wagtail
@wagtail
13 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 1648 · Posts: 8304 · Topics: 67
confused but in love with cappy
I simply felt ready.
And at no point did I doubt cappy's honest intentions. I admit compared to past long term relationships I felt it was moving extremely fast, but for some reason felt like going with the flow.
Do you think it is unusual based on the speed he was moving?
And at no point did I doubt cappy's honest intentions. I admit compared to past long term relationships I felt it was moving extremely fast, but for some reason felt like going with the flow.
Do you think it is unusual based on the speed he was moving?
Hi Metoo,
yes I agree... dont fix it if it aint broke right?
But yes, I just figured after reading everything about cappys and their shut/down-back off responses etc what is up with how open and inclusive this one is...?
Dont get me wrong... to some degree he has prtrayed quintessential cap to some degree.
I felt like I was being vetted and tested consistently the entire time and still do a little, but I just thought the right answer might be harder than it has been the way everyone seems to struggle understanding how male cap mind works.
yes I agree... dont fix it if it aint broke right?
But yes, I just figured after reading everything about cappys and their shut/down-back off responses etc what is up with how open and inclusive this one is...?
Dont get me wrong... to some degree he has prtrayed quintessential cap to some degree.
I felt like I was being vetted and tested consistently the entire time and still do a little, but I just thought the right answer might be harder than it has been the way everyone seems to struggle understanding how male cap mind works.
Elusivesoul, this is why I joined the forum!
Haha- you made me smile.
My thoughts exactly... I have read evry thread on here about cappy and overwhelmingly felt it was mostly negative.
So That if anything is why I am questioning myself.
It seems unusual for cappy to have happy satisfying relationships with people from what I have read so far...
seemingly not my experience so far?
Haha- you made me smile.
My thoughts exactly... I have read evry thread on here about cappy and overwhelmingly felt it was mostly negative.
So That if anything is why I am questioning myself.
It seems unusual for cappy to have happy satisfying relationships with people from what I have read so far...
seemingly not my experience so far?
thanks for the advice M, taken on board believe me.
This is the first cap relationship I have had and it feels very concrete to me...
and yes the prevailing wisdom has seemed to indicate slower moves over time...
hence my confusion.
This is the first cap relationship I have had and it feels very concrete to me...
and yes the prevailing wisdom has seemed to indicate slower moves over time...
hence my confusion.
Posted by M
I also (again don;t know him) plan aloud or look ahead just because...so it's not what he's said that seems quick as much as he's done...you know?
It's a good sign you feel strongly about his dependability.
Do you think he'll go into a controlled burn? Sometimes I can race to the starting gate but plan on taking a stroll :p
I definitely feel that the long term planning is more think out loud than anything else... which is just how I roll too so I dont mind... I'm not going to worry bout reading more or less into it.
His actions certainly have been speaking louder than his words also, which I put more store by if you know what I mean?
I'm sure the potential for control burn is always there regardless of star sign so I shall cross that bridge when or if it comes to it =)
Posted by EusiveSoulll
lol wagtail 😉..glad you could find some humor in my post and welcome to the board
P.S....just for reassurance purposes, make him show you his financial portofolio and make sure he has no outstanding dept 😛
Carry on 😄
Thanks for the welcome!
will do lol
Posted by Metoo
If he is older, he may be evolved, and be ready. Most often people come to the boards to vent or figure out relationship issues so yes, you will see overwhelming "bad" character traits and horror stories, but honestly, not all Cap men, or men in general are bad.
He may have been ready, knew what he wanted in a long term relationship and was ready to settle down.
It never hurts to do some healthy analyzing of your significant other from time to time, just a sort of gut check.
Dont ignore red flags, but if you dont really spot any, carry on and trust in him! You already moved in, theres not much wiggle room now anyways, lol
Hehe, all very true Metoo.
I think you nailed it by the way... my gut feeling tells me he made sure of the move in/ living together arrangement for just that reason - "not much wiggle room" Hahaha!
I should probably add although we live together Cappy works a hodgepodge of up to 80hours a week, split between his own career and a part-time job on night shifts.
I myself work about 60hrs week not including 2hour daily commute and so, it does not seem overwhelming that we live together, since we are both still doing our own thing.
But socially you could not ask for a better partner, all our free time is spent together... I never feel neglected.
He rarely if ever, and I mean ever! just goes out with the "boys" on seshs about town... most of his socialising is calculated networking if anything.
This so far has rung true with what I have researched, it was the pace of the relationship that has thrown me for six.
So thanks to everyone who chipped in with advice and perspective.
I appreciated it xo
I myself work about 60hrs week not including 2hour daily commute and so, it does not seem overwhelming that we live together, since we are both still doing our own thing.
But socially you could not ask for a better partner, all our free time is spent together... I never feel neglected.
He rarely if ever, and I mean ever! just goes out with the "boys" on seshs about town... most of his socialising is calculated networking if anything.
This so far has rung true with what I have researched, it was the pace of the relationship that has thrown me for six.
So thanks to everyone who chipped in with advice and perspective.
I appreciated it xo
Wagtail the only thing that stood out for me is him taking marriage off the table, this could become problematic depending on your age and desire to have a formal commitment before bringing children into the world. For some women it's not an issue and for others it's a big issue especially if a man is "planning" a future with her but doesn't want the relationship to be official (marriage, ring etc).
You barely know this guy, so the move IMHO is too quick. BEWARE Caps are notorious for going ice cold once a woman has been emotionally conquered and he's pretty much conquered you so a cold spell should be coming around soon, give it 6 months to a year, he'll probably act as if his idea to capture you, 5 year plan with you, make babies with you was not literal. Whatever you do don't panic, just go on with life, don't allow it to throw you off balance, the last thing you want him to see is you acting like a needy person because he's withholding affection and attention from you, business as usual, STRENGTH, make sure your behavior comes across very independent, basically he'll pull the whole withholding thing at some point, try your best to to show him you are not phased which can actually bring you both closer, he need to see how you handle yourself when you're under stress. Once he whiff the smell of needy desperation as in needing him to communicate, needing him to give you affection it's over him so be cool if he cools off, just do your own thing (me giving you a cheat sheet).
For the most part you seem extremely pleased with your Cap. Go with the flow but word of caution if marriage is something you foresee in your future now is the time to get real with yourself about the option not being in the cards or you'll regret investing 5 years into a man that won't commit.
You barely know this guy, so the move IMHO is too quick. BEWARE Caps are notorious for going ice cold once a woman has been emotionally conquered and he's pretty much conquered you so a cold spell should be coming around soon, give it 6 months to a year, he'll probably act as if his idea to capture you, 5 year plan with you, make babies with you was not literal. Whatever you do don't panic, just go on with life, don't allow it to throw you off balance, the last thing you want him to see is you acting like a needy person because he's withholding affection and attention from you, business as usual, STRENGTH, make sure your behavior comes across very independent, basically he'll pull the whole withholding thing at some point, try your best to to show him you are not phased which can actually bring you both closer, he need to see how you handle yourself when you're under stress. Once he whiff the smell of needy desperation as in needing him to communicate, needing him to give you affection it's over him so be cool if he cools off, just do your own thing (me giving you a cheat sheet).
For the most part you seem extremely pleased with your Cap. Go with the flow but word of caution if marriage is something you foresee in your future now is the time to get real with yourself about the option not being in the cards or you'll regret investing 5 years into a man that won't commit.
Posted by tiki33
Wagtail the only thing that stood out for me is him taking marriage off the table, this could become problematic depending on your age and desire to have a formal commitment before bringing children into the world. For some women it's not an issue and for others it's a big issue especially if a man is "planning" a future with her but doesn't want the relationship to be official (marriage, ring etc).
You barely know this guy, so the move IMHO is too quick. BEWARE Caps are notorious for going ice cold once a woman has been emotionally conquered and he's pretty much conquered you so a cold spell should be coming around soon, give it 6 months to a year, he'll probably act as if his idea to capture you, 5 year plan with you, make babies with you was not literal. Whatever you do don't panic, just go on with life, don't allow it to throw you off balance, the last thing you want him to see is you acting like a needy person because he's withholding affection and attention from you, business as usual, STRENGTH, make sure your behavior comes across very independent, basically he'll pull the whole withholding thing at some point, try your best to to show him you are not phased which can actually bring you both closer, he need to see how you handle yourself when you're under stress. Once he whiff the smell of needy desperation as in needing him to communicate, needing him to give you affection it's over him so be cool if he cools off, just do your own thing (me giving you a cheat sheet).
For the most part you seem extremely pleased with your Cap. Go with the flow but word of caution if marriage is something you foresee in your future now is the time to get real with yourself about the option not being in the cards or you'll regret investing 5 years into a man that won't commit.
Thanks tiki, wise words...you've given me some more to think about definitely,
and the warning also, very cool to know.
I can't wait for the ice cold moment to arrive, at least for me it spells 'raincheck and a much needed moment to step back and assess where I am at emotionally'.
I am very much in love with my cappy but in no way am I going to play the needy card.
I should probably have clarified... I dont personally believe in marriage myself...
and was afraid when he brought it up that would be something we would have to argue about... it was a relief to know we were on t
.the same page in terms of what we believe commitment really consists of.
When I moved in he gave me his grandmothers ring to wear, his mother commented on it too so it was obviously cleared by the family first - and in not so many words - heck - what words indeed?lol it was an indication to me that this was sentimental on his part and his way of showing how serious he felt about us.
Also, at this stage I have entered this after 3.5 years of living on my own man-free just girls nights and working long hours so am fiercely independant and at this point the idea of him withdrawing or holding himself back doesn't bother me much, seeing as how I figure if he loves me he can always come back round in his own time, I'm certainly in no hurry.
I've proven to myself I dont need a bloke to make me happy and I haven't forgotten how good it felt being single either.
Having a five year plan involving children etc just makes sense to me because it justifies my work ethic and gives me a reason other than rainy day or holidays to save money. If you know what I mean? Discussing it with him seemd fair, since I made it clear to him when we started dating I was looking for a long term relationship and not just timewasting.
Life throws all sorts of things at you and raising a family or maintaining a partner is something likely to need anticipation for I guess...
wagx
When I moved in he gave me his grandmothers ring to wear, his mother commented on it too so it was obviously cleared by the family first - and in not so many words - heck - what words indeed?lol it was an indication to me that this was sentimental on his part and his way of showing how serious he felt about us.
Also, at this stage I have entered this after 3.5 years of living on my own man-free just girls nights and working long hours so am fiercely independant and at this point the idea of him withdrawing or holding himself back doesn't bother me much, seeing as how I figure if he loves me he can always come back round in his own time, I'm certainly in no hurry.
I've proven to myself I dont need a bloke to make me happy and I haven't forgotten how good it felt being single either.
Having a five year plan involving children etc just makes sense to me because it justifies my work ethic and gives me a reason other than rainy day or holidays to save money. If you know what I mean? Discussing it with him seemd fair, since I made it clear to him when we started dating I was looking for a long term relationship and not just timewasting.
Life throws all sorts of things at you and raising a family or maintaining a partner is something likely to need anticipation for I guess...
wagx
You have a good head on your shoulders so I don't foresee you taking the needy route if you get the infamous freeze out, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt because thus far he's moved forward with you and been able to sustain.
As for marriage you may not want it now but will you want it 5 years from now when you're older & settled in your career? I think sometimes we women avoid addressing the hard stuff because we're under his spell and in a love trance so why muck it all up with real life issues. That's something you must be honest with yourself about, to take marriage off the table NOW will effect the relationship later because typically if a man isn't interested in marriage (with a particular woman) it means he's thought it through and he can't possibly see himself being married with that particular woman so if he feels that way now then most likely how he feels won't change 5 years from now and you definitely do not want to be in a powerless position were you want to leave but can't leave because you've invested so much of your life and thus stuck waiting and/or attempting to convince him so make sure you are completely fine with marriage not being in the cards not only now while you're busy with your own life but later as well.
Capricorn males can be very good at displaying love in the beginning but the key is to recognize this is a TRAIT that can change unannounced. He hasn't proposed so he's still single. I'm sure you've read similar reactions on DXP regarding women who date/fall deeply in love with Capricorn men only to get ICED out, so of course enjoy being in love and building a life with this man.
My concern is that he's displaying so much affection, love and attention but marriage isn't an option which lead me to believe he's not serious about you, If he can display his love with a ring, plan babies & make long term plans, move in with you and yet take the option of marriage off the table by making it clear it's not in the cards for him for me that's an indication that this may be as far as it's going to go so you really have to decide like yesterday that you have 5 years to spare and will be okay if it doesn't work out the way it's planned, this is all about you & your own personal goals.
Keep us updated, good luck, you'll be part of the 1% that actually sustained a longterm relationship with a Cap man
As for marriage you may not want it now but will you want it 5 years from now when you're older & settled in your career? I think sometimes we women avoid addressing the hard stuff because we're under his spell and in a love trance so why muck it all up with real life issues. That's something you must be honest with yourself about, to take marriage off the table NOW will effect the relationship later because typically if a man isn't interested in marriage (with a particular woman) it means he's thought it through and he can't possibly see himself being married with that particular woman so if he feels that way now then most likely how he feels won't change 5 years from now and you definitely do not want to be in a powerless position were you want to leave but can't leave because you've invested so much of your life and thus stuck waiting and/or attempting to convince him so make sure you are completely fine with marriage not being in the cards not only now while you're busy with your own life but later as well.
Capricorn males can be very good at displaying love in the beginning but the key is to recognize this is a TRAIT that can change unannounced. He hasn't proposed so he's still single. I'm sure you've read similar reactions on DXP regarding women who date/fall deeply in love with Capricorn men only to get ICED out, so of course enjoy being in love and building a life with this man.
My concern is that he's displaying so much affection, love and attention but marriage isn't an option which lead me to believe he's not serious about you, If he can display his love with a ring, plan babies & make long term plans, move in with you and yet take the option of marriage off the table by making it clear it's not in the cards for him for me that's an indication that this may be as far as it's going to go so you really have to decide like yesterday that you have 5 years to spare and will be okay if it doesn't work out the way it's planned, this is all about you & your own personal goals.
Keep us updated, good luck, you'll be part of the 1% that actually sustained a longterm relationship with a Cap man
Hello WoundedLeo, I'm glad to bring something new to the table!
haha!
He seems very disenchanted with marriage... don't know why exactly, his parents have been going strong for 40 years!
Who knows what is really in his heart - for me marriage doesn't seem to hold much value, everybody divorcing left right and centre...
affairs are a dime a dozen and the other side- people stay together for all the wrong reasons, finances, intimidation, dependance, kids...
If, and only if I had one hundred percent confidence in my heart that we were whole seperately and in love with a foundation of total trust would I consider marriage.
I'm comfortable with the common law idea, being with one man over time and having children with him outside of a wedding etc is just as valid.
Perhaps on my part I would be more committed because it would stem from my choice alone, and not an official situation per se.
Age may play a part also, he is only 33 and still very much shaping his career at the moment.
It's all go, and he is constantly working and networkin or studying.
I can understand that his worldview does not encompass something as allconsuming as marriage and everything it entails! I agree with that! =)
Thank you for the well wishes, likewise for you also xo
haha!
He seems very disenchanted with marriage... don't know why exactly, his parents have been going strong for 40 years!
Who knows what is really in his heart - for me marriage doesn't seem to hold much value, everybody divorcing left right and centre...
affairs are a dime a dozen and the other side- people stay together for all the wrong reasons, finances, intimidation, dependance, kids...
If, and only if I had one hundred percent confidence in my heart that we were whole seperately and in love with a foundation of total trust would I consider marriage.
I'm comfortable with the common law idea, being with one man over time and having children with him outside of a wedding etc is just as valid.
Perhaps on my part I would be more committed because it would stem from my choice alone, and not an official situation per se.
Age may play a part also, he is only 33 and still very much shaping his career at the moment.
It's all go, and he is constantly working and networkin or studying.
I can understand that his worldview does not encompass something as allconsuming as marriage and everything it entails! I agree with that! =)
Thank you for the well wishes, likewise for you also xo
tiki, you have really got some wonderful thoughts to contribute! Taking the time to answer in detail is very much appreciated.
You are right, of course.
I have not said this out loud but I have given the relationship a concious expiry date that I am comfortable with and is not necessarily what I suggest for anyone else!
I have a set time period, in which time I will enjoy and love him and love being in love, for the time being... hehe
It isn't 5years I can tell you that much.
In no way am I any less in love with him by doing that... but I feel that getting lost in something that goes nowhere is not an option for me and in this private matter in my heart of hearts I am prepared to move on if that becomes the case.
My intellectual-virgo thinking hat and analytical side are kicking in with that part of it! Lol!!
There are plenty of men out there, but... so far nothing has beaten my Capguy xo
You are right, of course.
I have not said this out loud but I have given the relationship a concious expiry date that I am comfortable with and is not necessarily what I suggest for anyone else!
I have a set time period, in which time I will enjoy and love him and love being in love, for the time being... hehe
It isn't 5years I can tell you that much.
In no way am I any less in love with him by doing that... but I feel that getting lost in something that goes nowhere is not an option for me and in this private matter in my heart of hearts I am prepared to move on if that becomes the case.
My intellectual-virgo thinking hat and analytical side are kicking in with that part of it! Lol!!
There are plenty of men out there, but... so far nothing has beaten my Capguy xo
Posted by wagtail
tiki, you have really got some wonderful thoughts to contribute! Taking the time to answer in detail is very much appreciated.
You are right, of course.
I have not said this out loud but I have given the relationship a concious expiry date that I am comfortable with and is not necessarily what I suggest for anyone else!
I have a set time period, in which time I will enjoy and love him and love being in love, for the time being... hehe
It isn't 5years I can tell you that much.
In no way am I any less in love with him by doing that... but I feel that getting lost in something that goes nowhere is not an option for me and in this private matter in my heart of hearts I am prepared to move on if that becomes the case.
My intellectual-virgo thinking hat and analytical side are kicking in with that part of it! Lol!!
There are plenty of men out there, but... so far nothing has beaten my Capguy xo
+1
You have your ish together as far as a set standard/boundary on how much fun you'll have before you settle down, you have the right attitude, I see why he's INTO you, smart woman.
As long as you know that you're strong enough to exit if that time comes then really there is no real hardship on you or the relationship. Have fun! And please contribute as much as you can. Hopefully you'll stick around 😄
Morning tiki!
Well, I'm just glad I make sense about all this.
Thanks again for the welcome by the way - I surely will stick around- and hopefully contribute.
wagx
Well, I'm just glad I make sense about all this.
Thanks again for the welcome by the way - I surely will stick around- and hopefully contribute.
wagx
Posted by WoundedLeo
Hi Wagtail,
I agree with Tiki that you have your head on straight -- way straighter than I do, that's for sure.
Not to rain on your party but I *do* have one little comment to make. In my personal perspective, 33 years of age is not that young. I understand that he's still forming his career, but a career can take years to form and the rest of life can not be held back for that reason alone.
Anyway, if marriage doesn't mean much to you, I suppose that it shouldn't be me trying to push the point. I'm just saying, as Tiki mentioned also, once kids are in the picture, you just may decide that it'd be nice for your union to be "official".
okay, thanks for the perspective. It's no raining at all, that's why I am here.. to get someone else' opinion and point of view!
I wont deny there's a romance to the idea of forming a union for life... and if it came my way I would embrace it wholeheartedly, but it's really too conditional from my end at the moment.
I grew up single-parent family, my mother did a wonderful job, so, I guess that helps in a way, I'm not needy at all because I know that even if I walked out tomorrow with or without kids it can be done!
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Breakdown - cappy and I worked for same company about a year but only spoke on phone twice a month (different departments).
He left for bigger, better things and I quite literally did not think twice about him.
Joined online dating site and within 2 weeks have messaged each other without realizing prior connection.
He initiated wonderful first date within week of online meeting, discover mutual work aquaintance and he confesses that even if I didnt realise, he had eye on me whilst working same company but never had opportunity to arrange meeting.
He immediately pursues me, relentless, but respectful.
We slept together on approx. third date/ within couple of weeks he has me staying at his and meeting his parents.
2 months in he suggests living together... I hesitate, he drops it, one month later he re-suggests with more practical outline of how it could happen.. I still hesitate, I'm happily living securely on my own so whats the motivation I ask him...
He drops it for about a week and then resuggests so I agree and we make the move.
We are now living together about 6 months and dating all up just over a year.
During this time at no point has he disapeared, not texted or messaged back, or failed to say I love you every day.
He is January 13th Cap, myself 23rd August Leo-Virg cusp gal - I am 5yrs younger.
Although he has made it perfectly clear marriage is not really on the cards etc we have made a 5 year plan together including commitment and children, careers permitting.
I am blown away by my cappy.
Is he a good example of a happy-cappy? Is this typical of a mature cap ready to settle down?
Or am I crazy?