Libra Man Houdini

This appears to be the ask a Libra section, and who better to get insight from? Constructive advice would be most appreciated, I've been talking to a Libra man on again off again for years, we met through POF.com five years ago, talked and texted for a little over a month before meeting, and he was a complete gentleman. A chef who invited me into his home for dinner. We talked for hours, flirted, had drinks, neither one of us wanted the night to end, but like all good things it had to. He walked me to my bus stop in the rain, and of course my bus showed up early, Dan and I shared a passionate first kiss before I was whisked away. And we never saw each other again. He moved to Arkansas from Arizona shortly after to be closer to his daughter, and I applaud his decision. We kept in touch over the years. Neither one of us forgetting that kiss. Well now I live three hours away from him, and when we talk and text he is the same gentleman, (I haven't even seen a picture of his johnson..no clue what he's packing) When he chats with me I'm on cloud nine and there's not a doubt he feels the same way that I do for him, I'm nuts about him, he's amazing even when he's being difficult. But when he disappears on me it's for weeks to months at a time, it hurts, I won't lie. How can it go from him telling me he wants me to move in with him, that he adores me and believes we share a spiritual connection..to he'll go weeks without even reading my messages on messenger. Do I just let him do his thing and not chase him..because I myself can't stand clingy people, or do I continue hitting him up every once in awhile? It's like he pops in every now and then to see if I'm ready yet to pack my things and leap into his arms. He flat out said he doesn't chase, he waits patiently instead.

Not the case. His daughter is fourteen and he has no good or hateful feelings towards his ex-wife. The drama there is long past over and dealt with, they share custody. Now I completely get being busy, and having a job/a life, I'm all about respecting space. Yet this man has offered me a place to live three times in the past year and a half, but I didn't want to burden him. He's offered to help me financially, yet I do not want his money. I want him, but I want him when I am at my best. After I have saved up money and have a cushion to fall back on, because I don't want him cleaning out his bank account until I find work. I am a single parent as well, I have an eight year old son. So quitting my job, uprooting my child and moving across state lines is a very big deal, and I will not take it lightly. I refuse to show up on his doorstep kid in tow without even dating again. If I do wind up living with him before the time I have planned I know it won't be under good circumstances, I don't want to re-enter his life as a MidSouth refugee. I've made that clear to him for months too, that March is when I want to make this jump. I told him that won't stop me from visiting him until then though.

it's not real unless it is face to face and you are in a relationship. put no value in anything said online or over text.

it's meaningless flirting.

That's a lot of consistent meaningless flirting! But you're right. Until it's face to face it's just words.

It's been a matter of money unfortunately, but the magnetism I feel is becoming too much. I want to see him, just one afternoon if that. I'd be happy to stay up talking the night away on a couch, to hear his voice and see his facial expressions. He has been pushing for us to meet up, which I'm all for. It's balancing work, having my sister take care of my son when I'm away (I don't want him to meet my son just yet, I would love alone time first, you know?) and transportation. I'd make it happen though. If he'd just go that extra mile to show me he's not just blowing sunshine up my butt or being a nice guy. He goes from using every word to describe his feelings for me, he adores me, I'm his equal in nearly every way imaginable, that he would love to sleep beside me at night and wake up next to me in the morning, he has insinuated we share an ethereal tether/cord (yeah, we do..but I like hearing him admit to it..then explain a bit 😉 haha) and he has called me out on my shit, that I'm scared, and has asked me when am I going to stop doubting myself. So I put my big girl pants on and said to hell with it, I have to see him, we've been talking again since the middle of April (remember, he goes poof for weeks to months at a time) and life has gotten in the way here and there, but I need to spend time with him and talk in person, so Monday I let him know just that, I was ready to set up a visit and to give me a heads up on when a good time to meet up would be, I would request time off, make arrangements and have a three day weekend with him, if he will have me. So far, no reply.

It's confusing at times, I guess one of my hot butttons is when it appears like someone I care about is going out of their way to ignore me, I don't sweat the small stuff, but how can it not be indifference when my messages are going unread for weeks? When he drops me a line finally he acts like there was no absence, nothing happened. He was just busy, no explantion as to what he was up to. I'm still amazing and he still finds me irresistible, it can be confusing. You'd think if he was as interested as he says he is then I wouldn't be confused or hurt seeing him online almost every night, hell for the first four weeks he had gone silent I saw him do plenty of status updates. It's been a week and a half this time around. Last time was two months. One thing that does rub me wrong, is he always insists on us talking over the phone after 2am. He says he's an insomniac. Now here I am old fashioned, in my opinion calls after ten are considered, well rude. I have a kid I have to wake up at six in the morning to get ready for school. He told me it was suspicious that I requested we talk during the day. Last time we conversed it was on social media, it was very late/early, I let him know it was three am, and I had to get sleep and it was a school night. Then I accidently passed out while he was still typing.. he hasn't responded ever since, he may have been teasing but at 4:30 in the morning he asked me not to "shun his love" I apologized the next morning and explained what happened. So here I am again, but hey I have my life too, and I do my own thing. You Libras and your air of mystery, equally frustrating and intriguing all the same haha.

Posted by SicilianSagittarius
That's a lot of consistent meaningless flirting! But you're right. Until it's face to face it's just words.

Hang on, didn't you say he disappears for weeks and months at a time? That's hardly consistent.

Don't uproot your whole life and that of your child on a guy who says pretty words. If he wants to see you that much, he would come to you.

And stop settling for really when you think about it, is a piss poor effort on his part. Come on man, you deserve more than a guy that only calls you at 2am, leaves you hanging and doesn't go out of his way to show you you matter. Fuck that shit. You're chasing a guy who hasn't earned it.

You're making excuses for bad behaviour. Stop it.

Posted by jeane

Posted by SicilianSagittarius
That's a lot of consistent meaningless flirting! But you're right. Until it's face to face it's just words.

Hang on, didn't you say he disappears for weeks and months at a time? That's hardly consistent.

Don't uproot your whole life and that of your child on a guy who says pretty words. If he wants to see you that much, he would come to you.

click to expand

Totally agree with Jeane and Sagiluv. If he was a perfect gentlemen he would come and see you and not keep doing a disappearing act.. I bet you if you took up his offer of staying with him or financial aid he'll do a 160 and would make up some excuses of why he wouldn't be able to fulfill his previous offers of assistance with housing/finance.

keep us posted on the progress and if he responds to your "visit" and if then you go and how that goes - long distance relationships are hard enough but you two have nothing but words between you - and then there's the silence thing too - probably going out with another - I agree with the above and I see his "preferred" time of contact as a control thing and personally, it would be hard for me to be with an insomniac - it almost seems like you are the one always making the concessions ...

From the libra mooner i know, he always pushed forward when i would ignore him.

I know I've done the disappearing act due to the feeling of uncertainty & I needed time away just to improve/tweak/reevaluate my life and then come back with a better understanding. I'm actually in the middle of a disappearing act after my ex told me she still wanted to keep in touch after we broke up, but I don't want to know how she's doing (I would hope she misses me but I highly doubt it). As was mentioned previously by everyone else (including your Libra), we don't chase unless we're sure it'll lead to something or if we feel like we're being ignored.

I'm not going to make excuses, (which totally sounds like I am I know.) but I will state the facts, there's more to the story. My Libra love interest has been divorced twice..so that may be where his waiting patiently and not wanting to chase may come in, and he is also in mourning. He lost his father to cancer a year ago and three months later his older brother committed suicide. He has come to terms with his father's death..still misses him dearly..but he is hurting bad over his brother. So there is also where his disappearances may stem from, aside from the fact he is a cook who works double shifts most days of the week, thus he doesn't finish up work until after midnight. So I'm giving the man slack here. He has offered to visit me, which I shot down, there is literally nothing to do where I am at. A town of 2200 people, I would rather see him in the city then hang out here, I can't stand it here..we have one grocery store, that's it. No restaurants or anything. I haven't rushed and jumped head first into his offer because he is grieving. But we are past the phase of getting to know one another, it's put up or shut up time it appears. I have been very fortunate to have never lost anyone close to me. So I don't know that kind of pain, I can only imagine but not understand until I face that obstacle myself. He's helped me reconcile my own estranged relationship with my parents..if it wasn't for him pleading with me to try to make amends before it's too late, I would still have no contact with my mother and father.

I agree. I'm all for it. He and I have both had relationships in those five years, and have respectfully been friends during those times, for some reason or another those relationships didn't work out, he and I never forgot each other. So now I'm just waiting to see if that ship has sailed yet or not. So far he hasn't said anything to me in about two weeks. I don't want to appear needy and rattle his cage for an answer, but waiting like this is killing me. I'm a straight shooter and I stick to my guns, I only go AFK when under stress and I need to get perspective on life, I try not to leave people wondering why I wont talk to them, or if they pissed me off, I let them know. So not acknowledging someone I claim to care deeply for is just alien to me. I either matter or I don't. It's not a sometimes deal with me. Hence my confusion and hurt. If I wasn't aware of both his demanding schedule and the fact he is grieving I would have told him to pound sand in his ass and friend zoned him. Which wouldn't be as easy as I make it sound, I love this man on many levels, he is so beautiful to me, even when he's an asshole. Closure would be nice. Until then, I wait.

Posted by SicilianSagittarius
I'm not going to make excuses, (which totally sounds like I am I know.) but I will state the facts, there's more to the story. My Libra love interest has been divorced twice..so that may be where his waiting patiently and not wanting to chase may come in, and he is also in mourning. He lost his father to cancer a year ago and three months later his older brother committed suicide. He has come to terms with his father's death..still misses him dearly..but he is hurting bad over his brother. So there is also where his disappearances may stem from, aside from the fact he is a cook who works double shifts most days of the week, thus he doesn't finish up work until after midnight. So I'm giving the man slack here. He has offered to visit me, which I shot down, there is literally nothing to do where I am at. A town of 2200 people, I would rather see him in the city then hang out here, I can't stand it here..we have one grocery store, that's it. No restaurants or anything. I haven't rushed and jumped head first into his offer because he is grieving. But we are past the phase of getting to know one another, it's put up or shut up time it appears. I have been very fortunate to have never lost anyone close to me. So I don't know that kind of pain, I can only imagine but not understand until I face that obstacle myself. He's helped me reconcile my own estranged relationship with my parents..if it wasn't for him pleading with me to try to make amends before it's too late, I would still have no contact with my mother and father.

he's grieving

however, during his grief, he still manages to hold down a job, pay his bills, start and end relationships

but his grief is so overwhelming he is physically and emotionally incapable of sending you a message.

Posted by sagiluv
I dated a libra too, once I realized that he loved to be ignored I decided to give him just that!!! Now he won't stop the chasing.. But this man here is not ready for a relationship which I've found out with time.. Some times it's best to just give it up & keep moving.....

Some LIBRAS, NOT ALL, but some like the attention that they get from multiple women, sometimes it's best to take it completely away.....

If he cared enough about you, he would choose to stick around.. That goes for any man ! ?

Yep

5 years is a long time to invest in someone; and the Sag/Libra connection is effortless; it's amazing how easily we connect. I think if this connection makes you happy, you should continue to do what you need to do for yourself. It may be too painful to withdraw because you get something out of the connection that pleases you. When you get tired you will make different decisions, until then do whatever you need to do for yourself.

So my Houdini has reappeared, (Yay!) and is excited by my offer to visit, he has agreed and has insisted I accompany him to a concert on the 8th. So we will have a three day weekend together October 7th through the 9th. I'm a sneaky Sagittarius..in all the years he and I have known one another he told me his birthday once..(it was so long ago I forgot) so he decided to be a butt and refused to tell me a few months back when I asked again.. I just did some basic sleuthing, found out his birthday is the 8th..and pretended to be ignorant when I suggested I drop in "the second week of October"..because you know, rent on the first and all. It will be his 40th birthday and my first concert. I've been browsing birthday gifts online and I already put in for the time off, got a sitter and I buy my tickets this Thursday. Wish me luck folks! Three weeks, three days and 350 miles to go before our long overdue date number 2!