Capricorns and Death

My Cap's estranged father just passed away. He texted me and told me what happened and that he would be m.i.a for a day.

I texted him back that I'm here for him, but feel that I should let him message me when he's ready.

How do Caps process death and sad emotions? What does he need from me right now?

Thanks

He will probably withdraw into his own thoughts. He has a lot to come to terms with since his father was estranged. You already let him know you're there, which is the correct thing to do. Just give him some space. He's going to be tied up with family and issues, possibly decisions.

Be patient. If you don't hear from him in a couple of days, after the services, maybe get in touch with him but keep it light, sympathetic but off the subject. Maybe say, I'm cooking, want a home cooked meal? Don't push him to talk and don't keep asking if he needs anything. He will talk when he's ready, if ever, and he will just need time.

Thanks for your quick responses, I really appreciate it.

Good advice, I'll give him space, and keep it light.

I remember once he told me about his long brutal day at work, and I asked him "are you ok?", he looked at me really puzzled and said "Of course I'm ok". I get the sense that he doesn't like showing weakness at all.

I'm wondering if he needs me right now more than he's saying though because 5 min before he texted about his father, he sent a text that said "miss you".

According to his message, he found out about the passing this morning...

Posted by duchessedenemours
If you go over with some food you can talk to him a bit, ask him what he needs. Practical things would be helpful. Like cleaning or cooking. Any daily function/tasks that he's not up to, atm. Since he's probably still in shock, he probably can't do much of those things at this point.

Taking the food, ehhhh, maybe. The cleaning, etc. NO. Too clingy. Too smothering. If I were in his shoes, it would feel like you were trying too hard.

Posted by truecap

Posted by duchessedenemours
If you go over with some food you can talk to him a bit, ask him what he needs. Practical things would be helpful. Like cleaning or cooking. Any daily function/tasks that he's not up to, atm. Since he's probably still in shock, he probably can't do much of those things at this point.

Taking the food, ehhhh, maybe. The cleaning, etc. NO. Too clingy. Too smothering. If I were in his shoes, it would feel like you were trying too hard.

click to expand

Oh, it's very sweet of you to think of that, but he's not going to be thinking normally and I think it would be too much under foot and he could resent it.

I guess it depends on the relationship, how long, how serious, etc. Aren't they just FWB?

You're very sweet, though, and I hope I didn't make you feel like I was saying otherwise.

Thanks for your responses. Yes we're FWB but it's not just about the B part.

I texted him and he responded right away and thanked me for checking in. I kept it light, and made him laugh. He said he loves me twice. I asked him if he wanted space and he said "not sure, not really".

What does this mean?

Should I continue to check in once a day?

Thanks.

A quick check in every day probably wouldn't hurt. Just don't be sappy about it. Keep it light like you're doing.

Posted by SunMoonStars
Thanks for your responses. Yes we're FWB but it's not just about the B part.

I texted him and he responded right away and thanked me for checking in. I kept it light, and made him laugh. He said he loves me twice. I asked him if he wanted space and he said "not sure, not really".

What does this mean?

Should I continue to check in once a day?

Thanks.

he wants to see u but can't bring himself to ask?
He doesn't wana b alone at a time like this maybe he wants a hug from u...

We texted for a few hours tonight, and it ended badly.

It started off fine, I offered to bring him food, and hang out this weekend, and he was receptive.

I asked him if he liked that I check on him, and he said "Sure...you don't have to..but I don't mind. It's nice to know you think of me sometimes".

But then all of a sudden the tone shifted:

Him: Do you have any preference for what to do this weekend?
Me: No preference, I'm your buddy for the weekend.
Him: I would never consider you a buddy. I'm looking for a partner.

Then he started pressing me for a commitment, I couldn't give him one, and it ended awkwardly, like this:

Me: Do you want me to leave you alone until I figure things out?
Him: I'll never see you again because I assume you'll never figure it out.
Me: I will. But if this is making you unhappy then that's not cool with me.
Him: Is that what I said? I've had enough...going to sleep

What happened, why did he suddenly change? Does he want me to leave him alone?

Thanks.

Stillwater: thanks for your reply. Harsh but appreciated. I am not a water sign. I have a lack of water, and a lot of fire.

I really do care about him, and I'm not just saying this. I am not ready for a relationship because I might work abroad soon, and I'm still getting to know him before I make any commitments. He knows all this.

I'm fine with walking away if he's unhappy, I just can't tell if this is what he wants?

Posted by SunMoonStars
We texted for a few hours tonight, and it ended badly.

It started off fine, I offered to bring him food, and hang out this weekend, and he was receptive.

I asked him if he liked that I check on him, and he said "Sure...you don't have to..but I don't mind. It's nice to know you think of me sometimes".

But then all of a sudden the tone shifted:

Him: Do you have any preference for what to do this weekend?
Me: No preference, I'm your buddy for the weekend.
Him: I would never consider you a buddy. I'm looking for a partner.

Then he started pressing me for a commitment, I couldn't give him one, and it ended awkwardly, like this:

Me: Do you want me to leave you alone until I figure things out?
Him: I'll never see you again because I assume you'll never figure it out.
Me: I will. But if this is making you unhappy then that's not cool with me.
Him: Is that what I said? I've had enough...going to sleep

What happened, why did he suddenly change? Does he want me to leave him alone?

Thanks.

Omg - soo sorry to hear this.
His dad dying has triggered his need for a partner n he sees u in this role.
As you've rejected his view he has withdrawn.
It depends on what you want if u want the same as him stay n spend time with him.
If u want something else back away a bit but touch base often n keep it light knowing he may not respond right away.

It's Ok, I see where you're coming from.

It is not possible to be in a committed partnership with him now, but I have no idea in 2 years.

A relationship either moves forward or it stagnates.

It seems like he's getting impatient, so you need to make a decision pretty quick.

Beware, once he's had enough of this wishy washy behavior, he will have enough. Once he's had enough, he will walk away and you will lose him forever. A cap is patient, but can only be patient for so long. Most of the time, once a capricorn decides to move on, all feelings and emotions are chopped off at the knees and are forever gone. No matter what you do, if a capricorn has no more feelings, they have no more feelings. (of course I can't speak for everyone)

My gut tells me that you will never want to commit to him, otherwise you already would have. Though your head might be telling you to go for it, it doesn't seem like your heart is in it. I think his intuition is starting to sink in telling him you're waiting around for a better offer and he won't want you to "settle" for him and a capricorn usually won't accept being second place, or second best.

I agree with Stillwater, by the way.
Just calling it like I see it.

Posted by SunMoonStars
It's Ok, I see where you're coming from.

It is not possible to be in a committed partnership with him now, but I have no idea in 2 years.

Two years is too long. He wants it now.

Omg - soo sorry to hear this.
His dad dying has triggered his need for a partner n he sees u in this role.
As you've rejected his view he has withdrawn.
It depends on what you want if u want the same as him stay n spend time with him.
If u want something else back away a bit but touch base often n keep it light knowing he may not respond right away.



Thanks SamCancerGirl: I thought this as well. My options were:

Leave him alone, let him come to me whenever.

Check on him here and there casually, but not go out of my way.

Check on him, and be there as much as possible.

I chose the last one because a close family member of mine died last year, and I will always remember the people that went out of their way to be there for me. I also believe that a true test of friendship is if someone is there for you when times get tough even if it's hard.

Look, I know that the smart thing to do would probably be to distance myself, because if nothing else he's associating this sh*tty time with me. But I don't care, and if that makes him re-evaluate us then so be it. I would rather know that I tried my best to be there FOR HIM.

If I'm way off, please tell me.

Thanks.

He knows since Day 1.

No possibility of a commitment for 2 years. He knows, he knows, he knows.

There's nothing I'm saying here that I didn't tell him.

Posted by SunMoonStars
He knows since Day 1.

No possibility of a commitment for 2 years. He knows, he knows, he knows.

There's nothing I'm saying here that I didn't tell him.

Just like all these women on here, he thought he could handle it. His feelings developed, now he wants more. It's a natural human reaction.

truecap - " My gut tells me that you will never want to commit to him, otherwise you already would have. Though your head might be telling you to go for it, it doesn't seem like your heart is in it. I think his intuition is starting to sink in telling him you're waiting around for a better offer and he won't want you to "settle" for him and a capricorn usually won't accept being second place, or second best."

Very intuitive. Yes, I there are things about him that do not fit my ideal for a life partner which is what he is asking for. Who knows what will happen in two years, but if things are meant to be, I believe I owe him a fair shot in the future.


StillWater - "Ok then, that's a different ball game.

If he knows and he is still subjected himself to the pain of hope and unknowns, that is up to him.

Kudos to you for emotionally putting up with it; I wouldn't. I would be like ciao."

Thank you!