New developement......... what do you think?

Hi all, I have a new developemment! I just got home from work and logged on to myspace to check messages etc. My Libra is also on myspace BTW. I look over at the bulletin board and he's posted one with the title RELATIONSHIPS. This is a big deal because 1. he hardly ever gets on myspace & he's been on it every night sence this happened & 2. He NEVER ever posts Bulletins or blogs. So back to the story, i open it up & it starts out with "there's been alot going on with relationships lately so I thought i'd write about it but this pertains to noone in particular" or something to that effect. continue reading & I'll give you the short version(I'd copy & paste it but it's kinda lengthy) He talks about how relationships are great if 2 people are on the same page but that being single shouldn't be something thats frowned upon & that it's a great opportunity to find out about yourself etc etc. I coulda swore we had that conversation with eachother & were on the same page but O'well. I've been single for 3yrs now & he hasn't been in a serious relationship for about 7yrs. I don't know about him but 3yrs has been ample time to find myself & learn what i will tolerate & won't. He also said that a relationship shouldn't be a neccesity but rather a choice to share your life & share in anothers. I totally agree & i'm ready. Believe me if it were a neccesity for me I would have jumped into another one with the 1st guy that came along but I didnt cuz i wanted to take the time to learn about myself. For obvious reasons I feel that this was directed at me & i have the overwhelming urge to respond to the bulletin but I'm gonna hold back untill I get some advice. What do you think?

Your Libra is arguing out loud but really with himself. Don't entertain. Pretend you've not seen it. All that wasted effort. He's been alone for seven years - we're talking institutionalised single.

Tomorrow he will think along other lines because his thoughts are evolving at an exponential rate. So yesterday's concerns are tomorrow's objectives and if you intercept now you're likely to affect (delay) the discovery path he's on. Let him mull it over in his mind. It's actually excellent progress if you ask me.

It will take some time to talk himself out of being single (seven years!). It will happen. You've got him to post that message. Means he's thinking about it.

I decided to post the bulletin after all so you could get the full effect of what he was saying...............Much going on with relationships these days. So I thought I'd share my views to those who care to read. Of coarse this doesn't pertain to anyone in particular, just that of my own thoughts and experiences!

Is there anything wrong with being in a relationship? Of course not, if both parties feel the same way towards one another and share the same commitment, values, and goals. A relationship can be terrific if both people are in touch with who they and their partners are and are okay with being alone. A dyad is great if both people share honestly with each other and are relatively healthy (for who of us is totally healthy 100% of the time?). Couplehood can be marvelous as long as there is mutual respect and some communication and conflict- management skills. Unfortunately, few relationships share all of these points leaving many people dissatisfied. What about being single? Typically, society views it as being out of our control. If we're single, it's because someone left us or doesn't want us. Seldom seen as a choice, loneliness is more often seen as boring, depressing, sad, negative, and something to remain in for only a short period of time or to be altogether avoided if possible.

Basically, being single affords each of us the opportunity to discover who we are, what we do and don't like, how we deal with things, what we want out of life, what our expectations are, what our potentials and limitations are, what energizes and empowers us, and what discourages and disappoints us. The goal of being alone should not be to prepare us for couplehood. Rather, the goal of being single should be to learn to fulfill ourselves, to meet our needs, and to develop as a human being regardless of whether or not we choose to enter into a relationship. By learning to love and care for ourselves, we diminish the risk of starving for someone else to fill the void within our souls; a void that only we can truly fill. The purpose of entering into a relationship should be to share oneself with another person as opposed to trying to get from someone what is lacking in ourselves. Expecting someone else to fill in the gaps usually results in grave disappointments , a sense of failure, and endless resentment.

I think he had very valid points. I think that is an excellent post. Along some of the same lines of thought I had while single for 2 years after leaving my ex-husband (2 years not 7). I don't think you should respond at all. I think like Libra said, he is just venting sort of. Trying to figure this whole thing out. 7 years single? I think he has some fears about relationship. Geeze. I don't think anyone needs another to be in a relationship. It can just be a wonderful thing to share in eachother's lives if you chose so, but who wants to be without that for long?

He added you to his relationship post. Don't take it to mean a coupled relationship. Relationships can range from associates, friends, buddies etc. You really can't jump the gun with these guys. What they say is usually what they mean. If doesn't want a relationship right now. That is probably what he means. You cannot force them. Get busy, get involved with other things. Once he analyzes everything, he might change his mind.

he didn't write that:

http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/growth/single.html

*If he doesn't want a relationship right now*

QS, did you get my email?

CT, I agree w/ QS: don't jump the gun.

"What they say is usually what they mean."

In principle this is not true at all. We spin like mad and then talk ourselves out of it or spin on.

This Libra guy has just been hit by lightning, so to speak. And these are probably his thoughts. But it's all transitional.

Guys, did you see the link I pasted? These weren't his original thoughts....she said he said that he wrote it.

She said it in good faith and probably went on assumption. I would.

Does not mean that he doesn't identify with the words and 'feel' them.

And that's OK.

Just got off work & had to catch up on all the postings today 🙂 Yeah i saw the link & thought that was kinda funny that those weren't his words but copied from a article however I've done that too. Sometimes I'll come across something that I identify with & I'll use exerpts to express myself. I did assume that he wrote it himself though. So I've been thinking all day about the situation & was about to give up on the whole thing but then i got home & checked my myspace & I looked at his page. Now yes i know I shouldn't be jumping the gun/ jumping to conclusions but thats kinda hard. I guess I'm just looking for something to hold on too. Well he changed the song that plays on his page. He's told me in the past that he listens to anything that means something & touches him. The name of the song is Complicated by Mateo ( a unsigned artist) I know like I said I shouldn't read into things but given the current situation I just think the song choice is interesting. here are the lyrics.........

Complicated-Mateo

VERSE 1
So look at me now
Its a quarter pass 3, I won't sleep
Cause you walk through my dreams every night
So why did I change
I never thought cupid could win
Change the way that I been all my life

PRE-HOOK
I just wanted to be
Never wanted to fall ...ya know
But you just got me
Its not intentional
Can I be over you
or will I just lose control
(You got it , got it, You got it bad)
Am I ready for this
Or has my heart taken over my mind
Can I commit
Or should I just press rewind
Is this my cue
Or maybe this a warning sign
(You got it, got it, you got it bad)

CHORUS
This love is so complicated
Its so complicated
Its so complicated
And sometimes I hate it
Its so complicated
Its so complicated
Its intoxicated
I think I might be falling in love
(2x)


VERSE
So picture me now
I'm stuck in a room
Painting images of you
Trading colors for your smile

Oohhh

But I cant let it show
So I'm holding it in
Trying harder to pretend
But am fronting all the while

PREHOOK

CHORUS (2x)

BRIDGE
If I don't react, would she give me up
Would she change or lose attention
O..the faith I lack..has me missin' so much
Am I wrong for my ommission
Why did I neglect what i knew from the start
Did I lose my intuition
When I just wanna say...I love her everyday

CHORUS

VAMP OUT
I'm thinkin'...I'm fallin

Don't worry so much - if that's what you're doing.

As I said before 'at an exponential rate'...

It's a serious thread, that's just life, things change, new developments come into play. I know it can seem a little like a soap opera. i was worried I may get a little too annoying with the story but I have appreciated everyones advice & i won't post anymore not because of Kennyg neccasarly but because I think I've come to the decision that the Libra guy is not someone I could deal with. Going back & forth with his feelings is not something i can deal with. So once again thanks for everything! 🙂

Libra, sorry I should have said "in my experience" Yes Libra guys do say what they mean at the moment. Per my post. AT THE MOMENT he doesn't want a long term relationship with her. You think he just said that to mean? I doubt it. He is being truthful about how he feels right then. I also stated he might change his mind at any time. THIS IS PERFECTLY TRUE IN MY EXPERIENCE WITH ALL THE LIBRA MEN I HAVE KNOWN.

CanTaur, you can post here whenever you want. I don't think there is anything wrong with you asking questions. If those are the lyrics to the song on his myspace maybe he wants to be in love with you/is in love with you, but can't right now.

I'm not discounting whatever thoughts the guy is having; what doesn't make it genuine is he claimed to have written it, but you google it and you find it on a self-help website.

Sure, that article may have influenced what he's thinking, but I question how much of it is genuine.

As far as the song goes, CanTaur....don't read into it. You're a bull like me and we over-analyze, we're saps, and we begin to assume we know everything about the one we're with and that gets us into a load of crap. Don't place a value on that song; place a value on what he says directly to you.

This is a shame.

First of all the Libra is not pretending to have written it. But to him it must reflect how he feels beautifully.

Secondly - people don't fall in love at the same time. And only one person can be the first to fall in love. This does not make number two's feeling less significant. Number one cannot claim pole position here. Sorry...

Thirdly - do place a value on the song (hinting!) and don't place a value on what he says. Earth signs operate on the basis that words are meant. Libra does not. It's effort over words - and he's thinking his socks off!!

But anyway, all the best CanTaur.

yeah, anyway...

Goodmorning HP

This is where I gathered he was claiming he wrote the article:

""there's been alot going on with relationships lately so I thought i'd write about it but this pertains to noone in particular"

First post.

Let me reiterate: I am not discounting that he isn't thinking his socks off. I just feel she's over-analyzing this situation way too much.

Good morning back to you, Libra.

That Libra should have posted the song 'The day before you came' by Abba...

She will analyse, she's told a man that she loves him without warning. Oh, and trust me - he's analysing as much if not more. It truly is a shame because he's now woken up and she's put her heart back to sleep.

CanTaur, do take what he says directly to you seriously - at the moment. I doubt he will just blatantly lie to you. It could change however several times. This has been true with 6 Libra males I have known. BTW, not all relationships. I doubt if the are the only Libra males on the planet who say what they mean.

Wow. I totally see the situation differently.

I think by posting that article, having written it or not, is pretty much saying he doesn't want a relationship with her and is encouraging her to fill herself up and become self-reliant.

I thought it was really obvious.

I didn't read the other post though.

From the perspective of another libra who has spent a great deal of time analyzing the same situation that he speaks. If I were in your situation, I would reply with a short correction such as:

" By learning to love and care for ourselves, we diminish the risk of starving for someone else to fill the void within our souls; a void that only we can truly fill. "

By learning to love and care for ourselves, we become able to fulfill our own wants and needs without the need of another, ironically, it also allows for us to become what is necessary to be a complete half. To find a mate to create a whole, and fulfill a basic void that was created when whoever and whatever decided to make two halves via male and female in this world. It is one thing to self discover and reach happiness alone, the next step towards ultimate happiness and fulfillment, is allowing yourself to do it with another.

CanTaur, Please remember it just takes a LONG time, a VERY long time, for Libra---whatever the case! You sound like a great gal. Hanging in there may work for him. But it sounds like you're ready to move on already.

I've been working the last few days looks like I've missed quit a bit of discussion 🙂 Your right Libra this is sad, yes i think I'm backing out & I really hate to do it but my instincts tell me that I'm wasting my time. I kinda feel as if it's this hard for him to make a decision about me & if he could find himself in a relationship with me Eventually, then it's probably not going to happen. Maybe thats because I'm the polar ooposite, I know pretty quickly if i want to give someone a chance & if I feel good about that person I just go with it, I'm not as guarded. Yes I absolutely do read too much into things, I profess my feelings for someone & two days later he has a song on his page thats says he thinks he's in love,,,, I wonder how many others would also read into that, especially if thats something you'd love to hear. At any rate, I can't sit around & worry about whats going through his head, maybe someday down the road we'll get together & maybe not, who knows, woulda been nice for him to give me a chance though 🙂

Oh & on a side note, i went over there to his house tonight, his sister invited me over for dinner. I was a little nervous but I'm not going to loose the frienship I have with her because of him. I got there & she was at the store so he came out & said "she went to the store" & hid in his room the rest of the time I was there LOL all the more reason why I'm calling it quits. ofcourse his sister tried to justify it by telling me that he's prolly just nervous because every girl he's dated sence his daughters mother has used him for money or turned psycho. Well blah on that if I wanted his money I woulda took him up on the offer to pay my phone bill but I didn't cuz i'm not like that, I'm not psycho either, just emotional & maybe expressing those emotions is not always appropriate but I'm not a stalker. anyway thats that, all I can hope for now is the ability to maintain a friendship without getting sucked into something he may say out of pure innocense.

* Please remember it just takes a LONG time, a VERY long time, for Libra---whatever the case!

Disagree. When we know, we know.

* "she went to the store" & hid in his room the rest of the time I was there LOL

To be honest, I would have probably done the same thing in his shoes. I am not comfortable with big displays of emotion .... when it is someone who is romantically interested in me who I have no feelings for ... that much worse.

😢

LS, we don't know whether he has feelings or not. Not proven at all. Why be so cold?

Because he is acting like I would if someone I don't know terribly well professed interest in me. (I wouldn't consider a month of hanging around knowing someone terribly well. They would still be an aquaintence.)

I am not cold. I am honest.

This is exactly how I would react. I would avoid until I thought they were over it.

I believe misleading people and allowing them to believe potential exists where it doesn't is cruel. If he is interested, he knows where to find her. There is nothing she can do by pursuing but make the whole situation worse, so her best course of action is to let it go and if he ever changes his mind about the whole thing ... he can call her. Until then, he isn't emotionally available.

Why torture the girl by telling her she can solve his problems and push him into a relationship? It is unkind. Even if they end up in a relationship it will probably eventually fizzle because it wasn't his idea and he will resent being pushed.

If the guy showed up at her door with flowers and said, "Sorry, let me take you to dinner... " I'd be the first one clapping. That isn't the reality of the situation.

He isn't available. Until he is, she is banging her head on a closed door. They aren't compatible because they want different things. She wants a relationship. He doesn't.

It has nothing to do with how great, awesome, wonderful, smart, pretty, funny etc. she is. It has to do with what he wants and where he is.

I don't disagree with your reasoning at all.

"who I have no feelings for" - is an assumption however and one I find cold in the context of this story.

LS, agreed. CanTaur, if he wanted you he would have never hidden, participated in the dinner and maybe even given you a ride home later. He isn't ready, let it go.

* "who I have no feelings for" - is an assumption however and one I find cold in the context of this story.

You are staring at the grass not seeing the mountain of what I said. If it makes you happier "who I do not have similar feelings for" or "who I am not romantically interested in" or "who I have no romantic feelings for" which is what I meant.

There are so many good guys out there who are willing and available for a relationship. This guy aint it. She deserves better.

She should just focus on what she wants someone who loves her deeply, who respects her, and never gives her a moments worry. (Assuming that is this is what she wants as part of a loving, committed relationship.)

I know what you meant, Sparrow. I just don't think you can know this for a fact. You're concluding too quickly.

I can also say this Libra guy has secretly been in love with CanTaur for quite some time and got the shock of his life when she confessed and is still processing what happened. Because he just wasn't expecting it. Some of us are very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, shy in the relationship department. Some of us put ourselves outthere all the time and can carry ourselves in all sorts of situations, and some of us don't. Practice makes perfect. Seven years...!

****I believe misleading people and allowing them to believe potential exists where it doesn't is cruel.***

Agree with this. But when I try to think a few years back, I was like that. Kept on trying to see if something I know I need(which I dont know what) is matching at some particular point. I wasn't sure what I was looking for in the first place. It was always "something"... Taurus fits that description perfectly. They have almost everything a libra man thinks he want from a girl. But not his actual needs. I dont think he can realize what exactly he needs from a girl till he meets a gem/aqua girl.

Well, I'm sorry to say the story is over. We talked last night started off slow & friendly, I asked about the Bulletin he posted, @ 1st he said it was just to anyone in general, 2 seconds later he said it was about "Us", I asked him about the song, he said that the lyrics to the song are exactly how he's feeling at the moment. He said he liked me but things were complicated & he was confused. I told him things only had to be complicated if he allowed them to be that way, next thing i know he's saying he doesn't deserve someone like me, he thinks it would just be better if we were friends etc.. so i said I could be his friend only if I were sure that he was going to keep it strictly as a friendship with no romantic feelings for me, he said he didn't know. A mutual friend of ours then called & told me that the Libra just talked to him & told him that he has no interest in me, that he doesn't want to mess up the friendship between his sister & I & it would be better for me to just leave him alone so thats what I'm doing, I told him he was confused so I'd make the decision for him, to not call me anymore & to just leave me alone. No relationship IMO is worth all of the emotional turmoil I've been going through with him BEFORE anything has actually even happened! He's right I'm better than that & someday someone is gonna see that & there will be no confusion. I know that I can't do the back & forth, telling me 1 thing & someone else the complete opposite, thats not fair to me so I ended it for good. Thanks for everything though all of you, I've definatley learned alot here 🙂

Awww, Can Taur, sorry to hear... There are other men ready and willing to give you what you need and deserve. Even other Librans... 🙂

* mutual friend of ours then called & told me that the Libra just talked to him & told him that he has no interest in me, that he doesn't want to mess up the friendship between his sister

This is what I sense. He was just trying to be a nice guy and let you down easy. Disappointment always seems to hurt a little. I guess that is why they call it a crush.

* He's right I'm better than that & someday someone is gonna see that & there will be no confusion.

Absolutely! Trust me, it is WAY easier when someone know what they want and they have no problem expressing and acting upon it. Life is too short for less. Hold out for that. It is worth it.

Until then don't take the odd toad here and there personally, it is there stuff not yours.