My Libra went POOF....This Can't Be Life.

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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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Hello All...New here!!

Back in the early part of october I met this libra off of an online dating site. We exchanged numbers and seemed to hit it off really well.Our first date was a picnic at the park that following weekend. He was very much the gentleman. We laughed and talked that whole evening. Its felt like i've known him my whole life..it was great. He told me (without me asking) that he was looking for something serious that leads to marriage and he doesn't want a woman who he can just have sex with and he wants to be married with kids in the next 2 years. I told him I would like the same. Very close to his family and he helps his mother out alot finacially. At the end of the night he kissed my forehead and told to me that he would "love" to see me again. So that next day he called me that morning on his way to church to tell me again that he enjoyed himself that night and he couldn't stop thinking about how "beautiful" I was, and that he can't wait to see me again, and since his birthday was that next weekend he wanted to spend it with me.

So that next week we communicated through text and calls but it was every other day...which was fine with me. I spoke with him that thursday and we made plans to see each other that next day (friday). He invited me to his football game (he is a junior high coach) and to hang out with him afterwards. So friday comes and I am getting ready to leave. He text me to tell me that he would have to cancel because his family had something planned for him and please don't be mad at him and he will make it up to me. I was like "its cool"...I showed no attitude about it. Told him I know family comes first and to enjoy himself. Really no big deal to me...I made other plans with my friends. He texted throught that whole night apologizing. I called him when I got home that night. He asked we me and him still on for his birthday that next day. Told me to dress up and he is taking ME out on his birthday. We went out that night to a fancy resturant. Once again...very much the gentlemen. He kept kissing my hand and telling me how beautiful I looked (I had to keep in mind these dudes LOVE beauty). We went back to his place that night. We made out..talked and drunk wine. I ended up spending the night but NOTHING MAJOR HAPPENED. I woke up that morning and he made me breakfast. He wanted to take me to the beach that day but it ended up raining.

We continued to stay in touch every other day by mostly text. Which kinda started
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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Contiuned...

So kept in touch every other day mostly through short texts which kinda bothered me but I chalked it up as insecurity. I didn't see him for 2 weeks but he still kept in touch. Fast forward to the beginning of last month. He invited me to his football game. I went to his game..he introduced me to his coach friends and some of the kids. Afterwards we went out to eat. Then we ended up back at his apartment. We ended up sleeping together (yeah...I know). Afterwards we talked and he asked me what will I be doing for the holidays. I told him I was going home for Thanksgiving. He asked if he could come along...I laughed it off but he said he was being serious. So anyhoo..after that kept in touch every other day...mostly through text or we talk on the phone in the morning before work. Fast forward to the night before thanksgiving. He comes over to my place. He takes me out to eat. We come back to my place...but NOTHING happened that night. He expressed to me that night that his mother's issues were stressing him and work. I gave him words of encouragement and he told me "thats why I like you and want you in my life...your everything i've been looking for". Of course I was flattered. I didn't know what to say but I kissed him. We slept holding each other that night, and no he didn't try anything. He left that next day and told me to call him when to let him know I got to my hometown safely and he can't wait to see me again. I texted him to tell him I got home safely..he told me "Ok and enjoy my family...see ya when you get back🙂". Fast forward to sunday night...I get home I call him...no answer. I think of it as no big deal. Monday...nothing....tuesday...nothing...I called him weds morning....nothing. I told myself screw this!! I'm not calling again! So I broke down last night and texted him "Did you fall into a black hole?...I hope your ok". Its now saturday and I haven't heard anything from him yet.


Truth be told...i'm pissed. I can't help but to think the worst. My friends told me something may of come up but I feel if thats the case he would've called by now. This just puts me in a bad place. This take me back when my ex did me like this and he NEVER came back. I wanna forget about him...but its hard. I talk to other men and stay busy but this is really chappin my ass!

I've read up on libra men...and i've heard this is common behavior from them. I can understand if we got into a argument but everything was fine. We left on a good note.
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NikkiMse1978
@NikkiMse1978
14 Years1,000+ Posts

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Ive never heard that nor expeirenced it from a Libra myself. I am thinkin I am startin it now though! I usually hear from my Leeb everydat...so far nothing. I hope its not a disappearing act like an Aqua would pull.
Its funny, bcus Ive tried gaining Libra male wisdom & nothing concrete has panned out.
Your story is a fairytale. What most woman dream. Hopefully he is just busy, and someone didnt pinch you to wake you up!
Keep busy, dont pine (I know its hard) & see what happens. I hope he contacts you soon!! 🙂
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NikkiMse1978
@NikkiMse1978
14 Years1,000+ Posts

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Posted by Pecheresse
Maybe you should not answer his texts/calls and turn the tables on
Him 😉 we hate that! Just a hint.



My Libra always apologizes if he does not answer me right away (like yesterday, so he didn't disappear he left his phone in the car!!). Sometimes apologizing is overwhelming for me. Hey I am a Sag, I know things come up. But can you tell us more about the Libra disappearing thing Pecheresse? And if you hate us not responding to texts/calls, why should we do it?
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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Haha at Pecheresse....

I usually respond to his text in a timely manner...but since he pulled this disappearing act it took me 24 hours to return his call (I did the block method on my phone....don't you just loooove smart phones!!!)

Seriously..

I'm usually chill about things like this. I'm not the kind of women who expects some guy that I met a month ago to stop everything and put his life on hold for me because i'm sure as hell not gonna alter mine this early in the game..but I do expect honesty and consistency. I guess where I messed up is I really didn't communicate that to him. Hopefully I get a chance to do that so I can see if we are still on the same page.
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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@ Ellessque

According to what he has shared with me a lot of major things going on with his mother from illness to financial. Not only that he has 2 younger brothers he looks after when his mother is not doing to well, being that he is her oldest son he takes on some of that responsibility. I personally don't think he was bullshiting when he told me that...it was volunteered info that just came up when we talking about each others family.
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idiots
@idiots
13 Years

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Posted by ellessque
I don't know anything about libra men.

However, he seems to have some serious mother issues with what little bit you shared. I would certainly keep that on the front lines of my mind if i were in your situation. that's a mini red flag that could turn into something huge if ignored.



I am a gemini and I have to agree with you, my ex was a libra and our relationship was toxic, reason was because his mother didn't like me.

He used to visit his mother all the time, he only liked her food. It was really a weird relationship, I sometimes wonder how I ended up with such a queer...

I am now with a Leo and I am loving it!

But yes it's a huge red flag if he sticks to his mom so much and I hope for her mother to like you, because in case she doesn't then he won't dump you straight away, but make your life a nightmare. Libras stick up for their families, even if you did nothing wrong, even if you are the sweetest person on the planet.

So distance him from the mother if you can, especially if she makes it clear that she doesn't like you. Don't let that dictate the outcome of your relationship or else it gets really toxic, abusive and very scary!!!

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spica
@spica
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Posted by idiots
Posted by ellessque
I don't know anything about libra men.

However, he seems to have some serious mother issues with what little bit you shared. I would certainly keep that on the front lines of my mind if i were in your situation. that's a mini red flag that could turn into something huge if ignored.



I am a gemini and I have to agree with you, my ex was a libra and our relationship was toxic, reason was because his mother didn't like me.

He used to visit his mother all the time, he only liked her food. It was really a weird relationship, I sometimes wonder how I ended up with such a queer...

I am now with a Leo and I am loving it!

But yes it's a huge red flag if he sticks to his mom so much and I hope for her mother to like you, because in case she doesn't then he won't dump you straight away, but make your life a nightmare. Libras stick up for their families, even if you did nothing wrong, even if you are the sweetest person on the planet.

So distance him from the mother if you can, especially if she makes it clear that she doesn't like you. Don't let that dictate the outcome of your relationship or else it gets really toxic, abusive and very scary!!!

click to expand



Proof that aquas are liars. "idiots" is as aqua as they come, right, aquadiesel??
By the way, I never asked you to give him another chance. I think aqua women shouldn't be with libra men. It is an abusive and bad relationship.. Abuse coming from aqua woman....
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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Posted by spica
Posted by CapSoul
I seriously don't know what happened....came of over here left his toothbrush in my holder..his boxers and a shirt.

Seriously dude—



Playing "house"

A libra man caring for and liking his mother is a good sign. It means he is wanting a family and thinking of marriage or something along those lines. Can't go wrong on that.
click to expand




He has expressed to me that he would like to settle down and have a family...but for all I know he could just be saying that.

lol...lemme stop!
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chicksag
@chicksag
14 Years

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Posted by Pecheresse
Distance him from the mother? How much of a shitty advice is this. The more you distance any sign from their parents on purpose the more they gonna resent you for doing this, could be 2, 5, 20 years later... That's such a wrong thing to think/do.




I agree! What kind of advice is that? if you cant put up with the mom leave him..

Dont try to drive him away from his mother.. I'd rather have a guy that treats his mom well bc it is a look into how he will treat me!

My mom passed away when I was 22.. I dont think any man/woman is worth distancing from your mom/parents.. bc when they are :gone" we go back and think all the times that we could have spent together but didnt..
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idiots
@idiots
13 Years

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Posted by chicksag
Posted by Pecheresse
Distance him from the mother? How much of a shitty advice is this. The more you distance any sign from their parents on purpose the more they gonna resent you for doing this, could be 2, 5, 20 years later... That's such a wrong thing to think/do.




I agree! What kind of advice is that? if you cant put up with the mom leave him..

Dont try to drive him away from his mother.. I'd rather have a guy that treats his mom well bc it is a look into how he will treat me!

My mom passed away when I was 22.. I dont think any man/woman is worth distancing from your mom/parents.. bc when they are :gone" we go back and think all the times that we could have spent together but didnt..
click to expand




I never said to distance the mother. I said if the mother doesn't like her and she loves him, doesn't want to lose him.

I don't know my leo's mother disliked me for the tattoos and piercings, but then she saw I look after her son, she realized I am a good girl and she ended up liking me.

The libra's mother was different, we met at school and he would miss school to smoke pot with his friends, after he met me he would smoke cigarettes only (i smoked too) and we decided to stop smoking together, so I was good for him too.

But the mother didn't like me, still don't know why and he became very abusive. I read abuse is caused by alcohol and drug abuse, but I think also by the mother, he would tell me nasty things his mom would tell me, eg that I looked horrible with my tattoos etc. that I had bad genes, that I was cheating him etc., but his situation was worse than mine.
The mother also said I cheated him with a lot of men. It was ridiculous as he cheated me twice.

He isolated me from my family, I argued with my own mother because he would poison my mind! I feel so sorry as my mother has ms, they also kept speaking about "bad genes", It really hurt me! That was so cruel! When I confronted it with him (never confronted the mother), he would go angry and abusive!
It seemed like I wasn't allowed friends nor family nor a dignity or opinions!

I don't know the leo's mother sign, she was born at the end of April and the Libra's mother at the end of December!

At last the libra family that seemed so warm ended up to be so bad, whereas the leo family that was so cold
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idiots
@idiots
13 Years

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Posted by spica
Posted by idiots
Posted by ellessque
I don't know anything about libra men.

However, he seems to have some serious mother issues with what little bit you shared. I would certainly keep that on the front lines of my mind if i were in your situation. that's a mini red flag that could turn into something huge if ignored.



I am a gemini and I have to agree with you, my ex was a libra and our relationship was toxic, reason was because his mother didn't like me.

He used to visit his mother all the time, he only liked her food. It was really a weird relationship, I sometimes wonder how I ended up with such a queer...

I am now with a Leo and I am loving it!

But yes it's a huge red flag if he sticks to his mom so much and I hope for her mother to like you, because in case she doesn't then he won't dump you straight away, but make your life a nightmare. Libras stick up for their families, even if you did nothing wrong, even if you are the sweetest person on the planet.

So distance him from the mother if you can, especially if she makes it clear that she doesn't like you. Don't let that dictate the outcome of your relationship or else it gets really toxic, abusive and very scary!!!




Proof that aquas are liars. "idiots" is as aqua as they come, right, aquadiesel??
By the way, I never asked you to give him another chance. I think aqua women shouldn't be with libra men. It is an abusive and bad relationship.. Abuse coming from aqua woman....
click to expand


That's so stupid!!! Are you a libra!!! That wouldn't surprise me at all!!! So because an aqua woman abused you, how can a woman abuse a man like you!! Then all libra men are good!!

Ha! How would I be a liar! You think I am aquadiesel! So stupid!
Go get your make up! It's the only thing that can mask your unique brain cell!
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idiots
@idiots
13 Years

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Posted by Pecheresse
Distance him from the mother? How much of a shitty advice is this. The more you distance any sign from their parents on purpose the more they gonna resent you for doing this, could be 2, 5, 20 years later... That's such a wrong thing to think/do.



Are you spica? How many accounts you have!!!

I agree that's what libran men do, distance you from your mother, but they want to keep theirs! Weird eh?

Sad story!

Anyway libras are stupid! Am away from the libra forum eewwwww!!!!
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chicksag
@chicksag
14 Years

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Posted by idiots
Posted by ellessque


So distance him from the mother if you can, especially if she makes it clear that she doesn't like you. Don't let that dictate the outcome of your relationship or else it gets really toxic, abusive and very scary!!!

click to expand




And..
"I said if the mother doesn't like her and she loves him, doesn't want to lose him."


Doesnt really sound the same to me.. Anyhoo everybody is entitled to their own opinions
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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Thanks Soma....

We have been intimate. 3 times in one night to be exact (yeah...I know). We weren't the last time I saw him and that was my choice. He sent me text this morning saying he missed me. I have not responded to it yet because I really don't know what to say. I have no problem ignoring him...I can pull a disappearing act too but I don't return. Once i'm done...i'm done, and if someone gets to that point with me...so God help them.

I think my issues in all of this is trust. His silence is reminding me of my first love disappearing on me. Even though that was YEARS ago and do not have any feelings for my ex that hurt still remains. Right now libra man is not looking good. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt considering the fact they we have been "dating" for a month and half and I am trying to let things flow naturally but my patience is wearing thin..and i'm known for being VERY PATIENT.
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MzDiana
@MzDiana
14 Years

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Posted by somaspecialist
g ...We librans when it comes to relationships need to stop thinking and starting feeling our mates...which takes time to do.......We librans are secretly sensitive...and we protect that at all costs...


PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...tell me HOW—?? This I fight and argue with myself over daily. I want to stop, but I can't. If you find the solution, you my friend, will be a gazillionaire. And yes, I totally agree with all..including the secretly sensitive part. I have this down to an art so much so that I have had this guy tell me that I have NO emotions. I was offended until I studied what he meant.
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ALibra
@ALibra
14 Years

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OMG I couldn't even read the rest of the posted comments without telling you DO NOT be mean to him, or nag him, if he withdrew and gave you a little excuse which there really isn't one for his behavior than you did right by answering and showing no emotion, it probably relieved him. But for punishment I wouldn't let him hit it, or lay with me for a while. He'd have to earn that again. I'd make him turn back into Prince Charming, heck that's what he did to get it in the first place. Most of the time if a libra withdrawls its because you gave them the impression that he is getting way ahead of himself. We are insecure like cancers when in love if we feel the feeling isn't equal. Everything must be equal and balanced in our world, EVERYTHING. Including our relationships. If they aren't, then we will run and hide, or at least keep our distance. It's sort of our way of protecting ourselves and our emotions. The other reason is bad, but a good one to keep in mind, he is still involved with someone before you or he has other's that he has recruited. Libra males, when single im sorry but have a social net as big as the darn president, (Lucky for you, the libra women are worst in this area)lol, or at least the ones I've ran into are. I mean come on.. he was darn near Prince Charming himself on you! A common trait with ALL Libra's we definitely know how to turn the Charm up to the max, and sadly its not always for the benefit of the other person. He is an air sign, I would say its actually a good idea to stay sweet and dip out on him every now and then like the others said. But don't let him KNOW your playing tit-for-tat, it will piss him off and he will be like well forget it then! And Libra's are the tit-for-tat Queens and Kings, because we are not playing, we actually mean it darn it!lol. We can't help but to mirror our partner, so if you withdraw he will too, if you act mean he will too and mostly likely he will drop you like a bad habit. No libra likes to be treated mean. Im not saying chase him, not at all. Im saying do your own thing, but do what you said and let him know you still care. He will adore you for it, and he will always want you around. But then it will be up to you. We welcome positive, non-demanding, carefree, fun people into our world. Be this, and believe me he wont let you go far. From what it sounds like, you got him locked on your looks alone. Keep up the good work! 😉
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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Thanks ALibra....

Him having someone else in the wings does cross my mind quite a bit. I'm more inclined to go with that then protecting his emotions.I mean he is a nice looking guy, that stays in shape,has his ducks in order, and he is very sweet and personable..i'm sure there some chick hanging around for her turn (and maybe shes getting her turn..who knows). These chicks out here are mad thirsty, and will do any and everything to get a decent man. I know he is used to the attention because of the stories he has shared with me when he was playing college football at a major university. I try to separate myself from the rest and not fawn over him so much.

The last time we were together he told me he didn't want me to "quit" him. I laughed that off too (as you guys can see i'm not a woman of many words...lol)

I'm just wondering the next time I see him again, do I address this disappearing issues and my needs in a calm manner—...or do I enjoy the moment and let it flow. I don't wanna scare him off.
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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Just something that popped in my mind....

The last time I was with him I causally brought up my ex twice that night. After the 2nd time he said "don't you know this is the 2nd time you have brought up your ex tonight??" I quickly apologized and told him I did it unconsciously. That next morning things were cool but I kinda felt off vibes from him.

Could that have been the reason he has been so distant??
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Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by Pecheresse
Maybe. We libras fucking hate your exes.



+1

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaate. Our. Exes. Libras know that everyone has a past, yes. That's fine. But keep bringing it up, Libra's gonna get surly and WAY pissy. Libra does NOT want to talk about it or think about it or have it in their face. No, really, not ever.

Mentioning your ex twice (even if it was "innocent" or "in passing" or whether it was negative or positive) was twice too many times.. and once WAY too many times, cuz once is annoying and irksome.. twice is thinking WTF am I doing with this person, they're still thinking about their ex, instead of thinking about ME right in front of them -- they must still be hung up on this damn ex!.. and "How rude!"
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NikkiMse1978
@NikkiMse1978
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HMM Lot's of Libra-esque going on here! I could use some Leeb advice myself. LOL.
Started dating him a little over a month ago-then he was gone. We wouldn't text as often or talk on the phone. I started to feel used (this happened shortly after we became intimate for the first time) and now I have questioned his intention. Not asking if he sees us marrying or anything like that (for those who know me on here, they know why) but to see if he sees us turning into a relationship instead of just dating? He confused the hell out of me when he said we were in a relationship, but he wants to see if it turns into something more. I did ask him if he was seeing anyone else. To which he told me no. I said I am not either, but how, by my asking that, am I asking him to be in a relationship with me? I am confused. I thought I was merely asking him if he was screwing anyone else besides me!! LOL.
It has been awhile since I have dated a Leeb and the last one destroyed me (my sons father-he cheated on me for a year after our son was born.)
I like the Leeb but don't want to make the wrong move or scare him off. He is great!!!!! Any wisdom Leeb's?
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NikkiMse1978
@NikkiMse1978
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Posted by Nights22
Posted by Nefer
Posted by Pecheresse
Maybe. We libras fucking hate your exes.



+1

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaate. Our. Exes. Libras know that everyone has a past, yes. That's fine. But keep bringing it up, Libra's gonna get surly and WAY pissy. Libra does NOT want to talk about it or think about it or have it in their face. No, really, not ever.

Mentioning your ex twice (even if it was "innocent" or "in passing" or whether it was negative or positive) was twice too many times.. and once WAY too many times, cuz once is annoying and irksome.. twice is thinking WTF am I doing with this person, they're still thinking about their ex, instead of thinking about ME right in front of them -- they must still be hung up on this damn ex!.. and "How rude!"



Weird. They mention their ex tonsss tho.
click to expand




My Leeb does not mention his exes at all. I did ask him, once, about past relationships and that was it. For me it was to gain a little background. If he falls in love at first sight, to see if he blames them for all the issues, if he is confident in dating/seeing me, if he is wishy washy in how he feels, if he is honest and doesn't lie (I hate liars) and to see if he has any hidden motive or agenda as far as revenge/guilt/anger, etc. Like I said I asked only once and as much as that is enough for him that was enough for me! 🙂
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

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Posted by NikkiMse1978
Posted by Nights22
Posted by Nefer
Posted by Pecheresse
Maybe. We libras fucking hate your exes.



+1

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaate. Our. Exes. Libras know that everyone has a past, yes. That's fine. But keep bringing it up, Libra's gonna get surly and WAY pissy. Libra does NOT want to talk about it or think about it or have it in their face. No, really, not ever.

Mentioning your ex twice (even if it was "innocent" or "in passing" or whether it was negative or positive) was twice too many times.. and once WAY too many times, cuz once is annoying and irksome.. twice is thinking WTF am I doing with this person, they're still thinking about their ex, instead of thinking about ME right in front of them -- they must still be hung up on this damn ex!.. and "How rude!"



Weird. They mention their ex tonsss tho.



My Leeb does not mention his exes at all. I did ask him, once, about past relationships and that was it. For me it was to gain a little background. If he falls in love at first sight, to see if he blames them for all the issues, if he is confident in dating/seeing me, if he is wishy washy in how he feels, if he is honest and doesn't lie (I hate liars) and to see if he has any hidden motive or agenda as far as revenge/guilt/anger, etc. Like I said I asked only once and as much as that is enough for him that was enough for me! 🙂
click to expand





I did the same with mine. He doesn't mention his past relationships unless I ask. I think thats a good sign. I always let the man talk, and if he brings up his ex more than 3 or 4 times...thats a red flag for me.
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Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 5 · Posts: 4081 · Topics: 4
Posted by Nights22
Must be the women then.



Hmm.. could be. I don't date Libra women lol

Mine doesn't bring his up, maybe once in a blue moon, unless asked something specific. And he's never.. overjoyed.. to discuss them. And stays the diplomatic Libra throughout.

And 90% of ALL the "mentionings" were triggered by others.. because I have the SAME first name as the Aqua (Pisces cusp, yes.. but definitely Aqua lol) who dumped him practically at the altar after 7 years. People find that amusing, I guess.
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Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by Nights22

Weird. They mention their ex tonsss tho.



Also, since it didn't post properly and was supposed to be first...

C'mon Nights, as many Leebs as you've dated/known.. you haven't figured out that a lot of them have double-standards about certain stuff? Really? Everyone knows I'm the biggest Libra cheerleader out there.. but that tendency for double-standards really chaps my ass sometimes. When THEY mention an ex, it's pertinent to the conversation (and justified) and no big deal.. when YOU mention an ex, you must be thinking about them an awful lot and WTF does that mean? (little bit of deep-down Libra insecurity there).. when THEY flirt, they know it's perfectly innocent and won't go any further.. when YOU flirt, they get upset and jealous and how dare you give all that fabulous attention to someone else? (and then they often sulk or detach)

A lot of times, TALKING about something they do that pisses you off doesn't help (not really)... the tables have to be turned HARD (and exact, with no way to wiggle out by asserting that it's not the same situation - if they have a loophole, the Libra mind will latch onto it!) for them to actually SEE the double-standard and stop doing it.

I'll give you an example.. there was a time when Libra still had a couple profiles up on dating sites. They were pretty much gathering dust, but I didn't like it.. but telling him that didn't change it at all. Know what changed it? Me having a couple profiles up.. gathering dust, yes.. meanwhile, I never said another word about any of it.. if he lacks the "empathy gene".. then let him meet the clue-x-four upside his hard head.

When he finally questioned me about them, I wasn't angry or defensive.. I just looked at him and said, "What? Oh, that. Hmm.. I guess I thought that's the kind of relationship we have." He shoots back, "What? You mean like keeping up a singles ad, keeping your options open?!" I smile vaguely and (with that famous Piscean shrug) said, "Yes." He starts sputtering and then it must have clicked.. lights dawned in his eyes.

And no more singles ads. *shrug* 😉
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Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 5 · Posts: 4081 · Topics: 4
Posted by CapSoul

I did the same with mine. He doesn't mention his past relationships unless I ask. I think thats a good sign. I always let the man talk, and if he brings up his ex more than 3 or 4 times...thats a red flag for me.



Mmm.. but CapSoul.. maybe HE'S doing/feeling the same as you.. only HIS "red flag" is after 2 times, not 3 or 4?

"He doesn't mention his past relationships unless I ask."

Most people don't realize it, but people usually GIVE what they'd like to GET.. think about it for a moment, cuz it's true.
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 42 · Topics: 2
Posted by Nefer
Posted by CapSoul

I did the same with mine. He doesn't mention his past relationships unless I ask. I think thats a good sign. I always let the man talk, and if he brings up his ex more than 3 or 4 times...thats a red flag for me.



Mmm.. but CapSoul.. maybe HE'S doing/feeling the same as you.. only HIS "red flag" is after 2 times, not 3 or 4?

"He doesn't mention his past relationships unless I ask."

Most people don't realize it, but people usually GIVE what they'd like to GET.. think about it for a moment, cuz it's true.
click to expand




You're right...

I seriously feel like shit for mentioning the creep, but if this is his reasoning for being so distant I really wish he would communicate that to me. I'm really trying to back off and let him come to me but i'm getting impatient by the minute.

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Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 5 · Posts: 4081 · Topics: 4
Posted by Pecheresse
Posted by Nefer
Posted by Nights22

Weird. They mention their ex tonsss tho.



Also, since it didn't post properly and was supposed to be first...

C'mon Nights, as many Leebs as you've dated/known.. you haven't figured out that a lot of them have double-standards about certain stuff? Really? Everyone knows I'm the biggest Libra cheerleader out there.. but that tendency for double-standards really chaps my ass sometimes. When THEY mention an ex, it's pertinent to the conversation (and justified) and no big deal.. when YOU mention an ex, you must be thinking about them an awful lot and WTF does that mean? (little bit of deep-down Libra insecurity there).. when THEY flirt, they know it's perfectly innocent and won't go any further.. when YOU flirt, they get upset and jealous and how dare you give all that fabulous attention to someone else? (and then they often sulk or detach)

A lot of times, TALKING about something they do that pisses you off doesn't help (not really)... the tables have to be turned HARD (and exact, with no way to wiggle out by asserting that it's not the same situation - if they have a loophole, the Libra mind will latch onto it!) for them to actually SEE the double-standard and stop doing it.

I'll give you an example.. there was a time when Libra still had a couple profiles up on dating sites. They were pretty much gathering dust, but I didn't like it.. but telling him that didn't change it at all. Know what changed it? Me having a couple profiles up.. gathering dust, yes.. meanwhile, I never said another word about any of it.. if he lacks the "empathy gene".. then let him meet the clue-x-four upside his hard head.

When he finally questioned me about them, I wasn't angry or defensive.. I just looked at him and said, "What? Oh, that. Hmm.. I guess I thought that's the kind of relationship we have." He shoots back, "What? You mean like keeping up a singles ad, keeping your options open?!" I smile vaguely and (with that famous Piscean shrug) said, "Yes." He starts sputtering and then it must have clicked.. lights dawned in his eyes.

And no more singles ads. *shrug* 😉



OMG. You're good Nefer... I think I have a soft spot for you, Lady! lol
click to expand




Danke!
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TheBeautifulStruggle
@TheBeautifulStruggle
14 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 5 · Posts: 892 · Topics: 25

Good rule of thumb, mentioning an ex to ANY man, is a big 'no-no'. I don't care if the man asks....
I'd try to change the subject, with saying something along the lines like :i don't want to be judged by my past relationships, or that those people are not YOU." etc.etc.

Just don't do it. And take into account if your man does it.

I had a capricorn ex do this, while we were dating..I didn't think it was a big deal at the time; i liked that he mention things about himself, but later in hindsight, i should have taken it as a red flag because I realized that the stories showed some deep issues he had with other women that affected the subsequent relationship. It was to the point where he was projecting his past relationships (with all the hurt, and 'bad qualities of his ex's) on me. i'm sure I'm now a 'story of bad times and how i did him so wrong'. which was the real tragedy of it all...but I digress.

Never, ever, EVER, EVER talk about the exes..they don't matter...don't even compare, make a pie chart..get into an analysis, mention some similarities, use that for your talks with your girlfriends. NOT your man.
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 42 · Topics: 2
Posted by LibraRose
4am? Why would someone call you at 4am? Drunk call maybe? I would find that disrespectful. Did he leave a message? If not, don't call him.



No he didn't....he wasn't the only one. I was getting Happy New Years text and calls all through the night from friends and family so I didn't find it disrespectful since it was New Years. Any other time I would of raised an eyebrow.


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Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 5 · Posts: 4081 · Topics: 4
I'm with LibraRose on this.. good things rarely come from unexpected 4am calls from someone who couldn't be bothered to call before now.

4am call.. could be drunk dialing.. could be lonely and reminiscing and needing a filler, going through his phone and hoping to find someone to chat with after his New Year's Eve triumphs or disappointments.. (Probably not a TRUE emergency -- why call YOU for that?).. so yeah.. it smacks of blatant disrespect. Girl, don't EVER allow a man to just ring you up in the middle of the night like you're a convenient option! You ain't no booty call!

Now.. like Rose asked.. did he leave a message? If not, ignore it completely. He can call at a normal time if he wants to be taken seriously. If so, did he *specifically ask* you to call him back? If not, again, let it go. If so, call him back (ONLY ONCE, whether he answers or not), to find out why he was calling. Be curious but don't get your hopes up.. 4am calls are not a compliment.

And if you get the chance, tell him, "Mr. Libra, it felt good to hear from you.. but late night calls feel disrespectful and yucky to me. I don't want to be the middle-of-the-night girl, and I can't take a guy seriously who does that. What do you think?" THIS will let him know how you feel about the last night calls, setting your boundaries and stating what you want/expect from a man in order to take him seriously.. all without attacking or blaming him or making a huge deal about it. And then the "What do you think?" invites him to share HIS thoughts about what you said.. leaving it entirely up to HIM to decide if he's willing/able to give you the respect you insist upon.. and call you during normal times.
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Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 5 · Posts: 4081 · Topics: 4
It's NOT disrespectful because it's New Year's.. it's disrespectful because he called at 4am when he hasn't bothered to call you otherwise lately, that's all. And HE might not even realize how disrespectful it comes across.. perhaps he DID just want to wish you a happy New Year or whatever... but a 4 am call and no message is not the way to do it, and you can sweetly and calmly let him know that you aren't the kind of girl who entertains otherwise indifferent/lazy/not so serious men in the middle of the night.

... and it's the *perfect* chance to lay out your boundaries and expectations in a way he can actually HEAR and respond to! 🙂
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 42 · Topics: 2
Posted by Nefer
It's NOT disrespectful because it's New Year's.. it's disrespectful because he called at 4am when he hasn't bothered to call you otherwise lately, that's all. And HE might not even realize how disrespectful it comes across.. perhaps he DID just want to wish you a happy New Year or whatever... but a 4 am call and no message is not the way to do it, and you can sweetly and calmly let him know that you aren't the kind of girl who entertains otherwise indifferent/lazy/not so serious men in the middle of the night.

... and it's the *perfect* chance to lay out your boundaries and expectations in a way he can actually HEAR and respond to! 🙂



Yeah...I found that kinda of odd. The other half of me was feeling "I haven't heard from you in two weeks and you wanna call me at 4am in the morning??..the nerve!" and the other half was "big deal..its New Years".

But NOT IN ANY MEANS I would jump my happy ass up to see him if he requested. I don't roll like that..no ma'am..LOL!

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ALibra
@ALibra
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 410 · Topics: 13
HAHA! I did this to one of my ex's and he reacted the same way. He read too much into it, Libra's believe in still being able to be your friend and allll that it implies if they didn't end on bad terms with you. They have no boundaries They are free like air, so you will have to simply draw the line yourself. PLEASE don't expect him to do it. If you had an attitude, most likely he brushed it off, like "Geesh, wonder what her problem is? Oh well." And went on about his night. I always pop in on my ex's I could careless what time of the day it is. Like one time I gave a pop up phone call to my ex aqaurius at 2am while I was out with my girls, I was thinking of him so I wanted to call him before I forgot. Not thinking he may have a gf, or anything I just want to say hi. He answered and told me I was going to get him trouble, I said "Whoops" and left it at that. Never gave it a second thought, I honestly could careless because I don't like him in that way, he's just my boy. However I want to stay friends with him because he's cool, so in an effort to save our friendship I respect his relationships, and I don't call past 10. But he had to draw that line, because he used to let me call rain sun shine so im thinking its okay. He had to let me know it wasn't cool. Now he complains about him calling me all time. MAKE YA MIND UP.LOL.
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 42 · Topics: 2
Posted by ALibra
HAHA! I did this to one of my ex's and he reacted the same way. He read too much into it, Libra's believe in still being able to be your friend and allll that it implies if they didn't end on bad terms with you. They have no boundaries They are free like air, so you will have to simply draw the line yourself. PLEASE don't expect him to do it. If you had an attitude, most likely he brushed it off, like "Geesh, wonder what her problem is? Oh well." And went on about his night. I always pop in on my ex's I could careless what time of the day it is. Like one time I gave a pop up phone call to my ex aqaurius at 2am while I was out with my girls, I was thinking of him so I wanted to call him before I forgot. Not thinking he may have a gf, or anything I just want to say hi. He answered and told me I was going to get him trouble, I said "Whoops" and left it at that. Never gave it a second thought, I honestly could careless because I don't like him in that way, he's just my boy. However I want to stay friends with him because he's cool, so in an effort to save our friendship I respect his relationships, and I don't call past 10. But he had to draw that line, because he used to let me call rain sun shine so im thinking its okay. He had to let me know it wasn't cool. Now he complains about him calling me all time. MAKE YA MIND UP.LOL.



I was sleep when he called and I have yet to return his call....for what??

If he thinks by calling me in 4:45am just to keep our friendship in tact he has another thing coming...pretty shitty if you ask me...
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LibraRose
@LibraRose
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 207 · Topics: 0
Posted by CapSoul
Out of curiousity..do female libras operate differently from libra males—



Well if someone was behaving in a way I didn't like, then yes I would ignore and not call. However, I probably wouldn't flirt so much early on, and I wouldn't do the 4am call thing either. I think that may be a guy thing rather than a Libra thing. To be honest, I wouldn't expect too much from someone I met on the internet. I would date for a LONG time to see if he is the real article. I'm quite surprised at how many of the women here are upset by men that they hardly know, and don't see that often. I recently met a guy I thought I felt a connection with. He did the disappearing act so now I shrug my shoulders and think how glad I am I didn't sleep with him.
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 42 · Topics: 2
Posted by LibraRose
Posted by CapSoul
Out of curiousity..do female libras operate differently from libra males—



Well if someone was behaving in a way I didn't like, then yes I would ignore and not call. However, I probably wouldn't flirt so much early on, and I wouldn't do the 4am call thing either. I think that may be a guy thing rather than a Libra thing. To be honest, I wouldn't expect too much from someone I met on the internet. I would date for a LONG time to see if he is the real article. I'm quite surprised at how many of the women here are upset by men that they hardly know, and don't see that often. I recently met a guy I thought I felt a connection with. He did the disappearing act so now I shrug my shoulders and think how glad I am I didn't sleep with him.
click to expand




Well LibraRose...everyone deals with things differently.

You can't expect much from anyone nowadays...there are people I know personally who met online who are still together today. There are people who met offline that are not together today...it doesn't matter. If its not meant..its just not..offline or online.

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LibraRose
@LibraRose
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 207 · Topics: 0
Posted by CapSoul
Posted by LibraRose
Posted by CapSoul
Out of curiousity..do female libras operate differently from libra males—



Well if someone was behaving in a way I didn't like, then yes I would ignore and not call. However, I probably wouldn't flirt so much early on, and I wouldn't do the 4am call thing either. I think that may be a guy thing rather than a Libra thing. To be honest, I wouldn't expect too much from someone I met on the internet. I would date for a LONG time to see if he is the real article. I'm quite surprised at how many of the women here are upset by men that they hardly know, and don't see that often. I recently met a guy I thought I felt a connection with. He did the disappearing act so now I shrug my shoulders and think how glad I am I didn't sleep with him.



Well LibraRose...everyone deals with things differently.

You can't expect much from anyone nowadays...there are people I know personally who met online who are still together today. There are people who met offline that are not together today...it doesn't matter. If its not meant..its just not..offline or online.

click to expand




I'm not saying don't meet guys online. Just wait a bit before you give your heart to him next time.
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CapSoul
@CapSoul
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 42 · Topics: 2
Posted by LibraRose
Posted by CapSoul
Posted by LibraRose
Posted by CapSoul
Out of curiousity..do female libras operate differently from libra males—



Well if someone was behaving in a way I didn't like, then yes I would ignore and not call. However, I probably wouldn't flirt so much early on, and I wouldn't do the 4am call thing either. I think that may be a guy thing rather than a Libra thing. To be honest, I wouldn't expect too much from someone I met on the internet. I would date for a LONG time to see if he is the real article. I'm quite surprised at how many of the women here are upset by men that they hardly know, and don't see that often. I recently met a guy I thought I felt a connection with. He did the disappearing act so now I shrug my shoulders and think how glad I am I didn't sleep with him.



Well LibraRose...everyone deals with things differently.

You can't expect much from anyone nowadays...there are people I know personally who met online who are still together today. There are people who met offline that are not together today...it doesn't matter. If its not meant..its just not..offline or online.



I'm not saying don't meet guys online. Just wait a bit before you give your heart to him next time.
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Believe me...no hearts were given...lol

I just took a liking to him.