SaggyGirl85
@SaggyGirl85
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 75 · Topics: 8
Really do need advice from Caps! Please!
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Actions speak louder than words. My question is. Do you have a reason not to trust him? I'm sure there is a backstory to your situation.
Unless he's done something to incite mistrust then I see no reason not to trust him. But again, actions speak louder than words.
If you're moving in with him is your name going to be on the deed? Has he proposed? And most importantly what do you want? Do you want to be engaged/married first before cohabitating with a man? Of course you don't have to answer these questions on DXP but you may want to take a bit of time to clear your head and get firmly grounded on what you want, how you want it etc etc.
I would suggest not getting to swept up until you know for sure what you're getting yourself into. Don't chunk your own boundaries away at the IDEA of happily ever after.
Unless I'm missing something here, he seems invested if he's buying a house to share with you and proposing marriage.
Unless he's done something to incite mistrust then I see no reason not to trust him. But again, actions speak louder than words.
If you're moving in with him is your name going to be on the deed? Has he proposed? And most importantly what do you want? Do you want to be engaged/married first before cohabitating with a man? Of course you don't have to answer these questions on DXP but you may want to take a bit of time to clear your head and get firmly grounded on what you want, how you want it etc etc.
I would suggest not getting to swept up until you know for sure what you're getting yourself into. Don't chunk your own boundaries away at the IDEA of happily ever after.
Unless I'm missing something here, he seems invested if he's buying a house to share with you and proposing marriage.
Tiki: I truly appreciate your response and help with this! Thank you. I am right there with you, with the actions speak louder than words. One thing he did that completely shocked me, was him having the idea of us playing hooky from work, about two weeks ago, and spending the day together. (This is a man who by the age of 30, had a bachelors degree and two masters degrees) and has never ever taken a day off work since I've known him... We talked about the future, he gave me a ring budget and wanted me to show him the type of ring I wanted... Now, I've never known him to be someone who doesn't follow through on his words, but.... It's tough. I don't want to feel like I'm putting all my eggs in one basket here either. So me being me, I asked him, a few days ago if all we talked about is what he truly wanted, and he said yes, and his mind is still there and that he sees that is what will be coming together.
Sigh, I guess I need to relax some?! Lol
Sigh, I guess I need to relax some?! Lol
Oh and Tiki, he hasn't proposed yet, his words were, "within six months of you moving in, I plan to propose".... His current home is going to be put on the market this coming week, once it's sold, he'll purchase the new one, then according to what he wants (I honestly have no issue with moving in as well before marriage) however, one thing I do want, is to change that timeline from within six months, to more like, within two months! We've known each other for ten years!! I don't see why he'd need somewhere within six months to actually make that commitment!
I will agree with Tiki. Give yourself sometime . Just to understand what you a really want. And trusting him again is totally your choice then . The only thing matters is your choice. But for now what he is doing it seems like his feelings are genuine . But obviously who knows what his intentions are . Give your self some time . I hope you can make a better decision by your self
Carolz: thank you so much for your feedback as well! I definitely agree with you and Tiki that I need to just keep giving this situation more thought. Although I have given it a ton already. We went ring shopping about four years ago, and it was mainly his idea lol. So I do think me second guessing him and his intentions may not be the best idea, bc he hasn't given me much reason to think otherwise. He's very true to a Cap man, as my father is one as well... He's a workaholic and in his words, has said he wants to be in a place to provide for his wife and future family. He's a lot like me, which I think is why we've been in each other's life as long as we have. 🙂 whew I'll just woosaw with a glass or three of wine, add a like rum, and relax. 😉
Thank you both got such great feedback!
Thank you both got such great feedback!
Another question if I may ask upon you Caps again?!.... Have any of you had situations similar to mine, where you had someone you loved, and "made/asked" them to wait for you, for some extended period of time?? If so, what were the reasons, and what was the outcome and the other persons response?
Thanks again! 🙂
Thanks again! 🙂
Posted by SaggyGirl85Personally, I wouldn't move in until he proposes.
I know my last post was quite long winded... My apologies for that. I'm just very detail oriented. Lol
But I honestly do need sound advice from Caps! Men and women both would be extremely helpful! The short version of my long story, is that I've know this Cap man for ten years, dated for 8 on and off. He's now back in my life as of April this year, and has been talking marriage, kids the whole thing. Says after I move into his new home which he will be buying soon, within six months of us living together, he plans to propose. My question is, should I trust this man? Or is he telling me what I want to hear? He's turning 32, on December 27, me turning 30 on December 20th. Please do provide any and all advice or insight you can on this?! I wouldn't be back asking if it weren't important! 🙂 thank you all for your time in advance!
Just my personal preference. Not a fan of living together.
Plus, that gives you time to see if he's blowing smoke or meaning what he says.
Posted by SaggyGirl85Is he going to let you help choose the new house? Do you have input as to the looks, design, layout of the house that is choosen? Or is he choosing it and you're just going to move in?
Oh and Tiki, he hasn't proposed yet, his words were, "within six months of you moving in, I plan to propose".... His current home is going to be put on the market this coming week, once it's sold, he'll purchase the new one, then according to what he wants (I honestly have no issue with moving in as well before marriage) however, one thing I do want, is to change that timeline from within six months, to more like, within two months! We've known each other for ten years!! I don't see why he'd need somewhere within six months to actually make that commitment!
I'd think if he were serious about getting married, he'd want you to have a say as well.
Posted by SaggyGirl85Ehh...that's not a big deal. Caps like to take things in stages. Get their ducks in a row, so to speak. One thing at a time. Everything for me is method logical. My Sag friends don't understand it all, but there is a method to the way we do things.
, one thing I do want, is to change that timeline from within six months, to more like, within two months! We've known each other for ten years!! I don't see why he'd need somewhere within six months to actually make that commitment!
Sell,
Buy,
Move in,
Get engaged,
Get married.
There's a lot to do, a lot going on. Need time to focus on one thing at a time.
Selling and buying a house are very time consuming.
Thank you TrueCap for your feedback! It's very appreciated and makes a ton of sense too! I definitely was not on board for the moving in before marriage thing either... But I've given it some thought, and I feel like it may be ok, bc I want to be sure that we could live together without driving each other mad! Lol I don't necessarily think we would, but I suppose it could have it's positives and negatives.
He did tell me the general wants for the new home, and asked for my feedback, also he knows that I will be getting my real estate license this year, and did want me to help in looking for the new home.... So in that sense, yes, he did want me to help. 🙂 I totally understand the methodical thinking and analysis that goes into each big decision too... Trust me, I've learned that one over the last decade! LOL 😉 once I understood him better, I understood that better too. And honestly, it doesn't bother me so much either, bc I get why it is that way. Things take time. Especially things that have the possibility to impact your life in a large way.
He did tell me the general wants for the new home, and asked for my feedback, also he knows that I will be getting my real estate license this year, and did want me to help in looking for the new home.... So in that sense, yes, he did want me to help. 🙂 I totally understand the methodical thinking and analysis that goes into each big decision too... Trust me, I've learned that one over the last decade! LOL 😉 once I understood him better, I understood that better too. And honestly, it doesn't bother me so much either, bc I get why it is that way. Things take time. Especially things that have the possibility to impact your life in a large way.
Ooh and I do get that the selling and buying of a home is a huge deal! A ton goes into both of those, and the last thing I want to do, is add any additional stress to that process he's dealing with either...
Honestly, when we had a long conversation about the future stuff, he was the one who mentioned the "within six months of me moving into the new house with him"... That he would then plan to propose to me. I haven't pressured or planted any seeds in his mind about that, as I know how large of a step getting engaged and married is! And I'm someone who personal doesn't plan on getting divorced, bc I watched my parents go through an awful one as a child.... I guess for me, maybe as a Sag, it's hard. I just know already! I've known for years he was the one... And he says he has too! I'm just working on continuing to be the same incredibly patient, supportive woman, I have been for him, all these long ten years... Ha!
TrueCap, you are very insightful! Many thanks!
Honestly, when we had a long conversation about the future stuff, he was the one who mentioned the "within six months of me moving into the new house with him"... That he would then plan to propose to me. I haven't pressured or planted any seeds in his mind about that, as I know how large of a step getting engaged and married is! And I'm someone who personal doesn't plan on getting divorced, bc I watched my parents go through an awful one as a child.... I guess for me, maybe as a Sag, it's hard. I just know already! I've known for years he was the one... And he says he has too! I'm just working on continuing to be the same incredibly patient, supportive woman, I have been for him, all these long ten years... Ha!
TrueCap, you are very insightful! Many thanks!
Posted by SaggyGirl85For me to live together, there'd have to be an engagement first. Then, I think I'd be comfortable with living together. Then, you could find out how well you could live together. No ring, no movie innie.
Thank you TrueCap for your feedback! It's very appreciated and makes a ton of sense too! I definitely was not on board for the moving in before marriage thing either... But I've given it some thought, and I feel like it may be ok, bc I want to be sure that we could live together without driving each other mad! Lol I don't necessarily think we would, but I suppose it could have it's positives and negatives.
.
That's just me, though.
You've known this man for ten years. The fact that you ask us if you should trust him with important issues like that is what's worrying me. Something tells you that you can't trust him - what is that?
She's known him for ten years, but they haven't been dating that long.
It's awfully early to be demanding an enagement in a shorter time frame from what he's planning. Seems to me like he has a level head and is taking things one step at a time, whereas you are pushing for more sooner.
Just date and get to know him. It takes 1-4 years to know if you're ready to marry someone.
Posted by SaggyGirl85See, my opinion, regardless how long you've known him, you've really only been dating since April.
. Over the course of those years, we've probably dated on and off for 7-8 years. Anyway, when we ended things the last time, which was a few years back, ........... and we started talking again in April.
It's awfully early to be demanding an enagement in a shorter time frame from what he's planning. Seems to me like he has a level head and is taking things one step at a time, whereas you are pushing for more sooner.
Just date and get to know him. It takes 1-4 years to know if you're ready to marry someone.
TrueCap, just want to clarify... We've probably dated a solid 4-5 years total when you add up the course of 7 to 8 on and off.. So we're at the point of really knowing each other... I should also mention it was NOT my idea to get engaged or anything of that sort, in regards to who actually put that on the table... That would be all on my Cap. He is the one who actually brought it up originally, and it is his idea for the moving me in, and getting engaged within six months... None of those things, did I put the idea of in his head, nor have I ever pressured him into... That's the reason I'm here asking... It's not a matter of distrust, I think to: Happy, it's more of just getting a better understanding on the thought process of a man who happens to be a Cappy, who puts all this on the table, and his level of sincerity and being genuine. If that all makes sense... I'm more so trying to understand for myself and my thinking process, if it's a typical thing for a Cappy to say, if they don't truly mean it.... I apologize for any confusion everyone, I know it's a long and slightly complicated story that I'm bringing up. I appreciate everyone and all of your advice and feedback! Trust me, I'm taking it all in, and it's helping with my thought process!! 🙂
And also, I have not on any occasion demanded or pushed him into a single thing or into doing anything. He is someone I know for a fact, does things when he is ready to... My only reason for mentioning previously that I wanted to tell him he should propose within sixty days, of me moving in, only referred to if I were living with him. Not if we were living separately.... And that's bc I don't want him to get too comfortable with me being there... And taking advantage of all those benefits without thinking that he needs to follow through on his word of engagement.
I really hope this and my last post, clarifies things a bit! 🙂
Thanks again all who are responding!! I can't thank you enough!
I really hope this and my last post, clarifies things a bit! 🙂
Thanks again all who are responding!! I can't thank you enough!
Posted by SaggyGirl85But he told you after yall move into the new house, in about six months yall would get engaged. You said you were going to push it to two months instead of six. To me, that's demanding.
TrueCap, just want to clarify... We've probably dated a solid 4-5 years total when you add up the course of 7 to 8 on and off.. So we're at the point of really knowing each other... I should also mention it was NOT my idea to get engaged or anything of that sort, in regards to who actually put that on the table... That would be all on my Cap. He is the one who actually brought it up originally, and it is his idea for the moving me in, and getting engaged within six months... None of those things, did I put the idea of in his head, nor have I ever pressured him into... That's the reason I'm here asking... It's not a matter of distrust, I think to: Happy, it's more of just getting a better understanding on the thought process of a man who happens to be a Cappy, who puts all this on the table, and his level of sincerity and being genuine. If that all makes sense... I'm more so trying to understand for myself and my thinking process, if it's a typical thing for a Cappy to say, if they don't truly mean it.... I apologize for any confusion everyone, I know it's a long and slightly complicated story that I'm bringing up. I appreciate everyone and all of your advice and feedback! Trust me, I'm taking it all in, and it's helping with my thought process!! 🙂
Caps are planners, methodological, and slow. If you can't go one step at a time on his schedule, you're going to have one hard time being married to him. Better stew on that a while.
Posted by SaggyGirl85This is why I suggested not moving in with him until there is a formal engagement.
... My only reason for mentioning previously that I wanted to tell him he should propose within sixty days, of me moving in, only referred to if I were living with him. Not if we were living separately.... And that's bc I don't want him to get too comfortable with me being there... And taking advantage of all those benefits without thinking that he needs to follow through on his word of engagement.
Trust me, I've already dealt with this person long enough to know his long thought out process of doing things, my father is also a Cap, so I get that. That's not the problem... Considering I've waited this long, I know how to handle the long time frame of certain things, with ease. However, my only reason for posting here, was to get advice based on his level of sincerity and that alone. I do not think I am being nor have I ever been demanding. I haven't even mentioned this to him yet, it's simply a thought I've had, that has been playing around in my head.
And going one step at a time on his schedule... That's what I've done this entire time. Literally this whole time. It's not been on my time, not ever. Which bc he means that much to me, I haven't had an issue with. I still don't know if I will or won't move in with him yet... That'll take time and a lot of thinking on my end to figure out. It'll also take us communicating with one another about how things will be, and what it is exactly we're doing. He has not lived with anyone outside of male roommates in his younger years, while I have. And successfully I add. So time will tell.... Again thanks TrueCap for your feedback.
And going one step at a time on his schedule... That's what I've done this entire time. Literally this whole time. It's not been on my time, not ever. Which bc he means that much to me, I haven't had an issue with. I still don't know if I will or won't move in with him yet... That'll take time and a lot of thinking on my end to figure out. It'll also take us communicating with one another about how things will be, and what it is exactly we're doing. He has not lived with anyone outside of male roommates in his younger years, while I have. And successfully I add. So time will tell.... Again thanks TrueCap for your feedback.
No, I completely I agree with you all on the "rushing", but I've never done that. The only thing I have thought of, was the timeframe of the engagement. It is not something I said to him, or that I was even sure I would. Was just a thought in my mind. 🙂
I appreciate you all! Very needed things for me to hear(read) lol.
He, in the situation, is the man with the plan, and I'm just going along with his master Cappy plan! I know how plans get laid out, and thought over to very single detail, so I will continue to be patient and when we do live together, I will just enjoy the ride!! It'll be a good experience , in nothing else. And I'm looking forward to our future together.
Thanks again!
I appreciate you all! Very needed things for me to hear(read) lol.
He, in the situation, is the man with the plan, and I'm just going along with his master Cappy plan! I know how plans get laid out, and thought over to very single detail, so I will continue to be patient and when we do live together, I will just enjoy the ride!! It'll be a good experience , in nothing else. And I'm looking forward to our future together.
Thanks again!
Posted by truecap
She's known him for ten years, but they haven't been dating that long. blockquote>
"I've know this Cap man for ten years, dated for 8 on and off."
Sounds like a long time to me. Known each other for ten years, dated on and off for eight years...Yup, that's a lot to me.
Personally, I would never ever get engaged with a man I hadn't lived with for a while. And don't forget that it goes both ways - you BOTH need to figure out if it's gonna work before even discussing marriage...in my world. Seems we are from very different cultures here, so I'll shut up and wish you the best of luck whichever road you decide to walk. 🙂
Happy: I actually was giving it a lot of thought, Bc I don't know if I'd want to run the risk of us getting engaged/married and then finding out that we cannot live under the same roof. I used to look at moving in pre-engagement as kind of a trial period, to make sure we wouldn't drive each other insane type of thing lol.
So it's definitely something I'm still thinking strongly about. As far as things stand right now... Current home will be put on the market quite soon (within a week or so) and then he's purchasing a home closer to where I currently live... And I would potentially be moving in, after that. So I'd ideally say, I'm looking at anywhere from 1-1.5 maybe 2 months at the most for this all to transpire. 🙂
Either way, I'm excited to start this journey with my Cappy. I already know for a fact, he's the man I've wanted to marry, since probably a little more than 4 years ago... It'll be nice to see things fall into place. Thank you for your advice!!! Def helped!
So it's definitely something I'm still thinking strongly about. As far as things stand right now... Current home will be put on the market quite soon (within a week or so) and then he's purchasing a home closer to where I currently live... And I would potentially be moving in, after that. So I'd ideally say, I'm looking at anywhere from 1-1.5 maybe 2 months at the most for this all to transpire. 🙂
Either way, I'm excited to start this journey with my Cappy. I already know for a fact, he's the man I've wanted to marry, since probably a little more than 4 years ago... It'll be nice to see things fall into place. Thank you for your advice!!! Def helped!
Posted by SaggyGirl85Awsome! Best of luck to the both of you! 🙂
Happy: I actually was giving it a lot of thought, Bc I don't know if I'd want to run the risk of us getting engaged/married and then finding out that we cannot live under the same roof. I used to look at moving in pre-engagement as kind of a trial period, to make sure we wouldn't drive each other insane type of thing lol.
So it's definitely something I'm still thinking strongly about. As far as things stand right now... Current home will be put on the market quite soon (within a week or so) and then he's purchasing a home closer to where I currently live... And I would potentially be moving in, after that. So I'd ideally say, I'm looking at anywhere from 1-1.5 maybe 2 months at the most for this all to transpire. 🙂
Either way, I'm excited to start this journey with my Cappy. I already know for a fact, he's the man I've wanted to marry, since probably a little more than 4 years ago... It'll be nice to see things fall into place. Thank you for your advice!!! Def helped!
Living together before marriage is NOT an indicator of how you will live together as a married couple.
From Dr. Phil:
??Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. " The Boston Herald
From The Huffington Post
Although 48 percent of women now move in with their mate as a first step before getting married only 40 percent of cohabitating couples actually tie the knot. So, if you want to get the keys before the ring, here are the six crucial questions to ask before moving in to avoid becoming a shacking up statistic.
http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics_and_Living_Together
According to statistics gathered by US Attorney Legal Services, living together before getting married doesn't accomplish the goal that couples think that it will. A couple who does not live together prior to getting married has a 20 percent chance of being divorced within five years. If the couple has lived together beforehand, that number jumps to 49 percent.
From: https://baptistcourier.com/2014/02/living-together-marriage-statistical-risk/
Between 50 and 60 percent of all marriages begin with the two partners cohabiting, and many of those couples no doubt believe they are making a wise move up front. But living together before marriage actually increases the chances of divorce in a first marriage — 67 percent of cohabiting couples who marry eventually divorce, compared to 45 percent of all first marriages.
From Dr. Phil:
??Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. " The Boston Herald
From The Huffington Post
Although 48 percent of women now move in with their mate as a first step before getting married only 40 percent of cohabitating couples actually tie the knot. So, if you want to get the keys before the ring, here are the six crucial questions to ask before moving in to avoid becoming a shacking up statistic.
http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics_and_Living_Together
According to statistics gathered by US Attorney Legal Services, living together before getting married doesn't accomplish the goal that couples think that it will. A couple who does not live together prior to getting married has a 20 percent chance of being divorced within five years. If the couple has lived together beforehand, that number jumps to 49 percent.
From: https://baptistcourier.com/2014/02/living-together-marriage-statistical-risk/
Between 50 and 60 percent of all marriages begin with the two partners cohabiting, and many of those couples no doubt believe they are making a wise move up front. But living together before marriage actually increases the chances of divorce in a first marriage — 67 percent of cohabiting couples who marry eventually divorce, compared to 45 percent of all first marriages.
Posted by truecap...and the people reasoning like this are also the people who are least likely to end up in a divorce no matter how the marriage is turning out. Same people. So the statistics are probably correct, but the reasoning behind it...nah, not so much, imo. Also, observe the last scorce there - it is indeed often tied to religion.
Living together before marriage is NOT an indicator of how you will live together as a married couple.
From Dr. Phil:
??Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. " The Boston Herald
From The Huffington Post
Although 48 percent of women now move in with their mate as a first step before getting married only 40 percent of cohabitating couples actually tie the knot. So, if you want to get the keys before the ring, here are the six crucial questions to ask before moving in to avoid becoming a shacking up statistic.
http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics_and_Living_Together
According to statistics gathered by US Attorney Legal Services, living together before getting married doesn't accomplish the goal that couples think that it will. A couple who does not live together prior to getting married has a 20 percent chance of being divorced within five years. If the couple has lived together beforehand, that number jumps to 49 percent.
From: https://baptistcourier.com/2014/02/living-together-marriage-statistical-risk/
Between 50 and 60 percent of all marriages begin with the two partners cohabiting, and many of those couples no doubt believe they are making a wise move up front. But living together before marriage actually increases the chances of divorce in a first marriage — 67 percent of cohabiting couples who marry eventually divorce, compared to 45 percent of all first marriages.
Only that site was religious. There were tons of sites all saying the same thing. I only posted the top four listed on the google search. Most of them had a story to go with it explaining the psychology, how statistical data was collected, etc. And sure, some people that should be divorced, aren't. That throws statistics off some.
i'm just saying living together is not an indicator of a successful marriage like people assume it would be. People change and they will whether they're married or living together. But, the whole concept of testing it out doesn't have any concrete evidence that it would make for a successful marriage.
i'm just saying living together is not an indicator of a successful marriage like people assume it would be. People change and they will whether they're married or living together. But, the whole concept of testing it out doesn't have any concrete evidence that it would make for a successful marriage.
Of course, I'll state again, I'm not a fan of "shacking up".
Posted by truecapAgree with the bold print.
Only that site was religious. There were tons of sites all saying the same thing. I only posted the top four listed on the google search. Most of them had a story to go with it explaining the psychology, how statistical data was collected, etc. And sure, some people that should be divorced, aren't. That throws statistics off some.
i'm just saying living together is not an indicator of a successful marriage like people assume it would be. People change and they will whether they're married or living together. But, the whole concept of testing it out doesn't have any concrete evidence that it would make for a successful marriage.
However, I have read plenty of those reasearches and I have yet to find a single one that takes into account that the person who is more likely to wait to move in or even have sex(pretty much the same reasearches) until engagement...or even marriage are also the people inclined to never ever get divorced no matter what.
And yes, I do think it often stems from religious ideas. Whether the sites cited come from a religious scource or not is not relevant to the research as such, only the actual practices of how and for what reasons people handle the situations in question.
Posted by truecapWhich I ofc respect. That is up to each and every person, imo.
Of course, I'll state again, I'm not a fan of "shacking up".
Truecap, I didn't say that moving in before marriage would be a testing out period rose what married life may be like. I'm not naive, nor young minded. I simply said, that in past, I used to view it as a way to see whether or not two people could get along with biting each other's head off. Nothing more nothing less.
Happy: I pretty agree with all you wrote. Honestly ladies, (this could be my Sag speaking) I personally believe that any situation has the potential to work or fail. I believe it's dependent upon those in the relationship and how much and what kind of efforts they both put into it, for it to survive. I have seen all kinds of relationships and marriages succeed and others fail, for a plethora of different reasons... So if it's a risk I decide to take, I would hold myself, as well as Cappy, for whatever happens and if we make it or not... I don't see it as an overly complicated type of possible situation... But again, we all have our own opinions and preferences, which I totally respect! But what works for some, will not for others.... You are responsible for your own success and your own failure. 🙂
Happy: I pretty agree with all you wrote. Honestly ladies, (this could be my Sag speaking) I personally believe that any situation has the potential to work or fail. I believe it's dependent upon those in the relationship and how much and what kind of efforts they both put into it, for it to survive. I have seen all kinds of relationships and marriages succeed and others fail, for a plethora of different reasons... So if it's a risk I decide to take, I would hold myself, as well as Cappy, for whatever happens and if we make it or not... I don't see it as an overly complicated type of possible situation... But again, we all have our own opinions and preferences, which I totally respect! But what works for some, will not for others.... You are responsible for your own success and your own failure. 🙂
And TrueCap: I'm not a big believer in making assumptions... As we all know what they say: assumptions are like @ssholes.... Everybody has one! 😉
So I definitely wouldn't fit in to those group of individuals who believe moving in before marriage is a testament to who happy or successful their marriage would be. Since again, that wasn't even what I had said.
So I definitely wouldn't fit in to those group of individuals who believe moving in before marriage is a testament to who happy or successful their marriage would be. Since again, that wasn't even what I had said.
I should say assumptions and opinions go into that saying... LOL I d had a terribly long workday! Where's my glass of wine?!
Posted by SaggyGirl85Seems the same thing to me, but perhaps I misunderstood. You're the one who's worried whether he just wants to take advantage of the benefits of living together though. For what its worth, I do think he is sincere about his intentions, though.
Truecap, I didn't say that moving in before marriage would be a testing out period rose what married life may be like. I'm not naive, nor young minded. I simply said, that in past, I used to view it as a way to see whether or not two people could get along with biting each other's head off. Nothing more nothing 🙂
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you happiness.
TrueCap, thank you so much for your wishes! 🙂 I very much appreciated that! And I can see why it may seem similar, but in all honesty, I really do view it like a way to test the waters.... Not to gauge marriage off of but just to see how to people cohabitate under the same roof, for some period of time. I have seen soooo many marriages fail, including my parents... Dads a cap moms a Taurus, and I do t want that for myself... Their marriage lasted 17 years before divorce, and 3 children came from it, including myself.
It's a huge life decision, and one I don't take too lightly... So I guess I'm excited for the future, but also quite terrified! Lol ooooh my nerves are all kinds of crazy right now..... Woohsaaaaww!
It's a huge life decision, and one I don't take too lightly... So I guess I'm excited for the future, but also quite terrified! Lol ooooh my nerves are all kinds of crazy right now..... Woohsaaaaww!
There are no guarantees. Regardless whether you test the waters or not, there are still no guarantees. My own marriage lasted 18 years. 16 of those were good years. People evolve. Whether they evolve together or in seperate directions is what makes the difference. Marriage takes work and so many people these days are not willing to work on it. I was willing to work on mine, but not when he was choosing the town tramp over me and making a mockery of our marriage. You both have to want to make it work.
Just go with your gut and do what feels right in your heart. Have faith!!!
Just go with your gut and do what feels right in your heart. Have faith!!!
TrueCap, you are SO correct!! Absolutely there are no guarantees! I couldn't agree more with you on that one. And yes, even with testing things, no guarantees. For me, it would simply be to see how things are between us under one roof, for an extended period of time. And nothing else. I wouldn't use that to test or gauge marriage, or to see if we could marry... Bc I don't feel that would really be realistic, and that is something I am. I'm definitely a good mix of optimistic and realistic.
I am terribly sorry to hear about how things went with your own marriage. I can't imagine the pain and feelings that come from that. I have only the memories from my childhood and my friends that are currently at that crossroads now. I also strongly agree with what you said about how marriage takes work, and how many people these days aren't willing to put in and do that required work in making their marriage last. I personally see that type of failure on an almost daily basis. And it's quite sad.
There was a long period of time, in my earlier twenties and probably late teens, where I actually did not want to get married at all. Simply from all the pain and suffering I had witnessed. That only changed when I met Cappy. He changed things for me, and some of my perspective on the constitution of marriage. I am absolutely taking your advice and going with my gut! Luckily I have a few months to continue to think and gather my thoughts on the subject before anything takes place. 🙂 I plan to use that time very wisely! Thank you so much again! Always appreciated!
I am terribly sorry to hear about how things went with your own marriage. I can't imagine the pain and feelings that come from that. I have only the memories from my childhood and my friends that are currently at that crossroads now. I also strongly agree with what you said about how marriage takes work, and how many people these days aren't willing to put in and do that required work in making their marriage last. I personally see that type of failure on an almost daily basis. And it's quite sad.
There was a long period of time, in my earlier twenties and probably late teens, where I actually did not want to get married at all. Simply from all the pain and suffering I had witnessed. That only changed when I met Cappy. He changed things for me, and some of my perspective on the constitution of marriage. I am absolutely taking your advice and going with my gut! Luckily I have a few months to continue to think and gather my thoughts on the subject before anything takes place. 🙂 I plan to use that time very wisely! Thank you so much again! Always appreciated!
You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and very mature in your thinking. You're going to be just fine. 🙂
TrueCap, I wish I could give you a hug for saying that right now! 🙂 thank you so so very much for that! You have no idea how much I appreciate that, and what it means to me!! I am very grateful to you, and all of the feedback and advice you have given me. (So I'm giving you a virtual hug)
You know of course, I will be having an updated post in the next few months, and will be letting you, and everyone else who's been here, to tell you how things have progressed between me and Mr. Cappy.
I will continue to be open to advice or feedback from you, and everyone else because it truly has put certain things I had been curious of, into a different, and enlightening perspective!
You know of course, I will be having an updated post in the next few months, and will be letting you, and everyone else who's been here, to tell you how things have progressed between me and Mr. Cappy.
I will continue to be open to advice or feedback from you, and everyone else because it truly has put certain things I had been curious of, into a different, and enlightening perspective!
I agree with True on the shacking up.
SaggyGirl have you discussed how long the engagement will be?
You do know that an engagement can drag on for years if you allow it to. Also I'm curious about something you said. You mentioned you went ring shopping 4 years ago but never said what transpired. What stopped him from proposing 4 years ago. Maybe he's the stalling type which is why you're having some trust issues.
I really don't hear you saying what "YOU WANT" for yourself. You've hung around this man for 10 years with not so much as a budge up until now and I can see why you're feeling insecure and feeling a bit emotionally unstable, anytime a woman revolves her life around a man for example wondering what he's thinking, wanting to know if he's trustworthy, doing things HIS WAY 99% of the time, waiting on a man 99% of the time, it all leads a woman to feel off balance and consumed with what her partner wants and she sort of forgets herself, forget her needs, her wants, her dreams. I can see why you don't want to rock the boat, you have a lot invested (mentally, emotionally, physically, financially) in your Cap. Just seems you're on the begging needy end of the relationship which is why you're feeling insecure because he's calling all the shots on how things will be when HE'S READY.
I would say think about what you want first. I'm not saying don't consider his wants or feelings which are important but your wants, needs, feelings are just as in important.
Most importantly be true to thine own self and as long as you do that everything else will work itself out.
As for cohabitating, you're grown, do what you want, weigh the pros and cons. You do realize if you put money into HIS home, rent, utilities etc that you will never see that money again and the only one benefitting is him in the end, if it doesn't work you'll be the one having to find a new home/apartment, starting all over again. How will you be affected financially if you invest your money into his home, it doesn't work out, no engagement, no marriage and you have to start all over again. This is your life, think about how his decisions/choices and your lack of involvement in the process of building a life together will affect you and your life.
SaggyGirl have you discussed how long the engagement will be?
You do know that an engagement can drag on for years if you allow it to. Also I'm curious about something you said. You mentioned you went ring shopping 4 years ago but never said what transpired. What stopped him from proposing 4 years ago. Maybe he's the stalling type which is why you're having some trust issues.
I really don't hear you saying what "YOU WANT" for yourself. You've hung around this man for 10 years with not so much as a budge up until now and I can see why you're feeling insecure and feeling a bit emotionally unstable, anytime a woman revolves her life around a man for example wondering what he's thinking, wanting to know if he's trustworthy, doing things HIS WAY 99% of the time, waiting on a man 99% of the time, it all leads a woman to feel off balance and consumed with what her partner wants and she sort of forgets herself, forget her needs, her wants, her dreams. I can see why you don't want to rock the boat, you have a lot invested (mentally, emotionally, physically, financially) in your Cap. Just seems you're on the begging needy end of the relationship which is why you're feeling insecure because he's calling all the shots on how things will be when HE'S READY.
I would say think about what you want first. I'm not saying don't consider his wants or feelings which are important but your wants, needs, feelings are just as in important.
Most importantly be true to thine own self and as long as you do that everything else will work itself out.
As for cohabitating, you're grown, do what you want, weigh the pros and cons. You do realize if you put money into HIS home, rent, utilities etc that you will never see that money again and the only one benefitting is him in the end, if it doesn't work you'll be the one having to find a new home/apartment, starting all over again. How will you be affected financially if you invest your money into his home, it doesn't work out, no engagement, no marriage and you have to start all over again. This is your life, think about how his decisions/choices and your lack of involvement in the process of building a life together will affect you and your life.
@Tiki
"As for cohabitating, you're grown, do what you want, weigh the pros and cons. You do realize if you put money into HIS home, rent, utilities etc that you will never see that money again and the only one benefitting is him in the end, if it doesn't work you'll be the one having to find a new home/apartment, starting all over again. How will you be affected financially if you invest your money into his home, it doesn't work out, no engagement, no marriage and you have to start all over again. This is your life, think about how his decisions/choices and your lack of involvement in the process of building a life together will affect you and your life."
I have always wondered why so many people have a problem living with their partner without being married and I thought this might be one of the reasons, but this is the first time I've seen it in print, so I need to ask :
Does that mean that you need to get married as quickly as possible for financial reasons? Because there is also the possibility of signing other written financial agreements other than marriage licences...at least where I live. Which is why I ask. Can't you do that where you live? (If there is a religious or cultural reason for it, that's naturally a whole other kettle of fish.) Where I live there is a law that says(explained very loosely and if I remember it correctly) that if you live together with a person for at least six months, you have pretty much the same rights, financially, as if you were married, meaning that you don't have to get married in sheer panic just because you want to live together. Because what happens if you're not even allowed to get married just because you happen to prefer the same sex, for instance, and what if you just don't believe in marriage or what if you want a wedding that you will need to save up for for a couple of years?
"it doesn't work out, no engagement, no marriage and you have to start all over again."
Wouldn't it be even worse to start all over if you had also been engaged or married? A failed marriage isn't exactly what most people dream about. And finding a new place to live in you would pretty much have to do with or without the marriage license.
Just out of interest - I have already made clear(I hope) that I think this is up to each and every person.
"As for cohabitating, you're grown, do what you want, weigh the pros and cons. You do realize if you put money into HIS home, rent, utilities etc that you will never see that money again and the only one benefitting is him in the end, if it doesn't work you'll be the one having to find a new home/apartment, starting all over again. How will you be affected financially if you invest your money into his home, it doesn't work out, no engagement, no marriage and you have to start all over again. This is your life, think about how his decisions/choices and your lack of involvement in the process of building a life together will affect you and your life."
I have always wondered why so many people have a problem living with their partner without being married and I thought this might be one of the reasons, but this is the first time I've seen it in print, so I need to ask :
Does that mean that you need to get married as quickly as possible for financial reasons? Because there is also the possibility of signing other written financial agreements other than marriage licences...at least where I live. Which is why I ask. Can't you do that where you live? (If there is a religious or cultural reason for it, that's naturally a whole other kettle of fish.) Where I live there is a law that says(explained very loosely and if I remember it correctly) that if you live together with a person for at least six months, you have pretty much the same rights, financially, as if you were married, meaning that you don't have to get married in sheer panic just because you want to live together. Because what happens if you're not even allowed to get married just because you happen to prefer the same sex, for instance, and what if you just don't believe in marriage or what if you want a wedding that you will need to save up for for a couple of years?
"it doesn't work out, no engagement, no marriage and you have to start all over again."
Wouldn't it be even worse to start all over if you had also been engaged or married? A failed marriage isn't exactly what most people dream about. And finding a new place to live in you would pretty much have to do with or without the marriage license.
Just out of interest - I have already made clear(I hope) that I think this is up to each and every person.
Tiki: yes, we have discussed the length of the engagement, it would be within less than one year, as we both would like to start our family together, sooner rather than later. The reasons that after we went ring shopping and nothing seemed to have transpired since: he still to this day, has the card from the jeweler, in his wallet.... I've seen it. At that time, we both won't where we wanted to be, in regards to education, and careers, as well as financially, and wanted to wait a bit, and get things accomplished first. We both hold education and stability to high degrees, and so thought it'd be best to achieve what we needed to individually, before becoming one.
I wouldn't necessarily say I've been sitting around waiting for the last ten years... I've done some (very little) but some dating, when I've felt like it, and he is fully aware of that. He has always told me, he never wanted me to put my life on hold, for him. And I haven't to a degree. In some aspects lately, I've kind of stayed "away from temptations" knowing where my heart and mind lie. Also, until my name is on a mortgage for a home, I am not paying any of those bills!! That's been well established, and has been for some time now. Actually he and I agreed mutually on that one. He didn't expect me to, as it wasn't something I mutually would own. I also won't be doing all the "wifely" duties, until I am a wife. Something he is also, very well aware of. I don't tend to change my mind, once I have it set on something, especially as serious as that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I've been sitting around waiting for the last ten years... I've done some (very little) but some dating, when I've felt like it, and he is fully aware of that. He has always told me, he never wanted me to put my life on hold, for him. And I haven't to a degree. In some aspects lately, I've kind of stayed "away from temptations" knowing where my heart and mind lie. Also, until my name is on a mortgage for a home, I am not paying any of those bills!! That's been well established, and has been for some time now. Actually he and I agreed mutually on that one. He didn't expect me to, as it wasn't something I mutually would own. I also won't be doing all the "wifely" duties, until I am a wife. Something he is also, very well aware of. I don't tend to change my mind, once I have it set on something, especially as serious as that.
Also, I probably should have done a much better job of explaining my own wants and needs in this situation... But to answer to your concern tiki, yes... Many of my wants and needs have been completely addressed and understood by Cappy... He knows what he needs to do, to ensure those things happen as well... 😉 yes ma'am! Lol
Happy: I think in my state, if your cohabitating for 7 years under one roof, but not married, by state law, they consider it as a common law marriage... So those same spousal "entitlements" remain in that case. 🙂 I could be off a bit on the timeframe, but I know it's somewhere around that amount of time. Many years.... Whew lol... I know for us, we both want to have children and would prefer that we were married first. Now the talk has come up, multiple times that if a small blessing were to make a debut before marriage, we would be just as happy, but would be engaged before than... (We plan on keeping up proper precautions until the end of the year.) after that, things are ago!
Random... But is it wrong that I happened to see on my Facebook newsfeed, that my Leo ex from high school proposed to his gf also Leo, of roughly 6/7 years, on Friday.... Mind you she's birthed his two beautiful kids, and they've lived together the entire time, in his parents 2.1 million dollar mansion.... Cough... But their entire relationship, he has consistently tried to "bed" me?!?!?!? I feel so bad for her, Bc I know her, and we're friendly... But idk what to do?! I feel awful knowing he's been a sleaze to her!! (Oh btw, I NEVER let him sleep with me after the breakup) I dumped him also.... Eek sorry for the random thought... Just been on my mind, and I guess I would want to know if my man was a want to be or is a cheater!!!!
Happy: I think in my state, if your cohabitating for 7 years under one roof, but not married, by state law, they consider it as a common law marriage... So those same spousal "entitlements" remain in that case. 🙂 I could be off a bit on the timeframe, but I know it's somewhere around that amount of time. Many years.... Whew lol... I know for us, we both want to have children and would prefer that we were married first. Now the talk has come up, multiple times that if a small blessing were to make a debut before marriage, we would be just as happy, but would be engaged before than... (We plan on keeping up proper precautions until the end of the year.) after that, things are ago!
Random... But is it wrong that I happened to see on my Facebook newsfeed, that my Leo ex from high school proposed to his gf also Leo, of roughly 6/7 years, on Friday.... Mind you she's birthed his two beautiful kids, and they've lived together the entire time, in his parents 2.1 million dollar mansion.... Cough... But their entire relationship, he has consistently tried to "bed" me?!?!?!? I feel so bad for her, Bc I know her, and we're friendly... But idk what to do?! I feel awful knowing he's been a sleaze to her!! (Oh btw, I NEVER let him sleep with me after the breakup) I dumped him also.... Eek sorry for the random thought... Just been on my mind, and I guess I would want to know if my man was a want to be or is a cheater!!!!
Oh, I forgot to mention one last thing... In reference to being on the "begging, needy end of the relationship"... Uh I'm not sure I'd say I am... Although I can most definitely see why one could come to that conclusion... So I will add again, that, though this life and future Cappy and I have been speaking of as late, is of course what I WANT as well, wasn't anything I've really ever "pushed, led, nagged, or begged" for from him. He on his own has come to these conclusions... I DO however, think he's beginning to realize and pay attention to the fact that (I'd like to think I am) a great catch, and in the past have had others propose marriage to me... All of which he is aware.... Perhaps he is finally seeing that it wouldn't be too difficult to have someone else give me (I only mean this as the level of commitment "marriage") what I feel I more than deserve. I also think his own "biological clock" is ticking!! LOL 😉 seeing as he's almost 32, and most everyone around us both, is engaged, married, or is on baby one, two or three!! (Side note; I'm in no rush, but neither one of us ever wanted to be too much older than our children).... Hmmmm... Idk, just some random pondering of mine... 🙂 time for a glass of wine. Been a stressful work day! Thanks again for the great advice!! You guys/gals are indeed one of my favorite signs by far!
@ Happycapper:
I know you asked Tiki this question, but I'm going to answer with my opinion because I agree with her 100% .
Say the man owns the home and you move in (could also be the reverse). So, you help make the mortgage payment. You help pay for plumbing repairs. You pay for paint to paint the house or help pay for upgrades on the flooring, for example. You plant plants in the yard and nurture the landscaping. You do everything you would as if you owned the home. So, say you break up and move out. You've invested money into a home when the mortgage is in his name. You have no legal rights to recoup your investment. He doesn't have to "buy you out" as if you owned the home together. You have no rights to the equity of that home when you've helped make the mortgage payments. If there is a fire and you lose YOUR personal belongings in the fire or the furniture was yours, then the insurance rights a check to HIM. He doesn't have to reimburse you for things you lost.
I know a lady who lives locally to me who lived with her boyfriend for 20+ years. She helped raise his kids. They grew up, started families of their own. The man died and guess what....the kids she helped raise, gave her two weeks to get out because they decided to sell the house she invested so much money in. All of a sudden, she was homeless. They didn't care, they only wanted the money from the sell of the house. She started over at 60 years old - with nothing. True story.
I know you asked Tiki this question, but I'm going to answer with my opinion because I agree with her 100% .
Say the man owns the home and you move in (could also be the reverse). So, you help make the mortgage payment. You help pay for plumbing repairs. You pay for paint to paint the house or help pay for upgrades on the flooring, for example. You plant plants in the yard and nurture the landscaping. You do everything you would as if you owned the home. So, say you break up and move out. You've invested money into a home when the mortgage is in his name. You have no legal rights to recoup your investment. He doesn't have to "buy you out" as if you owned the home together. You have no rights to the equity of that home when you've helped make the mortgage payments. If there is a fire and you lose YOUR personal belongings in the fire or the furniture was yours, then the insurance rights a check to HIM. He doesn't have to reimburse you for things you lost.
I know a lady who lives locally to me who lived with her boyfriend for 20+ years. She helped raise his kids. They grew up, started families of their own. The man died and guess what....the kids she helped raise, gave her two weeks to get out because they decided to sell the house she invested so much money in. All of a sudden, she was homeless. They didn't care, they only wanted the money from the sell of the house. She started over at 60 years old - with nothing. True story.
The lady did get an attorney and was told "the house was in his name" and "the kids legally inherit the house". There was nothing she could do.
To protect yourselves legally when you shack up, you'd have to have a legal agreement, get your name on the titile of that house and each of you have a will that took care of each other.Might as well have a prenup agreement.
To protect yourselves legally when you shack up, you'd have to have a legal agreement, get your name on the titile of that house and each of you have a will that took care of each other.Might as well have a prenup agreement.
Posted by truecapThank you. That was exactly what I was after - so you don't have to get married for financial reasons, just write a legal document and you're set. So why do you then need an engagement before living together? Again, no judging, just trying to understand.
The lady did get an attorney and was told "the house was in his name" and "the kids legally inherit the house". There was nothing she could do.
To protect yourselves legally when you shack up, you'd have to have a legal agreement, get your name on the titile of that house and each of you have a will that took care of each other.Might as well have a prenup agreement.
That story really pissed me off - I would like to have a serious talk with those kids. Sure, she should have protected herself with a legal document, but what they did is just not okay. Imo.
"Does that mean that you need to get married as quickly as possible for financial reasons? Because there is also the possibility of signing other written financial agreements other than marriage licences...at least where I live. Which is why I ask. Can't you do that where you live? (If there is a religious or cultural reason for it, that's naturally a whole other kettle of fish.) Where I live there is a law that says(explained very loosely and if I remember it correctly) that if you live together with a person for at least six months, you have pretty much the same rights, financially, as if you were married, meaning that you don't have to get married in sheer panic just because you want to live together. Because what happens if you're not even allowed to get married just because you happen to prefer the same sex, for instance, and what if you just don't believe in marriage or what if you want a wedding that you will need to save up for for a couple of years?"
This is a great a question and insightful too. I suggest sitting down with someone for example a lawyer to understand your rights before moving in and paying down on his mortgage because he's the one that will receive the interest on the home if things don't work out, you will have invested in a home that inevitably is not your home. Basically it's like you throwing your money down the drain while he reaps the benefits of having someone help him with his mortgage. This is important, very important. Definitely something you have to weigh out for yourself.
This is a great a question and insightful too. I suggest sitting down with someone for example a lawyer to understand your rights before moving in and paying down on his mortgage because he's the one that will receive the interest on the home if things don't work out, you will have invested in a home that inevitably is not your home. Basically it's like you throwing your money down the drain while he reaps the benefits of having someone help him with his mortgage. This is important, very important. Definitely something you have to weigh out for yourself.
+1 True....I agree with you 100% on the issue of the house and how important it is to be protected.
""it doesn't work out, no engagement, no marriage and you have to start all over again."
Wouldn't it be even worse to start all over if you had also been engaged or married? A failed marriage isn't exactly what most people dream about. And finding a new place to live in you would pretty much have to do with or without the marriage license.
Just out of interest - I have already made clear(I hope) that I think this is up to each and every person."
No, not financially it would not be worse. At least if it doesn't work out you will have some financial relief through the interest of the home if it's sold, that's if the home is in both of your names.
If this is someone you're going to share your life with, get engaged and eventually get married then this is a life long lifetime kind of deal, failure is not an option and if it so happens it doesn't work out at least you will have some property rights etc etc.
"Also, until my name is on a mortgage for a home, I am not paying any of those bills!!" " I also won't be doing all the "wifely" duties, until I am a wife. Something he is also, very well aware of. I don't tend to change my mind, once I have it set on something, especially as serious as that."
Good!! Now get it in writing LOL!
Side note: I laugh but I'm serious, probably an Aqua/Cap Cusp thing I dunno. Just make sure you're looking out for yourself as you go along in this process with him.
As for the ex boyfriend, nah, let it go, he's her sleazeball now, she'll figure out what she's getting into sooner or later, let the chips fall for her where they may, just focus on your life and the new life you're about merge into real soon. Wish him well.
Statistics have shown that people who live together before marriage divorce shortly thereafter. I'm not in the position to get the statistics right now but I do remember hearing a divorce attorney friend of mine talk about this with my husband and I.
People move in together all the time so dow what's in your own best interest. Whatever you do make sure you have a legally binding contract before you move into his home and help him domesticate and decorate his home. If it's not "our home" legally then don't do it. Get engaged and then get a home together, you're not a teenager, you're in your 30's and you do not want to walk away with almost nothing to begin your new life if for some unfor
""it doesn't work out, no engagement, no marriage and you have to start all over again."
Wouldn't it be even worse to start all over if you had also been engaged or married? A failed marriage isn't exactly what most people dream about. And finding a new place to live in you would pretty much have to do with or without the marriage license.
Just out of interest - I have already made clear(I hope) that I think this is up to each and every person."
No, not financially it would not be worse. At least if it doesn't work out you will have some financial relief through the interest of the home if it's sold, that's if the home is in both of your names.
If this is someone you're going to share your life with, get engaged and eventually get married then this is a life long lifetime kind of deal, failure is not an option and if it so happens it doesn't work out at least you will have some property rights etc etc.
"Also, until my name is on a mortgage for a home, I am not paying any of those bills!!" " I also won't be doing all the "wifely" duties, until I am a wife. Something he is also, very well aware of. I don't tend to change my mind, once I have it set on something, especially as serious as that."
Good!! Now get it in writing LOL!
Side note: I laugh but I'm serious, probably an Aqua/Cap Cusp thing I dunno. Just make sure you're looking out for yourself as you go along in this process with him.
As for the ex boyfriend, nah, let it go, he's her sleazeball now, she'll figure out what she's getting into sooner or later, let the chips fall for her where they may, just focus on your life and the new life you're about merge into real soon. Wish him well.
Statistics have shown that people who live together before marriage divorce shortly thereafter. I'm not in the position to get the statistics right now but I do remember hearing a divorce attorney friend of mine talk about this with my husband and I.
People move in together all the time so dow what's in your own best interest. Whatever you do make sure you have a legally binding contract before you move into his home and help him domesticate and decorate his home. If it's not "our home" legally then don't do it. Get engaged and then get a home together, you're not a teenager, you're in your 30's and you do not want to walk away with almost nothing to begin your new life if for some unfor
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I'm curious to see what you all think the best match up is. Is it different for Males and Females? Amazingly, starti
Why so aloof?
But I honestly do need sound advice from Caps! Men and women both would be extremely helpful! The short version of my long story, is that I've know this Cap man for ten years, dated for 8 on and off. He's now back in my life as of April this year, and has been talking marriage, kids the whole thing. Says after I move into his new home which he will be buying soon, within six months of us living together, he plans to propose. My question is, should I trust this man? Or is he telling me what I want to hear? He's turning 32, on December 27, me turning 30 on December 20th. Please do provide any and all advice or insight you can on this?! I wouldn't be back asking if it weren't important! 🙂 thank you all for your time in advance!