Friendship first?

Actually a question for male capricorns but maybe it's the same for female capricorns. I have two Capricorn male friends. The first one was such a good friend and we did and shared so many things together that people always thought we were a couple.We were never physical. I never felt that way for him but years later ( when I was in a relationship) he told me that he had been in love with me for all that time and actually wanted a relationship. He's still one of my best friends. Now, i've met this other Cap, the very intense one and again we have that very close relationship, we act and do things as if we are a couple. We talk, share and know things from each other like a couple. My "problem " is, that this time around I am the one who is in love, but im not sure whether he feels more than "just" a close friendship. . He doesn't give clear physical signs,( he does hug,kisses on the cheek, stays over on the couch) but all the other signs are there... Maybe I should add that we "date" two months and we've known each other from work about 4 months..

i've been up since 3:30am so maybe my brain isn't functioning right, but??_ what's the question?

I don't mind building the friendship at the same time as a relationship.

Well no offense. But what was your question? I kinda missed it a bit, sorry lol

The question is , do capricorns first built the relationship without expressing physical "hints" ? With the first capricorn I really had no idea that he was in love with me! Now with the second one I actually have the same. It's because this time around I'm definitaly in love with him, but I cant read him on the physical level

Posted by YS1
The question is , do capricorns first built the relationship without expressing physical "hints" ? With the first capricorn I really had no idea that he was in love with me! Now with the second one I actually have the same. It's because this time around I'm definitaly in love with him, but I cant read him on the physical level

Guys, in general, aren't hanging out with you for the opportunity to spend all day shopping at the mall, or stimulating conversations abhout the new beau on "The Bachelor".

*HINT, HINT*

Well yeah. It's what I do. We aren't the type to really give physical hints at first but if it's developed over a longer span of time then yes. So yeah friendship first, better things later.

Well yes, the hanging out part that's exactly what I would think. The things he does, we do together and the enormous amount of time we spend together are so much signs that he is interested BUT it's if he's scared to come closer on the physical part. Very open in the friendship.part/emotional side but very reserved and SLOW physically?im not saying he should jump at me, because I myself are not like that at all, but at least a physical hint? Or do you just "ooz" ( that's what he does... A kind of loving stare straight in the eyes). He's the kind of guy who has a lot of female friends, but im confident enough to say that im his "special/steady" one and he does go stopping with me! 😄 , it's that I'm sure he's not gay, but he could easily have been one ( not how he is behaving but how he approaches me . )

Push and pull? =?

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by YS1
The question is , do capricorns first built the relationship without expressing physical "hints" ? With the first capricorn I really had no idea that he was in love with me! Now with the second one I actually have the same. It's because this time around I'm definitaly in love with him, but I cant read him on the physical level

Guys, in general, aren't hanging out with you for the opportunity to spend all day shopping at the mall, or stimulating conversations abhout the new beau on "The Bachelor".

*HINT, HINT*

click to expand

Gay ones will! 😄

He may be waiting for clearance from you before he makes a move. Sometimes it is nice to feel certain you won't be rejected before putting yourself out there. Rejection is humiliating and who wants to take that risk?

So, maybe let him know somehow he is welcome to make a move.

Posted by truecap
He may be waiting for clearance from you before he makes a move. Sometimes it is nice to feel certain you won't be rejected before putting yourself out there. Rejection is humiliating and who wants to take that risk?

So, maybe let him know somehow he is welcome to make a move.

I think they should go out, have a few too many drinks, go back to her place, and let nature take it's course.

If both of them are good and loose, and nothing comes of it ......he's gay.

He's waiting for u to make the moves first...
Try something subtle brush ur hand on his knee, touch n squeeze his arm... Just that lil bit in that direction or you could just hold hands. If the moment is right wrap ur arms around his neck n lean in for a smooch...

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by truecap
He may be waiting for clearance from you before he makes a move. Sometimes it is nice to feel certain you won't be rejected before putting yourself out there. Rejection is humiliating and who wants to take that risk?

So, maybe let him know somehow he is welcome to make a move.

I think they should go out, have a few too many drinks, go back to her place, and let nature take it's course.

If both of them are good and loose, and nothing comes of it ......he's gay.

click to expand

Yep, let those inhibitions come off.

🍹

Well, this all developed in two months:we do hug and kiss when we say goodbye.. And he stays over on my couch if it really got late, he even has a toothbrush etc in my bathroom. I must say our situation is not easy. We both have children from former marriages, we're co-workers , I'm 6 years older -not in appearance - and we know from each other that we're not into "flings", so IF something happens it would mean commitment. I think he's very serious and more down to earth as I am in that respect , but I'm getting very impatient!! He's met my children, we eat and cook together, have breakfast together,we know each others background, have deep and emotional conversations , we actually message each day if I only to say good night, meet at least once or twice a week privately, we go out, spend weekends together,have dinner with my friends ,we behave like a couple without the physical part! So, I'm confused!!! I put a lot of time, effort , love and energy in this connection and really like him and I can see him in my future as my partner but I'm afraid that he's not interested as such in me.To be honest, if he's not ! I will spend my free time and energy in a different way , he will be added to my " very close friend" list but I will ( try to.. Will be hard because I am in love with him!)search elsewhere for romance. What do you think? Is this a lost cause or should I be more patient?

Seems like the "rules" are getting in the way of emotional and sexual things developing naturally.

Just come right out and ask him if he is interested in more OR like captenn said, have a few drinks and just make a move. If it doesn't go well, blame it on the alcohol! lol!

If it makes you feel better, two months isn't too long and it's not too soon.

You could wait and try to give it another month, but in my opinion, the longer you wait, the more the chances it becomes into the friendzone because it's harder to take that step since everyone is afraid of messing up a friendship.

And it could be taking longer because you are coworkers and he might want to make sure it's going to stick before he enters into a relationship. You know, make sure it is real and things won't get messy. That would mean he would take more time analyzing and making sure before entering into an intimate arrangement.

Posted by truecap
And it could be taking longer because you are coworkers and he might want to make sure it's going to stick before he enters into a relationship. You know, make sure it is real and things won't get messy. That would mean he would take more time analyzing and making sure before entering into an intimate arrangement.

I didn't really consider this before (really didn't pay much attention to the details ... I'm a guy *shrugs*), but this is a great point.

Co-workers. That is ground to tread very carefully on. In general it is a non-no, but I'm not totally against it. I've seen it work, but I've also seen disasters.

You may be right, tc. He could be measuring his steps very carefully (like any Cap would).

I know and understand, I'm treading carefully too but it would be nice to get some hints that he would be interested.. And I'm too shy to make the first move before I'm really sure he wants the same! He's doing those sweet little things.. Today I found a " smiley banana " on my desk. In the friendship he's not that careful though, even rather pushy..the funny thing here is that I'm sun:leo, moon: capricorn and he's sun: capricorn, moon : saggitarius.... I'm afraid we're doomed to take turns in being cautious

Posted by YS1
I know and understand, I'm treading carefully too but it would be nice to get some hints that he would be interested.. And I'm too shy to make the first move before I'm really sure he wants the same! He's doing those sweet little things.. Today I found a " smiley banana " on my desk. In the friendship he's not that careful though, even rather pushy..the funny thing here is that I'm sun:leo, moon: capricorn and he's sun: capricorn, moon : saggitarius.... I'm afraid we're doomed to take turns in being cautious

I'd take the "smiley banana" as a hint. 😉

A dirty mind is a joy forever 🙂 ?

Well, after a long deep thought ,I actually decided that I'm not going to put more energy in this. Cautious capricorn or not but I don't think , IF he's interested in another way than just friends, he is not doing a good job. I don't want a man who isn't brave enough to show his love to me and leaves it up to me to keep the possibility open. You can't expect that it just comes your way and expect some one else to be courageous, so that it won't be you who might be rejected. That's not a sign of strong character....

No, not at all..he told me that he loved me. It's the physical hints I'm missing

But that is the whole point.. Why should I be the one? That whole "being cautious, tred carefully" thing , I do understand, I'm doing the same but at least I'm hinting, giving signs ( which he appreciates!I can read that ) trying to be clear that it's ok to give hints/signals back. Then at least we would know from each other and THEN we can talk about it ( or act upon it) . I have the feeling that it's one way traffic when it concerns the physical part. Or is not stepping back so that I have to lean in to his body (to get something)a hug, a kiss on the cheek a signal? Not to me, many friends do that...Sigh .. I know, he's sweet, he cares about me, he's doing things for me, we have a great time together but I don't want to put "relationship effort" in something which will turn out to be " good, close friends" .

Posted by YS1
But that is the whole point.. Why should I be the one? That whole "being cautious, tred carefully" thing , I do understand, I'm doing the same but at least I'm hinting, giving signs ( which he appreciates!I can read that ) trying to be clear that it's ok to give hints/signals back. Then at least we would know from each other and THEN we can talk about it ( or act upon it) . I have the feeling that it's one way traffic when it concerns the physical part. Or is not stepping back so that I have to lean in to his body (to get something)a hug, a kiss on the cheek a signal? Not to me, many friends do that...Sigh .. I know, he's sweet, he cares about me, he's doing things for me, we have a great time together but I don't want to put "relationship effort" in something which will turn out to be " good, close friends" .

Understanding Men 101

* We don't take hints, we have no idea what you are thinking.

* We don't read signs. When doing so, it's easy to read wrong, and jump to the wrong conclusion. (We wish women didn't do this quite so much 😉)

* I think men are becoming more cautious in the physical (sexual) aggressiveness with women. These are the days of lots of false accusations of sexual misconduct. Workplace harassment, date rape, sexual assault, and the "men are pervs" innuendo that is very pervasive in our culture -- rightly or wrongly.

* Why should you be the one? I say, Why not you? Welcome to feminist empowerment, and equality. The Feminist movement wanted to buck traditional gender roles --- a resounding success. You may not like it, but it is what it is. So again, Why not you?

🙂. That is such a capricorn comment... HE could have said that!!!.......SO locigal, down to earth ..and...true ( cant believe I said that..) ..I'm all about equality but too shy /insecure in this respect. Maybe he doesn't read signs/hints but I would! And I can't detect any, if there were any I could at least prepare to get the courage to be brave!!

Posted by YS1
🙂. That is such a capricorn comment... HE could have said that!!!.......SO locigal, down to earth ..and...true ( cant believe I said that..) ..I'm all about equality but too shy /insecure in this respect. Maybe he doesn't read signs/hints but I would! And I can't detect any, if there were any I could at least prepare to get the courage to be brave!!

Hey, thanks! Sometimes my comments can come off as misogynistic.

Glad you understood.

Now, that getting courage thing..........

Time to hit the bar and have those drinks.....they don't call it liquid courage for nothing.

? Don't read anything misogynistic in your comment ...However, we do have a problem here , I rarely drink alcohol so there goes my courage BUT...HE does drink, so he can have loads of liquid courage, which puts the responsibility for initiative back to him 😄
But honestly , when would a male capricorn feel safe enough to take the initiative?

Posted by YS1
? Don't read anything misogynistic in your comment ...However, we do have a problem here , I rarely drink alcohol so there goes my courage BUT...HE does drink, so he can have loads of liquid courage, which puts the responsibility for initiative back to him 😄
But honestly , when would a male capricorn feel safe enough to take the initiative?

— Your man is long overdue......

If I like someone, it doesn't take long for me. 5 minutes or so ...... :p

Ok, that's it then..he's not in to me . The 5 min. Could apply to the way he initiated the friendship, .he came on VERY strong , fast and pursuing , we're now at the point that we really feel comfortable , we come at each others houses,know (almost) everything about each other from family, exes, children and other background. We have daily contact, sometimes just to tell /ask how the day was. We go out and visit friends as a "couple" , I would think that's a solid basics for maybe a true kiss? Sigh.. I'm in the friend zone... Pity....
And almost insulting!! I'm good looking!!😉

Posted by YS1
Ok, that's it then..he's not in to me . The 5 min. Could apply to the way he initiated the friendship, .he came on VERY strong , fast and pursuing , we're now at the point that we really feel comfortable , we come at each others houses,know (almost) everything about each other from family, exes, children and other background. We have daily contact, sometimes just to tell /ask how the day was. We go out and visit friends as a "couple" , I would think that's a solid basics for maybe a true kiss? Sigh.. I'm in the friend zone... Pity....
And almost insulting!! I'm good looking!!😉

Wait, he must care for you very much to keep you around and share so much...

Posted by YS1
Ok, that's it then..he's not in to me . The 5 min. Could apply to the way he initiated the friendship, .he came on VERY strong , fast and pursuing , we're now at the point that we really feel comfortable , we come at each others houses,know (almost) everything about each other from family, exes, children and other background. We have daily contact, sometimes just to tell /ask how the day was. We go out and visit friends as a "couple" , I would think that's a solid basics for maybe a true kiss? Sigh.. I'm in the friend zone... Pity....
And almost insulting!! I'm good looking!!😉

If he is not into you though, why is he doing EVERYTHING with you? That's what doesn't make sense.

If I'm not sexually attracted to a woman, I'm not participating in all those activities, nor investing that much time in her.

Do guys friend zone girls? I thought that was exclusively a female tactic? Anyway, I don't think he's doing that.

Is he gay? Serious question. That's all I have left.

He does care! I'm sure about that. He even cares about my garden which I according to him neglect! So it's weird! He's not gay either, he's a "womanizer" , you know the sort that likes to compliment women, tease them a bit, make them blush ( with me present, but will NEVER make me feel bad , jealous or embarrassed about it) and the women appreciate him. He has three children ( which of course isn't proof for not being gay..) and "manly" . A gentleman and polite but not boring.
Soooo— I'm right in being confused aren't I?

No physical at all??

Oh wait... I'm stupid.. Forgot one very important thing.. We're both recently divorced. He in May 2013 and I September 2013. It's his second divorce, both ugly divorces ( he left his first wife for his second, with whom he fell in love at first sight. The latter appeared not to be who he thought she was - " sugar coated evil"- he's still traumatized 🙂 We both have children . I know that he wants to be in a relationship to "built " again and he even said that he's cautious because he wants that to be his last relationship.( he told me that before we actually became friends). Could it be that he is giving ME the space to figure out what I want? My ex and I broke up because I felt suffocated in the relationship and he knows that . So, give me time and in the meantime built the relationship without giving it the status of a relationship? Can some one be so patient , determined and ....sweet?

No physical, well hugs, kisses on the cheek, stroke arm, sit close next to each other.

Do guys not friend zone?? Didn't know that!

Posted by YS1
Oh wait... I'm stupid.. Forgot one very important thing.. We're both recently divorced. He in May 2013 and I September 2013. It's his second divorce, both ugly divorces ( he left his first wife for his second, with whom he fell in love at first sight. The latter appeared not to be who he thought she was - " sugar coated evil"- he's still traumatized 🙂 We both have children . I know that he wants to be in a relationship to "built " again and he even said that he's cautious because he wants that to be his last relationship.( he told me that before we actually became friends). Could it be that he is giving ME the space to figure out what I want? My ex and I broke up because I felt suffocated in the relationship and he knows that . So, give me time and in the meantime built the relationship without giving it the status of a relationship? Can some one be so patient , determined and ....sweet?

That is important.

Did you guys meet when you both were married?

I think he wants it to be just right.

Posted by YS1
No physical, well hugs, kisses on the cheek, stroke arm, sit close next to each other.

Do guys not friend zone?? Didn't know that!

Probably wants to make sure you are over your ex...


Guys don't friend zone IMO.

Actually that's what my question was. I don't want to sound pretentious but I was always "liked" by men. Since I'm divorced, I'm all of a sudden "wanted" and pursued by men ( and I'm not even a member of a dating site) who I'm not interested in and who I don't allow to get close to me. They are way more "direct" and I know what they want. This man I AM interested in but he doesn't give the physical signs...and I don't know what he wants.. And then they say women are complicated! ( not meant misogenystic🙂

No we met at work. I was just divorced then and he was a new colleague from abroad, starting a new life and a new job. We met, we talked and there was a immediate "bang" which we both ignored for months.

OK, I don't if I missed it earlier on the thread but have you ASKED why there isn't more physical? Sounds like you are close enough to ask.

He might be wondering why you haven't brought this up.

Him crossing the co worker line ( if there 's a line) was end April. I told him I was going to buy a lap top for my daughter and do groceries the next day, just a casual remark. The next morning he send me a message , offering help with choosing the laptop and if I had time for a drink/coffee afterwards. From there on everything went fast..to last weekend staying over on my couch and this weekend staying over again because we're going somewhere very early the next morning...but no physical signs...

Ok ..I'm a coward.. I wouldn't DARE to ask!! He could ask me though.. And I would answer

What happened with this situation? I'm in a similar situation too with a capricorn man. We met 4 months ago online and he still continues to text me every day since we started talking. He even does things a boyfriend would do he's very caring and thoughtful. He knows i came out of a 13 year marriage and is very conscious of this. We have slept together (numerous times) but since our talk saying he doesn't have romantic feelings for me he doesn't kiss me on the lips anymore. For Christmas he even gave me nice earrings. Something I'd expect you'd give your wife or girlfriend. What gives? Is he gay?

What happened with this situation? I'm in a similar situation too with a capricorn man. We met 4 months ago online and he still continues to text me every day since we started talking. He even does things a boyfriend would do he's very caring and thoughtful. He knows i came out of a 13 year marriage and is very conscious of this. We have slept together (numerous times) but since our talk saying he doesn't have romantic feelings for me he doesn't kiss me on the lips anymore. For Christmas he even gave me nice earrings. Something I'd expect you'd give your wife or girlfriend. What gives? Is he gay?

you might need to provide the details of that "talk" - as far as what happened with the situation of this post it's 6 years old and you see what we see so ?

Pawn the earrings and go to Jamaica

He already stated what he wants.

Seems weird. Usually they’d cut you off if no romantic feelings anymore. He obviously cares about you. Is he cold? Like he’s just shut off a part of himself to you?