Sexual frustration and the leo.

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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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I'm very much in love with my leo boyfriend. I know he loves me alot too.But now I'm faced with this problem and I can't find a solution. I and my boyfriend have gotten all sorts of physical except well,the actual jimmy in the va-jay-jay...we've tried other types of sex nevertheless.So now what I feel is,he's getting sexually frustrated.He did break up with me once last month because he said he knows it's not right for him to force me into something I don't want, that he loves me and there can be no one like me but that this sexual frustration was taking over him.All this happened when I forced him to talk about his sexual frustration.However,He patched up on the same day.

Now,let me tell you all,in India...virginity is a big deal and you gotta be a virgin before you marry and if you're not,well,people defame your family and what not.So,I know I love him but I don't want to lose my virginity so that later if I unfortunately I have to marry someone else,people do all the mud slinging on my family.I love him and I love my family too.It's unfortunate a girl's virginity has such great impacts.

So after patching up I thought long and hard and I realised that he thinks I don't love him enough which is why I won't trust him to take my virginity when that's not the case.I tried to talk to him on this and he said he was joking about the sexual frustration thing because I know he feels embarrassed bringing that up when I know he shouldn't be and it's okay,I understand he may feel that way and I just want to state my reason that it's not about me not loving or trusting him it's about my family.So I need help from you guys so I can bring this topic up without him feeling embarrassed or that I'm trying to sympathise.and it needs to be done ASAP since I can see him now oscillating between being sweet and rude to me.Recently,he's also distancing a little.I don't want this misunderstanding to take a toll on our relationship.Leos or SOs of leo,please help.
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TwoFish
@courtcourtv
9 Years

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Everything you said to us, you should say to him.

"Hunny buns. Sit down, we gotta talk."

in all seriousness though....

Tell him you care about him and this relationship. Tell him you would love for it to work but in order for that, you need great communication. Tell him you understand there may be some problems in the sex area that you would like to address. Make him understand opening up to each other is nothing bad. We are all humans and we all have frustrations. As a couple, you two need to be open and truthful to each other. Inform him on the reasoning you and him cannot go any further. Include what you wrote here, about the mud slinging on your family. He NEEDS to know and to accept this. If not, you guys are not meant to be. Communication and understanding.
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Sssupes
@Sssupes
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Posted by courtcourtv
Everything you said to us, you should say to him.

"Hunny buns. Sit down, we gotta talk."

in all seriousness though....

Tell him you care about him and this relationship. Tell him you would love for it to work but in order for that, you need great communication. Tell him you understand there may be some problems in the sex area that you would like to address. Make him understand opening up to each other is nothing bad. We are all humans and we all have frustrations. As a couple, you two need to be open and truthful to each other. Inform him on the reasoning you and him cannot go any further. Include what you wrote here, about the mud slinging on your family. He NEEDS to know and to accept this. If not, you guys are not meant to be. Communication and understanding.
This
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Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by AriesLove
Are you guys not from the same background where he does not understand your concerns?!

What other types of sex have y'all done?!

Sexual frustration can also come about from teasing. Some people can't handle it.



We are,but then he thinks that I want to 'save it for my husband' because I was stupid enough never to clearly tell him why.Also,there are girls who would do it before marriage but I don't want to because of the concerns I stated.

We've done oral and anal.

When we used to get intimate,I guess out of excitement, he would handle me roughly so it was not really enjoyable for me and at times I would tell him when he got too rough but I think that used to turn him off so I could never really get myself to openly talk about how I would prefer he handle me because I thought he'll think I'm too sissy.When he patched up,I did mention we'll talk about it so that I can tell him what I liked and what not but I guess he was too embarrassed by himself to talk about it.And now everything seems to be falling apart...
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Ilovemyaqua
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Update:

I called him up yesterday.We are in an ldr so I went to visit him his birthday last week. On day 1 we only made out.Day 2 he didn't meet me.Day 3 we said goodbye without a kiss.He doesn't even talk about sexual things to me anymore.Only one line or so in the past 10 days.And he has never refused physical intimacy but he did this time,we didn't even stay together, he gave reasons.Yesterday I called him up and during our convo lightly stated that I really wanted to get physical last week,given that we met after 2 months.He tried to avoid the topic and soon hung up.Also,his phone never went busy,it's been going busy now,5/10 times I call.He still cares I know,got all worried when I fell ill,does indeed act affectionate when I get upset with him but otherwise he's not the same,he's grown distant.I really feel bad about it and am disappointed with myself that I was never able to take the hint that he was sexually frustrated, even when he was trying to tell me.I don't want to lose him,I really don't.
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Montgomery
@Montgomery
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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Update:

I called him up yesterday.We are in an ldr so I went to visit him his birthday last week. On day 1 we only made out.Day 2 he didn't meet me.Day 3 we said goodbye without a kiss.He doesn't even talk about sexual things to me anymore.Only one line or so in the past 10 days.And he has never refused physical intimacy but he did this time,we didn't even stay together, he gave reasons.Yesterday I called him up and during our convo lightly stated that I really wanted to get physical last week,given that we met after 2 months.He tried to avoid the topic and soon hung up.Also,his phone never went busy,it's been going busy now,5/10 times I call.He still cares I know,got all worried when I fell ill,does indeed act affectionate when I get upset with him but otherwise he's not the same,he's grown distant.I really feel bad about it and am disappointed with myself that I was never able to take the hint that he was sexually frustrated, even when he was trying to tell me.I don't want to lose him,I really don't.
Stunning that won't bring shame on your family,

but 'traditional' sex will... and that you're still

considered a virgin.



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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by Montgomery
No wonder he's confused.



No offense intended, that's just -- I mean what's the point?



Yeah I get it why it may seem weird to you but this whole being a virgin because you have a hymen intact IS actually a very BIG deal here..and it's not that I don't want to make love to him,I want to because I love him but I also love my family.So this is the only way out...getting physical but keeping my hymen intact for the society...as stupid as that sounds but that's how it is here...sad but true..very unfortunate actually 😢

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Ilovemyaqua
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And have been very ill these 2-3 days,he called yesterday morning to ask about my health and then in the evening I spoke about the physical intimacy thing and he hasn't called me today.

I'm just very hurt...he's being neglectful and then he won't break up and his phone is going busy.Maybe he wants me to break it off but I'm not strong and that's why I'm not calling him out on his ignorance..I want to make things better but I don't know if it's possible? And yes,I'm planning to move to his city by next month and he knows that...still this distancing? What shall I do?
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SpiceNSugar
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Seeing that you're both from the same country, he knows the ropes as well as you do. In other words, you both know how the game is played, so in principle, he should be neither surprised nor dissatisfied.

Giving him oral and especially anal is a BIG thing. If he doesn't realize that then he's an idiot and a user. How long have you known eachother before these intimacies occured?

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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by SpiceNSugar
Seeing that you're both from the same country, he knows the ropes as well as you do. In other words, you both know how the game is played, so in principle, he should be neither surprised nor dissatisfied.

Giving him oral and especially anal is a BIG thing. If he doesn't realize that then he's an idiot and a user. How long have you known eachother before these intimacies occured?


We've been friends for 4 yrs now and in a relationship for past 5 months.

I don't know if what I'm thinking is okay but during sex,as I stated, I was a little uncomfortable since he's a little rough,so maybe that's a huge turnoff?
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Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by Nala13
Totally off topic but your English is quite remarkable. How did you learn American slang? I can't imagine many people in India using the word va jay jay and jimmy.

I'm normally suspicious and my first thought was this is not real and neither are you. However, with age comes wisdom so I'm asking rather than accusing.
Thanks! In India we're exposed to almost everything American.Your sitcoms are aired,your movies are released here,then we have YouTube so yeah..we're exposed to a lot of American stuff.
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Ilovemyaqua
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Update:

He called me up that very day and when I didn't answer he made several calls. I was asleep.I called him and he asked me about my health. Then we had a little long conversation,I think he was trying to make efforts.Then next day too he was being very nice,just like we were before.And today,well,I don't know what happened, he didn't answer my calls and then called me in the evening, was very eager to hang up,and was irritable.He hung up in 10 mins,saying he had to take his parents' call.Then I texted him after 20 mins if we can talk now,he said he'll talk tomorrow. So yeah,just when I thought things were improving,this happened again.
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AriElla7
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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by AriElla7
So he's from the same background and knows how big of a deal it is to your whole entire family and reputations not just yours? I know it's not what you want to hear, but drop him. Drop him fast.

I feel so bad...I thought this should never have been an issue 😢

click to expand

It shouldn't be an issue. How old is he? He says he doesn't want to pressure you but he still is. If he didn't want to pressure you he would either drop the dilemma altogether or tell you there will be no further contact between you two and let you burn out on trying to speak to him until you get over it. If he's not holding out on no contact then it seems like he's seeing if you will bend to what he wants. That's pressure.. Manipulation. My view.
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Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by AriElla7
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by AriElla7
So he's from the same background and knows how big of a deal it is to your whole entire family and reputations not just yours? I know it's not what you want to hear, but drop him. Drop him fast.

I feel so bad...I thought this should never have been an issue 😢


It shouldn't be an issue. How old is he? He says he doesn't want to pressure you but he still is. If he didn't want to pressure you he would either drop the dilemma altogether or tell you there will be no further contact between you two and let you burn out on trying to speak to him until you get over it. If he's not holding out on no contact then it seems like he's seeing if you will bend to what he wants. That's pressure.. Manipulation. My view.
click to expand


He's 24.He has never had sex before.Also,I remember,the day he broke up,and I said...but we do have anal...he said exactly, we shouldn't have done it.I think now that he knows how much fun sex can be,he wants more and all of it 😢

Argh,but I so love him 😢

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SpiceNSugar
@SpiceNSugar
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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by SpiceNSugar
Seeing that you're both from the same country, he knows the ropes as well as you do. In other words, you both know how the game is played, so in principle, he should be neither surprised nor dissatisfied.

Giving him oral and especially anal is a BIG thing. If he doesn't realize that then he's an idiot and a user. How long have you known eachother before these intimacies occured?


We've been friends for 4 yrs now and in a relationship for past 5 months.

I don't know if what I'm thinking is okay but during sex,as I stated, I was a little uncomfortable since he's a little rough,so maybe that's a huge turnoff?
click to expand

Absolutely not! Rough can be uncomfortable!

What are his Sun, Venus and Mars signs?

Are you sure he's not seeing someone else as well.

Be careful with this guy. I'm getting the feeling that he's not as sincere as he may appear to be.

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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by SpiceNSugar
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by SpiceNSugar
Seeing that you're both from the same country, he knows the ropes as well as you do. In other words, you both know how the game is played, so in principle, he should be neither surprised nor dissatisfied.

Giving him oral and especially anal is a BIG thing. If he doesn't realize that then he's an idiot and a user. How long have you known eachother before these intimacies occured?


We've been friends for 4 yrs now and in a relationship for past 5 months.

I don't know if what I'm thinking is okay but during sex,as I stated, I was a little uncomfortable since he's a little rough,so maybe that's a huge turnoff?
Absolutely not! Rough can be uncomfortable!

What are his Sun, Venus and Mars signs?

Are you sure he's not seeing someone else as well.

Be careful with this guy. I'm getting the feeling that he's not as sincere as he may appear to be.

click to expand


His sun is Leo,Venus Leo and Mars Gemini.

I'm sun Taurus,Venus Gemini and Mars Aries.

Well we were exclusive till atleast July end since we were mostly in touch,his phone was never busy so yes,that I know.Last two weeks,after he patched up with me,well,maybe I did think there was someone else since he once snatched his phone when I went to meet him and once he kinda hinted that too sarcastically.But then,same day and othe days too,he'll say subtly things about us getting married and all and then his phone did get busy a couple of days(it never was earlier)but that happened very rarely...like if it was 0/10,it became 2/10,so it did get busy but not alarmingly.So yeah,he's giving both signs...I don't know what to do.
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SpiceNSugar
@SpiceNSugar
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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by SpiceNSugar
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by SpiceNSugar
Seeing that you're both from the same country, he knows the ropes as well as you do. In other words, you both know how the game is played, so in principle, he should be neither surprised nor dissatisfied.

Giving him oral and especially anal is a BIG thing. If he doesn't realize that then he's an idiot and a user. How long have you known eachother before these intimacies occured?


We've been friends for 4 yrs now and in a relationship for past 5 months.

I don't know if what I'm thinking is okay but during sex,as I stated, I was a little uncomfortable since he's a little rough,so maybe that's a huge turnoff?
Absolutely not! Rough can be uncomfortable!

What are his Sun, Venus and Mars signs?

Are you sure he's not seeing someone else as well.

Be careful with this guy. I'm getting the feeling that he's not as sincere as he may appear to be.



His sun is Leo,Venus Leo and Mars Gemini.

I'm sun Taurus,Venus Gemini and Mars Aries.

Well we were exclusive till atleast July end since we were mostly in touch,his phone was never busy so yes,that I know.Last two weeks,after he patched up with me,well,maybe I did think there was someone else since he once snatched his phone when I went to meet him and once he kinda hinted that too sarcastically.But then,same day and othe days too,he'll say subtly things about us getting married and all and then his pherone did get busy a couple of days(it never was earlier)but that happened very rarely...like if it was 0/10,it became 2/10,so it did get busy but not alarmingly.So yeah,he's giving both signs...I don't know what to do.

click to expand

If I were you, I'd back off from him and let him come to you.

Most definitely do not engage in further intimacy until you feel he's respecting and appreciating you.



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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
11 Years500+ Posts

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Posted by Nala13
Why can't you get married?
We're just out of college.I have a job but he still doesn't have one.Both of us want to wait atleast 2 more years so that we can concentrate a little more on our career and then get married.and then again,in our culture,before marriage,the families of both the parties have several criteria before giving a nod,both of us want to meet the expectations so we need some time before getting married.Maybe all this sounds crazy and complex but it is how it is here and there's no escaping.Although I wanted to wait more but he has set it for maximum 3 years so yeah...that's how it is and now he's behaving like this..I'm confused.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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n

Posted by Impulsv
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by AriesLove
Are you guys not from the same background where he does not understand your concerns?!

What other types of sex have y'all done?!

Sexual frustration can also come about from teasing. Some people can't handle it.



We are,but then he thinks that I want to 'save it for my husband' because I was stupid enough never to clearly tell him why.Also,there are girls who would do it before marriage but I don't want to because of the concerns I stated.

We've done oral and anal.

When we used to get intimate,I guess out of excitement, he would handle me roughly so it was not really enjoyable for me and at times I would tell him when he got too rough but I think that used to turn him off so I could never really get myself to openly talk about how I would prefer he handle me because I thought he'll think I'm too sissy.When he patched up,I did mention we'll talk about it so that I can tell him what I liked and what not but I guess he was too embarrassed by himself to talk about it.And now everything seems to be falling apart...



Well then let him put that ring on ur finger

click to expand

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Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by leowww
You guys need to talk and not on the phone or social media but face to face. If he's acting the sour puss because of sex, you need to send him packing. You share the same culture and values this should be obvious to him. And if he wants vaginal sex well he should work on becoming a better boyfriend and potential husband so he can get it. Put your foot down don't let this guy make you feel guilty. If he can't respect you, send him packing and be done with it. Leos respect strength of character. Good luck.



PS. Anal sex is no fecking joke.. He's not starving for sex he's just being a little boy.

Yeah,I want to talk to him face to face about this.The problem is,we're in an ldr so that will happen only after 3 weeks when I'll be going to his city.I was thinking of avoiding any confrontations until then because face to face will be the best mode to talk.But he's making me feel so hurt,I didn't want it to turn bad...how should I manage these 3 weeks before I go to meet him?and,is there any way he can get back to normal?

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Silvuh
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OP I think you should cool off on him for a bit. Try to devote your time and thoughts to other things.

It is clear that he isn't concerned with how you feel, and I'm sorry you have to come to a forum for advice on something you should be able to talk through with your SO. That's frustrating and totally unacceptable.

I think he is trying to see how far he can push things. I think if he really respected your wishes and shared the same views, he would be content with the intimacies you described..

He can't have his cake and eat it too, and you need some of your control back.

If things don't go well though, imagine being with someone who won't put these really unfair pressures on you. I think you've compromised quite a lot, and sexual frustration isn't the real issue here.

I think he desires control, and if he's becoming more distant it won't make a real difference if you decide to have sex with him now.

And what do you mean he sarcastically hinted he had someone else?
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by Silvuh
OP I think you should cool off on him for a bit. Try to devote your time and thoughts to other things.

It is clear that he isn't concerned with how you feel, and I'm sorry you have to come to a forum for advice on something you should be able to talk through with your SO. That's frustrating and totally unacceptable.

I think he is trying to see how far he can push things. I think if he really respected your wishes and shared the same views, he would be content with the intimacies you described..

He can't have his cake and eat it too, and you need some of your control back.

If things don't go well though, imagine being with someone who won't put these really unfair pressures on you. I think you've compromised quite a lot, and sexual frustration isn't the real issue here.

I think he desires control, and if he's becoming more distant it won't make a real difference if you decide to have sex with him now.

And what do you mean he sarcastically hinted he had someone else?
he mistakenly ordered the same dish thrice when i met him this time.he said,this is why one shouldn't try anything new-the other comes around when one is still there.i said,what does it mean? he said "nothing" and smirked.I assume he was trying to hint something smh.

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Ilovemyaqua
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update:

i called him twice today,3 hrs gap.I was missing him so much.he didnt answer.then he called me up 2 hrs after my last call.I asked him why he didnt get in touch he said he had no credit.he wasnt talking much.i then asked him if something was wrong,he denied.he was rather irritable,so i said this is why im getting the feeling that something is wrong.he denied again.we had a normal talk,he did say he loves me too but that I doubt should be comforting...he has said that even while breaking up before.

PS: whatever I did today,calling him twice and asking why he didnt answer,I never do that.Im the least clingy and mostly leave him alone if hes acting irritable.

Also,Im wondering what in the world happened...we had almost gotten back to being normal just 2 days ago and then without any reason hes again being distant.!!