In need of Advice

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Getoverhereee on Thursday, July 3, 2014 and has 75 replies.

How to Handle Jealousy When Your Partner's Friend Is Pursuing Them

Jealousy is natural in this situation but open communication with your partner is key. Express your concerns calmly and listen to her perspective. Respect her boundaries and trust her judgment. Consider discussing boundaries with her about her friendship to find a solution that maintains trust and reduces your frustration.

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Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

My Cancer girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now but this libra guy who took her virginity keeps pursuing her and it starting to really irritate me. She claims thats her bestfriend but a bestfriend would at least respect her knowing she doesnt want to be with him anymore. This asshole just moved to the same street as me. The scorpio inside me wants to kick his ass but my girlfriend keeps telling me not to because thats her "bestfriend". Hes been after her for months and she keeps defending him whenever I get annoyed by this. Should I confront him about this or just leave it alone?

Profile picture of lololala
@lololala
12 Years

She must choose you or him...libra is going after her for se* not friendship im sure of that...and she knows it but cancer woman love to feel that people are fighting over her,and we r scorpio r not playing we smell the bullshit mile away..ask her to leave him or get yourself a sexy woman as a friend and make her lose her mind..she must feel she is not alone just the way she makes you feel...

Profile picture of SirHorns
@SirHorns
12 Years5,000+ Posts

Use your dark smexy Scorpio swag/magnetism against the Libra.
Lie to chicks, telling them he's an angsty Scorpio man who thinks he's unlovable.
-Watch him get swarmed by chicks-
Hold claws with your Cancer girl while watching to see if he becomes a man-hoe or not.
Problem solved.

Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

Posted by lololala
She must choose you or him...libra is going after her for se* not friendship im sure of that...and she knows it but cancer woman love to feel that people are fighting over her,and we r scorpio r not playing we smell the bullshit mile away..ask her to leave him or get yourself a sexy woman as a friend and make her lose her mind..she must feel she is not alone just the way she makes you feel...

Ive been trying to explain this to her but she really believes he actually likes her

Profile picture of PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by Getoverhereee
My Cancer girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now but this libra guy who took her virginity keeps pursuing her and it starting to really irritate me. She claims thats her bestfriend but a bestfriend would at least respect her knowing she doesnt want to be with him anymore. This asshole just moved to the same street as me. The scorpio inside me wants to kick his ass but my girlfriend keeps telling me not to because thats her "bestfriend". Hes been after her for months and she keeps defending him whenever I get annoyed by this. Should I confront him about this or just leave it alone?

You issue isn't really him. It's her inability to respect your feelings on the matter. I don't think the friendship needs to end completely, however she needs to make the boundaries very clear to him. Respect that you two are in are relationship. Stop pursuing me. Period.

Anything shy of that is simply feeding an ego.

Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

Posted by Rabbit
If you've already expressed your feelings towards her, and continues to dismiss your concerns, then you need to end the relationship.

It's debatable as to whether its appropriate to have ex's as "friends", but that's irrelevant....it's your responsibility to assume control over your own feelings/happiness.

If the relationship is NOT making you feel happy and secure, then it's not right FOR YOU. And YOU is all that truly matters.

Im really thinking about this

Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Getoverhereee
My Cancer girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now but this libra guy who took her virginity keeps pursuing her and it starting to really irritate me. She claims thats her bestfriend but a bestfriend would at least respect her knowing she doesnt want to be with him anymore. This asshole just moved to the same street as me. The scorpio inside me wants to kick his ass but my girlfriend keeps telling me not to because thats her "bestfriend". Hes been after her for months and she keeps defending him whenever I get annoyed by this. Should I confront him about this or just leave it alone?

You issue isn't really him. It's her inability to respect your feelings on the matter. I don't think the friendship needs to end completely, however she needs to make the boundaries very clear to him. Respect that you two are in are relationship. Stop pursuing me. Period.

Anything shy of that is simply feeding an ego.

click to expand

It definitely is feeding her ego and i know it, this aint the first time i had to explain to her that a guy is trying to be her friend, hes just trying to sleep with her

Profile picture of nov13thscorp
@nov13thscorp
14 Years

The "hood" in me wants to tell u to lay his ass the F out but the adult in me wants to tell u to talk to him face to face since u know him already and tell him whats bothering u.....dont fight him just yet, just in case this cancer chick isn't worth fighting for......

Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Getoverhereee
I used to be friends with him actually

*raise eyebrow* Hmph.

So, how much of this is about you and this guy? Did you "take" her from him?

click to expand

I was friends with him before i even knew her, he just changed as a person a lot and we became distant. He actually was her rebound because me and her broke up a year ago.

Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

Posted by nov13thscorp
The "hood" in me wants to tell u to lay his ass the F out but the adult in me wants to tell u to talk to him face to face since u know him already and tell him whats bothering u.....dont fight him just yet, just in case this cancer chick isn't worth fighting for......

I really do wanna knock him tf out but im not a minor anymore, I dont want to catch a charge for assault. I'll just talk to him but i already know hes not going to pay attention unless i intimidate him

Profile picture of nov13thscorp
@nov13thscorp
14 Years

Posted by Getoverhereee

Posted by nov13thscorp
The "hood" in me wants to tell u to lay his ass the F out but the adult in me wants to tell u to talk to him face to face since u know him already and tell him whats bothering u.....dont fight him just yet, just in case this cancer chick isn't worth fighting for......

click to expand

I really do wanna knock him tf out but im not a minor anymore, I dont want to catch a charge for assault. I'll just talk to him but i already know hes not going to pay attention unless i intimidate him

Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

Posted by LunarMaiden
What exactly is he doing to make you think he is chasing after her for sex?

She and my friend went to his house to help him move in and when they left, he called her and said "If you came alone, we wouldve been doing it then and there."

Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

Posted by shellshocker
Why did you break up a year ago?

Cancer girl went to this guy and lost her virginity to him... not you. Bet that still pisses you off, no?

My insane pisces ex was doing everything in her power to break us up and she succeeded I guess because she turned me and her against each other. that pisces played on my jealousy and provoked me to say some bad things about her which she told my cancer girl. Im not really pissed about the virginity thing, im only pissed she tried to lie to me about it

Profile picture of LetltB
@LetltB
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Getoverhereee

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Getoverhereee
I used to be friends with him actually

*raise eyebrow* Hmph.

So, how much of this is about you and this guy? Did you "take" her from him?

I was friends with him before i even knew her, he just changed as a person a lot and we became distant. He actually was her rebound because me and her broke up a year ago.

click to expand

I'm all about BOTH partners having friends, and if my SO told me I couldn't have my male friends, I'd kick his ass to the curb. HOWEVER...this situation, put it on the table, tell her this is unacceptable if she chooses YOUR friend over you...guess what?..she's a TWAT. Dump her ass save your energy and move on. She's either not over the rebound, or she's dangling him in your face and still resents the break up. Pick one.

Profile picture of LetltB
@LetltB
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Getoverhereee

Posted by shellshocker
Why did you break up a year ago?

Cancer girl went to this guy and lost her virginity to him... not you. Bet that still pisses you off, no?

My insane pisces ex was doing everything in her power to break us up and she succeeded I guess because she turned me and her against each other. that pisces played on my jealousy and provoked me to say some bad things about her which she told my cancer girl. Im not really pissed about the virginity thing, im only pissed she tried to lie to me about it

click to expand

She's gonna drag your heart throught the trenches...get rid of her. The asshole friend deserves her.

Profile picture of shellshocker
@shellshocker
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Ok. Your Pisces ex didn't provoke you to do anything except show a part of yourself you don't like. You bad mouthed your Cancer gf to your ex. Not good, but anyway...

The Cancer evened the playing field by bringing in her own triangle. She doesn't trust you and the Libra guy is her insurance policy to have someone in her corner, just in case.

If you firmly tell her you can't have a guy who's waiting in the wings hanging around and she doesn't respect that, cut her off.

Profile picture of shellshocker
@shellshocker
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by FrostAndBite
Ffs.

'The attention you get from Libra makes me uncomfortable. I feel like it compromises our relationship and I don't want that. Can we talk some more about it?'

definitely a softer touch that a Cancer would respond better too. But his username is Getoverhere.. i wonder if that's his style ?

i know some Scorps love the whole End Of Story thing 😄

Profile picture of LetltB
@LetltB
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by FrostAndBite
Ffs.

Tell her your feels. Not 'hey the Libra sucks cause he is trying to get some of that. You should stop talking to him so much.'

^Because that sound possessive and a little shallow. And it sounds like a directive, people dont like to be bossed around in relationships, it makes them feel undermined. Try something like this instead.

'The attention you get from Libra makes me uncomfortable. I feel like it compromises our relationship and I don't want that. Can we talk some more about it?'

^That is inclusive. It's also doesn't put her on the defensive, and gives her the ability to express any of her own concerns.

Well gee, let me get this straight.

The OP has a girlfriend. They break up. She fucks his friend on a rebound.
The OP gets back with the girlfriend (why is beyond me..but)
The girlfriend continues to hand around with OPS friend who she fucked on a rebound.
You suggest he go easy and gentle on her with some sweetness on top.
You think the girlfriend who purposely fucked his friend as a rebound is going to soften as a result.

Maybe he should just lay down on the front door so she doesn't get her feet dirty as she comes and goes eh?

Profile picture of LunarMaiden
@LunarMaiden
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Actually this whole clusterfuck started with him shit talking her to his ex. Disloyal!!
If any of you Scorps learn anything about Crabs, this would be it:
DO NOT talk about us behind our backs to anyone. Don't even gossip. We DETEST this.

Crabs appreciate loyalty just as much as Scorpio's do, maybe more.
He broke HER trust. Now he wants to tell her who she can be friends with.

She has sexually bonded with HER FIRST LOVER.
She is probably having a difficult time making a clean break from him.
If he had a problem with this he shouldn't have screwed up to begin with.

He's just gonna have to either ride the wave or move on.

Profile picture of LunarMaiden
@LunarMaiden
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by CluelessCancer
You know about him. I say you're one step ahead of the herd, look Crabs, atleast me, always have one or two guys in the background just in case sheet goes downhill. we'll call them friends, but we have assessed their potential, if we act irritated when they get GFS or get Engaged, it's because we shelved them for ourselves.

Bahhahaha okay maybe that's just me. Wags eyebrows

I don't think she intended to make him a back up guy. But he is now.
He was her first, she was a virgin.
She has sexually and possibly emotionally bonded with the Libra.
She is not going to completely get rid of him. She can but it will take a while.
I think in time she will put distance if she continues to bond with the OP.

Profile picture of LunarMaiden
@LunarMaiden
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by FrostAndBite

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by FrostAndBite
Ffs.

'The attention you get from Libra makes me uncomfortable. I feel like it compromises our relationship and I don't want that. Can we talk some more about it?'

definitely a softer touch that a Cancer would respond better too. But his username is Getoverhere.. i wonder if that's his style ?

i know some Scorps love the whole End Of Story thing 😄

Lol! Yeah crabs can be quick to scuttle sideways with the wrong approach, which is unfortunetly one of scorps main approaches.

I am becoming more and more convinced the reason water trines fail(maybe even all trines) is because they don't consistently use compassionate too the point communication. As another user said to me recently, trines are so much alike that it makes the differences all the more noticeable.

click to expand

Yes I have the biggest communication issues with fellow water signs.
It can be a real mess sometimes.
And knowing how lousy Scorpios are with communicating, she probably has no idea how he truly feels.

Profile picture of shellshocker
@shellshocker
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by IrresistableScorp
I cut an old friend off cold because he said something inappropriate and my guy didn't like it. AND me and this Crabman friend live in different states and will probably never even see each other. He started telling me about the problems he was having with his SO and it felt like a proposal of some sort so...CUT OUT COLD.

It is very possible to do.

is this the same Crab that you spoke about on here who would makes references to your past sex life on facebook? You thought it was cute before, total ego boost for you, even though he is married.

Now, once your guy sees it and says something about it... you cut the Crab out. Now that your dirty is out in the open, time to play innocent.

you're so transparent

Profile picture of Andalusia
@Andalusia
12 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by IrresistableScorp
😕 We had something 25 years ago for like 3 months--it was really good sex??_

Honestly it was a conflict friending him but hey people get over shit after 25 years right? LOL

Dude. Pineapples. I thought you were mid thirties this entire time!!! My mind has just been blown.

Profile picture of LunarMaiden
@LunarMaiden
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by LunarMaiden
The Crab already let go of the past when she took him back after he betrayed her with his ex. BOOM!

You've missed the point entirely.

click to expand

You refuse to see the point.
This started with an act of betrayal.
She bonded with another guy.
His act started this chain reaction.
He needs to be the one to communicate with her.

Profile picture of LunarMaiden
@LunarMaiden
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Rabbit
You can either continue to focus on the circumstances that brought you to the problem you have at the present moment...

Or

You can forget about those circumstances and focus on the present.

By continuing to be associated with this other guy, she is not letting go.

The effort to shift the focus to the Scorpio and his past to portray the Cancer in a better light is not working.

That's rich, a Scorpio telling a Crab to get over the past. HA!!

You are trying to sweep his shit under the rug while lambasting the Crab.
The past tells you why we have the issue of the present.
There are clearly some trust issues between them.
I don't have to put the Crab in a better light, she has no darkness shadowing her.

All we have here is a Scorpio guy upset that the girl he betrayed is now friends with the guy she got with during their break up.
Yes the Libra is inappropriate, and yes the Crab should now put some distance between them.

But it's a bit more complicated than that now.

Profile picture of shellshocker
@shellshocker
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by IrresistableScorp
😕 We had something 25 years ago for like 3 months--it was really good sex??_

Honestly it was a conflict friending him but hey people get over shit after 25 years right? LOL

A married man contacts you on fb with a reference to sex... and you friend him.

What was he contacting you for? The good friendship you developed over a 3 month period?

lmao...

Profile picture of LunarMaiden
@LunarMaiden
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by LunarMaiden
The Crab already let go of the past when she took him back after he betrayed her with his ex. BOOM!

You've missed the point entirely.

You refuse to see the point.
This started with an act of betrayal.
She bonded with another guy.
His act started this chain reaction.
He needs to be the one to communicate with her.

Why does it have to be anyone's fault?

Focus on the present. Not the past.

click to expand

I'm sure if they can communicated they could work things out and live in the present and focus on the future.

Profile picture of Getoverhereee
@Getoverhereee
12 Years

Posted by LunarMaiden
Actually this whole clusterfuck started with him shit talking her to his ex. Disloyal!!
If any of you Scorps learn anything about Crabs, this would be it:
DO NOT talk about us behind our backs to anyone. Don't even gossip. We DETEST this.

Crabs appreciate loyalty just as much as Scorpio's do, maybe more.
He broke HER trust. Now he wants to tell her who she can be friends with.

She has sexually bonded with HER FIRST LOVER.
She is probably having a difficult time making a clean break from him.
If he had a problem with this he shouldn't have screwed up to begin with.

He's just gonna have to either ride the wave or move on.

Id rather let her to break it off, because I trust her, if she'd rather be with someone else she can go ahead, i just cant stand someone else who is constantly trying to get in her pants

Profile picture of shellshocker
@shellshocker
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by FrostAndBite

Posted by Rabbit
The effort to shift the focus to the Scorpio and his past to portray the Cancer in a better light is not working.

No one is in any better light. They're about equal mistakes, in my personal opinion.

Both of their mistakes are relevant to the conversation, because they are perfect examples of the matched maturity and the weak spots in them as individuals and the relationship.

click to expand

truth!

Profile picture of Andalusia
@Andalusia
12 Years5,000+ Posts

I think both parties are more concerned justifying themselves - defending their actions and positions - rather than trying to see the other's side and realizing the effect their actions had on the other.

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