Virgo Woman Needing Help with Confusing Capricorn!

So...I have been on a few dates with a Capricorn man, and I am a Virgo woman. He is 37, and I am 33.

On our first date we met up for breakfast, but ended up hanging out together for the next 24 hours! He wanted to know everything about me in this time...my past relationships, family, what I want in the future, etc...details regarding things that people generally would not discuss on a first date. He also asked about my children's father, and wanted to know details on this, too. Because I am a pretty honest and up front person, it was not offensive to me, and we had some really fabulous discussions...I let him know quite a bit about myself and my past. Although he seemed a bit eager, I am also someone intense so did not get too alarmed.

Second date, we met for dinner and then ended up hanging out until 5pm the next day! He brought me coffee in bed, and we chatted for hours upon hours...actually, we stayed in bed until well after 2pm and he even cancelled a work meeting (I did not ask him to do that, just noticed he did so mentioning it). That evening, I had also met a few of his friends before we left dinner, and he put his hand on my arm while we were chatting with them...he will often reach out to hold or caress my arm/hand in public. Again, when we spent this time privately together, he wanted all of my details and past and secrets...really intense conversation. He shared some of his past heartbreak, and even cried a little to me while I held his hand. There is an intimate emotional connection.

We have slept together, and over the next weekend he also went for a walk with me and my daughter to the park, and he invited us back to his house so that she could play with his dog and instruments (he is a music education professor). He wrote me a few minutes after we left to tell me how amazing she is, and how he believes that I am a fabulous mother.

Also, though, he told me the first time we spent time together that he sometimes uses beautiful women to feel good about himself, and also lamented about a relationship that ended suddenly for him a few months ago...and how lonely he has been. We also realized we have a friend in common, and he stated that he would likely be going out on a date with her the next week the first time we hung out (though they never did go on a date, nor has he seen anyone else). He has also asked a few times how he could be a great friend to me.

I, myself, am a teacher...but am also a single parent and have a lot of past history. I find his behavior very confusing and impulsive, and told him that I do not want to be someone's stepping stone. I also told him that I believe he may have a little too much going on emotionally and asked him for some space and to not contact me for a bit. This felt awful to me, but perhaps necessary for my emotional safety.

I'm getting mixed feelings in my gut...he is coming on very strongly, but also making statements that indicate to me he really just needs a friend. Problem is, he is someone that I could really like if I allowed myself...but I'm scared that he may simply be flighty, immature and unsure of what he wants. Also, that I may simply make him feel good about himself because I am a single parent, etc. and he is a professor (he seems to have a bit of an ego/savior complex)...maybe like he is "slumming it" with me.

I'm a very logical person, and can cut off ties pretty easily if I need to...but can't tell if I am being irrational cutting him out (because of my past abuse), or if my gut (which says to cut him out quick...like right now before he can hurt me) is right.

I suppose I am wondering if cutting off contact is an appropriate response to this? And why the hell does he behave so emotionally erratic...bringing up children and marriage, etc. in the first few dates, but also telling me about women who hurt him recently?? Is he crazy, or am I, or are we both?

Hahaha that would be a possibility if I hadn't told him not to contact me!!!!

Alrighty...so without the exact time of birth, it is showing:

-Virgo Moon

-Aquarius Venus

LOTS of Virgo...Moon, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Lilith

Maybe another Virgo has an opinion? @Virgorean

Hmmm...interesting but may not tell me anything I do not already know. And nothing much in there about relationships to give me a clue, at least. Do you get something on the above from reading that?

Posted by tmorgan
Hahaha that would be a possibility if I hadn't told him not to contact me!!!!

So if you don't want him to contact you what is the purpose of this thread...— The only one who is confusing here is you. You say one thing and mean another. Cray cray.

Hahaha...I may be! IMO, he was sending mixed messages...and it freaked me out, so that's what I told him I wanted.

I'm basically wondering if he is actually sending mixed messages and being reckless, or I am imagining it. And also, if Capricorns typically behave this way...coming on super intense and strong...but wishy washy? I'm pretty sure I stated that above, and that's what the thread is for!

Yes…I hear you. He did NOT end up going out with the other person…and has not slept with anyone else. I suppose I should have mentioned that.

He has also asked me things like whether I’m sure he’s not the kind of person I could be with long term…and if I want more children, etc. He asked me why I would pay for grad school when I could go for free as his partner, as well. (Which I thought was really intense so early.) He talked about future dates, and up until I requested he stop, was texting me at least 10-15 times a day. 



Although my gut feeling is with you, THIS is the confusing part…the incredibly mixed messages, and is why I panicked!

Posted by Skye

Posted by tmorgan


We have slept together (did on our first and second date...I know, I'm terrible),

Also, though, he has told me throughout the course of our conversations that he sometimes uses beautiful women to feel good about himself, and has also lamented about a relationship that ended suddenly for him a few months ago...and how lonely he has been. We also realized we have a friend in common, and he stated that he would likely be going out on a date with her the next week. He has also asked a few times how he could be a great friend to me, and said that he would really like to be my friend.

I don't think he's confusing at all. You had sex with him and he told you you're a friend. He even told you he was going out with a mutual friend the following week. It's crystal clear, he's dating different girls and you're his FWB.

click to expand

OP, I'm not chiding you or anything but did you not realize what he said that's highlighted in the boldened words?? He tells you to your face that he's going ON A DATE with someone you know...after sleeping with you...TWICE.

I'm going to give you a dose of reality to help you because I don't want to see you go through hell for nothing. This guy is a douche canoe...plain and simple. He told you to your face who he is. He charmed you, brought you to his friends, held your hand, brought you coffee, and opened up all in the service of selling you a fantasy...a knight in shining armor in order to use you to feed his ego. All of that was to get you emotionally hooked(which he accomplished) so that now you chase him and feed his ego. See, him telling you about his past is to make you feel sorry for him because he's a "broken man" all in the service of making you fall into a trap that women often do...trying to fix him. Him telling you about him using beautiful women and going out with a mutual friend is a test. If you still try to see him after hearing that, it tells him you accept that and in all honesty any pain you experience is your responsibility...not his. Reason being is you cant change anybody. A fox can tell you all day long that they're not a fox but at the end of the day...you can't change who they are.

You already realize you shouldn't have slept with him as men typically don't respect a woman if she gives it up that easily. I'm not saying you're easy, but we can talk all day about how men can still respect a woman after that but you still have to be realistic as disrespect is the most likely outcome. A real man invests in a woman first...shows he's worthy. And no it's not all the asthetic stuff he did, he'll show you respect, loyalty, commitment, be supportive, etc before he even thinks of being intimate. So please, let go of whatever fantasy you have your head about being with this guy because mostly likely it's going to be disastrous and you'll only end up giving the best part of you for a long time and get nothing in return. Good luck.

@Beautifulsoul74

Ah...yes, well if the circumstance were as you described above, I would totally agree with you!!!

The things you highlighted above were said only the first time we spent time together, as friends...and he has said nothing of the sort since. Not even close. He has done all of the other wonderful things above since saying those things once. And he has also not seen anyone else or slept with anyone else. Not sure if that makes a difference, though.

I have really liked people before and scared them away on a first date by unconsciously saying stupid things (I have been abused before, so have attachment issues and experience panic), so I was feeling unsure as to whether he as doing that (protecting himself in some way)...or legitimately warning me! Thanks for the input.

Posted by tmorgan
Alrighty...so without the exact time of birth, it is showing:

-Virgo Moon

-Aquarius Venus

LOTS of Virgo...Moon, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Lilith

Maybe another Virgo has an opinion? @Virgorean

I don't know why I was tagged. You're not logical enough to read the clear signs he's given that others mentioned or make your intentions known what you want from him before sleeping with him.

Haha, okay. I've definitely said ridiculous things on a first date before because I was nervous/scared...and regretted it later. It did not mean I did not like the person, but that I was freaked out.

His behavior has been nothing like that since the first time we hung out, actually the complete opposite (which I described above). And I am totally fine with open relationships/friends with benefits (I was in an open relationship for six years prior to this)...and asked him if that was what he wants, but he said no! He said he wants a committed relationship...so not sure how finding all of this confusing makes me illogical 😉

0 to 100....is never good. Huge RED FLAG

Too too fast.

Don't look back

Keep walking...he won't give you what you are looking for. He doesnot even respect you...smfh

Be discreet and don't share so many details with strangers

Get help for your attachment and abuse issues first. Learn why you let yourself accommodate such premature relationships in the first place. If you don't, you will always find yourself with such losers



Ciao!!!

Posted by tmorgan
@Beautifulsoul74

Ah...yes, well if the circumstance were as you described above, I would totally agree with you!!!

The things you highlighted above were said only the first time we spent time together, as friends...and he has said nothing of the sort since. Not even close. He has done all of the other wonderful things above since saying those things once. And he has also not seen anyone else or slept with anyone else. Not sure if that makes a difference, though.

I have really liked people before and scared them away on a first date by unconsciously saying stupid things (I have been abused before, so have attachment issues and experience panic), so I was feeling unsure as to whether he as doing that (protecting himself in some way)...or legitimately warning me! Thanks for the input.

Fair enough. But here's the thing about what you just said. I'm sorry that you've been through what you have, but your experience and issues is no reason to look past or excuse his behavior. Even if he was protecting himself or "testing" you...someone who cares for and respects you doesn't do that...period 🙂 If you are insecure, that's ok. You can work on that, but you shouldn't use that as a false equivalency that because you're "flawed" that it's ok for him to do that...it's not. The only result is confusing mixed messages from him that keep you trapped. Yeah, he'll treat you nice, but he won't give you ultimately what you want...stability out of respect and caring. As I said before those things he does are superficial and are never an indicator of someone's love and respect. Good luck