Slowly Learning

Yes....another wah wah ramble from a guy trying to figure out the cap he has fallen for..,...I apologize.

I am a Pisces male who has fallen for my first Cap. When we met we both instantly took to one another and felt like we knew each other for a long time. Going just three days without seeing one another was hard for us both. We progressed very quickly to talk of spending nights together and meeting each others kids and how excited we were for that. I have learned since that one pitfall with pisces-cap is the urge to move too quick. And I have learned the fallout from that.

I've been told she is not ready for falling in love or a relationship. When she asked for space she said it was to be safe over sorry......that it was a risk as she thinks im the best thing that's happened to her yet. I challenged her last week to call me and tell me to give it up. She called a little while later and explained how it is unfair to take my attention when i could be investing in someone who is ready. But I told her im not giving up. I can give space and roll with it but she is who I want.

She comes across as scared to me. I know she feels strongly .....I've seen it.

Learning more about caps.....especially here makes sense of so much that was confusing me. I know she is making space to evaluate if im genuine and consistent and capable of trust. She texted me as initiator this morning for the first time in two weeks. We had a little back and forth this evening that was light and personal and not generic. Im running with it and keeping contact minimal but I think no contact is a bad idea in this case. We had agreed last week I'd call this Thursday and I've stuck to it.

I want to walk the tender balance of giving space but knowing im being watched. She says im not ready for more to grow but im thinking it could be a test.

Any thoughts on how a dreamy Pisces can walk this tightrope effectively? I've never felt so challenged and i do love it about her. But I hope if played right she will know relatively soon she can trust me well enough to open up to me. I want very much to meet this cap who I have passed the test and am able to pass through the walls to that strong dedication I here so much about from caps.

Thanks for any feedback!

Aww, so sweet!

I'm not her, but one thing I've learned about myself is that I tend to stick to what I say. So if im pushing you away its due to a combination of things. One thing is fear, another is its not clicking 100% , and last thing is....you're letting me push you away.

Sounds confusing right? I think this is where you probably feel its a test with her. Maybe it is a test, now take it!

If you feel she has feelings then don't let her get in her own way because she will. We seek perfection, but it doesn't exist. Next best thing is persistence.

All my opinion though

I'd say back off a bit. Don't lose contact but don't get all mushy and all " I love you so much" everytime you talk to her. As Caps,we really don't do the "love at first sight" or "instantly fall in love thing". It's possible that she instantly connected with you as a cool friend she could get close to but not necessarily date....at first. When close male friends tell you they have fallen for you it can be quite alarming because the Cap is suddenly faced with choosing between having you as a really good friend or crossing that line, have it not work out and losing both friend and lover. We definately DO NOT believe that "it is better to have love and lost blah blah blah....". We're rather NOT love! LOL

She may have a strong physical attraction to you and is exercising that Capricorn self control, hence the avoidance. But chances are, she's weighing the pros and cons of this relationship and you have to decide if it's worth the wait. If it is, I'd say wait and pull back a bit. If not, just keep it as friends and you'll probably see that close bond return.

You do need to give her space, it has nothing to do with giving her up, you just have to let her be HER too. One way to have cap women run for the hills pretty fast is people pushing things when they are not ready yet. We know you feel very strongly about her but if you want a future with this woman you will certainly have to show her that you can exercise at the very least a bit of self-control. This is how Caps roll..

As one who is also in a Pi/Cap relationship I recommend that you give your lady all the space she needs so she can process her feelings about you and your relationship without emotional pressure. That pull between you is very real and powerful and it does make us Pisces want to rush in with carefree abandon. Caps don't do either even after they have known someone for years. For now just be the best friend she could ever have and allow her trust in you and what you are offering grow into a natural state. If your lady Cap feels like she if failing you in not being able to reciprocate the way you emotionally need her to she will leave the situation all together. Patience is not an idle word when it comes to Caps, male or female. Best of luck.

Maybe she's with the guy because she likes the drama. Afraid of real commitment, or boredom, so clinging to someone she knows isn't going to give it to her AND someone who keeps her on her toes. The Libra guy depressing her? Yeah right.

The Cappie the OP is speaking of doesn't seem as aggressive or as attracted to drama from what he's posted.

Posted by EusiveSoulll
Fudge....I feel exposed right now lol!!!

As I see it you're 2secs away from ScorpioFish status which is "F $ @% all Caps" lol. I'm like ut oh, I can feel it coming.

I want to thank all the caps for insight and confirmations. I have actually been figuring this out through trial and error the last two weeks. At first I was typical dreamy Pisces running with abandon towards the warm glow of love. She was instigatory and reciprocal so much I figured we had it made. I have no doubt she pulled back because she got scared she had offered too much without being sure. I stumbled over myself a few times but always explained I was just trying so hard to stay connected with her. That "im screwing up but im trying and I am learning " counts in these scenarios right? Probably so because I eventually connected my practical fish in better than my dreamy one and have been able to give the space much better.

Considering she has texted me good morning twice the last two days and been more responsive and lively to a few texts here and there it is more promising.

Im going to call her Thursday as planned unless she begs out of it and reiterate many of the things we have danced around. Im not interested in sex right away.....must stay slow there. But....im not falling into the friend zone (which I do quite easily) . Even though she is not ready for a relationship I still want to "date" and to be there when she is ready.

Last week I said we should date but date others too because I had gotten vibe from her in past she wants to see others. But I think she was throwing that out to test.....to give me an out. So she could escape her fears. I need to clarify on that.....I don't want to see anyone.....it's just not in me. Ive thought about it and I only want to see her. And being patient and waiting feels like the most desiresble option.....no matter how odd that might come across.

Thanks again!

Thanks cowpuncher! Very reassuring feedback. Only thing is I have to find the time to tell her im not going to see anyone else. Last week when we talked I bit on the "test" to date other people and she should too. I was reacting to what she was giving me and thinking it would score points.

I know I just can't text such a thing to her but we have to talk about it. I will be patient and find the right time. Even though she might think im meeting others now she is still talking more this week than the past few weeks.

cap female here.. i wanna try to make my advice as simple as possible...

give her the space she asks for - there's nothing more off putting to me than someone excessively showing/indicating that they want something from me... even if i want something from them.

dont ever give up - there's nothing that turns me on more or that i admire more than someone who ambitiously goes after what they want AND who is consistent. if you confess deep feelings and then suggest seeing others... imo, your feelings arent that deep and you arent someone i'd see as consistent.

confusing? sorry. just make your wishes known, but dont beat a dead horse. it would be wise to begin naturally with just quality time. think actions and not words. cap women are perceptive and not easily swayed by gab. we dont find the security we love in mere words. i think we'll believe and love to hear certain words later when we've seen depth of character to back them.

be firm and in control of yourself and your desires - know yourself and what you want out of life and a partner. you dont have to follow her lead or play her games. if you know the kind of strong relationship you want to build with someone... share your ideas with her. be a man with a plan, but include her space in your plan.

be patient... not all of this has to come and happen at once. caps are ruled by saturn... saturn knows the limits of time and matter. slow and steady wins the race, but please be fun and exciting... caps need that in their lives.

... meh, i fail at simple.

Thanks CreepyPants. Believe it or not that came as simple to me.
But than im a Pisces guy who can easily over communicate and analyze lol

I think im following a solid path now. Im finding value in those little quick hits to say hi how are you and not trying to drive into a deep conversation. That will come in time. I will get my chance to discuss the contradictory comment about seeing others in time.

A question for all as this floats in my mind. Im told a cap show you when it is time to take another step (an actual meeting for something fun and quality time in this case) . But im also seeing the pitfalls of overstepping. This can be confusing. Any feedback on what this signal could look like? Would she actually say "im ready to see you"?

I know....im asking for the keys to the castle but asking questions helps me learn.

ok good 🙂

speaking for myself, i will just be straight forward and say what i want or wish, OR take some action or series of actions that are unambiguous and begs the serious conversation... "where do we stand" but thats me.

maybe you've already said something like this to her, but consider sweetly slipping in a line like, "hey, you know i really like you and i want us to become closer. But I also really want you to be comfortable and have your space, so I'm not going to ask you out until you let me know you are ready."

if it's somehow unclear to her that the ball is in her court, this will make it clear. You're putting your feelings out there to her in a confident and controlled way. You're not overstepping anything. ( at least not in my opinion) You are respecting her wishes for space, and you're queueing her to step up when she is ready. everybody wins a little.

one of my fears is missing an opportunity because something was unclear.

and you're a smart man for asking questions.

🙂

Intense attraction and moving fast scares us. We get caught up in it sometimes, then evaluate and decide to slow down. Be patient with her!

Indeed it is solid gold advice cowpuncher. Thanks CreepyPants! I am following all the advice strongly in an email I have been putting together. Im trying to communicate how has been suggested and......its actually very nice and calming because I feel im on the right track to communicating better with her. And that's all I've wanted....better communication. It starts with me!

Quick update. I received instant feedback from my email.....was not expecting that.

I was told no one ever got to her heart faster or made her laugh more. But what she discovered is that she can't make anyone happy until she comes to terms with herself. Ummmm......hi....really happy guy here. But I understand what she meant and I resisted my empathetic urge to try to help her come to terms with herself.

I stayed the course that im not going to push nor am I going away. That I do deserve the best and in my mind and heart I've found her. She thanked me and we left it at that.

Im feeling calm and resigned as i did not expect this to flip a switch. In my mind it was a seed planting and whatever the initial response was it is ultimately unimportant.. im sure it was gods honest. She has her own challenges to face and I respect that. Im willing to wait.

Test or no test I can't see any other course than to stay this path. Am I reading this right or is it all right there in front of me?

I honestly think "some" Caps need relationships with as little emotional involvement as possible because the more emotions involved the more we fear, or possibly the more our own emotions are pushed to the forefront and we start to see the mess realizing there's a cleanup that needs to be made on aisle five.

I personally don't think you should stop or wait, as she's admitting that she has issues she need to work through. Coming to that realization can be a bit hard in itself so who knows when she'll be ready? I just don't want you to wait forever for her to sort it out. It seems she may like or be use to relationships that are less complicated, meaning no strong emotional ties.

you've got the right idea... just be patient, i think it's what we've all been chanting. and she sounds like a pretty smart and respectful lady. i like that she said that about being able to make herself happy first. i'm going through the exact same lesson right now.

you've planted a seed in a happy place with good sunlight. id say just be natural, and when you are communicating with her, keep it light, fun and cheerful. imo, her natural comfort level with you will eventually win her over when she's left alone to realize it. stay your course... don't over water your seed 🙂

Thanks for the I sight there. I need to think on that a bit. Some caps might prefer this because those they've felt that way about did not stay the course. I certainly don't blame those folks but I have to see if the seed planted bears fruit. Because the juice from that fruit will be worth the squeeze. But I can admit to myself that the fruit can't take forever to grow.

Creepy.....amazing analogy about the seed and not over watering. How did you know I have the propensity to drown what I plant? Ha ha

Because you made it so obvious in your first few posts?

Well answered boom! I was attempting rhetorical with that question....but I did not take into account what board im on....lol

Yeah......I did make that clear in my first few posts....ugh!

LOL

virgo and pisces playing nice how cute

Dont be deceived by the looks of it, I already puked 3 times at the sappiness of his posts 😛 😛 😛

Nice boom lol. I'd puke too if the sap wasn't coming from me.

So almost an hour phone call tonight with her.....light and casual and good conversation. At the end she gave kind of an inquisitive "now what" demeanor. I told her I'd call her in a fee days.....which seems fair and right. But it was a little confusing as she clearly knows the ball is in her court and that "now what" was like she was looking to me to call the next step. Felt like a test lol

Metoo.....thank you for your input. Don't hate to say anything.....I came here seeking honest feedback......and this group has been ten times more helpful than I could possibly put into words right now.

Inana ....I don't think i thanked you either. To be frank I did not like to read your comments at times because they were not what I wanted to hear. But I appreciate them because they haveguided me to truths.

Yes....we both fell and moved too quick. Her step back from that was not the only factor. New position at work....challenges with family and feelings that moved too quick and you get a Capricorn in full retreat. That's not fair.....such a storm would throw us all into retreat.

Im sidelining it.....backing off any contact for the most part......and living my life.

Great advice......thanks!

Hello all.....you know.....I hate when people come here for advice and feel compelled to give updates. So....im going to hate myself here for feeling so compelled. Hopefully boom does not have a full stomach.....lol

I was able to have a full conversation tonight and get alot of answers that I've been curious about. Surprise, surprise....you were all dead on. It was fear that drove her back.....nothing more than fear and doubt. As she said it she will not do anything in life without being assured its going to work. This lines up with what I've learned about capricorns. I respect that.

She did tell me of the competing voices as she decided this. How she was compelled to slow it down even as a voice told her you are making a big mistake. She told me she wants to see me soon but she is not sure when yet. That she always feels better when we are talking.

She asked is it even possible a second chance could work after we just moved too quick on the first. I always believe in second chances in a case like this....but I did not try to push my point.

I let her know that Im staying persistent and im here.....the ball is still in her court and I will wait a little more because I want to wait and see what happens here...my choice.

So im keeping the distance and patience as it seems to be showing so fruit already.

Thanks all!

Aww, I'm loving the update! I hope it works out for you!

Great feedback all. Thank you.

Metoo.....im.totally feeling what you say. I don't get the impression she feels she has me wrapped. I've never been a wrapped guy. Of course I've never pursued to such a degree.

I think she is seeing more clearly who I am. I also think that voice of doubt that is sooooo cap might just be more resilient in her than in most. But I sense it coming around. And to me.....that is her doing work too.

Trust me.....if I start to feel how you voice things im out. But I don't feel it ....I don't feel im compromising me.

I am making most of the reach out and reconnect effort now. However if we do reconnect all the work I will have put in will be nothing compared to the work she has had to do to get back to that point. I know that for sure.