LETS OFEFND EVERYONE

I came out of the chip shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said —I've not eaten for two days.?? I told him —I wish I had your will power.??

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Young Blacks" and "Romanian Gypos" were not the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time today. She said —sorry about the wait.?? I said —don't worry dear, you might lose it eventually.??

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said —Any change— I said —No, you're still black??.

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him —What's wrong— The boy says —Me ma is dead??. —Oh bejaysus?? the man says —Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you — The boy replies —No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.??

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better !

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself ....... I'm going to have that.

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland . He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him —Where am I — The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. "You can't fool me, you're in that basket up there."

I had a Trivia competition in the bag until the very last question ....... which I got wrong. The question was —Where do women have the curliest hair — Apparently the correct answer was Fiji .

A woman has a medical at the Doctors; —you are grossly overweight?? he says. ??I want a 2nd opinion??, she exclaimed ??OK - you're bloody ugly as well??