I'm beside myself...

I pride myself on maintaining myself emotionally... sure, life dishes out shit but I tend to react very stoic, strong and ain't gonna take no crap for the most part. Not so much today. My Cappy daughter visited last night. She's going on 23, has a boyfriend who has been divorced and has 2 kids. My daughter is a manager at McDonald's making virtually nothing and her boyfriend delivers pizzas. She's a hard worker and wants to excel in the company (I have my reservations - it is McDonald's after all), her boyfriend is a come what may Aries, thinks he's all that but at 27 has never done anything but deliver frickin pizzas!

PROBLEM: She told me last night she's pregnant.

I'm not mad, I'm just concerned given her age and place in life. Sure, I was able to get ahead and do well for myself as a young single mom. But, I know the statistics, and that is very discerning. I am so proud of her, she has grown into a beautiful, strong woman. Now I feel like that this will hinder any possibility of future successes. And all they can think of is what a beautiful baby he/she will be...

It might hold her back for a while, but she is a Cap, afterall, and will get where she needs to be eventually.

Not sure where you live, but here, a job is a job! So many people are having problems finding work, so at least they're both working! 🙂

Well, it happens. The best you can do for her is to support her emotionally and any other way you can while she navigates motherhood so that she doesn't stray too far from her goals. She has you as a role model so that's a plus in her favor already. Good luck "grandma" lol.

She'll be just fine. If anything it may push her to be more successful since she'll be responsible for someone else. Its probably going to take time to get past it, especially if you feel you want more for your daughter, but everything will work out.

I'm unclear why you would have such a low opinion of a 23 year old having reached a Managers position.

To say: "making virtually nothing" ... when the average salary for this position is around 35k is pretty unreasonable, considering there are people out there who have nothing.

I wonder if she realizes how little faith you have in her, and that by you saying something like that is equivelant to you saying you believe she has been UNsuccessful, and lacks the proper achievement for a 23 year old.

Lildol...I'm sure all will be great. It may not be ideal in your mind, but your daughter being a cappy, she will figure it out, without a doubt!

While you can be concerned for your daughter, she is of the age that you cannot control any possible outcome. Nor is she technically 'single'. You raised her to be her own person, yes? You instilled morals, characteristics, life lessons, etc. and steered the course. There comes a time you have to let go. Trust her to be the adult you raised her to be. Not love any less, or worry any less. Let go.
Whether he delivers pizzas or is a CEO, he is still the father of your grandchild. You will have to deal with this young man in your family. Accept. The child is imminent some months hence, the reality is now. Be happy. A new life in the family is a time for joy. If children were a hindrance to success, there wouldn't be any successful mums.
That she came to you and told you I don't see as a problem, I see it as a young woman coming to her mother openly. Job well done Ma.

This is wonderful news, she'll be a great mom, be happy for her.

Does the worrying ever stop? Let her live the life she is meant to live, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Being there for her is the only constant thing she has and will always have. 🙂

Thank you all for your positive words! I know she'll do fine, but as a parent one can't help but worry, we always want the best for our children - better than we had it - and we don't want to see them struggle. Of course, our experiences shape us, so I'm trying to focus on the fact that this will make her stronger and wiser (and me, older and grayer). She knows I have her best interest at heart and told me not to worry, she CAN do this and everything will be fine. I texted her last night apologizing if I came across too brash with my concerns - her response, "I know, I know, you're just my mommy". Yes, she still calls me mommy... she may be 23 and, indeed, has every right to make her own decisions, but it doesn't change the fact that she is, and always will be, my baby!

Now, as for the boyfriend, I had a few words with him too! He best sleep with one eye open... 😉

Aww, that's good that she was understanding! Glad that you feel better about it.

Posted by lildol


Now, as for the boyfriend, I had a few words with him too! He best sleep with one eye open... 😉

i love reading stories like these: the happy ones.

All your worries will slowly fade away when you get your grandchild! (of course replaced with diff. worries but they're the good kind: is she/he getting enough to eat, to sleep, hugs, kisses, warm bed, are the windows closed so no breeze gets him/her at night, is she/he too hot in the room, are their sheets soft and clean enough?)
You sound like my mother: "he/s better be taking good care of my daughter(s) or...else!!" of course, it's a 2 way street. 🙂

Good news, I guess... my daughter got a raise, she's at $ 9.50/hr now.... AFTER 8 fucking years!!!

All is not lost, I raised my children (2) on essentially the same wage, so I really shouldn't be stressed... but, like I've said before, we want better for our children. Like me, as a Cap, she is so not going to ask me for help; she'll pave her own way...

i hear what you are saying lildol. id be worried about their futures as well and their ability to live their dreams. i feel like kids become the mini-mes. parents subconsciously self-project and hope the lessons they learned will prove useful in their kids. "if i could do it all over again, knowing what i know now"

she's a cap and still very young. she has yet to pass through many stages of personal advancement... for herself, for her family, and as a mother. she will be able to do it. you'll be a great guide for her as you already are 🙂 seems the only thing that's changing here is everyone is growing up faster with a growing family.

Posted by lildol
Good news, I guess... my daughter got a raise, she's at $ 9.50/hr now.... AFTER 8 fucking years!!!

All is not lost, I raised my children (2) on essentially the same wage, so I really shouldn't be stressed... but, like I've said before, we want better for our children. Like me, as a Cap, she is so not going to ask me for help; she'll pave her own way...

Lildol, good thing is that managerial skills are transferable and are a good experience, so nothing is lost.

lildol, your daughter's already a success, coming out of a successful setting; she assumes her life at such a young age which is the way to maintain that status, it's a blessing. I see where you're coming from when stating that you need better for her but you can only refer to a created image of an ideal life when stating that, and it remains another person's ideal, not hers; her life is the reality that she needs to deal with in positivity to get the best out of it and she seem to be doing that. Your protective, nurturing side is coming out but you can't protect her from all of her obstacles; they hold valuable experiences that will get her closer to the woman she needs to become. Success is really a destination inside herself.