Telling Caps no...

Hello goatfish! 🙂 friendly cancer here. So, I was asked by my capricorn guy friend to be in a friend with benefit thing with him. We are very attracted to eachother, however I fear for my crabby heart that I will become attached to him. How do I politely tell him no, without making pushing him into that silent treatment defense mechanism you all are know for. I still wanna be friends.

This guy has 1000% capricorn tendencies. Any experiences or opinions are appreciated, thank you! 🙂

I responded on the Cancer board.

Guide - Friends with benefits

Be clear, lay down some rules and cut it off the moment things start getting fishy.

If you are already afraid you will start feeling for him, tell him so. Who knows what his response might be. If he is mature he will be content with all the great sex you two have had and continue as if nothing happened.

Posted by noname
to be asked to be fwb is not flattering. it's the opposite - "you are only good enough to be a piece of meat and to be used as a dump". any less than half good looking women can be attractive enough for many men to use as a piece of meat. you should be offended when a friend dares to propose this. drop him as a friend is what i would do.

Yep, It's like saying, you're good enough to screw, but not good enough to date or have a relationship with.

He might go silent for a bit but he'll be back. No is not an option when they want something. Who knows, he might find some respect for you.

Just be honest. Tell him your feelings may get involved making the situation confusing and you don't want that so you'll have to say no to his offer.

Id just say what it is. He'll deal.

I actually love the topic of this thread because I'm a Capricorn with this same situation going on from a cancer male...he actually asked me was he my type...things moved so fast that it just went where ever it Was gonna go then he hits me with the can we be fwb because i have this baby on the way i just wanna focused on really...then i was confused as Hell because i already have feelings but know this isn't healthy cause the longer it goes on the Messier things will get...his baby mama is my lil cousins best friend which i didn't know at the beginning of this situation...she confirmed they aren't together at all but he had sex with me full nine years then went back to her house and freaked her while my lil cousins in the room...talking about being hurt about that...then he doesn't know i know but i informed him shes my cousin...so i felt he did it so it'll get back to me that he may not be in a relationship with her or me but he still has sex with her...i recall a recent conversation of him saying he can't cheat on anybody when he's not in a committed relationship...save yourself the trouble and get a full blown understanding of what you each want and need cause i thought he and i did only to get this slap punch in the face I'm confused and extremely hurt which i could of saved myself this pain by avoiding him and this like the plague

Typo nine yards not years...i apologize for many typos

:Update:

I messaged him that I honestly and personally cannot have sex without feelings. So I believe we should not do this fwb thing.

He wasn't ready to give up and said things like "Dont worry, we wont see each other after a few years you will get over me" and "You are the type of girl I'm comfortable with and would like to practice on." I was deeply hurt. Here was a good friend saying basically he didn't care about how I feel even AFTER I politely denied him. I stopped responding to his messages all week. (every night around 11pm he would txt me "hey come over" "hi" after this conversation happened.

Unfortunately we are also presentation partners in school for one last and final presentation. I talked to him for the first time today ALL BUSINESS, and we got stuff done. After which he tagged at the end "Thank you for responding..." which I replied "Yea, because its a reasonable time of day..."
I'm done. I'm dissapointed in him. And I'm over it. 🙂 C'est la vie.

Posted by lawliet
:Update:

I messaged him that I honestly and personally cannot have sex without feelings. So I believe we should not do this fwb thing.

He wasn't ready to give up and said things like "Dont worry, we wont see each other after a few years you will get over me" and "You are the type of girl I'm comfortable with and would like to practice on." I was deeply hurt. Here was a good friend saying basically he didn't care about how I feel even AFTER I politely denied him. I stopped responding to his messages all week. (every night around 11pm he would txt me "hey come over" "hi" after this conversation happened.

Unfortunately we are also presentation partners in school for one last and final presentation. I talked to him for the first time today ALL BUSINESS, and we got stuff done. After which he tagged at the end "Thank you for responding..." which I replied "Yea, because its a reasonable time of day..."
I'm done. I'm dissapointed in him. And I'm over it. 🙂 C'est la vie.

What a crass jerk!!! he wants to PRACTICE on you? OMG!! How insulting. And to not care "you'll get over me" - oooh! Can't believe he has the nerve to keep asking you to come over. I guess he thinks he will wear down your resolve.

He needs to be hog tied and left on the courthouse square right in the middle of town for all to see -naked, bruised and bleeding.

Good for you for not going along with his suggestion. Even better for you for ignoring him! He so doesn't deserve your time.

Good for you cancer! I'm proud of you!!! Stay strong!

And yes, stillwater is right. It is painful to realize a supposed friend has such little respect for your feelings. Just be glad you found this out now and not after being FWB for a little while. This is the type of guy who would use and take and not ever give anything in return. The type of guy who would harm your self esteem and self respect.

The consolation prize for the pain of losing your friend is in maintaining your self respect and confidence.

Yes, very, very proud of you!!!

*Hugs*

Let me tell you a story about what happened with me a short while ago;

There was this girl from work that I have always enjoyed spending time with. It was always a bit goofy and flirty but because I actually got her number the same afternoon I started dating my now ex-virgo I put her in the cute but friendly category and didn't think much of it.

The Virgo and I called it off for practical reasons, time and distance being one of them, and though there is still some feeling there with the both of us we don't want to get together again.
Anyway, after that I started hanging out with my friends some more and her as well.
When I had a BBQ with her and some friends we all had a great time but my friends were all pestering me into making work of her, asking me questions like; "Are you two always like this?" 😛
Yes we are but I will make my own decisions thank you very much you nosy people. 😉

So a week later we just went to the beach for a drink at night and after walking around for a couple of hours we ended up making out. Turns out she has been sending hints my way that I didn't pick up on.

So why not do something? Well;
- She is a colleague that I work with quite often
- She is leaving in September to study abroad, which was the exact same reason why the Virgo and I broke up

I did tell her I find her very cute and that I am curious what she looks like naked but that I won't be getting emotionally involved if she is leaving in a month and a half. She was alright with that.
She never did FWB before but she would be willing to try.

On the way home I had my doubts because I was picking up that she probably agreed to that because she does like me and I am afraid I will end up hurting her when the feeling is not reciprocated.
The day after we had another long walk and a good talk about it. She seemed to be okay about it but time will tell.

P.s. I always thought she was an Aqua but it turned out she was a Cancer. Go figure.

* to me of course X(

Posted by stillwat3r
TigerCap - that's sucky luck for you with these people moving away.

I will be doing the same thing (hopefully) at the beginning of next year so it's just no use.
And the whole idea of FWB is great in theory but not if you already know when someone feels more for you than you for them. It's just not fair to take advantage.

I can wait. Plenty of fish in the sea. 🙂

Posted by stillwat3r

Posted by TigerCap

Posted by stillwat3r
TigerCap - that's sucky luck for you with these people moving away.

I will be doing the same thing (hopefully) at the beginning of next year so it's just no use.
And the whole idea of FWB is great in theory but not if you already know when someone feels more for you than you for them. It's just not fair to take advantage.

I can wait. Plenty of fish in the sea. 🙂

haha true. where are you heading to?

click to expand

I'm not sure yet. I intend to do my Master's degree somewhere else but I need to finish my Bachelor first. I will look into the possibilities and do some calculations after the summer.