What do I do when Cancer is in his shell?

Hello, first of all I'm a new member here- HELLO!

Now straight to the point,

I'm obviously still learning what it's like to have a Cancer male in my life. I have never met a man so complex and difficult in my life! LOL. I am a Scorpio, btw. He is a Cancer sun and an ARIES MOON.

He is a very wonderful man and has done more than any many has ever done for me combined. He really does care about me and IT SHOWS. He does have a temper though, but luckily for him, I'm patient and I know how to ride the waves.

Work is seriously stressing him out (military) and I can tell you one thing, MY MAN HATES SYMPATHY! He hates when I'm like, "aww, I'm sorry!" or "How can I be supportive?" Honestly, I don't know how the hell I can cheer him up.I'm just very caring! He gets very withdrawn and doesn't respond to sympathetic cheer up type messages. A very Alpha male I guess (misery sure does enjoy company).

What do I do? How do I deal? Give him space and try not to text (he hates texting) Cancer or people dating cancers...I need you!

Posted by Kodak375
Space. its that simple.

Can't say it's all that simple for me. I guess I have this fear of giving him TOO MUCH SPACE. I don't think I've ever had to do that with a guy. It sucks to be shut out for however long he wants to shut me out lol.

I found cancer sun and Aries moon to hard to get of their shell... is like there is an internal conflict between what they want and what they need... I'll follow this thread closely I'm intrigued by this question

That's just the military...when I was in it, I didn't tolerate "courtesies, politeness, sympathies"....what you go through is so real that you just don't give a fvk....you don't tolerate it.

I suggest to leave...the army is a sterile place for human life...it's a waste of life. Nothing good can come from it.

well it could be the military but I know a low number of cancers with moon and Aries and they detest to be corny and sentimental stuff... that might be their outside facade...

Yeah, I agree just let him work out his issues on his own...Cancer Sun gal w/Fire moon. Best thing to just not be in his face (literally or figuratively).

Posted by Kodak375
Oh and fyi, hes military, aries moon, and cancer sun? Be careful you don't caught up in thinking hes the greatest of all time. Dont get all goofy.

Haha, I really appreciate the honesty and I really get it. The guy ISN'T perfect. He does have a temper and yes, some qualities that make him probably less sappy than other cancer men but anyone can tell you this guy takes care of people. He really takes care of me. He is very caring, affectionate, funny... Very Manly man and has all the traits a woman could really want in a man but he does have his downfalls when he gets really sensitive, emotional, and offended easily. My father is an Aries. And yes, he is a lot like my dad. With a large touch of emotion. He is definitely more touchy than the average person Lol

Posted by grayid2
That's just the military...when I was in it, I didn't tolerate "courtesies, politeness, sympathies"....what you go through is so real that you just don't give a fvk....you don't tolerate it.

I suggest to leave...the army is a sterile place for human life...it's a waste of life. Nothing good can come from it.

He is in the Marine Corp and thankfully, he is finally leaving at the end of May. He is stressed out during this time because he is in WTI and they revoked all privileges to have any days off because other Marines ruined that for the whole crew.We already get hardly any time together (maybe like once a week when he is off) , and now I'm going to have to deal with a tired and sleep deprived man.

Posted by Moonbutter
Yeah, I agree just let him work out his issues on his own...Cancer Sun gal w/Fire moon. Best thing to just not be in his face (literally or figuratively).

I've been dying to meet a Cancer with a fire moon! He says although he is a cancer and identifies with all the classic cancer traits, he doesn't feel he fits all of them. Do you feel the same way?

Yes, absolutely! In fact, most people never guess I am Cancer. I am still sensitive/emotional but also optimistic and not clingy. I need my alone time to recharge and really detest people asking "Are you ok?" Also, I have a quick temper lol. What I do like however when stressed/relaxing is peace and a nice foot/back massage...so maybe your bf would like that 🙂

Posted by Moonbutter
Yes, absolutely! In fact, most people never guess I am Cancer. I am still sensitive/emotional but also optimistic and not clingy. I need my alone time to recharge and really detest people asking "Are you ok?" Also, I have a quick temper lol. What I do like however when stressed/relaxing is peace and a nice foot/back massage...so maybe your bf would like that 🙂

Oh my goodness, he HATE when I ask him if he is okay! I seriously DO NOT understand why. I really just want to know. Glad to see that another fellow fire moon hates that, haha. He is certainly not as clingy but... He still has moments where he is pretty lovey dovey when he feels like it. And although he tries to hide it, I know he cares what I think about him. He has told me so. One thing I can say though is that he doesn't compliment me to often. He prefers ACTIONS over words . HE hates being all soft and prefers Alpha male. He likes his alone time and not too bothered if I don't text him all day. I guess that fire sign really does make a difference in you guys! Still sensitive, emotional, and caring with a different dynamic. He doesn't know how to deal with it all sometimes lol.

Posted by DearCupcake

Posted by grayid2
That's just the military...when I was in it, I didn't tolerate "courtesies, politeness, sympathies"....what you go through is so real that you just don't give a fvk....you don't tolerate it.

I suggest to leave...the army is a sterile place for human life...it's a waste of life. Nothing good can come from it.

He is in the Marine Corp and thankfully, he is finally leaving at the end of May. He is stressed out during this time because he is in WTI and they revoked all privileges to have any days off because other Marines ruined that for the whole crew.We already get hardly any time together (maybe like once a week when he is off) , and now I'm going to have to deal with a tired and sleep deprived man.

click to expand

But then its over? Thank your gods...🙂 he should calm down as time goes by. I remember being closed off, or too serious etc when on leave...
And im an aries/ cancer rising.
Check which house his moon is in. Mine is 7th, i connect with people most of the time.

Posted by grayid2

Posted by DearCupcake

Posted by grayid2
That's just the military...when I was in it, I didn't tolerate "courtesies, politeness, sympathies"....what you go through is so real that you just don't give a fvk....you don't tolerate it.

I suggest to leave...the army is a sterile place for human life...it's a waste of life. Nothing good can come from it.

He is in the Marine Corp and thankfully, he is finally leaving at the end of May. He is stressed out during this time because he is in WTI and they revoked all privileges to have any days off because other Marines ruined that for the whole crew.We already get hardly any time together (maybe like once a week when he is off) , and now I'm going to have to deal with a tired and sleep deprived man.

But then its over? Thank your gods...🙂 he should calm down as time goes by. I remember being closed off, or too serious etc when on leave...
And im an aries/ cancer rising.
Check which house his moon is in. Mine is 7th, i connect with people most of the time.

click to expand

Thank you, it's nice that you at least you have some insight on what exactly goes through an Aries
/Cancers head!! Especially since you were in the military yourself. I just looked it up and his moon is in the eleventh house. I haven't looked into to the interpretation of that before.

Youre welcome. Oh 11th house...large associations...hes a humanitarian type of guy....🙂

He likes you and maybe even loves you. Probably deep love. My cancer friend has a cancer sun sag moon libra rising they sound similar. You could tell she's a cancer but tht wouldn't be the first guess. She is equal pars of a cancer libra and sag and Scorpio. Cancer and fire moons make steam. Things get hot and heavy and interesting very quickly and like air it also blows away just as quickly as it came but her cancer makes her stay around the people she cares about. Anyways she can disappear a lot but most of the time it's not bcuz she's mad she's just--peculiar. She doesn't have normal social skills like the rest of us. She said it herself that she thinks she's a alien. She knows how awful her social patterns can be but no matter how hard she tries she still tends to space out and disconnect. Or sometimes she's too busy or working on a project. And she likes to be alone-more alone time then the average person would be comfortable with it's strange as shit. Anyone that breaks her walls down are the ones who are bold enough to knock on the walls and remind her to stay on earth connected to us who want badly to connect with her and who suffer when she's not around. Those people make it obvious to her and trust me if your important enough she will respond and open up and connect. But you need to give these wild water fire air people strict direction bcuz there bound to break the rules if they are left to act in their own. You have to catch them before they fly away. The best way to get to spend time with him is join him in the things that keep him busy. That's what I do with mine. She's a writer and she loves to think on some serious crazy ass weird DEEEEEP DEEEEEP levels so even tho I'm intimidated bcuz I can't think that deep I still try to think with her and give her feedback so then she feels she can get work done AND chill so then she's more open. Then in tht process she opens way up and you get to see the cancer behind the curtain.

Make money with him
take care of his kids with him-if he has-
Cook with him
Travel with him
Make art with him
Try new adventures with him
Laugh with him
Ask him about his job
Tell him how much you love him
Tell him you want to see him more
Whatever u do give him space but not too much bcuz he will wander off too far until he's lost or found a new owner
Suck his dick
Work on projects with him

You better leave him alone he needs space you start nattering at him he will get angry, I know when I have something on my mind or I'm dealing with something I do it alone.

If he likes you he will be back if he doesn't he will be gone he needs space. Cancer Scorpio relationships are too much tension things can flip from good to bad really easy. I know I won't get involved with Scorpio women its not worth it.

Posted by KittyKnitter
your guy is taking a time out that he needs to get rid of the load that is on his shoulders so that he can open himself up to you and the world again. everyone needs a time out at some point or other so think of it that way.

my guy needs to do the same thing. he goes off to work on projects that keep him busy working with his hands, tiring himself physically but recharging mentally and emotionally.and there are times he might just do nothing. but it's downtime for him and he needs it. sometimes i need the same thing so i understand it. but i used to feel a little threatened by it til i realized we are connected no matter if we are physically together or not. trust your connection to him. he will have you in his heart even if his mind is on solving his problems. so go off and do something that fosters your self esteem, connect with friends, family, whatever. he won't stay away long, the more he can focus on taking care of himself, the quicker he will return. it's reasonable to ask for contact and expect it if he feels he can do that but if not, don't be threatened by that either. til he drops some of his tension, he would be touchy anyway so if in touch, keep chats short. stay calm. it's not about you. it's about him taking care of him. true, it might be different for you but men need to have time and space to think their problems through. we women can problem solve as we talk. and we all deal with stress in different ways. but it's really nice when our partners realize that it's about what we need not what we want.

Thank you so much for your insight, Kitty. I feel like your just described my man. He definitely needs to stay busy! I'm sure they I'm on his mind but I still tend to get insecure when he withdrawals. Another dynamic with this man is that he tends to withdraw if I give him too much attention?! For goodness sake, he's my boyfriend! Besides, I thought cancer men loved attention. I obviously don't know what I'm doing!

Posted by Stihl46
You better leave him alone he needs space you start nattering at him he will get angry, I know when I have something on my mind or I'm dealing with something I do it alone.

If he likes you he will be back if he doesn't he will be gone he needs space. Cancer Scorpio relationships are too much tension things can flip from good to bad really easy. I know I won't get involved with Scorpio women its not worth it.

You've got me really curious now! Why do you say too much tension? Have you had personal experiences with some?

I'm a Cancer female in love with a Scorpio male; he's shutting me out right now & has done so before, sometimes completely out of the blue. My best friend is a Scorpio female with a Cancer male. Your boyfriend doesn't sound like me OR my Scorpio friend's boyfriend. The way you described your situation with your boyfriend sounds like the reverse of my experience with Scorpios. They, both lovers and friends, have been the ones to display a quick temper & freeze me out, leaving my sensitive and caring heart wondering how to cope with it. As for "too much tension" between Scorpios/Cancers, I have mixed feelings about that. I have been with 2 Scorpios & in both situations it was an emotional rollercoaster. But with my Scorpio friends I can more often handle them fine, even though we are so different in some ways (like communication style), be patient & have rewarding friendships. But that may be because being friends with someone is much different/easier than being lovers. The Scorpio female/male Cancer couple I know actually have a great and drama free relationship. It seems like he just doesn't react or take it personally when she gets mad or withdrawn & just keeps steady & gently loving. I believe it's important to remember that our upbringing/life experience/environment shapes who we are so much. I don't think how someone should best treat me if I am withdrawn, or the ways I've seen work for male Cancers I know, would work for your boyfriend.

Posted by grayid2
Youre welcome. Oh 11th house...large associations...hes a humanitarian type of guy....🙂

Im thinkin...the guy might actuallly be very open-minded, like love is friendship and all dat. Cant tell the difference between the two...and he 'loves everybody'.
Thats the aquarius (11th house) theme...and moon and venus in this sign show this philosophy.

Posted by DearCupcake

Posted by Stihl46
You better leave him alone he needs space you start nattering at him he will get angry, I know when I have something on my mind or I'm dealing with something I do it alone.

If he likes you he will be back if he doesn't he will be gone he needs space. Cancer Scorpio relationships are too much tension things can flip from good to bad really easy. I know I won't get involved with Scorpio women its not worth it.

You've got me really curious now! Why do you say too much tension? Have you had personal experiences with some?

click to expand

Two emotional beings together in a relationship isn't a good idea, Scorpio women seem to like drama things get too smooth you pick a fight the drama starts. Scorpio Cancer fights can turn nasty, I'm a Cancer that doesn't like drama. I got a feeling your Cancer man is trying to break it off with you so don't get in a pout when he says he is done. You will get all butt hurt and try sting your Cancer man then things turn really ugly. Like I said if he likes you he will be back if he doesn't don't be surprised if he disappears on you.

href = "/opinion/message/?id=5436593">Posted by Stihl46

Posted by DearCupcake

Posted by Stihl46
You better leave him alone he needs space you start nattering at him he will get angry, I know when I have something on my mind or I'm dealing with something I do it alone.

If he likes you he will be back if he doesn't he will be gone he needs space. Cancer Scorpio relationships are too much tension things can flip from good to bad really easy. I know I won't get involved with Scorpio women its not worth it.

You've got me really curious now! Why do you say too much tension? Have you had personal experiences with some?

Two emotional beings together in a relationship isn't a good idea, Scorpio women seem to like drama things get too smooth you pick a fight the drama starts. Scorpio Cancer fights can turn nasty, I'm a Cancer that doesn't like drama. I got a feeling your Cancer man is trying to break it off with you so don't get in a pout when he says he is done. You will get all butt hurt and try sting your Cancer man then things turn really ugly. Like I said if he likes you he will be back if he doesn't don't be surprised if he disappears on you.

click to expand

Lol.Well, he's already made it clear that if he didn't want to be with me,he would let me know.I trust him so I don't need to have him tell me every waking moment that he wants and cares about me. I myself am a Scorpio with a Leo moon.I feel that as long as im not taking everything personally and let him be moody, we are okay. This guy just needs his space sometimes when he is dealing with things. He did text me good morning and ask me how I was doing. It's just difficult to get used to for me... not necessarily bad. If anything, It's difficult to know what HE WANTS. And he is the one who has the tendency to pick fights, but to combat that, I just let him talk lol.

Posted by grayid2

Posted by grayid2
Youre welcome. Oh 11th house...large associations...hes a humanitarian type of guy....🙂

Im thinkin...the guy might actuallly be very open-minded, like love is friendship and all dat. Cant tell the difference between the two...and he 'loves everybody'.
Thats the aquarius (11th house) theme...and moon and venus in this sign show this philosophy.

click to expand

If there are people in his life that you don't mess with, it's his friends! His friends are so stinking important to him. He gets along with people, but can't say he likes all of them now that I think about it. He can be quite pessimistic sometimes lol.

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by Kodak375
Oh and fyi, hes military, aries moon, and cancer sun? Be careful you don't caught up in thinking hes the greatest of all time. Dont get all goofy.

lol very scary combo

click to expand

Lol, is this my warning? Scary isn't my forte.

And of course, he comes right back and showers me with attentive affection and interest. Oh cancer men. You drive me crazy.