Dating people who are off?

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Sn1p3r187
@Sn1p3r187
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Like I recently met this one woman, 2 years younger than me but she's a really nice person. Thing is- We talk a lot have a lot to relate on and on paper it'd seem good. But uhhh, she's been having like issues with her ex-boyfriend and breaking up. Like she bluntly told me that'd she'd wish she could kill him, and kinda planned out how she'd do it though he lives in Virginia. And another thing, she has bad depression issues and she's told me that she's done crack. 😐. Yes she has. But she says she only did it once and she hasn't done it since her depression was at an all time low. I think after life lessons (Shit or get off the pot) would teach her to move on. She said that she'd feel she'd never move on from her ex (Bull, I think she would) and that she doesn't get addicted. Something tells me otherwise. I feel this goat is making a faulty move at going for this fish who seems good on paper but has a lot, and I mean A LOT of damn skeletons in the closet. Far more than I. But relating to the question. Would you date someone who's kinda like this? Something says I should give her a chance but then again I fear the risks at the moment?
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Sn1p3r187
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
Don't do it, sniper.

One thing you'll learn about your moon as you age....is that you will attract some people who are "off".

It is not your responsible to save them....and if not careful, they can become really toxic for you and stunt your own growth.

I would keep her at arms length and just observe.....only because I wouldn't want to be a total dick and cut her off cold.

Thanks Twirls. That helps, it makes sense to listen to my mind on that one. Thanks Twirls 🙂
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Sn1p3r187
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Posted by cheekyfaerie
Where does she fall on the hot/crazy scale?

Does she know where you live?

Sounds like you enjoy talking to her. Why can't you just keep that up until you decide if she's quirky and candid or batshit crazy?

That said, if your gut's already telling you it's the latter, you should trust that.

Yes she knows where I live considering she used to live a few apartments down from me. On the crazy scale she'd be a solid 7. I plan to keep it up, but I don't wanna go too far down the rabbit hole. That and she did drugs and I don't like that. Even if she did crack once my mind says I don't trust people who did it by experience. I should trust it.
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lisabeth
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Posted by cheekyfaerie
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by cheekyfaerie
Where does she fall on the hot/crazy scale?
Does she know where you live?
Sounds like you enjoy talking to her. Why can't you just keep that up until you decide if she's quirky and candid or batshit crazy?
That said, if your gut's already telling you it's the latter, you should trust that.

Yes she knows where I live considering she used to live a few apartments down from me. On the crazy scale she'd be a solid 7. I plan to keep it up, but I don't wanna go too far down the rabbit hole. That and she did drugs and I don't like that. Even if she did crack once my mind says I don't trust people who did it by experience. I should trust it.



Was only half serious about the hot/crazy thing...
I've fantasized about killing people, but it doesn't mean I'd actually get around to it. I think there's obsessing about those things and then there's doing it in your head to work shit out and eventually let it go.
I've done drugs before. Hell, I still occasionally pop an addie. My house has never been so clean! There are people I know that were in the mire and never left and others pulled themselves out of it to become productive human beings. They learned. A lot. Having done drugs doesn't automatically increase the chances they'll rob you blind or they'll go back to it as a crutch if they can't handle their emotional shit. That's your decision and nobody's gonna fault you for sticking to it, but for all you know, every girl you've ever dated has dropped acid, done coke or whatever. At least this chick's honest. She has nothing to gain by telling you that, only lose, and yet she told you anyway. All I'm saying is, if it is indeed in her past, maybe don't make that the lone reason you write her off.
Ha. Tho it sounds like you probably have a few and that's why you're here. 🙂

click to expand



+100 wise words.
OP, you sound so unsure. You also sound afraid of being involved with a girl who has done crack.
Very cautious.
If you don't feel anything for her, or feel she is for the long haul, commitment-- i'd cut it off. but of course, not be a dick about it. Just stay away from her.
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biosynthesis
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Posted by Sn1p3r187
Like I recently met this one woman, 2 years younger than me but she's a really nice person. Thing is- We talk a lot have a lot to relate on and on paper it'd seem good. But uhhh, she's been having like issues with her ex-boyfriend and breaking up. Like she bluntly told me that'd she'd wish she could kill him, and kinda planned out how she'd do it though he lives in Virginia. And another thing, she has bad depression issues and she's told me that she's done crack. 😐. Yes she has. But she says she only did it once and she hasn't done it since her depression was at an all time low. I think after life lessons (Shit or get off the pot) would teach her to move on. She said that she'd feel she'd never move on from her ex (Bull, I think she would) and that she doesn't get addicted. Something tells me otherwise. I feel this goat is making a faulty move at going for this fish who seems good on paper but has a lot, and I mean A LOT of damn skeletons in the closet. Far more than I. But relating to the question. Would you date someone who's kinda like this? Something says I should give her a chance but then again I fear the risks at the moment?

One word:RUN. You're only 20, don't worry about "settling"..just have fun, but also be careful. People be cray cray out there.
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Sn1p3r187
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Posted by tiziani
Sniper, all I'm going to say is every time I've rolled the dice with these damaged people... no miraculous changes happened. She's being upfront with you about her situation and best to believe that everything is EXACTLY as it says on the tin.


Yeah, at least she was honest about it. At least it wasn't like I had to find out the hard way or through a friend because that'd be straight blasphemous.
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truecap
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Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Impulsv
Your our token cappie. We are looking after u here. Not worth it!!

Ah please. I feel TrueCap is the token cap here because I think she represents the whole Capboard. Cap of the year award goes to TrueCap.
click to expand




Awwww...Ain't you sweet!!!
It takes all of us to represent the cap board and you're in good with the scorpios. 🙂

I'm just older than ALL of you. lol!!

*hobbles off on cane*
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truecap
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Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by tiziani
Sniper, all I'm going to say is every time I've rolled the dice with these damaged people... no miraculous changes happened. She's being upfront with you about her situation and best to believe that everything is EXACTLY as it says on the tin.


Yeah, at least she was honest about it. At least it wasn't like I had to find out the hard way or through a friend because that'd be straight blasphemous.
click to expand




She does get points for honesty!!!
Someone who's really broken would hide it, deny it and blame other people for their problems.
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Sn1p3r187
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Posted by truecap
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Impulsv
Your our token cappie. We are looking after u here. Not worth it!!

Ah please. I feel TrueCap is the token cap here because I think she represents the whole Capboard. Cap of the year award goes to TrueCap.



Awwww...Ain't you sweet!!!
It takes all of us to represent the cap board and you're in good with the scorpios. 🙂

I'm just older than ALL of you. lol!!

*hobbles off on cane*
click to expand


Please 46 is not that old. Today's my mom's birthday and she insists she's completely old. Turned 57, so I guess inclined to agree with her.
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Sn1p3r187
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Posted by truecap
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Impulsv
Your our token cappie. We are looking after u here. Not worth it!!

Ah please. I feel TrueCap is the token cap here because I think she represents the whole Capboard. Cap of the year award goes to TrueCap.



Awwww...Ain't you sweet!!!
It takes all of us to represent the cap board and you're in good with the scorpios. 🙂

I'm just older than ALL of you. lol!!

*hobbles off on cane*
click to expand


Huh. Well I guess it's good not to be too honest then. I usually appreciate honesty but it makes more sense to not say anything about it in this case.
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Sn1p3r187
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
Posted by truecap
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by tiziani
Sniper, all I'm going to say is every time I've rolled the dice with these damaged people... no miraculous changes happened. She's being upfront with you about her situation and best to believe that everything is EXACTLY as it says on the tin.


Yeah, at least she was honest about it. At least it wasn't like I had to find out the hard way or through a friend because that'd be straight blasphemous.



She does get points for honesty!!!
Someone who's really broken would hide it, deny it and blame other people for their problems.



not necessarily, that is why I brought up his moon.

people who are really broken may look at him as a safe haven to show those things to and he could end up an enabler.
click to expand


Woah. Maybe I should turn off my moon and stop being too nice. I mean I was was too nice to begin with but maybe come off the wrong way sometimes. Don't want to be the enabler, rather be the disabler.
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Sn1p3r187
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
That's the dynamic between your sun/moon, methinks.

You may set out to "help" her find the error of her ways (because caps are natural teachers) but end up being dragged down the rabbit hole right along with her. People like that can often turn on you and even become emotionally abusive.

Pisces moons (especially young ones...no offense) are pretty hypersensitive to toxic people. You need to be diligent with that. You have sympathy in spades but sometimes that can get you in trouble.

Her almost 'bragging' about how 'crazy' she is, is most certainly a red flag. If she was actively pursuing a change in her life style and making positive strides...she'd want to leave that in the past where it belongs and accent where she's going and thriving at. Seems she's still standing at the fork in the road.

Seems so. Right about now I'd trade my moon with someone else's. I'll gladly take Scorp moon over the fishy moon. lol. Toxic people though? Define toxic for me. We talking about mean people or like the one I'm talking about now?
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
That's the dynamic between your sun/moon, methinks.

You may set out to "help" her find the error of her ways (because caps are natural teachers) but end up being dragged down the rabbit hole right along with her. People like that can often turn on you and even become emotionally abusive.

Pisces moons (especially young ones...no offense) are pretty hypersensitive to toxic people. You need to be diligent with that. You have sympathy in spades but sometimes that can get you in trouble.

Her almost 'bragging' about how 'crazy' she is, is most certainly a red flag. If she was actively pursuing a change in her life style and making positive strides...she'd want to leave that in the past where it belongs and accent where she's going and thriving at. Seems she's still standing at the fork in the road.



^^This is truth.^^

But real quick... Lol @ uncle gobshite.

Anyhoo, Cap sun pisces moon here too... You want to help. Turning your back on someone just because they have issues doesn't compute. At some point, we've all had our issues and needed a friend so it's easy to be sympathetic.

I know I'm saying the same thing differently, but I guess I'll reiterate... it sounds like she realizes she's still vulnerable and capable of making bad decisions. She's admitted it, and basically already warned you. Seems like she's not at that point yet where she knows she's gotta make some changes. I've only known ppl in this position to be on the uptick when they get to that realization and their actions show it.

And even those who are in the best position to help a person like that can have their efforts blow up and thrown back in their face. Very discouraging and can be demoralizing. I believe it's where the phrase "tough love" comes from.

My advice... She needs friends right now and thats it. Keep a safe distance. Real safe. Limit yourself to being the voice of reason with people "in need" like this and mind those boundaries. No exceptions.

And my advice to her... she's only a victim to her own self-limiting thoughts.