What is the damn DEAL!?

About to be so over Caps. It always happens, me and third decan caps are MAGNETS.

Long story short there's a dude at work, we've developed a flirtship. Taking it slow, but messaging a lot at work. Somehow we got into this spy themed game where we are a spy team and we do 'missions' at the office. We spent a week figuring out how to get on the roof and broke into it haha. it was fun. He asked me to grab a drink with him and some other managers once, it ended up just being us. We got along really well. He left town for a week, i found out his grandma passed. We discussed it and he was ok with it I told him my grandpa was my best friend I hope he never died. Talk about foreshadowing..

A week later, my grandpa is in the hospital and I left work suddenly for a week. He passed away 😢 I'm ok, tbh idk if it's sunk in fully yet. Well this guy messaged me on my email while i was away and asked where I was. I told him. he said I'm sorry, was this the grandpa we talked about. I said yea, I thought about our conversation a lot...He said, nothing.

Fast forward to today. i come it dressed to the 9s. My boss flew in. our team is all very close and very young. My boss is dating our other boss who got fired (long story). He's like a brother. I came in and he hugged me and picked me up. I turn around and there is the Capricorn GLARING at me. I said hi to him and sat down. he didnt speak to me the whole day. Continuing with our 'spy' stuff I brought a walkie talkie I found a week ago (and sent him a pic of it a week ago) and wrote a note, put it in the clip on the back and just walked it over to his desk. He gave me this LOOK and laughed. But he's looking at me like he hates me almost! Then right as he was leaving he put it on my desk and said, I wrote you back, but you'll have to find the note...

I cracked that bad boy open and he had stuffed it inside the walkie. His note was kinda boring, but he said he had a spy mission and needed a consult. Idk why I was kinda mad that he wasn't warm with me, or like hey I'm glad you're back. I'm sorry about your grandpa. Instead he was distant and sassy.



What is his deal. Idk how to explain it but the vibe didn't make me feel good.Seemed like a bunch of ego.

Your thoughts?

I know he likes me, but this ain't the way to my heart, or anything else for that matter.

I will also add, Ok, our job is weird but my boss I'm referring to DANIEL. He is from San Fran. team on the other side of the US. So we consult with him, but he's not in our office. SO it's possible the Capricorn has NO idea who he is bc the cap and I work on different teams... Just to give more context.

First, you cant say long story short and then proceed with 3 more paragraphs lmao.

I have never dated a cap but it seems more like an ego thing, if he likes you he would straight ask you out. Not play these childish immature games. I doubt he is shy, just more so looking to pump his ego and that creates this territorial, I want to win her attention thing with him.

But all of this is speculative because not much has been given. All I can say is take it as it comes but dont take him seriously until his actions become more reflective of that. Dont get caught in his web of games, which is easier said than done when a nice man, that you find attractive seems to be showing you some attention (no matter how grand or small).

He got jealous :p

IDK though. If I was in your place I'd go talk to him than wait for him to show concern.. Robots get uneasy and very uncomfortable to show condolences...they do not know how to lol.

At the most they will sit by your side silently...or say something in their wise grand old man fashion.

Yea, I shouldn't have to constantly explain myself. I was coming in after a major devastation to people who love each other like family. I will admit Daniel was a bit familiar, but bc I know how I know what he meant by it. I don't flirt with ANYONE but the Cap. How is it my fault someone came and picked me up out of nowhere? All I did was say hi. If he makes those kind of assumptions it's his bad. It's not the actual truth. I don't assume the Capricorn knows ANYTHING.

But I get why he had a weird look I just don't think it should have been directed at me.

Pretty dismal responses across the board...



LOL pisces, you're right. I suck at writing short. I just have to include all the details..

I think he felt jealous/judgemental. Which doesn't impress me tbh character wise. Wild thought, he could have come up to me and offered his condolences.... Or a hug. But nope!



Mallory: I both agree and disagree. I think it is ego yes, which isn't what I want. I want a partnership and a very serious relationship, nothing more or less. I do however think he does like me. And I've dealt with caps b4, they are very awkward even when they like you. Confusing almost. They are so slow, and really careful. They don't want to be rejected. But I don't want a man whose ego is bigger than his desire...

Lots to examine. I will pull back. I'm obviously in a vulnerable state anyways, so it's prob for the best.

I'll see what happens in the next few days, focus on my work, and relieve him of any expectations +detach.

Posted by Imarollin
Just be there.

wtf

Posted by Foreverloveme
Maybe he felt jealous idk just a thought

Maybe he wasn't sure what to say in response to your grandpa especially if he's young just another thought

we are both 30

It's okay, I always feel the need to give details too haha. But I think you are going about it the correct way. I would not jump to conclusions so soon and believe he thinks you're the office flirt, I hardly think it can be taken that far. But it is probably your initial instinct, which is his ego. He just wants your attention, he wants someone to flirt with and makes him feel good while he is at work.

Whether the flirting is genuine or not, you will have to wait and see. Glad to see you aren't going to romanticize this any further.

🙂



I highly doubt that he things I'm the 'office flirt'. If he does he's a misinformed douche. He and I have hung out multiple times in private settings, we both like each other, and no one has made a move. It's pretty obvious I'm high caliber and he would be down right ignorant to assume anything else.

I will admit I was impressed that he put the not INSIDE the walkie. I cracked it with a butter knife from the kitchen lol. But I just don't like the way he handed it to me. I messaged him like IS IT IN THE WALKIE or are you f-ing with me. His response: I guess we will see how good of a spy you are..

When I think about it, it's almost like he was still flirting, but being a bit vindictive too. In the past, he would kinda flirt by being rude in a way? I remember thinking, wow, this guy does not understand how to flirt. Cue the kid that pushes the girl he likes down in the sandbox. But I thought we were past that. Guess not. Guess he can't get real. Whatever..



But yea, gotta let it go. Or let it flow. it was better when it flowed naturally. Nothing about today felt natural tbh.

so may typos. sry.

*think not thing

*note not not

I'm tired ya'll. And this is dumb.

Posted by underwaterthing
🙂



I highly doubt that he things I'm the 'office flirt'. If he does he's a misinformed douche. He and I have hung out multiple times in private settings, we both like each other, and no one has made a move. It's pretty obvious I'm high caliber and he would be down right ignorant to assume anything else.

I will admit I was impressed that he put the not INSIDE the walkie. I cracked it with a butter knife from the kitchen lol. But I just don't like the way he handed it to me. I messaged him like IS IT IN THE WALKIE or are you f-ing with me. His response: I guess we will see how good of a spy you are..

When I think about it, it's almost like he was still flirting, but being a bit vindictive too. In the past, he would kinda flirt by being rude in a way? I remember thinking, wow, this guy does not understand how to flirt. Cue the kid that pushes the girl he likes down in the sandbox. But I thought we were past that. Guess not. Guess he can't get real. Whatever..



But yea, gotta let it go. Or let it flow. it was better when it flowed naturally. Nothing about today felt natural tbh.

Well real feelings have begun to develop (at least on your end) and so there is some anticipation there, so naturally the flow of things is going to change.

You have two options, you can either step back and allow your thoughts and actions return to a neutral state, where you are open to his advances (should he make them) but you will also not alter or try to influence the direction in which things go with him.



OR you can straight up tell him, "What's going on here? I am attracted to you and I think you are attracted to me, but we are both adults here so if you are interested, I woild very much like to handle this like two, mature adults." It's brash, it's bold but it will get you to your answer a lot sooner. Just be mindful that the response may not be what you hope for, but it will uncover his true motives.

Arielle you come off so judgmental that I almost don't even want to acknowledge your comments tbh..

I just need to tell you to re-read bc you don't get what I've written at all.



Mallory: You totally get it. And yea, I'm not the type that flirts at all unless there are real feelings or they partner has potential as a long term mate. I don't date, I get into relationships, or I'm completely single. I'm a gregarious person, I get asked out a lot, but I usually don't respond. It's rare that I turn my sights on someone. When I do, even in the beginning stages, I'm blind to others around me.

I think I will take the first of your two options. I may send the note back to him tomorrow, I may not. i will see how I feel in my gut, but I'm going to SHIFT my focus to things that will for sure pay off: My work, dance, running, my music. My friends...And then rest will fall in or apart as it should.

I think I had a really hard week and he was the one person I was looking forward to seeing. I had high hopes and it did not go like I'd imagined, but it turns out I don't need him to light my world for me. I can do that myself..

Arielle:

You make a great point, yes they are.

I don't want to ask him out, especially after his behavior today.

I think if a man isn't confident enough to ask me out they shouldn't step into the ring in the first place. I've been really clear with him. It's pretty obvious I like him. His failure to fire is either

a) him moving at a slow pace

b) he doesn't want a relationship, so why would he move forward with someone relationship?

or c) emotionally unavailable.



If he wants me he will reveal it. But if he doesn't act better, I won't be interested anymore. I am very unimpressed with his behavior today.

Posted by underwaterthing
Arielle you come off so judgmental that I almost don't even want to acknowledge your comments tbh..

I just need to tell you to re-read bc you don't get what I've written at all.



Mallory: You totally get it. And yea, I'm not the type that flirts at all unless there are real feelings or they partner has potential as a long term mate. I don't date, I get into relationships, or I'm completely single. I'm a gregarious person, I get asked out a lot, but I usually don't respond. It's rare that I turn my sights on someone. When I do, even in the beginning stages, I'm blind to others around me.

I think I will take the first of your two options. I may send the note back to him tomorrow, I may not. i will see how I feel in my gut, but I'm going to SHIFT my focus to things that will for sure pay off: My work, dance, running, my music. My friends...And then rest will fall in or apart as it should.

You and I are so very similar. I am the same, happily single for the most part--although recently not so much, I am ready to get back out there haha--seldomly do I find myself attracted or interested in someone. I am not a woman who dates just to date, I don't just want any boyfriend, I have to genuinely like you and I always know within a moment of speaking if we are on that wavelength or not. I need that connection or nothing at all.

So I do understand. I understand also what it is like to look forward to a moment and play it out in your head to only be disappointed by the reality. So I am trying to practice, what I would say you should to, just being in the present. Don't place large expectations on what is to come or be. I know, that's hard for us all or nothing girls but once you get the hang of it, it becomes easy.

I think focusing on work and dance is a fab idea! Also, send the note back, sounds like a fun little game you two have. I personally think he was being a flirty playful--a little tease (which is always nice), the note he wrote did not sound aggresive at all (but I was not there).

Just play along and leave the expectations behind.

Posted by Foreverloveme

Posted by underwaterthing

Posted by Foreverloveme
Maybe he felt jealous idk just a thought

Maybe he wasn't sure what to say in response to your grandpa especially if he's young just another thought

we are both 30

You said your whole office is young. I don't consider 30 young...so that's subjective.

Sometimes people decide against office relationships just another thought. I flirt with people all the time without intentions of anything else.



However the important thing is you expected a different reaction in response to your grandpa passing (my condolences btw)n he didn't give you that so those are the things you shouldn't ignore. Like you said either distance & move on or address it with him.

*him being cold instead of warm just means walls went back up

click to expand

Everyone else on my team is early 20s. It's a start up and the office environment is very sub standard.

"*him being cold instead of warm just means walls went back up"



yup. and how exhausting is that? esp after what we have already worked through. don't get me started, but you can say we have done some trust building exercises, and we def have a few secrets between us that we won't be telling anyone else.

Posted by malloryor

Posted by underwaterthing
Arielle you come off so judgmental that I almost don't even want to acknowledge your comments tbh..

I just need to tell you to re-read bc you don't get what I've written at all.



Mallory: You totally get it. And yea, I'm not the type that flirts at all unless there are real feelings or they partner has potential as a long term mate. I don't date, I get into relationships, or I'm completely single. I'm a gregarious person, I get asked out a lot, but I usually don't respond. It's rare that I turn my sights on someone. When I do, even in the beginning stages, I'm blind to others around me.

I think I will take the first of your two options. I may send the note back to him tomorrow, I may not. i will see how I feel in my gut, but I'm going to SHIFT my focus to things that will for sure pay off: My work, dance, running, my music. My friends...And then rest will fall in or apart as it should.

You and I are so very similar. I am the same, happily single for the most part--although recently not so much, I am ready to get back out there haha--seldomly do I find myself attracted or interested in someone. I am not a woman who dates just to date, I don't just want any boyfriend, I have to genuinely like you and I always know within a moment of speaking if we are on that wavelength or not. I need that connection or nothing at all.

So I do understand. I understand also what it is like to look forward to a moment and play it out in your head to only be disappointed by the reality. So I am trying to practice, what I would say you should to, just being in the present. Don't place large expectations on what is to come or be. I know, that's hard for us all or nothing girls but once you get the hang of it, it becomes easy.

I think focusing on work and dance is a fab idea! Also, send the note back, sounds like a fun little game you two have. I personally think he was being a flirty playful--a little tease (which is always nice), the note he wrote did not sound aggresive at all (but I was not there).

Just play along and leave the expectations behind.

click to expand

I like you 🙂 I'll respond to this in my next post so there's more character room...

This is going to go deep, but not only am I a very loyal one man only kind of girl, who does not date around, I have decided I want to get married and start a family in the next 5 years. So the serious just went up even more. I am the only one who can carry my family name forward. I had a horrible upbringing, the women in my family..they are not right ..mentally 😢 And my grandpa was that one light in my life. After what happened with him, I decided I want to do things right, and make my own family, since I just lost the last piece of mine.

With Peter (the capricorn) yes, our game is fun. I'm creative, and I love anyone that challenges me in that way. I loved/hated him for making me figure out how to crack open that walkie talkie hahah. I will say I admired his cleverness. It was more the vibe he was giving me/ his lack of demonstrativeness that disappointed me. I re-read the note and it was flirty. Sigh. It was just a really really hard week. Regardless of him, I have amazing friends that have totally got my heart and my back. But yes, always hopefully to find that special someone.

Posted by underwaterthing
Arielle:

You make a great point, yes they are.

I don't want to ask him out, especially after his behavior today.

I think if a man isn't confident enough to ask me out they shouldn't step into the ring in the first place. I've been really clear with him. It's pretty obvious I like him. His failure to fire is either

a) him moving at a slow pace

b) he doesn't want a relationship, so why would he move forward with someone relationship?

or c) emotionally unavailable.



If he wants me he will reveal it. But if he doesn't act better, I won't be interested anymore. I am very unimpressed with his behavior today.

Good points all around. I like that phrase "If a man isn't confident enough to ask me out they shouldn't step into the ring in the first place."

Not bashing you here on wanting a man to ask you out, I am the same. Since when did it become a bad thing? Unfortunately, less and less man are taking that route so dont waste time waiting, he either will or wont, but I am sure you can find you another who MOST certainly will. Keep me posted!

Posted by underwaterthing
This is going to go deep, but not only am I a very loyal one man only kind of girl, who does not date around, I have decided I want to get married and start a family in the next 5 years. So the serious just went up even more. I am the only one who can carry my family name forward. I had a horrible upbringing, the women in my family..they are not right ..mentally 😢 And my grandpa was that one light in my life. After what happened with him, I decided I want to do things right, and make my own family, since I just lost the last piece of mine.

With Peter (the capricorn) yes, our game is fun. I'm creative, and I love anyone that challenges me in that way. I loved/hated him for making me figure out how to crack open that walkie talkie hahah. I will say I admired his cleverness. It was more the vibe he was giving me/ his lack of demonstrativeness that disappointed me. I re-read the note and it was flirty. Sigh. It was just a really really hard week. Regardless of him, I have amazing friends that have totally got my heart and my back. But yes, always hopefully to find that special someone.

I am so sorry to learn about your upbringing, and now understand how devastating your loss truly was. If you want a family, then go get it. You can find a great man to build that life with, but you have to be sure you are not bringing those expectations on to each man you fancy. I have a tendency to do just that, get all hopeless romantic on a love interest but someone on this board said the other day, "most people don't make that sort of decision to be with someone, marry someone, within a first meeting." It really hit home for me, how I project my desires onto situations with people that is unfair.

I cannot say you do that, but I do think maybe it plays at least some role as to your disappointment in his lack of movement. You cannot dictate this. It has to happen naturally. You seem to know what to do. Just tell God, or the universe, whichever you please, that your heart is open to finding love, and start putting yourself out there more to meet new people. Take each new meeting as a new experience to enjoy, and one day one of those new experiences will hopefully lead to the new experience of walking down an aisle.

Best wishes to you :*

Arielle,

I appreciate your advice but my gut advises me to do just the opposite.

Ty Mallory.

Interesting. I wrote a long response to mallory but it disappeared....



Hmmmm

Ty and I'm taking in what you've said. I have a much better understanding now.

"You know more about what's going on than him."

I re read and that's important info. I will try to keep that in mind.

Honestly leo and capricorn aren't a good match for eachother, there will usually be a lot of misunderstanding.

Learned a lot today/tonight...

So tonight was interesting. Mixed signals from Cap. It seems liked he had interest, but would lose steam in the end. I can say for sure confidence is the issue here. Okay so we started the day with him initiating contact, but I can say he dropped the ball somewhat when we were conversing online. (Maybe he felt he wasn’t in control?) Then he walks up to me after work and invites me out with a few of the other co-workers that were going out for drinks. A good sign right, cause he didn’t invite anyone else. Then he hang around the office a bit and asks me again if I’m going, to which I say I’m to sure we will see (I was out an hour later, I didnt even know if he’d still be there at that point). So I get out, and he’s out with my boss and some other ‘leads’ (a step below manager) and I text him. He doesn’t w/b so I text my boss and he tells me where they are. I ended up giving them a ride to the bar which I sensed made him uncomfortable- my boss is from out of town so he ubers, the cap has a motorcycle in the shop, other girl doesn't drive ... then we get to the bar. Both he and I , very uncomfortable and with 2 jabber jaws. My boss paid for everything. I think the cap felt intimidated immasculinated by my ARIES boss's presence. (He's the one who hugged me) Anywho, the cap left EARLY after one drink. And he was on his phone/spacing out a lot. I caught him studying his beer foam and the rings it made and engaged him in a conversation about that. He was very cute and coy about it, he smiles whenever we talk. I can tell he likes me but I just got that he was feeling uncomfortable/not confident for whatever reason.

Anyways, I had a pretty good time lol! After he left some other ppl came and I learned a lot about the company. Of course, I literally only went bc of the capricorn... I'm not taking it personally. My gut tells me he's just kinda emotionally special ed, a bit selfish, inexperienced, and not gonna be really feeling great until he is established in his career. I also think he's a bit intimidated by me but equal parts intrigued. I gotta say, I felt compassion for him tonight. Empathy. I do like him, but I'm not going to impose anything on him or myself. I will see what transpires. Naturally. I feel a lot more relaxed, and I realized I was using him as a distraction for the pain I've been feeling with the death of my grandfather. But I do like him. However I'm not sure he has the depth or maturity to really GO THERE with me. Either way, I'm ok.

PS I'm drunk rn. But goodnight.

You sound obsessed and crazy. Bottom line is he hasn't asked u out and it sounds like you're thinking of him way more than he's thinking of you. It sounds like you analyze if he blinks his eye good grief lol

Interesting. I probably do sound that way, but I can promise I don't give off that vibe. It's more likely that he's wondering if I even like him because I am "standoffish" as I get told so frequently. Last sentence is very accurate however.



Thanks for your judgement. That's totally helpful and productive...not.

...and he has asked me out. We have been out twice alone before. He also is the one that invited me last night.