Shell Shocked

Cap Rising - You are practical and reserved but very ambitious. An achiever and a hard worker, you respect success. You are purposeful, self-willed, industrious, realistic and responsible.

Taurus Sun - You are known for being patient, slow moving and careful -- you require strenuous situations in order to grow and mature properly, even though you try to avoid them.

Aries Moon - You sometimes act before you think and do things on the spur of the moment, and that sometimes gets you into trouble. Your moods change quickly -- you have quite a temper, but you don't hold grudges. Very independent, with an extremely strong and forceful personality, you are known for being impulsive, careless, reckless, foolhardy, rash and daring.

Aries Mercury - At times you act too fast on hastily formed opinions and thus waste a lot of energy defending your rash and sometimes incorrect conclusions.

Aries Venus - You are a very affectionate person but you hate to be tied down. You are more than willing to be the aggressor in initiating new relationships. Indeed, once you have set your sights on someone, you tend to pursue him or her ardently and passionately. But you do demand your own way in a relationship. Try to give in to your partner's needs and desires once in a while.

But here's the kicker in my FIERY Taurus daughter...

Pisces Mars - Very sensitive and vulnerable, it is difficult for you to assert yourself. At times, you feel quite tired and you will require a lot of sleep in order to maintain your health and your strength. You are at your best when you act without your ego being important. You can be very unselfish and considerate of the needs of others. You get the most satisfaction by giving to others when you expect nothing in return. Beware of a tendency to want always to work behind the scenes or to become overly deceptive by doing things behind others' backs.

So.. my 18 year old Taurus daughter just confirmed she's pregnant with my first grandchild, yes in spite of the bc I made sure she was on and the condoms they used w/o fail. Though she and her Virgo bf (a nice young man) of one year had discussed "what ifs" and said they'd keep a baby.. reality's got them thinking harder than hypothetical ever did. They weren't ready for it to be NOW. The only thing they know for sure is that neither want an abortion, and they plan to stay together no matter what. They're both very good kids, and worry me far less than most teenagers who have babies - and they'll both be 19 before the birth.

Virgo boy was talking about joining the Navy next year, but recently changed it to ship out in July. He's afraid to tell his parents, who have a bit of an issue with him growing up - they aren't dealing well with any adult decisions he's made, they want their little boy at home awhile longer. Also, his controlling Cap Mom predicted of her son's first serious longterm relationship, "She's a nice enough girl - but she'll get pregnant and ruin your life! Be careful!"

So they're leaning towards adoption, rather than keeping and raising the baby. I'm torn between being a mother who supports her daughter's personal decisions (and I do - these are HER choices to make!).. and a grandmother who may not be part of her first grandchild's life. (I only advised her to wait a bit to make SURE of her decision, before involving another family.) Everyone who knows and knows my girl.. knows there's a 99% chance she won't be able to go through with it in the end - she's far too sensitive. Tau/Cap enough to consider her options and make a solid, practical decision.. but with the knee-jerk reactions of all her Aries placements making a life-altering decision only a week after her first missed period. The kicker? That Pisces Mars. All that Aries Fire and her Pisces Mars? I personally feel there's a 100% chance she will change her mind about adoption, so I quietly told her that while I will not raise her baby, I will certainly help her while she and the Virgo get their lives in order to join that big bad world as young parents. Whatever she chooses, I know my girl -- she'll make the best decision for her, and make the best of any decision she makes.

So I don't know if congratulations or condolences are in order here, and my emotions are all over the place, though I'm still kinda numb and feel like I'm half-awake.

Why am I posting this in the Libra boards? I guess because the baby will be a Libra.. October 7, 2011. That part amuses me greatly, actually.

I'm not one of those women who say, "Oh, I'm TOOO YOUNG to be a Grandma! Eeek!" so I'm not upset or angry about this (like the other Grandma will be lol) .. and I *AM* still feeling numb, it's still sinking in.. but there's some joy and gentle love bubbling under there. My progeny will bless our stagnant gene pool, mark my words!

And I'm sure I'll get my chance with the Cap Mom... and about 0.02 seconds after she says something alluding to how my girl is "ruining" her boy's life... things might get sticky. Since last time I checked, it takes two to make a baby, and HER life can be "ruined" equally or even greater than his.

But this is MY daughter.. nothing will ruin her, she has strength of character and the heart of a lioness.. this child of mine is actually a great source of pride for me.


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Oh wow... it's hitting me a little harder.. I'm going to be a GRANDMA! To a LIBRA!... Heh.. if this child has a lot of Libra placements, they're going to clash big time with my girl's Aries. But Grandma understands. Grandma knows. In a few years my daughter will accuse me of turning this child into a spoiled rotten little shit, and I'm going to smile and nod and sigh happily!

OMG LL.. IS THERE SOMETHING IN THE WATER?!!? lol

My night was rough too.. and we got back from Planned Parenthood this morning.

If my OTHER Taurus daughter turns up pregnant, I might SHOOT HER fiance.. even though they're almost 21.. even though they've been together almost 5 years now? 4 at least. Even though she's not living here, at home. Even though he's a nice enough boy.. he can't keep a job and he's bipolar.. how's that boy going to take care of my daughter AND my grandchild?! I heard a rumor that they're talking about pushing the wedding up to this summer. I'll be pissed. My girl's still in college, on scholarships. Hate to see her financial aid go poof cuz he wouldn't wait for her to finish school to marry her.

Actually, I think my lack of sleep, my 3 cups of coffee on an empty stomach, and some realllly WOWSERS news.. gots me feeling pretty loopy today.

I'm not mad at them for considering adoption.. though I probably would be if they kept two then talked about ditching the third. I try to not be judgmental, but DAMN - that third child is gonna be pissed. Condoms are free at clinics everywhere, bc is cheap at the clinic if you don't have much money... if you don't want a third child, take better precautions. Accidents happen, yes. But not as often as these kids try to make out (like those two acting like they were being careful, when they actually weren't at all!)

I'm still baffled how this grandbaby of mine came to be.. I KNOW she was on the shot, I took her in every 3 months.. and they both swear they never once went w/o a condom as backup anyway (which I provided.. and before anyone gets up in my grill for providing birth control.. preemptive strike: kiss my ass... 18 year olds who decide to have sex WILL have sex... they were each others' FIRST and ONLY lovers, head over heels for each other.. and me refusing to provide Depo shots and condoms would NOT have kept them from having sex!)

However, I know my girl.. I don't even feel there's the slightest chance she'll be able to give the baby up, once it all sinks in, once it becomes more real. It might be the "practical" thing to do at first glance.. but money isn't everything.. so adoptive parents would have more money... *I* didn't have much money when she was born, with my irresponsible husband having run off with a 16 year old girl... was it SO bad, really, to grow up kinda broke in the early years but with a Mom who thought you hung the moon? What if I'd kept her older sister, but gave HER away? Would the money she grew up with have been worth not having her birth parent(s)? I doubt it.. she's already troubled that her father never amounted to much in the love and care dept and basically abandoned her most of her life.

Plus, she's still got my love and support. A lot of pregnant teens don't have that, unfortunately. This baby will be born into a family that already loves him/her.

Posted by Nefer

I'm still baffled how this grandbaby of mine came to be.. I KNOW she was on the shot, I took her in every 3 months.. and they both swear they never once went w/o a condom as backup anyway

It was meant to be. 🙂 That's it.
Consider it a blessing. The baby will change all of your lives for the better. I just *know* it.

Congrats btw ♥





Things don't always happen when we want them too, but things always turn out okay in the end -- if it's not okay, it's not the end. 🙂

My mom had me when she was 17, just barely 17 too. She couldn't even hold a full-time job back then. She had to transfer to a special school here for pregnant teens and take me with her to school everyday to graduate.

I turned out pretty fucking awesome, not to brag or anything 😛
My mom tells me all the time, it was hard, but she really needed that me to come along. I changed her life for the better, and ever since I've done nothing but make her proud. (Even in my shitty moments.)

^^ The nurse at PP looked at me and said, "How old are YOU? You look young!".. I laughed and said, "I'll be 39 in a few days." And she said, "Oh, you look a lot younger.. would YOU like to see some pamphlets on our birth control options?".. I'm like 😕!

... and it hit me.. my BABY is 11, and I've gotten pretty good at NOT getting pregnant... but maybe it's time to look into getting an IUD again. Just in case. Seriously.

Cuz I already have "in your face" examples.. my daughters are older than my youngest brothers, their uncles! My Mom had me at age 19. I had my oldest daughter at 18.. 9.5 months later, Mom had my Aqua brother (at 39 years old). I had my second daughter at 20, and 15 months later, Mom had my Leo brother at age 41. So I KNOW how late the women in my family are still fertile lol

*sigh* Peri, yes.. I'd MUCH rather raise the child than have strangers do it. But I think my girl is thinking she wouldn't want to "give away" her baby.. only to have that child constantly in her face, triggering guilt over her choice. (I'm speculating on that part.. it's what I FEEL my girl would think, knowing her all her life.. but it's not something she's voiced directly, only hinted at.) But she never does ANYTHING half-assed.. blame the Aries.. foolish, rash, impetuous, yes.. but half-assed? Never. And she flat-out said if she's going to give the baby up for adoption, it's going to be "all the way" (not a closed adoption, but not a direct family one either) and if she's going to give up the baby in order to give them a MUCH better life than she and the Virgo can provide, she's going to give him/her two parents desperate to love a baby, who will never, ever struggle for money and the child would want for nothing monetarily. I'm not broke, but I'm not rich. I live on a modest budget and take care of my bills, but still have to plan and save for major purchases. No silver spoon here to hand a newborn, just my heart on a string. I don't WANT to take over the raising of the child.. I don't WANT to be Mom instead of Grandma.. but if it's a choice between Mom and nada.. well, you all know what I'll push for... my heart's an open book here!

It's a moot point anyway. I know my girl. She'll keep the baby, irregardless of what the Virgo does or wants by then.

Most forms of birth control CAN be lied about indeed... I'd be looking at these two kids sideways, if I didn't KNOW for absolute certain that she's been on the shots for the past 8 months. Neither of them can possibly have an STD even - virginities exchanged - and they spend every possible moment together (lol) - so the condoms may have been overkill to some.. but obviously weren't enough to overcome her maternal family line of major fertility! There's not a form of BC out there that hasn't failed a woman in my family - even my cousin with her tubal ligation.. it's sheer insanity. BC probably just spaces our kids apart, rather than foolproof pregnancy prevention. (I'm not even kidding.)

I know HIS parents will flip. They'll probably go right into denial. Virgo boy cautioned my girl that his parents ARE the type to insist on him getting a paternity test, just positive that this young strumpet is trying to trap their sweet little boy with a baby that isn't his, even though they've been together almost a year already. My girl said fine, whatever. That it pisses her off, and it's a bit insulting, but she'll get her satisfaction anyway when it's right there in B&W.. Helllooooooooo Grandma and Grandpa! Congratulations!! Check.. and Mate.

I know, BA.. and they WILL be checking, because of the bc influence - they're talking possibly giving her amnio even though she's so young. She should NOT have gotten pregnant after almost 8 months on Depo and no late shots (with or without condoms!)... no, it's not 100% (obviously!) but it's pretty damn close, since you can't "forget" a day and mess everything up like with the Pill!

I might suggest a boy's name.. Houdini. 😉

Posted by BelovedAssata
I'd be a little insulted at someone talking about birth control options when I take my daughter in for a check up...it's like damn, what are you trying to say?

Oh, I missed this LOL

I think I was too surprised (and taken aback) to be insulted.. and I get the feeling that right up until then, she was thinking I was the older sister, and probably trying to be "helpful"... When I answered that I was 39, her face registered shock, and she sort of fumbled onward, probably on auto-pilot, spitting out the words those clinic ladies say 15 or 20 times a day at least... it was like she already had her next words planned, when she asked my age as an "opener".. and couldn't stop her mouth from saying those lines again.

I just laughed and took her brochure and let her flustered ass focus back on giving my girl 13 or 15 pages of information and referrals for everything from WIC to Home Health Nurses to adoption agencies to applying to get a stipend to cover her gas and mileage to and from pregnancy related appointments.

She can't piss on my parade by thinking I look 15 years younger than I am LOL

How far along? Five weeks. And that includes two weeks of the whole "first day of last period" thing. So three weeks, actually.. just a tiny ball of cells at this point, and yes, far far far too soon to be making instant decisions. She just missed her first period a week ago.. took a home pregnancy test 3 days ago, said it was probably wrong (lol - been there!), took another one the next morning... and we made the PP appt for this morning.

And yeah, they sure piled on huuuuuge amounts of information for a girl who basically was there to get her pregnancy confirmed and in writing .. but she wanted information about options and any programs to help young mothers-to-be.. so they sure gave it to her LOL

As for telling people.. I think the Virgo is waiting to tell him parents anyway, probably for quite awhile. I know, my Libra knows, and my ex knows (and he's trying desperately to not blow his top lol).. and I think her two best friends know... and I think she's regretting telling them, because apparently both of them have NO qualms about telling her adoption is stupid and she's fucked up to even consider it... which I feel is the wrong way to be.. you can have an opinion, but forcing it on someone never works out well. Esp not someone like her.

Oh, and you guys know. Cuz I needed someone to tell (this is HUGE for me!) and it wasn't going to be my family or my RL friends. Not ready for all that yet, like you said.. plenty of time.

She'll be fine.. my girl doesn't know how to NOT be fine LOL (I can hear her laughing in the living room right now, with the Virgo. I like that.) She knows I'm here for her.

Well, maybe not for the next couple hours. I need a nap, adrenaline (and caffeine) crashing badly. Been a rough week today LOL

I haven't read all this but Grats Granny!

😛

How sweet a little Lib...

Congrats, we would all like to choose when our kids are really ready to be parents but mostly because we know what it involves. You have a great attitude Nef hope I can be just as diplomatic when my turn comes!

I know, right?! hahaha

Love you too, bebe ♥

Aaaaaaaaand.. Grandma Nefer was wrong, apparently. (Who said I can't admit to being wrong? lol)

They've gone ahead with the adoption proceedings and have picked an incredibly nice couple to raise this little Libra boy born today. I watched the new mother holding him, and the new father click-happy and prancing around like Fred Astaire.. and those two looked absolutely gob-smacked, flat-out thunder-struck and head over heels in LOVE with that red-faced little (HUGE! haha!) bellower.

The hardest part of being a mother is not raising your kids... it's raising your kids to make their own choices as adults... and then standing back and allowing them to do so, regardless of your personal feelings or opinions or what your own choices were/are. I just have to trust that I've done a good enough job, and know that my girl is living HER life, and making HER choices. And love her unconditionally.

I'm okay, I'm very emotionally strong.. but yes, it hurts. Like WHOA. I think the one saving grace, the one thing that keeps me from having a screaming meemee and pulling my hair out... the couple also want a totally OPEN adoption, in which ALL members of his birth family are welcome in his life right from the beginning. They have a three year old boy they adopted in this manner, so they know open adoption works for them. Maybe it's a good thing they live a few hours away, so I won't be tempted to make a nuisance of myself *wry laugh*

If my mum gave me away I'd be very pissed with her tbh and have issues of hating her and identity issues growing up. Not to judge you but since u like libra boys you can take him in. Then you'll be his favorite grandma.

I'll STILL be his favorite Granny, trust *wink*

Spica, it was already in this thread.. granted, Peri telling ME to take the baby and raise him/her disappeared when that one of his many accounts was deleted.. but my response to him is still there - as much as I want my grandson close, my daughter has made her own decision. I cannot MAKE my 19 year old daughter give me the baby.. the courts cannot.. nothing can. The parents are 19 now, legal adults, and make their own choices.

Right. You daughter has too much Aries, surely she doesn't feel comfortable with a Libra baby. The father is a Virgo too. I think if he had been born a virgo they might keep him as the energies would be more familiar/similar.

Anyway, you're right, though. The baby is predestined to be a joy for another family who really wants him for some reason. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would just give him to my mum though. Did you tell them you wanted the baby?

Anyway, its their choice, and that foster couple seem like they're good caretakers.

LOL She IS certainly FULL of Aries fire.. if she raised this Libra boy, I could definitely see them bumping heads.. and Granny spoiling him rotten. Cuz Granny gets him, Granny knows, c'mere lovey and give Granny a hug LOL

Astrology aside (cuz they didn't decide on adoption because the baby would be Libra lol) they're trying to do the right thing, and spent a lot of time agonizing over what that right thing is. They've faced incredible ridicule and insult from friends who say things like, "Dude.. it's not like you guys are 15... plenty of 19 year old parents do fine. What are you thinking?!" And people who know the Taurus and Virgo are both responsible and .. well, in all honesty.. they're kinda "fuddy-duddy" types.. like little old people trapped in young bodies. They're not into parties, good times, and running amok.. they'd actually make stellar parents, even at only 19. But maybe they're both a little TOO responsible... unlike their peers (the ones hassling them) who can't/won't/don't see all the future what-ifs.. these two kids realize that though they could indeed DO this, they aren't going into it blinded by emotion, and they know how hard it will be - on them AND on the innocent little boy. TOOO logical sometimes :/

Libra baby hopefully WON'T be TOO pissed and TOO hurt... not like my Leo ex... he was adopted at 6 wks old (Catholic church) and was never told. When he was 12, the neighbor boy nastily said he was adopted (he looks NOTHING like his older sister and younger brother.. both biological!) he turned to his (then 17) sister and demanded she refute it.. she panicked, could not lie to his face like that, and ran away. The shiz hit the fan and it all came out. And yes, he felt worthless and unwanted, and LIED to, like his whole life was a joke at his expense. He got into drinking and drugs.. and never came out.

So I cross my fingers and hope that Libra baby being raised to know the truth, and to know all of us.. to know my Tau girl as the birth Mom who loved him so much she picked the best home she could to raise him.. to be close enough to see us every few months, to have us actively in his life and loving him from Day 1... hopefully he won't feel he was "given away" cuz we didn't want him.

Cuz that would slay me. I LOVE him.. and grandmas know.. Granny Love is like Mommy Love, only.. bigger, deeper, more mature, patient. My kids hung the moon.. but my grandson created it. As nonsensical as that sounds, it FEELS that way!