SMDH....Fear

I've been dating a Cap for 2 years. First year was amazing; then he fell in love with me (his words) and things got rocky. That should of been my first red flag. I was in love with him so I tried to work through his fear of being in a committed relationship after years of convincing himself that he would not again. Bad divorce thing. He said he wanted to get married, we would talk about a future and when things were really going great he would freak out and we would break up. This happened 3 times. The last time I said OK. And I meant it. No more of this. I sent him a nice email saying that I loved and respected him and definitely hope that we can remain friends (we were for 10 years prior) and I wished him well. And I meant it. Throughout our relationship he has always said if we don't have friendship we have nothing. Strange..... where is my friend now?

I do miss my friend. Not my BF but my friend. However, he's not talking to me and I don't want to push the issue. A nice email and similar text is all I'm willing to do at this point. I wish he could of let his fear go and know that we would of had a fantastic, amazing life together. SMDH.....

Posted by KRA
I've been dating a Cap for 2 years. First year was amazing; then he fell in love with me (his words) and things got rocky. That should of been my first red flag. I was in love with him so I tried to work through his fear of being in a committed relationship after years of convincing himself that he would not again. Bad divorce thing. He said he wanted to get married, we would talk about a future and when things were really going great he would freak out and we would break up. This happened 3 times. The last time I said OK. And I meant it. No more of this. I sent him a nice email saying that I loved and respected him and definitely hope that we can remain friends (we were for 10 years prior) and I wished him well. And I meant it. Throughout our relationship he has always said if we don't have friendship we have nothing. Strange..... where is my friend now?

I do miss my friend. Not my BF but my friend. However, he's not talking to me and I don't want to push the issue. A nice email and similar text is all I'm willing to do at this point. I wish he could of let his fear go and know that we would of had a fantastic, amazing life together. SMDH.....

He is somewhere, likely a dark corner, kicking the crap out of himself for screwing things up with a woman he loves... especially since it was for some weak reason like him being scared. That's where your friend is.

Posted by KRA
I've been dating a Cap for 2 years. First year was amazing; then he fell in love with me (his words) and things got rocky. That should of been my first red flag. I was in love with him so I tried to work through his fear of being in a committed relationship after years of convincing himself that he would not again. Bad divorce thing. He said he wanted to get married, we would talk about a future and when things were really going great he would freak out and we would break up. This happened 3 times. The last time I said OK. And I meant it. No more of this. I sent him a nice email saying that I loved and respected him and definitely hope that we can remain friends (we were for 10 years prior) and I wished him well. And I meant it. Throughout our relationship he has always said if we don't have friendship we have nothing. Strange..... where is my friend now?

I do miss my friend. Not my BF but my friend. However, he's not talking to me and I don't want to push the issue. A nice email and similar text is all I'm willing to do at this point. I wish he could of let his fear go and know that we would of had a fantastic, amazing life together. SMDH.....

Why would you tell him you're completely done and expect him to jump at the "friend experience" and then say you all would have been so great together as a couple in life.

You're confused. And you should understand that's probably why he's not responding.

No you are misunderstanding. I feel that we would of been awesome life partners but did not express that in my last email/ test to him. I was expecting that here.

He broke up with me. I said OK. He's confused - I'm just not OK with him being in that state regarding me anymore. However, we have been friends for almost 10 years and I miss our friendship. Something he said would never leave our relationship but it has.

I wish I had access to my old ebooks I would send you the eBook for free b/c the way you're dealing with this issue which is not your issue by the way Is counter productive.

http://commitmentphobia.net/

Stop owning his phobia. By being super engaged and invested in his issues by trying to talk about it. By being super patient is just creating more panic and he will stop the panic fight or flight behavior when it's safe to do so.

Right now he's relieved that you're gone but at some point the loss of losing you will set in and after about 6 weeks maybe longer he'll all but forgotten the panic and will pursue you again and if you're smart you won't allow his intense pursuit to pull you back in without negotiating what he's going to do to overcome his issues first.

He has to own up to what he's doing before the current pattern will change.

No their is not a chance we will get back together. His fear is very intense. I just miss our friendship. Truthfully, I too am relieved. I'm just so shocked that he's gone silent when he has always preached we would be friends.

KRA You are way past friendship b/c the moment you chose to be in a sexual intimate relationship you lost your friend, it happens. The pattern you are currently experiencing is a very predictable yet normal pattern with CP's.

More intimacy and closeness chased him right out the door. You'd had been better off just remaining friends.

Posted by KRA
No their is not a chance we will get back together. His fear is very intense. I just miss our friendship. Truthfully, I too am relieved. I'm just so shocked that he's gone silent when he has always preached we would be friends.

OK, KRA, you're answering your own question. I am currently dating a "Cappy" (hang tight to my response). He's going to be 52 years old; he's the youngest of three, and had NEVER married. His parents divorced and ever since he's "afraid" of marriage. No kids, but his girlfriend had an abortion (he asked God for forgiveness and I told him God already forgave him). Enter 2016, we met last month. Outta his mouth he said, "I can only marry a woman that is a widow or had her husband cheated on her". This Cappy of yours is AFRAID of divorce/marriage. He had it good until the glass house broke on him; yeah, I know it wasn't his fault. If you CANNOT wait for this man to come outta his "dark hiding place" then don't. You're not the type of woman that will wait for him to come back to you, etc. Is this the type of "friend" you want in your life? What do you want to "save" him from? He's a grown man. Don't you think I AM treetrunking scared myself as I have had TWO failed marriages? Yeah, Cappy and I spoke about this too, but just like it's written in the Holy Bible, why should I be afraid if it's a union brought together by a man and woman by God himself? I don't understand why the words came outta his mouth (about marriage, etc) so quickly if Cappies are "patient" human beings. Hmmmmmmmmm. Catch 22 🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

PS: Cappy invited me to spend Thanksgiving w/him family. Your Cappy is mindboggling and I empathize/sympathize with your dilemma.

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by EvatheDiva

Posted by KRA
No their is not a chance we will get back together. His fear is very intense. I just miss our friendship. Truthfully, I too am relieved. I'm just so shocked that he's gone silent when he has always preached we would be friends.

OK, KRA, you're answering your own question. I am currently dating a "Cappy" (hang tight to my response). He's going to be 52 years old; he's the youngest of three, and had NEVER married. His parents divorced and ever since he's "afraid" of marriage. No kids, but his girlfriend had an abortion (he asked God for forgiveness and I told him God already forgave him). Enter 2016, we met last month. Outta his mouth he said, "I can only marry a woman that is a widow or had her husband cheated on her". This Cappy of yours is AFRAID of divorce/marriage. He had it good until the glass house broke on him; yeah, I know it wasn't his fault. If you CANNOT wait for this man to come outta his "dark hiding place" then don't. You're not the type of woman that will wait for him to come back to you, etc. Is this the type of "friend" you want in your life? What do you want to "save" him from? He's a grown man. Don't you think I AM treetrunking scared myself as I have had TWO failed marriages? Yeah, Cappy and I spoke about this too, but just like it's written in the Holy Bible, why should I be afraid if it's a union brought together by a man and woman by God himself? I don't understand why the words came outta his mouth (about marriage, etc) so quickly if Cappies are "patient" human beings. Hmmmmmmmmm. Catch 22 🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

PS: Cappy invited me to spend Thanksgiving w/him family. Your Cappy is mindboggling and I empathize/sympathize with your dilemma.

He knows what he wants and under what conditions so if you wo aren't on the same page, no sense in moving forward. That's why it came out of his mouth so fast. Same as one person wanting no commitment fwb and the other wanting a serious relationship that leads to marriage. It was to make sure you two were compatible in that area.

click to expand

But it didn't work out for her 😭 Told ya...this Cappy is soooooooo different! We went out as planned on Saturday. I bought dinner after leaving Starbucks. We made plans for next Saturday either to go to Wurstfest in New Braunfels, TX or see Clay Walker at Cowboys dance hall on Saturday. He couldn't get off on Sunday and texted, "We can go to Wurstfest on Saturday if you want to go". Too cool!! 😏 Also, Cappy slapped my ass twice on Saturday when he opened door to Starbucks (we were sitting outside, but it started to rain) and again while waiting to be seated at restaurant 😉 He's interested in me!!!!! 😄

Cyber hugs! 🤗

Love,

Eva

I get what you guys are saying. I just wanted to remain friends. If it's not possible then it's not. Once I started dating other men with a totally different energy and passion I knew I could not and would not be able to go back with him. But 10 years of friendship is a lot to just leave behind. I'm friends with all of my ex's so this is different for me too.

You cannot be friends right now if ever, he will never be the same guy.

A lot of Cap men cut ties completely out of self preservation and necessity.

Wow! Well not much I can do about that. It's ironic tho - he broke up with me lol