Are Caps direct if they want to break up?

If a Cap wanted to break up, would they beat around the bush, and/or do things to make the other person end it?

Somehow I think they would be direct, but curious as to what Caps think.

Honestly, no but we instead leave off signs that we're disinterested in the relationship and might fish off another tail yet still be in a relationship with you. It's effed up, it's no matter how bad the relationship is, for me as a Cap,(I don't know about the rest), but I don't want someone who I let through my doors to leave me...it's the principle of vulnerability that us Caps has. We don't want someone that we led our walls down to leave us because we're in fear that person might use that against us thus why we're not direct if we want to break up with you.

Posted by Metaphysicalreciprocity88
The Caps I've known would probably be indirect about it. They despise feeling guilty and don't really like to be in situations where they could be seen as the "bad guy".

+ 1

Posted by SunMoonStars
If a Cap wanted to break up, would they beat around the bush, and/or do things to make the other person end it?

Somehow I think they would be direct, but curious as to what Caps think.

hmm if they are dominant fire, i feel they could be very direct.

i feel it's cowardly to string people along.

i understand they are scared to let others get hurt.

but honestly speaking, you shouldn't drag someone's emotions like that. It's very very cruel.

I would be direct about it and would give the reason/s for breaking it off.

I've always been direct. Plus I torch and salt the earth our relationship grew on to make sure they know I mean business; usually when I get to that point I'm very resolute about ridding myself of that person.

Then again, I have Leo risings so I may be the outlier, idk.

Posted by ellle
you guys do realise that beating around the bush and being indirect is really cruel, right?

When we are direct, we are told that that is cruel, or "cold", as well.

Make up your minds. Which way do you want it?

A Cap can't win!!!

Now you ladies are pulling my leg.

Both of you know the (earned) reputation us Caps get for being blunt, direct, and honest to a fault.

I've been described as "harsh" more times than I care to admit.

And, if I've heard "It's not what you say, but how you say it." once, I've heard it a thousand times.

But the moment I pussyfoot around, and try to be cognizant of another's feelings, I'm still a dick.

LMAO

Posted by ellle
But the moment I kittyfoot around, and try to be cognizant of another's feelings, I'm still a dick.

^^^^ and this isn't being cognizant of ones feelings, it's actually quite offensive and condescending.

I call it letting them down easy.

Posted by ellle
yes, you do have the reputation for being blunt, direct and honest to a fault (and that is the primary reason people like caps to begin with)....so when you throw someone through a loop by NOT being that way....people kind of question your integrity.

so, which way would *you* rather have it?

want me to think you are dick.....or that you are a person with no integrity.

I'd choose being a dick all.day.long.

Wow, throwing one loop gets my integrity questioned?

I get your point, but I think you are getting carried away with the integrity thing.

If it is a break up situation, my integrity will have long since been established, and beyond questioning I'd like to think.

Posted by champranger

Posted by CapTenn
Now you ladies are pulling my leg.

Both of you know the (earned) reputation us Caps get for being blunt, direct, and honest to a fault.

I've been described as "harsh" more times than I care to admit.

And, if I've heard "It's not what you say, but how you say it." once, I've heard it a thousand times.

But the moment I pussyfoot around, and try to be cognizant of another's feelings, I'm still a dick.

LMAO

I know. It's not that I don't understand. But in the case of break ups, pain is inevitable. The end result is inevitable. If the end result is set in stone, wouldn't you want to know in advance, rather than later?

click to expand

As you say, the pain is inevitable.

So, does it really matter how the news is delivered?

It's going to suck either way.

Posted by champranger

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by champranger

Posted by CapTenn
Now you ladies are pulling my leg.

Both of you know the (earned) reputation us Caps get for being blunt, direct, and honest to a fault.

I've been described as "harsh" more times than I care to admit.

And, if I've heard "It's not what you say, but how you say it." once, I've heard it a thousand times.

But the moment I pussyfoot around, and try to be cognizant of another's feelings, I'm still a dick.

LMAO

I know. It's not that I don't understand. But in the case of break ups, pain is inevitable. The end result is inevitable. If the end result is set in stone, wouldn't you want to know in advance, rather than later?

As you say, the pain is inevitable.

So, does it really matter how the news is delivered?

It's going to suck either way.

If it doesn't matter how the news is delivered as it's going to suck either way, why not do it the most simplest and straightforward way?

The absence of facts leaves a lot of room for second guessing.

click to expand

I have delivered it straightforward and simple.

It's not the better option. I have plenty of experience with both methods, which I why I attempt the pussyfooting method first.

Not sure where the absence of facts angle came from? No one has suggested lying, just the delivery method.

Posted by ellle
well, let me share my personal experience and show you what happens when you do that. Unfortunately, it's a ripple affect.

relationship seems to be moving in a positive direction. person A is giving it a genuine go and person B (the cap) is starting to have second thoughts but doesn't say anything to person A.....leaving person A completely in the dark.

person B starts pulling away and acting weird. a healthy person A would assume you just have things going on in your life and you need some space.

person B then falls off the face of the earth and person A is like.....wtf just happened?

time goes by

enter person C

relationship seems to be moving in a positive direction. person A is giving it a genuine go and person C (the cap) is also thinking the relationship is moving in a positive direction.

person C starts pulling away and acting weird because he's having some issues outside of the relationship....work, family, etc.. a healthy person A would assume you just have things going on in your life and you need some space.....but a person who experienced person B would be like..."HOLY SHIT, NOT AGAIN!"

person A ends the relationship.

person C is like.....wtf just happened?

So now I'm responsible for your perceptions in your future relationships as well?

LOL....ok.

Posted by ellle
and to me, yes....it's integrity.

we are all human beings and deserve a level of respect and honesty if we've both chosen to be in a relationship together.

anything less than that, and I see you as lacking integrity.

Well, I'm breaking it off with you so........

Fine. Think what you want.

Bye.


LOL

(We don't agree on the integrity thing obviously)

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

Fine.

We can play semantics.

You said absence of facts.

Pretty close to lying, no?

Absence of facts was never a factor previously mentioned either. Not sure why you brought it up.

Posted by ellle
if you touch the stove once and get burned.....are you likely to touch it again.

I'm not holding you responsible but there are so many toxic bullshit relationships out there....try to leave the person you CHOSE to make a commitment of some sort in the same shape you met them.

I think that's fair.

Sure it's fair.

And I agree 100% .

I just don't think tiptoeing around feelings, or directly blasting someone with a "See ya", is indicative leaving someone in a broken state.

This correlation I really don't understand at all?

Posted by ellle
I'm just bored and haven't been on the cap board in awhile. 😄

however, I don't think being indirect is the best way. I've done it and I've had it done to me....and it sucks both ways.

The break up-ee is the determining factor on the best break-up method to be honest.

Glad you came over to pick at us Caps. (me)

HAHA

Posted by ellle
do you have cap in merc?

If me, then yes.

Posted by champranger

Posted by CapTenn

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

Fine.

We can play semantics.

You said absence of facts.

Pretty close to lying, no?

Absence of facts was never a factor previously mentioned either. Not sure why you brought it up.

I'm just saying being upfront can leave out a lot of second guessing from the other person.

click to expand

Ok. Understood.

Posted by ellle
absence of facts is not equal to lying.

yes, we can argue semantics......but that's going to derail the topic.

absence of facts is not letting the other person know what you are doing. it's more withoulding important information that would help us make better decisions during important decision points in a relationship.

It's deception.

Can we agree to that?

And I'm still not sure why it's a topic?

Posted by champranger
It's obviously a poor wording on my part. *Taurus Merc facepalm*

I understand what you are trying to get at now, champ.

Had to put on the analytical thinking cap for a second.

There have been a lot of times that I've been direct, i.e. "this relationship isn't working for me and this is why....explanation" only to be met with the other person not hearing me and/or not accepting what I'm saying. It's frustrating.
I can only imagine what the males go through with begging or crying or angry hysterics.

Posted by truecap
There have been a lot of times that I've been direct, i.e. "this relationship isn't working for me and this is why....explanation" only to be met with the other person not hearing me and/or not accepting what I'm saying. It's frustrating.
I can only imagine what the males go through with begging or crying or angry hysterics.

Indeed.

And exactly why I employ the rope-a-dope technique.

I've told a few of my "direct break-up" horror stories. Epic fails.

The Caps I know are direct. I've never had a Cap indirectly break up with me or let me know that things weren't going anywhere. Usually, they aren't too mean about it, but they do say blunt things like, "I don't even want to be in this relationship" or something along the lines of, "You're not really my girlfriend". They don't usually beat around the bush, but maybe if they have strong water or mutable zodiac natal planet placements or aspects they would communicate this out indirectly. Hmmm...

Posted by SunMoonStars
If a Cap wanted to break up, would they beat around the bush,

and/or do things to make the other person end it?

Yes and yes.

Posted by Metaphysicalreciprocity88
The Caps I've known would probably be indirect about it. They despise feeling guilty and don't really like to be in situations where they could be seen as the "bad guy".

Yup.

Posted by ellle

Posted by champranger

Posted by truecap
There have been a lot of times that I've been direct, i.e. "this relationship isn't working for me and this is why....explanation" only to be met with the other person not hearing me and/or not accepting what I'm saying. It's frustrating.
I can only imagine what the males go through with begging or crying or angry hysterics.

If you have been direct and the other person is not accepting, then it's a different story from elle and I was saying. They've already been told. How they take it is entirely up to them.

+1

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Well, yeah. I thought that was a given.

It's the fallout (their reaction) that you don't want to have to deal with. It's about avoiding, or minimizing their emotional train wreck when you drop the bomb on them.

Posted by ellle
I'd rather someone break my heart in a manner like ripping the band aid off then breaking it slowly and letting it be a wound that may possibly never heal.

By not 'dropping the bomb" on them.....there is a lot of unanswered questions and you are never really 'sure'. They are left in this weird limbo. "Do I move on?", "Do I wait?", "Are they dead?", "Should I call the local hospitals and jails?" (lol).

Especially if everything appeared to be 'okay' to them.

It's a complete mindfuck.

.....and tbh, capricorns have this 'time frame' where they are 'trying out' a partner....i've seen it on the boards and have witnessed it in real life.

you can make someone believe they are in a relationship with you (because you go through all the actions of one).....when really, you are just test driving. Then when your internal alarm clock goes off...and you make the decision to buy the car or not.....if it's 'not'.....the other person can sometimes feel blindsided.

Not everyone thinks in the same manner as you guy. If they are spending a significant amount of their time with you....it's a way to get to know you better and they believe they are growing something special.....they are oblivious to the fact that you may just be kicking the tires and checking the quality of the stitching on the leather.

sometimes you're just dating them and getting to know them. No conversation or promise of exclusivity or commitment, yet they assume its an automatic relationship. We cant be responsible for what someone assumes.

Thanks for your responses! Great discussions.

I counted 5 in-directs.

My Cap has Mercury in Cap, and Mars in Aries.