Do you think a cap can redevelop feelings?

This cap guy and I (a pisces) instantly liked each other alot. It was long distance but that didn't seem to be a problem at all. We came official after a few months and I was really excited. After a while he stopped seeming as excited about me as he was at one point. He continued to progress our relationship, but finally admitted that he was scared that things wouldn't grow into what we both wanted it to be so we should stop progressing before we hurt ourselves. It was out of nowhere for me and crushed me. He was really supported and talked to me whenever I needed to discuss things. He wanted to make sure I didn't feel abandoned or anything because he still wanted to be really close.

It's been 5 weeks and we've actually grown alot more emotionally close. We have both opened up more and he talked to me about super personal stuff that he had never talked to anyone about in such depth. After that conversation I told him that I was going to give him some space to deal with stuff on his own. He was really appreciative and said multiple times "you can still text if you ever feel like it." I also made sure he knew that he could contact me at any point if he needed me (I know he's very unlikely to take me up on that offer, but I wanted him to have the comfort of knowing I am there). For a week we still talked a little bit and chatted on the phone a couple times. Just really enjoyable conversations about our days and whatnot - nothing stressful. But for the past week there has been no contact, which I expected because it was a busy week for him. Do you think I can contact him not that his busy week is over? Just to chat for fun ...

I think the reason things weren't as good for him as he had hoped partially has to do with the distance and I am hoping that this will become less of a problem again this fall when I am able to visit him much more often. I also think it majorly has to do with how lazy/boring my summer was. I went home to see my family and haven't done much while he's been busy with summer classes and work. I hope that soon when I go back to school and get back to my regular schedule that I am alot more appealing. My life isn't interesting at the moment which 1) I think is a huge turn-off for him, and 2) makes me a little depressed and less outgoing.

Do you think that if we just stay close friends and keep building emotional closeness and trust that his feelings for me could spark back up?

I am not going to push for romance or even put tha

I am not going to push for romance or even put that idea in his head. I'll let it be natural and see where it goes for him. I have hope that his feelings will spark again when I am more stimulating for him. After all, nothing bad happened and I never hurt him. - Do you think this is possible?

Anything is possible...I doubt you having a boring summer has anything to do with him wanting to end things. Distance, yes, but he may of wanted to focus more of his energy with school and work than a relationship right now. Your doing the right thing in allowing him his space, but once your life begins to pick back up, focus on you.

Yeah, I am thinking this was just a really difficult time for him which made it difficult to develop romance. And the distance made it too much to work with.

Will being close friends put me in a "friend zone." I feel like as a Capricorn he will appreciate my commitment and maybe eventually the deep friendship we have could be romantic again.

Do you think it's okay to contact him? Or will that just make me look desperate and needy. I miss him. Haha ... I told him that I wanted to give him space, but he said that he wouldn't need a long break from talking and that it was still okay to contact him if I did feel like it. But I want to make the best impression.

Seems like he has already put you in the friend zone. It's difficult when someone expresses that they need space, but then leaves an open door for you to contact them IF you felt the need too. You can contact him, but be prepared for what may come of it.

I did end up contacting him because we needed to make plans so I could buy a plane ticket to come see him.

It turns out that he has stuff going on 7 days/week for quite a few hours a day over the next couple months. He says that he feels bad because he wouldn't be able to spend as much time with me as he would like when I visit.

But it's going to be this way until like November 😢

He's suppose to call me in a couple days ... Should I suggest that I visit anyway even if he will be busy? Will that come across as "I don't care, I am willing to take on your busy schedule and adapt" or will it seem desperate?

I agree with metoo and cheeky.

I think his "being busy" is a nice way to let you down because he really didn't want you to come because he's lost interest. He probably doesn't want to come right out and say it because he doesn't want to hurt you.

Caps are realist and truthfully, in my opinion, long distance relationships rarely work out. It's possible. But, it is hard to develop chemistry with someone when you don't get to see them often. Yeah, yeah. There is texting and skype and the telephone, but it's hard to fuel those feelings of desire when they are not in your proximity. He may have realized this.

I think you're better off finding someone locally to you.

Oh, and just for future reference, even if you did nothing that day, always have good topics to discuss. Whether it be what you saw on Shark Week or the zombie apocalypse, or the political scandals you'll be informed and can carry on a conversation in a variety of topics. Keep up with current events and politics, watch the Discovery Channel, read National Geographic, brush up on his interests, etc. Be well informed and pick out something interesting that is going on to discuss. It will allow you to show someone you're intelligent and informed, which equates to interesting.

Good luck girl and stay sweet!

Posted by xxoommmxxoo
Can us cappies re-develop feelings? Oh yes 🙂 Can be years later too.

I won't say its not possible, but very unlikely. I can love an ex like a friend, but the magic of the romantic feelings will be forever gone. For me anyway, once those feelings are gone, they're gone.

I tried once too. No chemistry whatsoever. Now he's my very best male friend. We make the best, most platonic friends ever because there's no sexual chemistry, but we have history and know each other very well. 🙂

Thank you all for your responses.

I think there's alot more going on than "he's a cap and that's just how he is ..." I think there's alot of psychological problems. I'm going to talk to him soon (he's suppose to call tonight or tomorrow) and we will discuss our friendship and establish boundaries. I've already told him that it's completely okay if he's not comfortable with me visiting yet, we can wait.

I have a feeling he has Love Avoidance issues. (And yes, I AM the love addict - I will be going to therapy and making sure that everything is being done in healthy ways. I want what is best for both of us.) He lost his father 5 years ago and being emotionally close seems to just be a burden to him. Unfortunately he can't afford therapy, but I hope he's willing to face what issues he may have and learn to love (or at least enjoy a close emotional bond).

What do you guys think about cappies and dealing with emotional/personality disorders? Will he he be flattered by the fact that I am willing to discuss it with him or be annoyed? (We have kind of discussed similar things in the past and he appreciated it, but that was more in the moment.)

As a pisces, once I had sex with an ex (who I think I was never in love with, just felt a deep emotional obligation to date him after drunkenly losing my vcard to him *tears*) ... As soon as it ended I started hysterically crying. It was like all the negative feelings hit me at once. An awful thing.