Chemistry

Chemistry

Wth is it and how do you get rid of it?

At this point its inappropriate because he's married, but honestly my Cap friend and I have a bit of chemistry there that we both fight ourselves trying to hide. It's the REAL reason I avoid him, because it becomes a bit awkward, but he insists in hanging out or coming to see me. Why?

He came to see me about an hour ago. Brought his son with him and its been about a good two years since I've seen them both. As soon as we hug and sit there's the awkward tension we are both trying to control, and although he stayed for about an hour neither of us ever completely relaxed.

I'm just wondering how do we get rid of this? Obviously its not going away with time. Could it be the time apart making it worse? Should we hang out more often so it can fade? I'm just lost on what to do. I can always avoid seeing him for another few years. I just don't want it to get worse.

Lol. My phone has a mind of its own. I'm two seconds from tossing it out a window.

i think i know how to put my feelings within boundaries too well.

except once i've already committed to someone.

if the guy is off limits because he's taken in any way shape or form... i think of his girl, and how much i would be hurt if it were me and i found out that kind of thing were going on behind my back... that is all i do and it suppresses me feelings very very quickly. i would never want it done to me.

yargh... *my* lol

Ah hes married....kinda self explanatory. Asking how to stop liking someone......um O-O

Kids, Wife, House, Bills, > You

Thank you all for the comments.

A little history on our friendship. It started 13 yrs ago in high school when I moved in from another state. Everything was new to me and within the first week, I believe, he introduced himself and from then on til we graduated we were basically connected at the hip. Everyone thought we dated, but we never even talked about anything of that nature. We were just extremely close. So close that I actually cried when my mother said we were moving back home. Luckily we moved back and I don't think I shared that story with him lol.

Anyway, he moved on after school and started a life and I did as well. We didn't reconnect until about 4/5 years ago and we picked it back up. The first time he saw me again he made it a point to tell me he'd. NEVER date his friends, so I think he tried to create boundaries. That first time wasn't awkward, but we'd talk everyday and I saw him maybe 3 more times within the span of 2/3 years. Each time getting a bit more awkward.

Thing is neither of us are flirty individuals. We don't sit and flirt with eachother. Its more of an avoiding eye contact or even looking at eachother type of thing. We are both weird which I think initially drew us together in the first place.

I'm not going to cut him out. That's my buddy and NOTHING is ever going to happen. If it hasn't happened in 13yrs I'm not going to wait until he's married. He actually asks all the time for his wife, himself, and I to hang out. I don't like meeting new people so I usually decline, but it probably would make the situation better, although I only see that making it worse.

Him and I have the exact same chart btw.

Posted by ArticleL
Ah hes married....kinda self explanatory. Asking how to stop liking someone......um O-O

Kids, Wife, House, Bills, > You

yup!!!

Very very good point thxbutnothx.

Out of all the guys I've crushed on and talked to he is the ONLY one that understands me and gets me and my sense of humor. I talk to him about guys before and he always gives good advice and pushes for me to settle down, have kids etc.

If I was in a relationship I definitely know I would talk about the good and bad of it with him. We talk about everything.

Ugh. I'm gonna need other options. I hear you loud and clear but I'm determined on finding the perfect guy for me...without actually looking lol. I'm holding out for him. I've always been determined, and he's never been the guy for me. I knew this when we were in school, before he married, I know it now, and ill know it later. I'm not going to give in to no married guy, especially if I had opportunities in the past and refused.

I think I'm just going to avoid seeing him since its only a once a year thing anyway. He told me today he's never driving this far again, so he doesn't plan on seeing me anytime soon either. I feel crazy typing this so I know it sounds crazy smh. I agree with all you've said thx. I just can't cut him off with no real reason as happen, especially if I'm 99.999% nothing will ever happen.

Article L, so if you have chemistry with someone that automatically means you like them?

That's a real question btw. I'd say I tend to have some type of chemistry with 80% of the guys I come in contact with in all honesty.

I have yet to have a boyfriend. I need more than chemistry.

Anyone have a VinS on here? If so, do any of you have a bit of natural chemistry with many?

Or is it a Cap thing?

Posted by thxbutnothx
it's very nice to have this type of friend when you are single. The chemistry, natural affinity and unspoken bond between you would make you feel less alone.

it's however a different story when you are not single one day -

you better find someone who you have a stronger chemistry with than him when you go into a relationship otherwise when the relationship gets tough you will be inclined to talk to your understanding friend who you have a long history with and strong chemistry. you may become emotionally dependenant on him - emotional intimacy + sextual chemistry = in love! trouble trouble trouble.

i know we all like to think of ourselves to have the strength and self-control to fight it but just look around dxp. do you think those folks are simply weaker or have we gone through all the tests life has to offered yet? you don't know what you don't know about yourself and others until the time comes.

keeping such a friend around is like keeping a time bomb. you may think it's dormant but it can blow up in your face at the weaknest point of your life that can drag even lower

just my 2 cents

^^^ Okay, this needs to be published and spread throughout the world ^^^

Posted by lnana04
Or is it a Cap thing?

I've asked myself that question in the past, I've witnessed so many female Caps in those situations.

Posted by lnana04
Article L, so if you have chemistry with someone that automatically means you like them?

Maybe, the question afterwards is like them how. In your situation this is what you can use to set your preference of being around or leaving.

Posted by Rays Heart

Posted by lnana04
Or is it a Cap thing?

I've asked myself that question in the past, I've witnessed so many female Caps in those situations.

click to expand

What situations?

Posted by lnana04

Posted by Rays Heart

Posted by lnana04
Or is it a Cap thing?

I've asked myself that question in the past, I've witnessed so many female Caps in those situations.

What situations?

click to expand

Basically their involvement with married men but the storyline is always along lingering undisclosed feelings towards a long time friend who goes on with his life, which includes getting married, kids ect, when the now married friend goes through hard time like most relationships, she's there and one thing leads to another. You can't help the chemistry, it is what it is but the ones I've witnessed had such a way to defend that friendship against any critics or potential mate ect which I believe leads to denial of the actual real emotion building up.

Posted by Rays Heart

Posted by lnana04

Posted by Rays Heart

Posted by lnana04
Or is it a Cap thing?

I've asked myself that question in the past, I've witnessed so many female Caps in those situations.

What situations?

Basically their involvement with married men but the storyline is always along lingering undisclosed feelings towards a long time friend who goes on with his life, which includes getting married, kids ect, when the now married friend goes through hard time like most relationships, she's there and one thing leads to another. You can't help the chemistry, it is what it is but the ones I've witnessed had such a way to defend that friendship against any critics or potential mate ect which I believe leads to denial of the actual real emotion building up.

click to expand

Ahh, I get it.

Thats what it probably is too, us fighting that something is there. Not quite sure what it is but its something. I feel im leaving trails of lingering feelings, and not just with him either.

Not to make it sound any better, but he just married two months ago I believe. Its not as if he's BEEN married and we sat on this. We sat on it when he was single. Its just not going away.

Guess Ill have to figure out how to cut the friendship off.

In honesty all is possible. There's nothing wrong with feelings, people are going to have them, including you. What's not so good is to not address them. Undisclosed emotions builds up inside and eventually leak to the outside; often at an unfavorable time. I think addressing them honestly first, will give way to adjust your physical reality. Cutting him off without; leaves room for it to resurface.

You seem to take outside comments well, so I am more confident that you'll end up in a better place. Cases I have seen in the past, the people were constantly denying the emotions, portraying the connection as innocent friendship which makes a solution impossible since the problem is not perceived.

Writing is often done to express a somewhat unbearable inner-reality. It's basically you admitting that there's something going on inside that needs to be addressed. So to deny your own writing is never a good thing. There's a reason why you wrote this thread, it's to address something real going inside yourself but many tend to treat their emotions like a burden that they have to carry around but would rather not. The peaceful ones are those who address them as real; but everyone will have them.

Posted by Rays Heart
In honesty all is possible. There's nothing wrong with feelings, people are going to have them, including you. What's not so good is to not address them. Undisclosed emotions builds up inside and eventually leak to the outside; often at an unfavorable time. I think addressing them honestly first, will give way to adjust your physical reality. Cutting him off without; leaves room for it to resurface.

You seem to take outside comments well, so I am more confident that you'll end up in a better place. Cases I have seen in the past, the people were constantly denying the emotions, portraying the connection as innocent friendship which makes a solution impossible since the problem is not perceived.

Writing is often done to express a somewhat unbearable inner-reality. It's basically you admitting that there's something going on inside that needs to be addressed. So to deny your own writing is never a good thing. There's a reason why you wrote this thread, it's to address something real going inside yourself but many tend to treat their emotions like a burden that they have to carry around but would rather not. The peaceful ones are those who address them as real; but everyone will have them.

Thanks for this. That's usually my problem. Ill just cut it off or let it dissolve without addressing anything, then I'm left still thinking about the person and hoping ill have control and not allow my emotions for them leak out revealing myself if I'm ever to see them again. It all just gets worse with time.

He pursued me about three years ago, but it was very subtle and we eventually brushed it off after a disagreement, but we've never brought everything thats been going on behind the scenes since high school to the forefront, so yeah, its definitely been building. Ill figure out how to address it in a respectable way due to his current situation. I don't want him to think too much about it either after-the-fact, gotta cut the cord.

LoL. You know I've been a bit in denial in here. I always go through that stage knowing good and well what I'm saying is not what I'm really feeling.

Yeah, might have to cut the cord in this case but some closure is needed for inner peace sake 😉, you want to make the best out of all experiences in your life, it makes it all worth it. You'll need to look into why you shut him down when he pursued you three years ago. You might find something in there!