Feel Like an asshole of sister, maybe I took it to far?

My sister going through a hard break up from a libra man, she has been dealing with it for a while now. I've tried to be supportive and calm, but now its just coming to a head. She sitting in heartbreak while he goes on with life. I had a talk with her, tried to take her on vacay and everything. Nothing I know as twins, we are separate people, but also as twins we can feel their pain so I got pissed off. Like hella mad and i know people deal with things in their own time, I've had my share of heartbreaks. She was going around trying be the strong one yet I know she is hurt so bad. It's been like 4 months I think, even after she found out she was trying to be nonchalant but I know it hurts her. For his birthday she bought him a gift, and when ours came around he sent a text. She was devastated, I was like why? are you upset? I don't get it. She says to me "we were friends" No he was never your damn Friend, he left you for your friend whom he dated for months before telling you and all of you guys were hanging out as if everything was ok. Am I the only one who get it? When we are around people and when they ask what happened with them she doesn't give the full answer. She finally has told some friends which I think is good tell the truth shit he hurt you. They called his ass out and now she even more hurt, saying she shouldn't have said anything. WTF!! He did you wrong and your concerned with his feelings when he wasn't concerned with yours? So I said to her she is stupid and sad. I then read all of his sweet posts he writes to his new girl... printed them out and put them in the mail to her. Well she got them and now she hates me!! Saying I'm not have they will get back together. Cause he texted her Hey we should do lunch?. How am I the bad person in this when I can clearly see he is only using the charm to see if she still cares. So she is on my phone plan I have blocked his number from ever contacted her again. He played her I don't get it I'm trying to help my sister, I hate this guy did her this way. I had to get this out thank you all for listening

I soo identify with this... and I know what you're doing

is to protect her, although it is utterly futile.

I know, first-hand.

It's almost like it drives them CLOSER to this person.

It is heartbreaking, and their behaviour defies logic.

I don't have a solution but you're not alone... unfortunately

it just has to run its course.

Fwiw though... I would not unblock that fkr from the phone

plan-- if he *really* feels so strongly for her, he will find a

way around it.

Thats what I think but at the same time I don't want to hurt her more

I know u care. But she is an adult in this. We all play a part in who we choice to be with. Im sure shes a good woman she will find better

But dont orint out stuff semd to her she will find out she know who this man is.

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon
Thats what I think but at the same time I don't want to hurt her more

Go with your gut, then... unblock if you feel like it's the right thing to do.

I think i n these situatuions, the person will only come to their senses in their own time. People can take advice, and in the moment get a sense of strength and claim "you're right, I can do this" but as soon as that wears off emotions, memories and their own feelings come back and overrides that.
She will get over him in her own time, the best you can do is just be there for her when she needs you and dont give her a hard time over it.

I know I feel like such a witch. I know she is worthy of she doesn't feel so though I guess that why it bothers me so much. What really burns me she keeps saying its her fault she didn't love him enough such and such. I tried to call her and no answer . I'll just give her some time. As the oldest by 3 mins ☺ its just hard to see that.

Awwww twins I love twins and always wished I had a twin however I do understand when you want the best for someone and they don't want that for themselves. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to make them see the light, it's something that has to happen on its own and in its own time. Give advice but when you see their actions aren't changing then give it up because all you're doing at that point is developing a wedge between you and pulling you apart and you don't want them to isolate themselves from you especially since deep down inside they really do need you and deep down inside all you want is the best for them.

I suggest unblocking libra number, calling your sister and ask to meet and the first thing out your mouth is to apologize to her. You might be right in what you say and of course your intentions are good but you're hurting her by attacking someone she cares about and that's the only thing she sees right now. This is exactly why I don't offer much relationship advice to my friends anymore because in the end they're going to do what they want when they want and it accomplished nothing but the two of you becoming upset with each other. After you apologize to her just tell her you want the best for her and want her to be happy and you support her in whatever decision she makes regarding him and anything else. Ask her to forgive you and please allow you back in and not continue to shut you out because you feel bad with their being tension between you.

Its so hard not to go ape shit crazy on him And her. She even said that she still want all of them to still be friends and she will be there with open arm to hug her when she gets over the hurt.

Posted by Cancer Lady
Awwww twins I love twins and always wished I had a twin however I do understand when you want the best for someone and they don't want that for themselves. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to make them see the light, it's something that has to happen on its own and in its own time. Give advice but when you see their actions aren't changing then give it up because all you're doing at that point is developing a wedge between you and pulling you apart and you don't want them to isolate themselves from you especially since deep down inside they really do need you and deep down inside all you want is the best for them.

I suggest unblocking libra number, calling your sister and ask to meet and the first thing out your mouth is to apologize to her. You might be right in what you say and of course your intentions are good but you're hurting her by attacking someone she cares about and that's the only thing she sees right now. This is exactly why I don't offer much relationship advice to my friends anymore because in the end they're going to do what they want when they want and it accomplished nothing but the two of you becoming upset with each other. After you apologize to her just tell her you want the best for her and want her to be happy and you support her in whatever decision she makes regarding him and anything else. Ask her to forgive you and please allow you back in and not continue to shut you out because you feel bad with their being tension between you.

yep she is my heart hell well have the same DNA so my heart hurts just as much. I don't know what to do I think I'll start with I'm sorry

Emotions and desperation do stupid things to people when grieving a break up. Her biggest mistake is keeping in touch and doing the whole "friends" approach.

One, why the fuck is she trying to be friends with a guy who essentially cheated on her and ditched her? Libras tend to be "too nice" with break ups like that for their own emotional sake, not the other person's. They don't want to be seen as the bad person, so in their mind, they were really nice and let you down easily so you wouldn't backlash. This is why she's craving to see him and willing to entertain his shit. It's all about his feelings and not hers. He's protecting his emotions by damaging hers even further.

Two, being friends immediately after a break up isn't how it works. You're supposed to go no contact for awhile, work through the emotions and all, and then revisit the idea of being friends. You cannot do that when this person is constantly in your face, especially with the new relationship.

Women just tend to be so ridiculously illogical, especially when wrapped up in it all like that. We've all been there. The big difference is in how some handle it in the long run. Some women acknowledge what they should do and work on getting there, others just keep themselves in an oblivious bubble and cling on to something that hasn't been there for a long time- that "feel good" stuff that died in the relationship a long time ago.

I agree rocky , and she is so concerned with people being mad at him. Like wtf why are you worried about his feelings? Or Erica's feelings? They kept a secret from her . like wtf. The. Today I wanted to literally punch the shit out of her. We went to lunch and she was so upset with the fact he is upset with her because she told his friends why they are not talking. Umm wait a min you crying cause he the asshole who told you he was dating your friend behind your back. Her reply "they were nice to me though they didn't know how to tell me they were dating" now what since does that make I said i don't care how nice they were , how much he said he cares blah blah he knew your feelings for him they both did and they used you stepped and you crying cause he upset. I got up and left. ¡        

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon
I agree rocky , and she is so concerned with people being mad at him. Like wtf why are you worried about his feelings? Or Erica's feelings? They kept a secret from her . like wtf. The. Today I wanted to literally punch the shit out of her. We went to lunch and she was so upset with the fact he is upset with her because she told his friends why they are not talking. Umm wait a min you crying cause he the asshole who told you he was dating your friend behind your back. Her reply "they were nice to me though they didn't know how to tell me they were dating" now what since does that make I said i don't care how nice they were , how much he said he cares blah blah he knew your feelings for him they both did and they used you stepped and you crying cause he upset. I got up and left. ¡        

She needs to seriously shut him out for awhile (and her "friend"). She's still caught up with him as if they're still together and it's not going to help her get over this any faster.

She's essentially a doormat, tbh. I will never understand people who take blame and all that ridiculous shit when they've been screwed over by an obvious asshole.

What's her sign?

We both caoricorns. I gave up seriously its not like my sister is ugly we are twins. In our country there are so many single men that like my sister, my cute gem who likes me, has a brother that likes her a lot but no no she cant budge.

Was trying to load our pic it still won't work. Pinche idiota!!!!

That's what I said sugarfoot.

Not that it's her fault Though to support my sister they had been at it for 3 years. The friend though was low even for what some women say about Libra men that still is low. When we went to italy he came along, for her birthday he got her such a nice braclet I see now its just their charm. She is a victim though he did her wrong I will say that. I agree the not talk to him.

I agree with Sugar foot regarding the dating aspect. Just because someone gives you gifts doesn't mean they are serious or want a commitment. You're not in a committed relationship until it is stated and agreed upon by both parties regardless what actions are taking place. The same way a lot of women fool themselves into thinking they're in a relationship after they have sex with a guy. That's doesn't mean you're now in a committed relationship, it just means you had sex nothing more nothing less.

When a guy wants to commit, he will commit to you and regardless of what he's doing, what you're doing together, etc. it doesn't change the fact that there has not been a commitment made from him. It was pretty low of the friend to date him behind your sisters back but as a guy he continued to keep his options open which he's not a bad person for doing so. You guys assumed he was serious about your sister when in his mind she was someone he was interested in however he had not made a commitment to her.

He should have told her he decided he didn't want to take things further with her when he decided he wanted to be with her friend but he's not a bad person for not choosing your sister. Who he decides to be with is his decision however the way he went about it was not ideal and that's where he messed up.

I have a Libra friend that dates and charms a few chicks at a time, he bought one a Tiffanys necklace and sent flowers to her job however he decided he didn't want to be with her and chose someone else. I'm sure she thought he would be the one he chose because of what he was doing for her but a Libra has not made a decision until he makes a decision. Anything other than that is him balancing the scales so he can make that decision, however the woman will make the decision prematurely then end up with hurt feelings because that's not the decision the Libra decided in the end.

The most important thing for a woman is to not assume anything, you're not in a committed relationship until he asks you to be his girlfriend period.

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon
We both caoricorns. I gave up seriously its not like my sister is ugly we are twins. In our country there are so many single men that like my sister, my cute gem who likes me, has a brother that likes her a lot but no no she cant budge.

Something I've noticed about some Capricorn women is that they easily fall into the "traditional" female roles of the 1950s. This includes getting stuck in situations like your sister did. "OMG HOW WILL I EVER SURVIVE WITHOUT THIS MAN'S DICK IN MY HAND?? WHAT IS LIFE??"

You're going to just have to let her go through the motions and let whatever stupid crazy fuck shit will happen. I know it's hard to stand back as a sister who cares and not do anything, but you're going to have to at this point. She's going to have to learn on her own at this rate.

I'm sort of in the same boat with my brother- I have never been a fan of his relationship (neither was my mom), but constant friction over voicing this has clearly not done anything, so I just sit back and let him learn for himself. Each time I see something that needs to be said, I'll say it and drop it. He thinks he knows it all, so fine, he'll eventually learn.

Posted by Sugarfoot
I don't understand how people string someone along when they know they don't match feelings. It would make me feel so guilty. But, if the focus is on him and how much of an ahole he is, your sister will just find someone to replace him. She'll never learn. She should never have allowed that for herself.

that's the point its like she feels unworthy know cause he did string her along. I'm trying to get her to talk to my cutester friend but she says she needs time to heal.

You guys are so swesome. Thanks for not thinking I'm a shit head. I wish she was more I guess like me in emotions wise and we have the signs. Maybe one day its just hard to see someone you love so much hurt so bad

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon
We both caoricorns. I gave up seriously its not like my sister is ugly we are twins. In our country there are so many single men that like my sister, my cute gem who likes me, has a brother that likes her a lot but no no she cant budge.

Something I've noticed about some Capricorn women is that they easily fall into the "traditional" female roles of the 1950s. This includes getting stuck in situations like your sister did. "OMG HOW WILL I EVER SURVIVE WITHOUT THIS MAN'S DICK IN MY HAND?? WHAT IS LIFE??"

You're going to just have to let her go through the motions and let whatever stupid crazy fuck shit will happen. I know it's hard to stand back as a sister who cares and not do anything, but you're going to have to at this point. She's going to have to learn on her own at this rate.

I'm sort of in the same boat with my brother- I have never been a fan of his relationship (neither was my mom), but constant friction over voicing this has clearly not done anything, so I just sit back and let him learn for himself. Each time I see something that needs to be said, I'll say it and drop it. He thinks he knows it all, so fine, he'll eventually learn.

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rocky you hit it on the head. I know she will learn and eventhough as others have said he not a horrible person the way he handled it was horrible imo. And to now be mad at her cause people know wtf you did it. Even worse her upset cause he upset that what gets me the most.

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon

Posted by Sugarfoot
I don't understand how people string someone along when they know they don't match feelings. It would make me feel so guilty. But, if the focus is on him and how much of an ahole he is, your sister will just find someone to replace him. She'll never learn. She should never have allowed that for herself.

that's the point its like she feels unworthy know cause he did string her along. I'm trying to get her to talk to my cutester friend but she says she needs time to heal.

She does need time to heal. She needs to get to a point that she feels worthy without a guy. Tell her a guy doesn't determine her worth. People do tend to treat you on accordance to how you feel about yourself tho. If she moves on right away, she's gonna get played again because a decent guy won't be interested in someone with low self worth. She'll attract another user.

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that makes sense so maybe she does need time to heal. I just really wish she never went through this she used to be person you know. We had a trip planned to Dubai and cause she was down and he was upset she decided not to go.

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon
We both caoricorns. I gave up seriously its not like my sister is ugly we are twins. In our country there are so many single men that like my sister, my cute gem who likes me, has a brother that likes her a lot but no no she cant budge.

Something I've noticed about some Capricorn women is that they easily fall into the "traditional" female roles of the 1950s. This includes getting stuck in situations like your sister did. "OMG HOW WILL I EVER SURVIVE WITHOUT THIS MAN'S DICK IN MY HAND?? WHAT IS LIFE??"

You're going to just have to let her go through the motions and let whatever stupid crazy fuck shit will happen. I know it's hard to stand back as a sister who cares and not do anything, but you're going to have to at this point. She's going to have to learn on her own at this rate.

I'm sort of in the same boat with my brother- I have never been a fan of his relationship (neither was my mom), but constant friction over voicing this has clearly not done anything, so I just sit back and let him learn for himself. Each time I see something that needs to be said, I'll say it and drop it. He thinks he knows it all, so fine, he'll eventually learn.

rocky you hit it on the head. I know she will learn and eventhough as others have said he not a horrible person the way he handled it was horrible imo. And to now be mad at her cause people know wtf you did it. Even worse her upset cause he upset that what gets me the most.

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Sounds like it was a very emotionally manipulative relationship. He knows he has her under his thumb with that crap. Even after breaking up, he still has that power over her and that's just fricken sad.

Him flipping out about bad talk is hilarious though. So many Libras are all about face value and image. If their image is tarnished or looks bad, they want to shrivel up and die. This means turning into a total dickhead toward the person in question if it means preserving their image. I found out last year that my ex from ages ago had made some shit up about me at some point in our relationship because I "embarrassed" him when he was being an ass toward me. I'd come over, like we'd planned, and he was playing COD for 3 hours without really getting away from it. His roommates thought it was ridiculous too. I just grabbed my shit and left because it's like screw this. You don't invite someone over and ignore them like that. What I found out was that when he realized I was gone, ohnoes, it made him look like an asshole. So he lied about how I just had invited myself over and blah blah, trying to make ME look bad.

Such gems, some of these guys

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon

Posted by Sugarfoot
I don't understand how people string someone along when they know they don't match feelings. It would make me feel so guilty. But, if the focus is on him and how much of an ahole he is, your sister will just find someone to replace him. She'll never learn. She should never have allowed that for herself.

that's the point its like she feels unworthy know cause he did string her along. I'm trying to get her to talk to my cutester friend but she says she needs time to heal.

She does need time to heal. She needs to get to a point that she feels worthy without a guy. Tell her a guy doesn't determine her worth. People do tend to treat you on accordance to how you feel about yourself tho. If she moves on right away, she's gonna get played again because a decent guy won't be interested in someone with low self worth. She'll attract another user.

that makes sense so maybe she does need time to heal. I just really wish she never went through this she used to be person you know. We had a trip planned to Dubai and cause she was down and he was upset she decided not to go.

Maybe you can help put things in perspective for her. This guy doesn't have much integrity. He knew they weren't on the same page and he continued to use her until someone he really liked came along. He's not a good person imo. You wouldn't want to settle down with that type of man honestly so it's for the best. It'll take her a while to get over the hurt but he's really not worth it. Give her some time. I think it's a good idea to keep him blocked tho. She's not thinking straight enough yet to have contact with him.

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yes I decided to keep him blocked

Posted by tiziani
Honestly it just sounds like someone who compartmentalizes their life. I've met people who do this and it's that they never really let anyone in on the full story of what's going on with them. Not you, not him, not her, not anyone. That's my limited experience on when people behave like this.

excuse me if I'm a little slow with the words. My English is good just have hard time understanding the whole sentence at times. What is compartmentalizes mean?

Why does the title say marker instead of the word I typed can people change you heading

Nah. Strange thing is that in the forum itself, it reads as "asshole." but when the topic itself is open, it reads "marker" which is the profanity filtered word for "asshole."

You did tell me I think to turn off a filter

Posted by leorisingpiscesmoon
You did tell me I think to turn off a filter

Yeah, but mine's off too and I see the same thing.

Ever since DXP has been tinkering with the layout of the site, there's been random inconsistencies in the layout.