Does it always hurt this much?

I have made up my mind, I will speak with my Libraboy this friday or saturday. The issue is suffocating me.

I cant stop crying and hurting though. I know it's the rational decision and I know it's for the best and that I gave our relationship just over 3 years to fix itself (with tons of input and help on my behalf and almost none on his) but it still hurts to live, it hurts to breathe now that I feel like the end is near.

Isnt't easier when you hate the fu*ker you are breaking up with and you just say: I hate you! Dont ever wanna see you again you sad b@stard!!!!


I'm in pieces here, and no matter how much I talk with friends and my mom and my counselor, there is nothing that lifts me up.


huh! Leos..... I'm just as much of a tw@t as anybody else, I dont have that innate inner strength im supposed to have.......

I will go hide in my little corner now..... and cry!

Oh honey .... I am sorry you are hurting so much. Yes breaking up can be incredibly painful. Part of it is all the what ifs and should haves. There is grief, anger, relief, guilt, frustration, just too much emotion flowing everywhere and out of everything.

In some ways, I think it is easier when you still care about each other because you aren't left with the rejection bag. Instead of dealing with why was I not good enough, you get to say I was good enough we just weren't compatible and wanted different things. That is much easier.

Are you sure you want to end things with Libraboy?

little sparrow

yeah i am sure, i am not going anywhere in my life with him. Love him dearly, but i am always hurting, i have lost confidence in my self, i feel like i am worth nothing. I am aalways wearing black aand hoping i could disappear in the background....... i never used to be like this. It's too painful to be with him. I dont take care of myself anymore, my dreams have become just that, dreams. Aspirations gone, everything has disappeared from my life. There is no love either... I love him, i dont know if he loves me.

I can't live like that anymore, three years is long enough, the relationship got me to see a shrink.... dont want to sink any lower, i dont want it to affect my job as this is the first time I love what I am doing.

I'm pretty sure there could be someone out there who will want to be with me and love me more than Libraboy does. Well.... im not sure, but I am hoping that is the case...

thanks for listening to me

xx

LR
LS made some very good points. I'm glad that you finally made a decision, you will feel much better after you have the talk. I think the most painful part of the breakup of a long-term relationship is thinking that you have so many memories with that person and that you will never see them again. But it sounds like you and he are mature enough to be civil and remain friends, that should make everthing much easier.

It sounds like he has been using typical spineless Libra tactics to force the decision (no offence LS, your Leo moon gives you alot more balls than most Libras🙂). Not telling someone you love them for three years? You should be relieved to be rid of someone who sees nothing wrong with dishing out that kind of mental abuse.

You can fall in love with many people during a lifetime, but only a few are meant for the long haul...

Most girls I know, have a major break-up around 27-28. It is at that point you realize you aren't the person you were when you were 22 and met the guy. Your are a different person and you have different needs. Relationships cause you to forget who you are. You become We instead of I.

I think most girls who had a long-term relationship starting in their early twenties wake up one day when they are 27-28, look around, and say I hate this .... how the hell did I end up here! It happened to me and the majority of my friends who hooked up early.

I was completely shocked the day I realized I wasn't attracted too and didn't love my live-in partner. I completely freaked out.

It takes courage to face your fears and move into your own life. I believe life rewards courage. You are being given a great chance to do anything you want with your life. It is scary and exhilarating at the same time.

In the meantime, lots of self-love, self-care.

Others have been were you are now and are much better off having gone through the pain of unhealthy attachment into freedom and autonomy.

*** You can fall in love with many people during a lifetime, but only a few are meant for the long haul...

Absolutely agree!

I also agree that his passivity is his way of breaking up with you.

(although I disagree that it is his sun sign that is causing him to passively break-up with you. A lot of men, passively break-up and force a woman to break-up with them so they can remain "the nice guy".

LR

I missed this part earlier:
I'm pretty sure there could be someone out there who will want to be with me and love me more than Libraboy does. Well.... im not sure, but I am hoping that is the case...

It sounds like a dog would show you much more love and affection than Libraboy has lately, don't be afraid of the unknown. You are craving the affection that you are not getting, and he is not providing it because he doesn't want to remain trapped in the relationship either. But he is not man enough to take action and end it. You've talked with him until you are blue in the face, do it now before you REALLY need therapy.

Leos and Libras are a difficult match no matter what the matchmakers say...difficult communication...

There is no guarantee but there is a good chance. Women go through different levels of emotional development at different ages ... just like men do. 33 is a big age for men. 27 big age for women.

People change and grow over time. As we experience new things, challenges, people ... we change who we are. We are constantly changing and in a state of flux. Personality is not fixed but transient.

If you are in a relationship and you do not grow together ... you grow apart.

Just to clarify, I think it is more true of women who hook up before the age of 24. If they hook up before the age of 24 they are more likely to have the 27 freak-out. I think it is because 24 is another big age for women. Most women say they became more stable emotionally at 24.

Hey LR...don't know if this will help, but I'll tell you anyway. Hope you don't mind an astrological spin to your situation. If you are aged 28, that means that you are enduring, right now, your Saturn Return. Saturn transits around the sun every 29 years, and spends bewteen 2-2 1/2 years in each sign. On the day you were born, the planet Saturn was in Leo. It returned to the sign of Leo in July '05 and will be there until next August 07...this return to Leo is what I mean by your "Saturn Return."

This planet represents limitations, restrictions, discipline, reality, lessons learned, and hard work. To have Leo in Saturn means lack of self expression, self realization, confidence, and etc. These characteristics of Saturn in Leo are those that you will have to endure for the rest of your life, but it will also be what you will learn to overcome. Long story short, Saturn visits all individuals around the ages of 27-30, 57-60 and 87-90 (if we live that long). The first Saturn Return (ages 27-30) is labeled by astologers as a Right of Passage into adulthood. What you learn and overcome while Saturn is in Leo will set the foundations for your long-term future. Whatever is no longer needed in your life must go (libraboy). Whatever is important for your future must be added into your routine (exercise, loss of weight). You are basicially shedding your old youthful skin for a more mature look!

That also explains why you are in love w/ your leo boss...he's older, wiser, more mature, and represents everything you wish for yourself (almost like looking in a mirror, eh?). I hope this all helps. You have to do this for yourself and it will be difficult...but Saturn wants us to make these kinds of decisions, to suffer, to be depressed, to be tired and stressed, in order to make us stronger. Don't worry. This, too, shall pass.

Here is a little link on saturn returns.

http://www.newage-directory.com/saturn.html

lol!

reading through that link I saw:

Gail Sheehy writes in Passages: Predictable Crises in Adult Life that during this period "Almost everyone who is married will question that commitment." The U.S. Census Bureau lists the peak divorce years as ages twenty-eight to thirty.

justified!

geeze sag, we both have aries moon AND saturn in libra! r u my twin?

To have Saturn in Libra is not as bad as having Saturn in Leo. Saturn is exalted here...it's comfortable in this sign (Like Mars in Aries or Venus in Libra). Basically, Saturn in Libra brings lessons in relationships of any kind. I think for me, that focus would be on business relationships since I have Saturn in Libra in the 2nd house (2nd house governs material possessions and luxury). However, 2nd house also governs sensitivity in others, so this aspect could play out, as well.

Anyway, those with Saturn in Libra feel a certain resistance to the single life. We long to be in a relationship. However, we have trouble with the concept of giving all of ourselves. We tend to make ourselves seem like martyrs, you know, the giving but never receiving. That's why we attract mates that are not necessarily our equals. Partners that need help and guidance. Partners who are not at our level of maturity and wisdom. That way, we can always (possibly subconsciously) give to them and make ourselves feel good about being the good guy...the Joan of Arc. But what happens is that we end up screwing ourselves in the end. We choose the partner who is unappreciative, who uses us, who takes advantage of us...that's where we run into trouble.

I've noticed this in my relationships. Right now, I do consider my partner my equal on many levels...but on other levels, he's not as emotionally and financially mature as I am. I'm learning w/ him, however, that I need to step back and allow him to live his life (mistakes and all, of course I'm there if he needs me) without trying to fix things. It's hard, because I want to do that for him. But I know that if I do, he will end up taking me for granted. I know that that is the lesson I am to learn, and taking a back seat, sometimes, is what makes our relationship w/ one another more balanced. He has Aries sun...so his sun opposes my Saturn (Libra the Giver, Aries the Taker). We learn a lot from each other. When Saturn makes an opposition or conjunction to the Sun Sign of another person, it usually means a long, fated, enduring, karmic bond. That's why I think LR has her crush on her leo boss.

There's so much about Saturn that should be learned and discussed. Saturn has major effects on us, individually, and also when it comes to our relationships. There's this book call "Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil" by Liz Greene...you should check it out.

BTW...my Aries' Saturn conjucts my sun :-

This is the bit that basically describes me at this point in time:

Growth is often accompanied by trepidation and turmoil. As the old self is pushed aside to make room for the new, you may feel weak and vulnerable. You want to move ahead, yet are frustrated by a fear of doing so, torn between a compelling urge to throw off everything connected with your past and an equally frantic need to cling to the familiar rather than brave the great unknown.

Even if your external world seems to be in order, your internal structure may feel as though it's being assaulted with a battering ram. Nervous conditions, irritability, depression, insomnia, and feelings of insecurity are common.

Thank you for posting the link to the Saturn Returns page.

I will read all of the posts a little later and will reply if it needs it. Thank you all! you are being there for me more than my Libraboy is!


xxxx

I think I have a bad placement for Saturn. It is in Cancer. Do you know anything about Cancer in Saturn truthseeker?

here you go LS...I didn't read it so don't shoot the messenger...

http://planetwaves.net/astrology/saturnincancer.html<BR>

Hey LS

The link that SoftCookie provide will probably help. I haven't done my research on Saturn in Cancer. Or, you should ask purrrfect since she, too, has Saturn in Caner. You've already endured your Saturn Return (2003-2005), so maybe you should think back to that time and what were some of the lessons leanred in your own life.

looking at the dates saturn was in Cancer is creepy. That is when I went through my big break-up with my two best friends AND the Virgo-Virgo rising. Worst. Time. In. My. Life.

ah...but has that time made you a stronger person?

Leo-roar,

Girl! Forget all this astrology stuff!
You need to read "The Rules" like, yesterday!

No one that you want to hang onto is going to be impressed with your desperation. There is nothing attractive about anxiety. Don't call him, don't see him. Don't even take his phone calls until you read this book.

You can't be serious, that propaganda is utter garbage. There are no "rules" in love and war, there's what you can live with and what you can't. And those "rules" are different for everyone.

Next you're going to tell her to take whatever "relationship inventory" quiz is in the back of this month's Cosmo to determine whether or not "He's Just Not That Into You"...

Sun in Leo, you watch too much Oprah...

I don't watch too much oprah, nor do I need to take an inventory quiz. Nor, do I need the rules. I am the rule's. I'm already like that, so I know it works.

Good to see you on the boards truthseeker....

Just a quick question about charts. What chart type do you read when interpreting the planets in the houses? I know, lots of questions, but I am learning too. Your descriptions are awesome so I figure maybe you could answer this as well? 🙂

Hi Sun in!

If you are a rulesgirl, you are going to do a lot of wincing on this site. Be prepared. 🙂

hey purrr...regarding the natal chart, you already know which signs are represented in the houses. Whatever planets govern those signs (in the natal chart) are also represented in the same house...i.e., I have Libra in the 2nd House, and I have Saturn in Libra, therefore I have Saturn in Libra in the 2nd house...make sense?

No, because every time I pull up my natal chart it will show my first house as being shared with libra. Even though I have Virgo rising. Libra still rules my 2nd house, I don't necessarily have planets there, well uranus. It's the house that is 30 degrees. So if I have virgo rising in the latter degrees, the rest of the house will be libra. BUT, I would very much like to see the chart you are looking at that shows you that you have saturn in the 2nd house. Just in case there is something I am missing....I could always learn more.

My point is the signs don't share the same house equally.

I posted your question on tribe.net...I was told that planets normally occupy 2 houses...but, I didn't understand how, so I asked her to elaborate (I'll share w/you the answer I get). The information I'm using is off of cafeastrology. The natal chart tells you what signs the planets are in...and then to the right, it tells you houses the planets are in. ummmm...here:

Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Placidus Orb:0
Sun Leo 0.39 Ascendant Virgo 26.04
Moon Aries 20.11 II Libra 21.58
Mercury Cancer 13.01 III Scorpio 22.12
Venus Leo 28.50 IV Sagittarius 25.29
Mars Cancer 3.33 V Capricorn 28.54
Jupiter Libra 4.52 VI Aquarius 29.30
Saturn Libra 4.54 VII Pisces 26.04
Uranus Scorpio 26.07 R VIII Aries 21.58
Neptune Sagittarius 22.32 R IX Taurus 22.12
Pluto Libra 21.41 Midheaven Gemini 25.29
Lilith Scorpio 22.57 XI Cancer 28.54
Asc node Leo 1.43 XII Leo

Since i have Saturn in Libra and Libra in the Second house, I have Saturn in Libra in the 2nd house...now does that make sense? LOL...this is all sooo complicated! I'm confused! LOL

The chart I have for you shows saturn in Libra in the 1st.

...I was told that planets normally occupy 2 houses...

It's the sign, not the planet. Yes! This is going to get interesting! Maybe I can cut out of work early today.

According to that chart you displayed above, the roman numerals would indicate you have saturn in the 7th house. Which we both know is wrong. So I'm not sure what that stands for lol

I will definitley be coming back to this later in the day truthseeker. I look forward to hearing what answer you received to your question.

no...no...LOL!

It's unfortunate how that graph above showed up on the message board...

You don't read it from left to right, they are two seperate columns. I have Libra in the 2nd house, and Saturn in Libra. Thus, I have Saturn in Libra in the 2nd house. I'm positive that that is how you interpret it. And yes, you are right...the SIGNS occupy two houses. Maybe that's why I have Libra in the First and Second house...ok, go to work, we'll chat lata!

Ciao ciao!

I have Virgo rising. My pluto is at 6 degrees libra. These degrees of libra still occupy my first house (even though libra rules my 2nd) My 2nd house begins at 15 degrees libra so it would be impossible for me to have that placement there. So, it isn't always the case truthseeker. We should post an actual chart on the board so I can show you. Will you be willing to show yours? : ) I also have my own copy of your chart saved. Let me know!

Ok, off to work. See you in a bit.

Nope..take a look sag..

I will be 31 in a couple of days. That's exactly where pluto is...

July 24 1975
Monterey Park, CA

9:55 A.M.

Try again.

thanks!

little_sparrow >>If you are a rulesgirl, you are going to do a lot of wincing on this site. Be prepared.

LOL, I don't think I've winced so much in my life!

Honey, you're giving birth to the new you! and Hurts like hell when the contractions hit! Can you print out Truthseeker"s info on Saturn return? I think it would be nice to have a written copy. Handy tool for healing!

UPDATE

Yesterday (Thursday) we have discussed the situation and he admitted we need a break from eachother. That's such a relief for me! We havent started discussing who gets what yet and we just left it at that (we are taking a 6 months break and then we will see hot things are) however the break will be long enough for both of us to decide whether life is better alone or together and if we decide life is better together, the new relationship will be totally new! and on my terms e.g: there has to be respect and love and understanding because i am not going to take this cr@p again from anybody.


Now it doesnt hurt nearly as much anymore. Feels like a weight has been lifted off me. I feel ready to move on and start my new life however we still have to live together till we the end of the notice period for the flat (2 months :S )


Thank you all for all of the advice and for being there for me.
Saturn's Return can be a b!tch hahahahahah however i cant wait to reap the rewards.


xxxxxx

That's great, LR...it would be great if you two came back together in 6 months as different people ready to maintain a healthy relationship, and you shouldn't rule that out. However, if that's not the case, you know you tried. You ended things on a good, amicable note. You should be able to move on to something new (whether a new person or new libraboy) with a different outlook and more certainty on what it is you want in a relationship! Congratulations, you're on your way to better foundations for a better life!