What does he want from me?

I have been friends (just friends no sex) with this guy for a few years. We've gradually gotten closer over the last year and a half-two years. I was married but in a terrible relationship when we met. Since then, I separated & my divorce became final the end of March.

We've talked about relationships twice. The first time I initiated last August, in which he told me he moves slow in relationships & he also thought it would be morally wrong to pursue anything while I was still married. I didn't disagree, was just looking to continue to get close/know if that was possible or if I was wasting my time cuz he strictly saw me as a friend. He told me the more time he spent with me/spent talking to me the more comfortable he was feeling.

After this he called &/or texted consistently for a few weeks. I took his previous comments as a license to keep moving things forward & so when he started slacking off, I started initiating contact & hangouts. Things seemed ok until about the end of November & then he really started backing away. Also we have two martial art hobbies that we've both been involved with & since he started behaving really strangely he kept missing classes & still is. Regardless of what's going on with him & I, I hate to see him giving up on his hobbies. He blames work & a ton of other things, but in the back of my mind I wonder?? But then again he still comes to our Friday class & was initiating getting together to workout even when we didn't have class...that is up until two weeks ago.

At the end of April he initiated a relationship conversation in which he told me he didn't have those kinds of feelings for me. In fact, he hasn't had them for anyone in so long, he can't remember, & doesn't know if he's even capable....thinks he may have been burned too many times. I didn't freak out. Just calmly stated that it wasn't what I wanted to hear & that I was bummed. We hung out & talked for a while longer. At the end he said maybe something would be able to blossom/grow now that he wasn't hiding that anymore. He then proceeded to call &/or text me everyday again for about 2 weeks. I was open to receiving his calls/plans, but I decided I would not be initiating & chasing after him anymore. The next week he skipped a couple days & then I had to initiate a text to make sure he remembered he was covering my class for me. He called a lil while after receiving my text. Then he called me again after class was done & as

The system says you talk to much. Take a breath and limit posts to 2500 characters. I knows it's hard but it s better that twitter.

Continued:

asked me to get together Saturday to workout but I cldnt cuz I already had plans. He seemed irritated but said we'd try to do it Friday if he didn't end up working too late. Fri morning he texted then called later in the afternoon. He ended up cancelling working out cuz he said he was too exhausted. Sd he'd call me later that nite but didnt. No word Saturday. Sunday I get a text saying he hoped I was having a nice weekend. I responded with the same. Monday he called & then I saw him for a few mins at class but he was leaving cuz he didn't feel good. Didn't hear a word from him until this Tues....a whole week with zero contact from him. So he texts me saying he hoped I had a pleasant weekend & a nice holiday. He rarely hears from me anymore, so he's hesitant to call. I responded with "hey its so nice to hear from you. Weekend/holiday were great. How about urs? Ur calls are always welcome silly." Nothing....zero response....call or text.

I have always been open, warm, appreciative, receptive, & reciprocating anytime he has contacted me or asked me to do anything, but I am not gonna keep chasing after someone that basically sd they didn't want me. I am ok being his friend (sort of....I'm trying anyway lol) but not with me continuing to chase.

So he continues to send mixed signals. How do you suggest I handle this & what does he want from me?

Posted by LibraSid
The system says you talk to much. Take a breath and limit posts to 2500 characters. I knows it's hard but it s better that twitter.

Lol I'm sorry I know it's long but there's a lot happening & I could really use some advice pretty please?!?!? 🙂

After that mean first comment slipped out I figured I'd at least read the post and respond...but I can't tell anything from the first post. Well nothing except he is full of shit wishy washy. Since you're here posting I can only assume he backed way off again and you're wondering why. Let's wait for the rest and see...

Sounds like a heartbreak waiting to happen-- the inconsistency. 😢

Yep I was right. He doesn't even know what he wants, you can't hope to figure it out. He don't seem interested in showing up right, Fuck it stop trying. I'm slow and reserved too, but the mixed signals is BS. Slow and cautious but consistent is one thing.

To clarify...

I'm slow to initiate. I get that. There's a woman I like and I don't have the balls to say anything. I justify it by saying I don't want a relationship. Yada Yada, wishy washy libra.

BUT!!!

If/when I do say something and we set something up. You can be sure as fuck I'll be there. Whatever happens from there who knows but you make time for people when you want to.

LibraSid....EXACTLY!! There's a big difference between taking your time and wanting to make sure that a relationship is what you really want.
However, being inconsiderate and inconsistent is not even close to resembling that of a relationship attempt.

@Scropiogal76..Honey, you need to keep it moving. He's already said he's not interested in you as a lover, but as friend.....and he's showing you that. Remember what Maya Angelou said, (Rest in Peace Ms. Angelou), that when someone shows you who they are the 1st time, believe them!
2 years is a long time to be guessing if someone likes you or not.
Apparently, he's a Libra, but that's even too long for an indecisive Libra..LOL🙂....IJS.

I have no doubt he cherishes your friendship because you're always there whenever he needs you, but I don't see it as anything more.
Please don't continue wasting your time with this dude and stop being available at his every beckon and call.
If he really likes you, disappear for a while and see if he comes a lookin

This is why you don't chase men, honey.

Posted by LibraSid
Slow and cautious but consistent

^ That's how I am when I'm really into a person.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
This is why you don't chase men, honey.

I see that now :/ hindsight...

Guess at the time I thought it didn't really matter since we were already friends.

Just out of curiosity what do u consider chasing?

You're the one who said you chased.

But if you're initiating all the contact, initiating all the dates/time spent together and he's not, that's chasing.

There are too many lazy, asshole guys out there who take advantage of a girl who chases. It's one area of dating where I prefer women to stick to the traditional role of letting him initiate and "prove" his interest. It can be hard to determine true interest or intent if you're the one taking the lead all the time. Then it's WHAM, he side swipes you with some bullshit and ends up hurting you.

It's not always the case, but in this situation, that's what it appears to be.

The guy's a fucking tool. Move along, no time should be wasted on this guy.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

But if you're initiating all the contact, initiating all the dates/time spent together and he's not, that's chasing.

First thing I've noticed in your post. You are saying one thing, but doing another. Don't fool yourself by saying you won't chase anymore cause you are not being honest with yourself, you are still watching his moves and acting by it. Come to your clear headed self the sooner the better and march away and forward. 😉

Always remember we run from conflict and/or when we're hurt or think we hurt someone. He's doing what I would do when I'm not interested. I don't like to lead people on so if I know there's an interest, but I'm not I'll break off contact. I had friends try to set me up with someone I have known for awhile and I knew there wasn't anything there (at least for me). I was polite and would talk to her when I saw her, but would make no additional moves. A planned trip came up and I A: wasn't interested in going B: had a new job so taking off wasn't an option. So I gave ample notice that I wouldn't be coming and she flipped. Trashed me to a friend big time (which really isn't going to help your cause any). Anyhow, I am also a slow mover when it comes to relationships because I want to know everything ahead of time. That usually takes a few months of seeing you, meeting your friends, and perhaps your family. Seems nowadays if you aren't banging someone the night you met them you must not be interested.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
You're the one who said you chased.

But if you're initiating all the contact, initiating all the dates/time spent together and he's not, that's chasing.

There are too many lazy, asshole guys out there who take advantage of a girl who chases. It's one area of dating where I prefer women to stick to the traditional role of letting him initiate and "prove" his interest. It can be hard to determine true interest or intent if you're the one taking the lead all the time. Then it's WHAM, he side swipes you with some bullshit and ends up hurting you.

It's not always the case, but in this situation, that's what it appears to be.

The guy's a fucking tool. Move along, no time should be wasted on this guy.

The truth.