Cap went from HOT to COLD

So, I was hanging out with a Cap Sun, Leo moon. Things were great, he seemed to be interested and would always text, want to hang out and we'd meet for lunch. The last time we hung out, we went to watch bike races with some of his friends, and then went back to his place, watched some TV, talked and had some wine... had a nice make out session. Then his siblings arrived (they were staying at his place)and he said let's go out on Friday (it was Wednesday). I told him that sounded good. So Friday comes around, and he said he may have to hang out with a buddy that was visiting. Fine, no problemo, but ever since that Wednesday, he's been cold and distant. Yeah, I know, it's only been a week of it, but it was a month of hot, hot, hot and then the rug was pulled from underneath me. Then he sent a text to make sure we were on the same page of "he wasn't looking for anything serious" and I told him that was fine. No pressure, I'm fine with friends and hanging out, I enjoyed his company. I suppose I'm just thrown for a loop. He was all about me for a month, invited me to hang out with his friends, would text/call everyday... there were no signs of "see ya later alligator"

The "I'm not looking for anything serious" was your see ya later alligator.

Sounds like things went too fast. How long did you hang out with him before you had sex?

Posted by truecap
The "I'm not looking for anything serious" was your see ya later alligator.

Sounds like things went too fast. How long did you hang out with him before you had sex?

The million dollar question. It tells the tale about 95% of the time.

I'm waiting. ...

Posted by kindness
So, I was hanging out with a Cap Sun, Leo moon. Things were great, he seemed to be interested and would always text, want to hang out and we'd meet for lunch. The last time we hung out, we went to watch bike races with some of his friends, and then went back to his place, watched some TV, talked and had some wine... had a nice make out session. Then his siblings arrived (they were staying at his place)and he said let's go out on Friday (it was Wednesday). I told him that sounded good. So Friday comes around, and he said he may have to hang out with a buddy that was visiting. Fine, no problemo, but ever since that Wednesday, he's been cold and distant. Yeah, I know, it's only been a week of it, but it was a month of hot, hot, hot and then the rug was pulled from underneath me. Then he sent a text to make sure we were on the same page of "he wasn't looking for anything serious" and I told him that was fine. No pressure, I'm fine with friends and hanging out, I enjoyed his company. I suppose I'm just thrown for a loop. He was all about me for a month, invited me to hang out with his friends, would text/call everyday... there were no signs of "see ya later alligator"

Caps know who they want in general. So if he says that..take it as a sign to move on, and find someone else. I would bet money that he's dating other people as well.

When Caps want you, there's really no grey area. My Virgo sun gf has a Cap moon, and she is in love with a Leo guy. She's from a wealthy family, he's definitely not. She called him "low class"..but she loves him. Even after he cheated on her, broke it off with her, lied, and used her...she still said to me..if he would just love and respect her, she wouldn't mind stepping up and earning the money to provide a good life style for them (she's educated, he's not so much). This is the kind of commitment you will get from a Cap in love.

However, she was chatting about a "placeholder" guy yesterday...totally different attitude! Good thing is Caps usually don't lie about how they feel about you..hence his "I'm not looking for anything serious" comment.

We didn't have sex. I never asked for more or put pressure on him for anything. I wasn't even the one initiating texts or wanting to hang out. He would text/call to hang out, and I would go if I was able. I wasn't all over him, I basically was being responsive to his efforts. So, I guess what I'm trying to say in so many words, is that he was the on driving. If we went out or did something together, it was because he initiated it. He was affectionate in public also. I'm totally fine with the "not looking for anything serious" comment. I told him I was, but still he is now distant.

Yeah, I'm totally fine with nothing serious. And I get it if they were no longer interested. What I don't get is just how can you go to being totally into someone, then cold turkey decide you aren't. I suppose in my experience, I've received clues or it was more of a gradual thing. That's the thing, I really enjoyed just hanging out with them, even if just friends. Kinda bummed that I have to lose a friend as well. Who know :-) That is life.

Yeah, totally true Nephlim. Thanks!!

It happens. I have had people that I was really going for and then a small thing completely turned me off. A kiss too intense, a certain vibe someone is giving off or an unintended knee to the balls.

Don't worry about what it might be and move on. He told you to cool down and that he has decided.

Posted by TigerCap
It happens. I have had people that I was really going for and then a small thing completely turned me off. A kiss too intense, a certain vibe someone is giving off or an unintended knee to the balls.

Don't worry about what it might be and move on. He told you to cool down and that he has decided.

"A kiss too intense..." would turn you off? Can you elaborate on this?

It seems like you have a cool/go-with-the-flow type attitude, so why would he text you, after he canceled the Friday date, to make sure the two of you are on the same page?!? If you did anything wrong or if something about you didn't sit right then I don't think he would have scheduled to see you that Friday, but maybe I'm wrong.

Idk. Maybe he did think about some things and thought the two of you didn't gel, but seeing as it doesn't seem you've been sweating him, I don't see why he would think you weren't on the same page.

I have a Cap sun Leo moon male friend, which means don't rule out a little game playing. My friend has scorpio venus though. Just let him contact you. I'm sure he'll be back around..

The Cap that I'm dating right now made a few attempts to get at me after I spoke to him once. I think what turned me off him the first time we spoke was that he said he wasn't looking for anything serious, and it's not that I was looking for anything serious, but it turned me off. So I went MIA on him because homie don't play that game lol After ignoring him and continuing with my life for a few months, I decided to give him a chance.

I wouldn't take it too personal, but I wouldn't tell him that you're coo with him not taking it serious. Just don't say anything. If a guy tells you he's not looking for anything serious then it's a sign to go MIA.

So after giving the Cap another go around, he seems completely different than the first time around. We're actually making plans to do things next year lol so maybe if he sees you're not a pushover and you don't need him then maybe he'll come back around and take you seriously...

Don't ever let a guy think you're just a quickie and that you're coo with waiting around for him... like I said... homie don't play that lol

Posted by CreativeCap

Posted by TigerCap
It happens. I have had people that I was really going for and then a small thing completely turned me off. A kiss too intense, a certain vibe someone is giving off or an unintended knee to the balls.

Don't worry about what it might be and move on. He told you to cool down and that he has decided.

"A kiss too intense..." would turn you off? Can you elaborate on this?

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If you are both saying; "let's see where this goes to" and then when you kiss you feel like they kiss you like they didn't want anything else in their life/start twisting their tongue like you are the inside of a bottle of ketchup that has to be cleaned.
Like I said, it's usually a combination of things. If you get the feeling the other is WAY more into you than you into them, that can scare you off as well.

Maybe it's just bad kissing. *shrug*

"BOTTLE OF KETCHUP"
aw lawd Hahaha 😄

Posted by TigerCap

Posted by CreativeCap

Posted by TigerCap
It happens. I have had people that I was really going for and then a small thing completely turned me off. A kiss too intense, a certain vibe someone is giving off or an unintended knee to the balls.

Don't worry about what it might be and move on. He told you to cool down and that he has decided.

"A kiss too intense..." would turn you off? Can you elaborate on this?

If you are both saying; "let's see where this goes to" and then when you kiss you feel like they kiss you like they didn't want anything else in their life/start twisting their tongue like you are the inside of a bottle of ketchup that has to be cleaned.
Like I said, it's usually a combination of things. If you get the feeling the other is WAY more into you than you into them, that can scare you off as well.

Maybe it's just bad kissing. *shrug*

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Gotcha 😉

It seems like Intensity alone could not have been the reason. If you felt the intensity too, then the attraction is probably mutual. But you clarified it with the bad kissing. I guess your prospect would have to be hella smooth. Any awkwardness or wrong moves would send them out the door! Lol

I have a tendency to think that when a girl is cool with hearing "I don't want anything serious" and says it is okay and willing to accept it, that is an indication that she would be up for casual sex.
Although it's a double standard and okay for the man, I think a man loses respect for a woman that is cool with it. Especially a cap man doesn't want to take seriously a woman who will so easily be up for casual sex. It kind of taints her by the fact that he subconsciously might believe that if she would be that loose of a relationship, then she's probably screwed a huge number of guys and men won't commit to a woman that sleeps around a lot.

Even if sex isn't in the picture, it gives a signal that you're willing to accept less than what you deserve (a.k.a. low self esteem). It tells him you're the kind of girl he can call when he doesn't have anything else to do.

It's not right, and guys might disagree, but subconsciously I think that is the impression they get of you.

I agree with the Sag. Don't say anything and forget about them. Don't call them, text them, respond right away to their texts - Basically, don't give them any indication you're willing to go along with that. If they want you, they will have to work for it.

I realize that's not the question you're answering, but I thought it might be helpful for the next time this kind of thing comes up.

It's possible this guy decided you're not someone he wants to continue with and it's nothing personal. Something about you two didn't click for him. It's also possible there is another girl in the picture.

To put it simply, he wanted to see what you were like, saw it, then moved on. Thank God you didn't sleep with him, so hooray for that! It always sucks when the other person wants to suddenly move on, but it's okay... just tells you that you're one step closer to finding "the one." If this cap comes back around, kick him to the curb. Have a great day lady!

🙂

Thanks everyone!!! Oddly enough, he started texting like a mad man yesterday and last night. It was the first day that he sent me a text and hadn't responded, but after 7 he kept texting and I couldn't help but to text back (I hate playing games) He's funny and get's my humor and vice-a-versa. He also told me that his ex went to his house. Ding ding ding. I asked him how it went, and he responded that it was a bit awkward, that they didn't have anything to talk about really and that her personality is a bit flat. Then it all made sense. It's not me, he just has his own stuff going on. They broke up about 4 months ago, and maybe he is still dealing with some stuff. So, I'm happy. I'm happy that he trusted and felt comfortable enough with me to talk about it and tell me. Now he's texting me as usual. No invites out, but now knowing the situation, I am more than happy to just be friends and not do that, I feel that it may make things to complicated for right now.

Posted by kindness
Thanks everyone!!! Oddly enough, he started texting like a mad man yesterday and last night. It was the first day that he sent me a text and hadn't responded, but after 7 he kept texting and I couldn't help but to text back (I hate playing games) He's funny and get's my humor and vice-a-versa. He also told me that his ex went to his house. Ding ding ding. I asked him how it went, and he responded that it was a bit awkward, that they didn't have anything to talk about really and that her personality is a bit flat. Then it all made sense. It's not me, he just has his own stuff going on. They broke up about 4 months ago, and maybe he is still dealing with some stuff. So, I'm happy. I'm happy that he trusted and felt comfortable enough with me to talk about it and tell me. Now he's texting me as usual. No invites out, but now knowing the situation, I am more than happy to just be friends and not do that, I feel that it may make things to complicated for right now.

omg don't talk to him... he has an ex hanging still... don't do it he's not worth being friends with but to each his own 🙂

Happy you figured it out!

Posted by CreativeCap

Posted by TigerCap

Posted by CreativeCap

Posted by TigerCap
It happens. I have had people that I was really going for and then a small thing completely turned me off. A kiss too intense, a certain vibe someone is giving off or an unintended knee to the balls.

"A kiss too intense..." would turn you off? Can you elaborate on this?

If you are both saying; "let's see where this goes to" and then when you kiss you feel like they kiss you like they didn't want anything else in their life/start twisting their tongue like you are the inside of a bottle of ketchup that has to be cleaned.
Like I said, it's usually a combination of things. If you get the feeling the other is WAY more into you than you into them, that can scare you off as well.

Maybe it's just bad kissing. *shrug*

Gotcha 😉
It seems like Intensity alone could not have been the reason. If you felt the intensity too, then the attraction is probably mutual. But you clarified it with the bad kissing. I guess your prospect would have to be hella smooth. Any awkwardness or wrong moves would send them out the door! Lol

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Haha, I am not that bad. 😛 But yes, I am picky.

The girl I was talking about is a colleague. Something that doesn't sit all that well with me. She is leaving in a month or so and honestly, I just didn't feel anything when we kissed.
So it's probably better to end this in a polite way and keep my distance a bit.

Posted by JoanieSagi707

Posted by kindness
Thanks everyone!!! Oddly enough, he started texting like a mad man yesterday and last night. It was the first day that he sent me a text and hadn't responded, but after 7 he kept texting and I couldn't help but to text back (I hate playing games) He's funny and get's my humor and vice-a-versa. He also told me that his ex went to his house. Ding ding ding. I asked him how it went, and he responded that it was a bit awkward, that they didn't have anything to talk about really and that her personality is a bit flat. Then it all made sense. It's not me, he just has his own stuff going on. They broke up about 4 months ago, and maybe he is still dealing with some stuff. So, I'm happy. I'm happy that he trusted and felt comfortable enough with me to talk about it and tell me. Now he's texting me as usual. No invites out, but now knowing the situation, I am more than happy to just be friends and not do that, I feel that it may make things to complicated for right now.

omg don't talk to him... he has an ex hanging still... don't do it he's not worth being friends with but to each his own 🙂

Happy you figured it out!

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Beware. You might be the rebound! Someone to fix his ego.

"Wahhh, he's gone!"

Then

"Yay, he's back!!"

Within 24 hours.

So annoying, and predictable.

Not entirely predictable Wynter. Perhaps if he were back and wanted something romantic and I was happy. However, the circumstances are different, we are just friends, and he is back in that regard. Which, in my experience, isn't very predictable.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by TigerCap
and then when you kiss you feel like they kiss you like they didn't want anything else in their life/start twisting their tongue like you are the inside of a bottle of ketchup that has to be cleaned.

you have single handedly traumatized me for life with that visual. 😐

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Same here lol

Posted by kindness
Not entirely predictable Wynter. Perhaps if he were back and wanted something romantic and I was happy. However, the circumstances are different, we are just friends, and he is back in that regard. Which, in my experience, isn't very predictable.

Yes, it is predictable. Caps can go a long time without talking to friends. We still consider them a close friend, even if we hardly ever talk. I'm the worse about maintaining friendships, but when I'm together with them, it's like no time has passed.

Posted by JoanieSagi707

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by TigerCap
and then when you kiss you feel like they kiss you like they didn't want anything else in their life/start twisting their tongue like you are the inside of a bottle of ketchup that has to be cleaned.

you have single handedly traumatized me for life with that visual. 😐

Same here lol

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Sorry ladies. 😛

It actually came from this handy utensil;

Friendzoned...Run! That's if you're truly wanting to be in a real relationship with a guy.

Do not be his diary, I know it feels good that he's confiding in you but that's friendzone kind of behavior, men that are interested do not want to talk about their exes with a potential love interest.

If he's 4 months in on a break up then he's still working out his issues with his ex and you don't really have a chance with this guy no matter how friendly and available you are.

I don't know what it is you truly want because you were "fine" with not wanting anything serious which automatically placed yourself in the "let's be friends" category and of course a man will take it at face value that you're going to be fine being his friend forever.

I say figure out what you truly want first and then proceed with dating as if you care about your love life which means not being a mans fallback girl, which means not being available for those little side friendships and actually eliminating the men that are not interested in being YOUR MAN.

Lovely guy I'm sure but if he's not available for romance, being romantic with the potential for more later down the road then he's wasting your time and you're allowing him to waste your time.

Hi tiki33, great advice. I saw him last night. He sent a text and asked what I was up to and I told him I was out with a friend I he should come meet us. He did, and said he was with a friend. The friend was a girl, and I'm pretty sure they went to his place and hooked up after. ON that note. I can't be his friend. It made me feel like crap to see that, and it was awkward with the for of us hanging out (my friend, whose a girl, and he with his friend who is also a girl). SO, I'm cutting him lose friendship and all. He can confide in someone else, I'm only going to get burned if I choose to stay, and it will be no ones fault but my own.

^ Sorry to hear that you had an awkward evening. I am not surprised to hear that he was dating other people. In my experience, status is very important...even if he seems really into you, unless you or he has some title, it's fair game.

Kindness cliche but you seem like a really kind person, it's his loss, I'm sure there is a guy out there for you and if you keep your heart open he'll find you.

The Cap has decided to keep dating other women for whatever reason, it's not your issue it's his issue.

Do not stick around to witness his dating and bagging other females, it will only bring you down inside and it's important that your self esteem and confidence remain high therefore don't be that girl, the desperate girl that will be his friend and put up with piss poor behavior/treatment because she desperately want to continue being around him, you are not that girl.

So now that you know where you stand get back out there and go out on a date with someone else, have fun, they will come and go but before you know it you'll be in a real relationship with someone else, the Cap will be a distant memory.

Hi Tiki33, thank you so much for the wonderful advice. He just sent me a text, and said that he wanted to be up front with me, and hopes that it doesn't make things weird between us, but he just started seeing someone exclusively yesterday.

How do I feel about it? Great. Now I know the real reason that he went cold, it wasn't for casual flings, but for someone who he genuinely has feelings for. He didn't have them for me, that's fine. I get it. In a strange way I almost feel relived, the weirdness and wondering is gone :-)

Thank you everyone!!