Aqua male, gemini woman

ok, so ive been seeing this aqua. weve been together for almost nine months. weve recently taken a break, and weve been like best friends. well thats what we like to say, but to everyone around us, they still cant tell were over. SHOCKER. oh well, well secretly, ive been tormented with just being his friend. hes stayed exclusively to me and he still parties and eveyrthing. nothing has really changed. well weve been getting down and honest with each other about how we feel, and the things he says kinda blurs the line sometimes with me. hes always said things where i cant help but put how i feel out there, which is hard with him bc i dont do that with anyone else. im extremely nervous when it comes to him. i still get the butterflies when he comes around just as we had just met. about three nights ago he picked up a convo that we couldnt finish and he was like "so were staying friends right?" it broke my heart. i mean normally i wouldve been like yeah fine, and moved onto the next, but i cant with him. its a painful thought, bc i love this boy. now please dont come at me with the youre to young stuff, i know how old i am, but my heart doesnt care, so please save it. i broke down and told him how i felt, and he apologized for hurting me. he said hes just scared that hes going to keep hurting me. somewhere in this after we talked, i started thinking on it, which i found is never a good thing, but at the moment all i think i know makes sense. i would think i would know to do the opposite, but im impulsive as well, and made up my mind to just leave him alone. i would take me out his life, which i know would hurt, but i thought if i prepared myself for it it wouldnt so much. i talked to him tonight and when he was about to go, i said we wouldnt be talking anymore said goodbye, and left. he came back for me and said, ohhh....ok, well then see you. and left, but then came back and was like why are you mad? i told him i wasnt, bc i wasnt. but he thought i was, and he got all mad and was like w.e. and left. hes out of my life now, and the second it hit me, i couldnt breathe, and i cant even really think right now. even this is scattered in details. i havent been able to stop crying, and i know i can feel it, that i made a mistake, but idk. please fellow gemini, help me.