so much and because i messed up something which was so beautiful and had a great potential. I perfectly understand when he say's he feels like he's caught up in a limbo because he loved both,the person(me) and the persona(photo girl). So it's obviously hard for him to accept that the persona was non existent. I again asked if he would like me to give him space but he said he doesnt want me leave even though i told him i am not going anywhere. He said he wants to meet me when i get back home from work during summer. We both want to make this work(he admitted that he wants to). He said the relationship is very much there and break up is no where close to his mind because he realizes the compatibility and comfort level that we share.We have supported each during our lows.I was there with him when he had a low time academically and professionally and he has been there for me when my mother got operated.It's not a relationship where its all fancy talks and oh i love you so much kind.We have been normal despite of everything that happened.The care and emotional attachment is still very much there.Yes,the affection has kinda gone and he hasnt uttered my real name even once and i understand why. He said he'd try to move on from the photo girl's face and the fake name but it would take him time to let everything sink in.

Well if he is still there... it means there is some hope... I hate to use this phrase but it will take time for him, to assess the whole thing...

we had a long talk discussing what we would like to do forth. We were chatting and he sounded low so i asked him to express whatever he's feeling/thinking. He said he's only been thinking why did i do this to him,why i betrayed him,why did he allow himself to believe in something he'd never believe(he wouldnt believe in best friendship,relationships) and he constantly thinks What next? I answered him. There is nothing for me to defend for what i did but i did answer him.He still sounded low so we talked on phone for 1.5 hrs. It was a serious,at times funny,emotional,sweet talk. He said he cant make a decision whether to let me go for what i did or hold us together for what we shared and still share.I told him he'd have to make a choice and i respect his decision. He said he loves hearing my voice,my laugh and the way i scold him when he does something stupid.It made me cry with thoughts of why did i do all that shit that i did but it also made us laugh.
I gave him some time to think and make a final proper decision as to what he wants for us.He said it's tough to let go off the person because of what everything we shared even though the person is a different persona but again,accepting everything that happened and moving on overnight wouldnt happen(understandable).so he wants to continue our relationship although it will be different than what it was until few days ago. We used to at times talk about how our life would be like together after we get married.He said we should stop being imaginative of our future because we dont know where we would be 5-7 yrs down the lane but if we still share the connection at that point then we could think of getting married. Also,he said tht the intimacy level would be 0 until our relationship gets back the same depth again and that would take time. Intimacy as in being too affectionate and sexual talks.He said that since we still respect and like each other,we should nurture it and see if we can once again reach the same depth in our relationship.He said we dont know how long it would take and we shouldnt get imaginative.When i asked him(to fully clarify) if we are still exclusive to each other,although he didnt answer it directly in a yes or no but he said he meant it when he said i am irreplaceable and it's tough for someone else to take my place. He doesnt say it to me directly anymore that he loves me but he drops it indirectly at times by never directly using the word "you" and hasn't uttered my name even once so f

*hasnt uttered my name so far. Then he said that us meeting and spending some time in person is essential for the betterment of our relationship. So we talked about that. Then he joked about how looking at my face reminds hi m of his cousin and a girl he used to be close too. Then he asked how would my life would have been different had we not met. He said his life has been very surreal after meeting me.He doesnt regretting meeting me despite what happened but would nevertheless take him time to settle down and move on. Then we had to said goodbye as we had work. We used to say i love you take care see you soon. We just said take care see you have a great day. Few minutes later,he msg saying "i certainly love the person whom i have known" and we left.
Today's talk has made me feel so much positive and hopeful.I believe we would again reach the same level of our relationship as it was 3 nights ago.Anyone with any words of wisdom/advice? No more negative/rude comments please.