Stubborn Capricorn Silence

But why? What purpose does silence offer when something bothers you? The slightest little thing can bring up this wall of silence and then you are left trying to figure out why the silence (and you have many days of deafening silence to think about what you might have done wrong) to then narrow it down to that a possible moment that you think might have upset him. To realize how trivial it was, if indeed it was that particular thing or moment, because you still don't know, but now so much time has passed... and he is back without one mention of it. Almost like a silent punishment. It's like walking on egg shells, you just never know what could set it off. Is it just me??

That is so not true about aqua. We are different and feel different from everyone. I do have a hard time understanding silence. Everyone knows (astrology aside) that silence never brings anything good between 2 people. I did not do anything, maybe I did not pick the phone that one time he called, it could be that simple, it is a re-occuring theme with him.

You indicated that "the slightest little thing" brings it on, but then in the same breath you indicate that you are "left trying to figure out why" or what it was you did. So, are you sure you're just not reading into things? Maybe it has nothing to do with you, or anything you did, and you shouldn't take it personal. We have a tendency to live in our heads and easily get wrapped up in our own world.

Y'know, if anyone can know the value of silence, it's either an Aqua or a Capricorn. C'mon, when it comes to silence, Caps & Aquas are tied. Both of you know that it's better to bite your tongue than to say the wrong thing.....esp during a disagreement.

The solution may be a written letter asking him what is wrong & how do you BOTH solve it. Explain clearly that whatever is bothering him, you are willing to work with him to overcome it.( DON'T use a cellphone text or an e-mail....when it comes to goatfish, old fashioned letters are best)

Unless I'm reading this wrong, Just ask him "is everything okay?". It may not be you. Might be something else like his job, his family, etc that has him worried and deep in thought. We internalize and toss things around in our mind until we have a solution. If he says "yes, everythings ok, why?" just say "I've been feeling a distance recently and wanted to make sure you are okay". Don't mention what he's doing or that he's been silent, focus on how it makes you feel. Don't push the issue, let it go. See how it goes. He might make an effort so you don't feel the distance anymore.

Don't know your situation....

Question: Why do you automatically assume its you or something you did?

Unless you're not telling us everything.

lol ES

Anyway, it's not meee it's him, he is so sensitive. I had to postpone meeting up with him and the next time I saw him he was a little cold, you could tell the way he is different. Sulking. Big baby. Has to make you pay for him feeling bad... really not sure. These silences always coincide with him not getting his way. The most he has gone silent is 4 weeks. When you confront him on it, it makes it worse, like he can't admit the reason, because it is usually so stupid, no wonder. I have to laugh or else I am going to cryyyyy.....

if its 4weeks, and you had to contact him, the BIG picture is that he can take or leave you and is willing to allow you to do the same with him. this may not be a relationship hes willing to fight for. its basically his way or nothing at all. hes very sensitive and difficult and not afraid to show he can be all those things alone. flip it. let him contact you, and if he doesnt then move on.

I did not contact him after those 4 weeks, he just happened to bump into me and we talked, I asked him why he fell of the face of the earth and you know what his reply was?? Why did you not contact me? That is what I am dealing with. I never, ever contact him when he goes silent. Some ego trip?

the psycho one? lol

how was he psycho DG??

what is the longest you have gone WW? and why? and what are you trying to achieve with the silence...

I mean if you care about the person, what is the purpose of the silence? it is painful to be on the receiving end of that...

Stealthy, that's a good word to describe Caps

God I hate when they ice you out.

I don't think I ever cared as much when anyone of another sign decided to pull the silent treatment on me as I did when a Cap did it.

If you can try to find comfort in the fact that they think they are giving you what you want, it makes it easier to deal with.

*shrugs*

Posted by Nicrobliz

Posted by DG
Its easy to walk all over them when they really like someone, they'll do anything to make you happy. I know first hand.

Nope, we just give you enough string to hang yourselves with. We're a real patient bunch but, ultimately, we don't take any shit in the long-term.

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+1

Posted by aquapiscescusp
lol ES

Anyway, it's not meee it's him, he is so sensitive. I had to postpone meeting up with him and the next time I saw him he was a little cold, you could tell the way he is different. Sulking. Big baby. Has to make you pay for him feeling bad... really not sure. These silences always coincide with him not getting his way. The most he has gone silent is 4 weeks. When you confront him on it, it makes it worse, like he can't admit the reason, because it is usually so stupid, no wonder. I have to laugh or else I am going to cryyyyy.....

This ^^. Sounds like he's having a male version of a hissy fit. If I approached him with "are you okay" and he still wants to act like a big ole baby, well, he can have at it. I'm doin' my thing, going about my business. He can have all the space he wants to sit in the corner and pout like a spoiled child. I'm not gonna bother him, just let him do his thing. Then when he's done pouting, he'll come back around. Basically, act like a child, get treated like a child. I really don't care. And the more he does it, the less I will care. (okay, I would care some because it would hurt me - but there's no way in tarnation HE will ever know that). That's probably where I'd come off with a reputation as having no feelings, no compassion and a little cold. I just don't have patience for that kind of behavior.

Posted by brianafay
God I hate when they ice you out.

I don't think I ever cared as much when anyone of another sign decided to pull the silent treatment on me as I did when a Cap did it.

Ahhhh, the first mention ever of other signs giving the silent treatment. Thanks for this post.

because I like time to think the situation over...
because i would rather walk away for a bit then have diarrhea of the mouth...
because some things don't deserve an answer...
because if you hurt me with words/actions, what else is there to say..you can't take them back..
because i can...

Yes, thank you, it is all sinking in. Truecap said something that made me laugh and rings true HISSY FIT lol. Nicro, I am very stubborn but would never ignore someone for weeks for something that I perceive as trivial. That time when did not speak to me for weeks was because I had confronted him on something that he did, he denied it and twisted that around like you wouldn't believe and then proceeded to ignore me, not even looking at me when he would see me. He was so mad. Of course that would make me laugh, it was so absurd and I told him that. You can't talk to the guy, he takes everything the wrong way so now I never tell him anymore if something is bothering me. Gets all offended! From what I could see is that if he thinks for a second I am upset at him (even a little which I can hide very well but he picks up on it immediately), he gives me the cold shoulder. It's getting old.

He should be man enough to hear what you have to say and process it. He should be able to at least try to understand your feelings and attempt to see things from your point of view. Even if he doesn't agree, he should make an effort to listen. Sounds like a lot of immaturity on his part. Of course, your approach could be making him feel attacked ... which causes us to either withdraw or fight back .... consider how you approach it as well.

Keep us posted!

Truecap, possibly my approach was not the best, a little direct but hey he is Mr. Direct himself! Anyway, just feels like I have to sugar coat everything, when it comes to little problems. I told him he was immature in his approach and you can guess what his answer to that was, that's the way I am. OK then.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time mirroring him, and its bringing out a negative side.

He cant handle your approach not because its direct, but because its directly influenced by him.

He's doing "him" whether good, bad, mature, or immature. Make sure you are always doing "you." If you want to make it work stay true to yourself. You are fighting and competing with him.

That would get tiresome after a while.

DG, I might add: He is generous but he often likes to remind me of what he has given me especially if there is an argument, he will be like, did you like that thing I gave you?

So, in my experience there are 2 responses to "silence" on the receiver end each with different results from the "offender":


#1)Receiver: "Baby/Honey... What's wrong" (Implies "genuine" concern about the "offender" and a desire to "share the pain"

"Offender" will either brush it off and say, "nothing" (implying that something is wrong but they do not want to burden the receiver OR "be silent for a bit more, then open up little by little. Now this only works if you ask, "what's wrong?" then drop it and give the person space and time to open up as they feel comfortable. Constant repititions of "what's wrong", "huh?", "Tell me" only get annoying and overwhelm the person.


#2) Receiver: "What's wrong with you now!" / "Why are you so quiet all of a sudden?", "What's your problem now?"/ "What did I do to you now?" (All imply that the receiver is very uncomfortable with silence and NEEDS the "offender" to fix it!") This reaction to silence tells more about you than the person being silent. What is it about silence that get's you on the defensive? Why do you need constant communication as some validation of your value to that person? Whatever the answers are to these questions, this approach will only trigger an equally defensive reaction in the "offender" and nobody gets anywhere.

Basically, asking "What's wrong?" is like asking someone "Do you need help?". If they say, "Nothing/No" respect that and realize that they are grown enough (or should be) to ask for help if and when they need it. Take men at their word..that way you can quote the ish back to them, LOL. But imagine if you ask someone if they need help and they say no and you respond by getting upset. Basically, you are upset that you don't feel needed and that they won't let you feel useful to them. That's your issue and unless you curb that need, you will ALWAYS find yourself in these communication situations. IMHO, communcation is more than just talking and I don't know about other Caps but if you ask me too many times "what's wrong, there WILL be something wrong. Drop it!

lol Nicro, you think? I am a fool... as I write this stuff I wonder what the hell am I putting up with this sh*t for? Having to question someone's behavior this much only means one thing. FML

CaribCappy, when he ignores me, I ask once, what's wrong? If that's not enough for him to come around, he can sulk all by himself. I don't ask more than one time. I mean really...

Posted by aquapiscescusp
CaribCappy, when he ignores me, I ask once, what's wrong? If that's not enough for him to come around, he can sulk all by himself. I don't ask more than one time. I mean really...

But why is it still eating at you so much after you've walked away? Seriously? I'm not trying to be funny here. When he acts like that what emotions does the silence or his failure to open up trigger within you? You reaction to this is more than just annoyed.

So....fill in the blank:

When he give me the silent treatment or doesn't open up about what's wrong/going on with him, I feel ___________________" Give it a shot.

I feel like he does't care enough about me.

Posted by aquapiscescusp
I feel like he does't care enough about me.

Yeah, I'm sorry that this triggers this feeling in you hun but it's quite normal. The reality is, his ineffective and juvenile communication skills are more a measure of his not caring about himself. I mean, you are smart and caring and loving and want the best for him (you have stuck around afterall). If he doesn't care enough about himself to take advantage of all your skills, then then F it.

But, that interpretation of silence AKA "When others don't openly and honestly communicate with me, I feel as if they don't care enough about me (implied: care enough about me to ease my pain)" is what YOU need to work on. Whenever you find yourself reacting to his silence like this, stop and see if ur having that interpretation again, then put it in check and leave the crap right at his door step. Don't take on his issues luv.

Posted by CaribCappy

Posted by aquapiscescusp
CaribCappy, when he ignores me, I ask once, what's wrong? If that's not enough for him to come around, he can sulk all by himself. I don't ask more than one time. I mean really...

But why is it still eating at you so much after you've walked away? Seriously? I'm not trying to be funny here. When he acts like that what emotions does the silence or his failure to open up trigger within you? You reaction to this is more than just annoyed.

So....fill in the blank:

When he give me the silent treatment or doesn't open up about what's wrong/going on with him, I feel ___________________" Give it a shot.

click to expand

Then tell him just like that. "When I feel distance/silence from you it makes me feel as if I don't matter. I just want to be here and help if I can."

thanks gang, you guys are awesome with your comments, it helps a lot to not feel alone HUGSSSSSSSSSSS

Nicro I do feel better, and yes it's dead on some of this stuff. When in doubt I will refer to it just to keep from sinking 🙂)

I am seeing a Cap male who does the silent treatment periodically to me also...I tell him how I feel about it and then I go silent also, leaving him alone to then do whatever he needs to do, he has always come around and it's as if nothing is wrong. During those times of silence, I go and enjoy life without him. I have to look at it as his lose...oh well!

Posted by DG

Posted by Nicrobliz

Posted by DG
YUP!!! the ex was the same way....whenever we argued he would come to my house and ask for all the jewelry back that he gave me....tried ripping it off my neck once..

There was this girl Nicole that adored him, she was always going around asking people if we were still together, etc etc...I even said to him once why don't you go out with her, she's perfect for you. He siad I don't like her. I often wondeered why...then it came to me cus Cappy men want what they can't have or what gives them a fight.

He sounded like an srsehole, to be honest. You're better off without him.

But just to balance things, I've dated many Gemini women but would never date them again. In the short-term, they are rather wonderful but eventually what each other wants in the long-term diverges wildly, causing lots of friction along the way.

I still adore you lot but only from a distance... 🙂

LOL...feelings mutual....yeah, seems like the more I'm on DXP the more I hear this from all the other signs too, nobody wants to be with Gemini females, I guess we're doomed to be alone....lol

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LOL, no you're not! Just like who like you and screw the rest! You are who you are and the right person will love all your quirks and bad habits...or at least see them as a package deal and think it's worth the effort.

Leoliza, you are doing long distance? that's difficult. He sure does soften up when I give him that special touch. All that tough, controlled, stubborn exterior just melts away with a few compliments and an affectionate hug or kiss. It's getting to that point that is hard work haha.

Posted by leoliza
Might I suggest next time you see him softening him with touch. Mine always has responded to that.

Sensible advice, I must say. I've noticed this; whether it's among male-female or male-male or female-female, a gentle arm around the shoulder and a "what's wrong, buddy/honey?" seems to make Caps loosen up.

Oh, and as for reminding you all that they've done for you, perhaps it's not them reminding us but us forgetting to be grateful for what others have done for us (irregardless of sign). Seriously, I don't know of many Caps who CONSTANTLY never let you forget all the things that they did for you. They only seem to do that during a fight. Don't know about you guys but I rarely see Caps fight because they seem to know it's a waste of time & energy. So by extension, I rarely see a Cap reminding his/her SO about all the things he/she has given or done for you. I notice this is also a common trait with Aquas. Compare Caps & Aquas with some of the others sign who never let you forget that you owe them.

Seriously, most folks constantly whine about other folks who are constantly bickering/picking fights/talking condescendingly. Yet here we are wringing our hands about someone who prefers to be silent.

Why does it bother us so much? Because we don't know what the other party is thinking? Fear of the unknown?

Oh, and thanks for the "omg, beowulf has graced the forums" posts. Makes me feel all tingly all over 🙂

Posted by aquapiscescusp
Yes, thank you, it is all sinking in. Truecap said something that made me laugh and rings true HISSY FIT lol. Nicro, I am very stubborn but would never ignore someone for weeks for something that I perceive as trivial. That time when did not speak to me for weeks was because I had confronted him on something that he did, he denied it and twisted that around like you wouldn't believe and then proceeded to ignore me, not even looking at me when he would see me. He was so mad. Of course that would make me laugh, it was so absurd and I told him that. You can't talk to the guy, he takes everything the wrong way so now I never tell him anymore if something is bothering me. Gets all offended! From what I could see is that if he thinks for a second I am upset at him (even a little which I can hide very well but he picks up on it immediately), he gives me the cold shoulder. It's getting old.

If we want you, we dont go weeks or days...