Started dating a cap male...

Hello, its my first time posting here, though i have lurked quite a bit before.
I am a cancer female and recently started talking with this capricorn male online. He's very nice and polite. We had a great first date and he was a perfect gentleman even pulling out my chair when we sat down. We had a great time. He called me a few times, i let him do the initiating since i'm a little old fashioned myself. He'd call in the evening or on his way home from work. He invited me to a bbq pool party he was having with some of his friends. When I got there i had a great time and his friends all seemed to like me. They were saying how much he was talking about me prior to my arrival, and he was calling me babe and honey throughout the night. Later that night he kissed me when we were sitting together alone. He offered for me to stay the night there so that i didn't have to drive all the way home, we live about 40 mins apart.
I saw him a day or so later when he invited me over again and he said that he really wanted to kiss me but he didn't want it to be after he had a few beers with his friends, i said he shouldn't worry because i really wanted him to kiss me too and it was perfect. We stayed in that night and just cuddled together. I saw him a few days later and he cooked dinner for me and we watched tv together, he had his hand on my leg and i had my head on his chest at one point with his arm around me. when he walked me to my car and we hugged i gave him a sweet kiss goodnight. Then he went out of town with his friend and he was sending me pictures throughout his trip. He called me that first night they were there and was saying that he liked talking with me, then that he was sorry that he called because he shouldn't have. that part didn't make sense to me really.
Once he got back in to town he said that he was exhausted so i told him to sleep and we can hang out after he's rested since he's got a few more days off. He called me later that night and said to come over so we could go to dinner together, it was really unexpected, but we had a great time. We were watching something together after dinner and he had his arm around me and had me close, but he didn't move to kiss me like he had before. when he walked me out to my car i gave him a longer kiss goodnight and he said "goodnight babe".
We met online, and so I wouldn't doubt that he's talking with other women. He said that he likes me after that first date we went on, but hasn't said anything verbally i

You didn't finish. What is the question?

I didnt realize it got cut off.

He did say that he liked me and he's been the one to initiate phone calls and set up dates, based that i would think he does. I was surprised that he was texting and sending me pictures all through his vacation since we have only been talking for about three- four weeks; I think I have seen him five or six times in that time period. We were supposed to go do something the other day, and I called him real quick while I was driving to work and we agreed that I would call him after work to see where to meet exactly and agreed that we would do something fun for lunch that weekend. After work he didn't answer so I sent him a text saying I was off and asking if I should just meet him at his place. One of my other friends equated it to being stood up, though I guess I didn't feel quite so strongly about it. I figured he was with his friends/neighbors hanging out and set his phone down. I didn't hear from him that night or the following day, which was okay since I actually had a lot to do the next day. I called him that evening though and he said he was getting a burger with the guys and also that he'd been thinking of me. Haven't heard from him in four days.

I was pleasantly surprised initially when he said he liked and wanted to see me, especially given how buys my schedule is, but he said not to worry and that he'd work around my schedule. I read that caps do "tests" to see what someones reaction is and I thought of a few that he has done that I seemed to pass. I guess Im curious if the sudden silence is to be expected, its been a while since Ive dated tbh, and I haven't dated a cap before. He did offer for me to sleep at his place a few times, it didn't seem like a sexual offer, but rather out of convenience; he said liked that I didn't bs and just said that it was too soon for me to be sleeping there. . I dont think I offended him by not sleeping there. He has tested out the water with jokes and references to more serious things like marriage or kids, which was really unexpected to me since we've known each other so briefly; we do want the same things.

That's pretty much it. It seems awkward to reach out to him again; he seems honest so I dont think he would just say he'd been thinking of me just to say it. I like him so far and enjoy his company, Im just not sure if Im on the right track. so, typical cap behavior? disappearing to gain perspective or because of loss of interest? what else should i know about cap?lol

Yes, thats pretty much what happened. I was calling with the main intent of following up to see what happened, but the call was pretty short since he was out with friends so I didn't get to ask.

I agree that it's pretty rude, and it seemed out of character even with the short amount of time we've known each other. Overall it didn't have a negative effect on my evening as I still got to go see some friends and have a nice time; I was more disappointed than mad. Its not hard to shoot a text to say things have changed. I think if Id known him longer or been closer that I may have been more upset, but really my night turned out fine aside from being disappointed and a little surprised by his unexpected behavior.

If he does come back around I want to tell him that it was kinda rude and that it bothered me and was disappointing.

Another friend of mine suggested that maybe he did meet someone else and hit it off with them. That could be a possibility. Too bad, cause he seemed so nice. oh well.

Glad it didn't ruin your night.

Yeah, it should be common courtesy to let someone know if they can't make it or at the very least explain the next day. This type of behaviour is a major red flag.

If he does come back around, proceed with caution, he may just be filling his time slot. I don't mean to be harsh, but I saw first hand how a Cap can toy with a girl they are just messing with or using to boost up their ego because they are bored.

Remember that with Caps, it's all about the effort. They know better than anyone what effort is, so if he doesn't even pick up the phone to text a "sorry I need to cancel", that probably means you are not a priority at this time. Sorry.

One more thing, from my experience, Cap Suns and Moons will try to get away with whatever you let them. They need to be called out sometimes. Keep this in mind.

Noooo. Don't keep calling him!!!! That's the same as chasing him! Don't ever chase a man.

If you keep calling him, you take away the power, the mystery, the chase for him, the worthiness of you. Besides, cap men like to work for what they get because they appreciate it more.

I do agree that you got stood up the plans after work and the lunch the next day. It may not be the classic him not showing up, but he did make a plan with you and then all of a sudden was unavailable and didn't follow through. That's a huge red flag. He doesn't deserve you trying to plan again with him. For me, I'd go distant if that happened, he would be lucky to get another date with me.

I say, don't contact him again. Let him do it. He owes it to you to make up for changing plans at the last minute. He should be begging your forgiveness, not you begging for his attention. Understand?

The "test" is not really a test, he sounds like he's just more into his friends and not worthy of your time.

However, if it is a "test", then it could be a test to see where your boundaries are. See how far he can go and how much he can get away with. Men do that.

Posted by SunMoonStars
One more thing, from my experience, Cap Suns and Moons will try to get away with whatever you let them. They need to be called out sometimes. Keep this in mind.

I agree.

I have a cap sun and moon and I expect to get called out on my bad behavior. I know when I'm being bad and if you don't call me out, I don't respect you as much anymore because it tells me you'll let me run all over you. The logic to that is if I can run all over you, then why should I respect you?

Listen to truecap, she knows what she's talking about 🙂

Question... I like to flirt and tease my Cap. That damn Leo moon, I can do it all day long. Is this the same as chasing?

As highschool as it sounds, should I not be the one to text first or be the last one to text? Leave him hanging..? Does it even matter??

I haven't called or texted him since speaking with him when he was out with his friends. Definitely not going to chase.

I agree that he owes contact to me to make up for changing last minute.

Posted by SunMoonStars
Listen to truecap, she knows what she's talking about 🙂

Question... I like to flirt and tease my Cap. That damn Leo moon, I can do it all day long. Is this the same as chasing?

As highschool as it sounds, should I not be the one to text first or be the last one to text? Leave him hanging..? Does it even matter??

Teasing and flirting are not chasing. It's fun.

Posted by milana500
I haven't called or texted him since speaking with him when he was out with his friends. Definitely not going to chase.

I agree that he owes contact to me to make up for changing last minute.

He didn't change, he just didn't answer and let you know. There's a big difference!

oh, i meant changing plans last minute (without a heads up).

I did hear back from him.

He said that he was still dating other people and didn't want to lead me on, that I should know that directly from him. I told him that I thought we were both still dating other people, because that IS dating and that I never felt lead on. I did say that I was disappointed that we'd made plans and he didn't give a heads up that things changed because that rudeness seems out of character for him. I also said I had a nice time with him previously and thanks for that. I was assuming this was his way of stating he was not interested and thought that would be the last text.

This morning I woke up to a text where he says he wants to be 100% honest about how great I am but he isn't sure if he wants to be tied down just yet. He said that he's got a lot going on and that he'd like to meet up and hang out because we always had a good time, laughing, smiling, etc.

I haven't replied. It seems a little presumptuous on his end that because i'm a woman that he'd assume that i'm trying to tie him down or something right away. I don't want to rush into anything either- even if we are compatible. So I guess I'm not sure if he's saying he just wants to be friends at this point, or if things are pretty much the same as they were previously.. we are both looking for the same things, not rushing things, and dating. Honestly, I thought this stuff was clear from the start, but somehow i'm confused by it now.

How old is he? It sounds to me like he wants to keep his options open and he's not ready for a relationship of any kind.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
Hmm. You can date exclusively and still not be tying each other down. Personally, once I'm interested, I don't much like to date around. If I'm open to finding a person... a proper, relationship person, it's too distracting. The goal is to find one person that compliments me, not piece that person together from two or three others.

Are you wanting to date exclusively or are you ok with him still seeing other people?

I'd be open to dating him exclusively, we'd met online and there were a lot of things that clicked between us and that we saw eye-to-eye on. We've got similar views and goals about things. I had been talking with a couple men who said they were interested and stopped after seeing him a while, because like you, its too distracting if Im interested. . I guess Its confusing to me that he was talking to me all through is vacation with his buddies, wanted to see me the night he got back, then the last date we went on he was joking about marriage and i was saying how i'm old-fashioned- he commented that he liked that. then poof disappears. It makes the most sense to me that he met someone else he is more interested in.

He's 30, I'm 26

I did reply back and tell him that he should take his time to figure out what he wants, that as we'd discussed before, he knows exactly what i'm looking for (and seemed to know it before we'd even discussed it). I reiterated the fact that we both have a lot going on and that if there were something between us that id want to take things slowly. I said that since i know what i want and am not looking to settle, that id rather be patient and not jump into things or assume things.

I'd be happy dating him exclusively, yes; but Im not sure he's ready for that at this point. or interested tbh.

Posted by milana500
I did hear back from him.

He said that he was still dating other people and didn't want to lead me on, that I should know that directly from him. I told him that I thought we were both still dating other people, because that IS dating and that I never felt lead on. I did say that I was disappointed that we'd made plans and he didn't give a heads up that things changed because that rudeness seems out of character for him. I also said I had a nice time with him previously and thanks for that. I was assuming this was his way of stating he was not interested and thought that would be the last text.

This morning I woke up to a text where he says he wants to be 100% honest about how great I am but he isn't sure if he wants to be tied down just yet. He said that he's got a lot going on and that he'd like to meet up and hang out because we always had a good time, laughing, smiling, etc.

I haven't replied. It seems a little presumptuous on his end that because i'm a woman that he'd assume that i'm trying to tie him down or something right away. I don't want to rush into anything either- even if we are compatible. So I guess I'm not sure if he's saying he just wants to be friends at this point, or if things are pretty much the same as they were previously.. we are both looking for the same things, not rushing things, and dating. Honestly, I thought this stuff was clear from the start, but somehow i'm confused by it now.

Just don't let him lead you into a FWB arrangement.

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by milana500

Posted by cheekyfaerie
Hmm. You can date exclusively and still not be tying each other down. Personally, once I'm interested, I don't much like to date around. If I'm open to finding a person... a proper, relationship person, it's too distracting. The goal is to find one person that compliments me, not piece that person together from two or three others.

Are you wanting to date exclusively or are you ok with him still seeing other people?

I'd be open to dating him exclusively, we'd met online and there were a lot of things that clicked between us and that we saw eye-to-eye on. We've got similar views and goals about things. I had been talking with a couple men who said they were interested and stopped after seeing him a while, because like you, its too distracting if Im interested. . I guess Its confusing to me that he was talking to me all through is vacation with his buddies, wanted to see me the night he got back, then the last date we went on he was joking about marriage and i was saying how i'm old-fashioned- he commented that he liked that. then poof disappears. It makes the most sense to me that he met someone else he is more interested in.

He's 30, I'm 26

I did reply back and tell him that he should take his time to figure out what he wants, that as we'd discussed before, he knows exactly what i'm looking for (and seemed to know it before we'd even discussed it). I reiterated the fact that we both have a lot going on and that if there were something between us that id want to take things slowly. I said that since i know what i want and am not looking to settle, that id rather be patient and not jump into things or assume things.

I'd be happy dating him exclusively, yes; but Im not sure he's ready for that at this point. or interested tbh.

fwiw, I think you handled that well. 🙂

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Me too!