Long Distance with a Gemini Man

I started dating a Gemini man long distance about 2 months ago. We first met many months ago when he was still local and went on a few dates. When he moved away, the contact died off. Then one day he resumed contact and asked me to meet him when he was in town. We've spoken every day since. He's amazingly attentive and communicative (morning, noon, and night). He does almost all of the contact initiating......it's rare that I even feel the need to. He also has been very comfortable about broaching serious topics like wether we both want kids and typically talks in terms of "we" and about future plans. That being said, we've only seen each other about 3 times in the past 2 months. When he comes in town, he has to divide his time between family, friends, and me. He has not been very good about making advanced plans with me for the past few visits....rather he prefers to play it by ear. Well for this week's visit the topic came up for discussion and I told him that I understand that he has a lot of people wanting his time, but I'm looking forward to seeing him and could I get on his schedule. He said he doesn't know what's going to come up with his family cause they always spring stuff on him and most of them don't even know he's coming in town. We discussed back and forth our different points and he begrudingly said fine to making set plans. He then tried to turn the blame around on me by saying that I always want things on my terms. Now that accusation was based on my answer to a hypothetical question he had just posed to me. I talked through that concern with him and I think we agreed it was pointless to argue over a hypothetical question. But I was shocked to see how childish he behaved during the entire discussion and it was clear he still had a bit of an attitude when we hung up. We ended the conversation and later that night he sent me his usual good night message. I decided that I should extend the good morning message the next day...he responded. And then later that evening he texted to tell me he was hitting the road to drive home and then 8 hours later when he was safe at home....check in's that I had not asked for. All of these texts were a bit cooler than usual. In the am he texted me good morning and told me a little about what he was doing that morning and I sensed some warming up, but then I didn't hear from him the rest of the day. I texted him in the evening to wish him a happy holiday and he responded saying he was wi

He responded saying he was with family all day. So a few questions:
Any insight as to what set him off? I don't feel as though I attacked him so I'm surprised to see that he responded so defensively.
Any insight as to the best way to handle arguments with gemini men? Are they typically so cool after a disagreement? Now that we've discussed it, I feel as though I just need to back off.
Is the relationship downhill from here or is there still hope? Because he's still initiating contact and checking in, I think we're pretty good, but I'm just not sure.

Thanks for the feedback Twinklebluetoes! From my perspective, I don't view expecting he make advanced plans with me as wanting to be a big part of his life. If I was dating someone in town, I'd expect that they make plans with me a day or so in advance. Aren't we taught that if he's always making last minute plans then "he's just not that into you"? I can understand that he may be feeling pressure, so I will do my best to back off. Thanks!

In a relationship's infancy, I do not like for the other person to set the pace. Once I have decided I want you, you will become my primary focus, but until then I see any attempt (however innocent or justified) to set the pace as "pushy" or "clingy".

Don't underestimate our fear of entaglement and captivity as a major motivating force in our lives. We have to feel like we are choosing to be where we are at any moment.


(Sorry to hide the previous post. Just wanted to add a couple of things to it)

Thanks for the feedback folks. We did have our "planned" date last night and it went ok. The conversation was as normal as ever. He shared plenty about what was going on in his life (particularly stress from work). However, the physical affection completely shut down. He usually would sneak butt grabs and find excuses to touch me in some way and there was NONE of that while we were out. When we came home to my place, I asked him to stay a while and we did kiss and cuddle. He did text me good night when he got home. And now today....I haven't heard from him all day. So I've resolved to just wait and see how it plays out. Any further input?

Gemini's don't do long distance...

He will stick it out as long as he can (which won't be long) before he gets really really bored with it.

So I've resolved to just wait and see how it plays out. Any further input?

Yes, wait it out. And wait. And wait. You made him make plans with you, so now balance that out by not initiating contact for a while. Let him take the lead again. IMO, anyway.

Still no word from him. And it's kind of funny how I'm circling through so many different feelings throughout the day. But the one that I keep arriving at and the one that I think is the healthiest is that I didn't do anything wrong. When I look back at how our relationship has progressed over the past two months, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me asking that he make advanced plans with me. I view it as a fundamental dating rule and how you show that you respect someone. I feel that dating long distance is challenging enough. I put my request out there and if he can't handle it, then I don't think he'd be able to handle the additional challenges that a LDR will present down the road.

Ultimately I think I hit a nerve. Perhaps it has something to do with him perceiving my request as me asking to be put before his family. During our most recent date, I picked up on some other family dynamics that I had not known about. Without going into all the details, let's just say that I think he may put a lot of pressure on himself to be responsible for everyone at all times. While on one hand his loyalty to his family is very admirable, if it prevents him from developing a relationship with me there's not much I can do about that. And it's most certainly not my job to chase after him and try and talk it out and get him to understand my perspective. If he wants to talk and understand my perspective, he can ask me about it. Yeah.....🙂

Long distance doesn't work for us.

I've done LD, too, a several times - one time it worked and others didn't last (and I knew it wouldn't last in the latter cases.)

As twinklebluetoes said above, the only one time that worked out was because it was a serious, committed relationship I had with the guy. We had dated for about a year exclusively before the LD came in. And also, we had plans to meet in the future.

Other LDs that didn't last long were like the guys and I were relatively young (we were both in late teens or early 20s), we had not seen each other that long (like for two months or something like that)... some of the guys said they would never forget me and like to have me invited over to their home countries when we said goodbyes at the airport (oh, and I saw them cry - which made me sniff a bit, too!), but I knew it was not going to happen - no matter what and how we felt at the moment... because there was not a very strong bond between us (or at least, that was how I felt/saw it...)

Considering what the OP has written -met three times over the past two months-, I would take things easy and play by ear, too, like the guy.

I don't know why, but I don't like making a solid plan or appointment lol With my exes and my friends, when we talked about meeting up, we said 'so how about sometime next week?' and they were like 'Oh, okay, let me know later when you're free,' or 'Oh, okay, I'll check up on you later to see if you're free by then.' But then even when it had become the next week, sometimes I didn't call them or they didn't me, though we were fine, because then we thought both of us were busy with something else... however, we still knew that we were going to get together at some point - but when it would be, we would only know when it did come... until then, I'd like to have/& I could have my options open...
If I have to plan around a lot to meet someone, then I just feel it's too troublesome or tiring... (especially it's an early dating stage)
I know it (may) sounds quite selfish and such, but, well...

On the good side, you can also play by ear with a gemini, they wouldn't mind if you call them out of blue and ask to meet, they would happily answer with 'yes, why not?' if they aren't so busy at the moment - some other signs may not like the suddenness very much, but we geminis appreciate spontaneity (if they're typical geminis... and as long as whatever you bring up sounds fun, new or exciting.)

Try to keep things light and exciting as it's the early stage,

if it's fun and exciting to see/meet you, then the guy will start to making more plans and time for you.

I don't think it's fair to say that no gemini can do a long distance relationship. I have no doubt that we all have some traits driven by our individual signs that could enhance the challenges from LDR's. But let's face it, LDR's suck all on their own.
1. The distance is temporary. He misses his family A LOT and his number one goal is to figure out how to get back home.
2. I think this is really the key point! When two people are already in a committed relationship and are then separated by distance, at least the trust and commitment are already there. But trying to build the trust that will take you from dating to relationship is REALLY challenging.

I too was hoping to keep it as casual as possible. I kept telling myself just enjoy it for what it is in this moment. But, I am only so strong and able resist the charming ways of this man. We're talking morning, noon, and night communication for 60 days straight of some of the sweetest, most romantic statements I've ever heard.

It is what it is. I suspect it's over and I'm ok with that. Disappointed of course, but comfortable with that it's how it should be.

Thanks for the input and providing me an outlet over the past few days!!