Adversity, the finest teacher.

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Awakened
@Awakened
14 Years500+ PostsPisces

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Many people come here and post about X person or X sign and receive feedback from the DXP community. IMO, there are many people here that reinforce the poster's internal dialogue for the negative. It's almost akin to encouraging a person that is standing on the lip of a bridge to jump instead of coming back down.

In other words...

Replies that follow the lines of:
"he's just an asshole girl"
"she ain't worth your time"
"I'm sorry for situation is so bad"
Are utterly useless in providing any helpful feedback.

It's akin to fanning the flames of a burning man or encouraging a drunk to drink more.

I say that to say this:
Why is being agreeable and nice such a cherished value across the board?
What does that actually accomplish for anyone?

People learn the best by hearing DIFFERENT points of view and sometimes OPPOSING points of view. This is how horizons are broadened and people humbled.

In other words..
Adversity IS THE BEST TEACHER.
Whether that adversity comes in the form of a life challenge
Trial by fire
Or thoughts/views that directly oppose your own.

Take a look at the concept of negative reinforcement...
Place your hand in fire and get burned. I bet you won't do it again.

Or..

Take Gordon Ramsey or any number of successful people and more often than not, they will contribute their success to their past failures. Donald Trump, Gordon Ramsey, Opera...etc.

Teaching by adversity.

I wonder if people stopped being concerned with being nice and agreeable and actually spoke their true thoughts, where the world would be now.
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Awakened
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Posted by blueribbons
I like this topic. Who is the "right" audience?



The people that reply with sympathy to a poster embroiled in a ridiculous situation. Why would you reinforce someone's internal dialogue of bs when they actually need to get slapped across the face by reality. There are many people here that get labeled as mean and brash when the reality is, they are the ONLY mother fuckers trying to REALLY help. P-Angel is a fine example. She's consistently branded as mean and bitchy when the reality is, she was trying to help.

People get so ruffled over the delivery that they fail to see the real message. Who cares if the words were "mean" if the message actually helps? I'm not trying to glorify anyone here, I'm simply saying that being nice is dumb when it harms other people.

IE, if someone posts about how much their life sucks, what the fuck is the point of posting some fake ass "Im sorry your life sucks" when the reality is, the person needs to hear someone that may actually help them out. Even if that something isn't necessarily nice. Does a drunk need to hear sympathy and nice words about their drinking problem? No, they need to get their drinks taken away and become the recipient of a swift kick in the ass.

That's what I mean about adversity. What does being nice actually amount to when it's really harmful?
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iceredrobot
@iceredrobot
14 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

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What an incredibly self-righteous thread, you must be a Libra Oh wait a Libra would never say anything unpopular😛

Compassion goes a long way, they're not asking for their problems to be fixed they need someone to listen. Anyway the aftermath of a mistake is the only effective slap from reality, talk is cheap and no one listens to know-it-alls.


For what it's worth I do respect folk who place honesty above self-image and being liked.
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
15 Years25,000+ PostsTaurus

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Why get out a cat-o-nine tails when a tap of a riding crop is just as effective. No need for bloodshed. Some are so wrapped up in their internal tantrum advice is beyond being looked at objectively in any event. A direct attack makes someone go on the defensive and explode. Going out of ones way to be an ass isn't constructive, it's destructive.
I'm all for honesty and straightforward advice. I am also for diplomacy, a bit of tact and some kindness. It's all in the delivery. Some are not here for a light changing light bulb to be flicked on, they are here to give voice to something and seek a bit of compassion.
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Nefer
@Nefer
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Posted by Nights22
Is this your way of defending your lady?

Its good to give straight forward hard advice but when one resorts to insults it all becomes anti helpful. It just creates attacks all around.

Nefer is the best example of giving good advice and being a hard ass when she needs to without resorting to being a total cunt.



Awww, color me straight up flattered.

But in all fairness.. how many of them actually LISTEN to my iron-fist-velvet-glove advice? How many actually NOTICE me in the crowd of back-patters and hug-givers? It's rare, trust me.. they read my words, respond to me (oh thanks, yeah) and then.. just continue on their well-worn beaten path, talking in circles, HEARING nothing that can help fix or change the situation... just spiraling down into their self-righteous self-destruction. Learning nothing, changing nothing, ssdd.

But how many of them actually SEE P-Angel and Caligula and find themselves REACTING to their iron-fist-SANS-velvet-glove words? And those people, once the anger and indignation dissipates.. they have a lot of food for thought. Maybe that mean bitch had a point, yaknow? Hmmm.

No, I'm not saying the harsh approach is best or worst, nor that MY approach is either. But then again, I'm not one who gets hung up on the way the gift is WRAPPED when it's given to me... sparkly shiny gorgeous or plain brown paper.. I rip it open to see what's inside. Maybe that's why I like Caligula and P-Angel and their straight up rawness.. I have the ability to focus less on the tone and harshness, and more on the message.
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P-Angel
@P-Angel
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I find it hilarious that the people responding are primarily Pisces people to whom I've kicked in the ass and they can't handle it.


You'd be utterly suprised at the amount of people who return and PM me about being the only person who had the guts to tell them the truth. Of course, they have to save face and put it to a PM ... in the end, the ego takes center stage and they can't very well let the others know, now can they?


I absolutely agree with the OP .. a person learns from mistakes .. and if a person coddles them and tells them it wasn't their fault, then they have no awareness that they made a mistake.


A person telling their story here, is doing so in their favor, they are providing limited information for the purpose of slanting your perception to their benefit = to get you on a side with them. Notice, they come here where we can't know what is really happening and can only know what were told ................ the media should come to mind right about now.

For this reason, I always point fingers directly at them to make them be accountible for themselves ... because everything they've said about the other person isn't fact.


They aren't coming here to vent .. they are coming here to get people to have a specific viewpoint, their viewpoint .. so that they can shed themselves of any guilt they have.


Look at it this way ..... a person can come in here with a situation and all of you can spend post after post pampering them and telling them it's ok ... I can say one sentence of utter truth ... and I have their full attention, they forget you're even there.

Now I don't say that for purposes of relishing in the attention ... I say that to point out that what they needed to hear, is where they focus because subconsciously they realize I've cut through their bullshit and spoke the truth.

Those are the same people who come back to me.
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
15 Years25,000+ PostsTaurus

Comments: 438 · Posts: 33721 · Topics: 241
Posted by Nemesis
Posted by venusianbull
LMAO Thank God, I feel so enlightened now. The clouds have parted and the truth beams out before one and all. It's Miller time.




you know what, i become suspicious of people who claim to be honest all the time (24/7) and who say of themeselves their word is the TRUTH, the one and only TRUTH. that in itself is a paradoxum and a big fat lie.

because there are many layers of truth and perspectives, theirs is just but one facette...😄





click to expand




Absolutely. So many differing experiences. My life lessons might help someone, they may just hold it up to the light and toss it on the heap. All you can do is lay it down and allow them to take what they need from it. Absorb it, let it marinate.
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
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Comments: 438 · Posts: 33721 · Topics: 241
Posted by Nemesis
Posted by venusianbull
Posted by Nights22
Posted by venusianbull
I refuse to take 'advice' on that level. If you are out to wound someones feelings intentionally it's NOT constructive to anything. It isn't 'helpful' to add insult to injury. There are better ways to get your point across without being a horses patoot.



yes



Yes!




yes? 🙂
click to expand




LOL Yes indeed. Oh, and yes.
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
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Posted by Nights22
Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by Nights22
Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by Nights22
You're all just apologists for cunts.
People should be mature enough to deliver advice without wishing harm on another.



Yeah, I've seen you lose your cool sometimes too, Dazed.

I lack patience and tact a lot of times, but it's because I get to fired up about things sometimes. I care. I'm passionate and so do Caligula and P-Angel.

We're bitches sometimes for sure, but that's our problem. People would rather get hung up on and divert the attention off of them than face their truth.



um im not dazed



Lol, I get you guys mixed up sometimes, sorry. 😛



But yes I do go off on people. But I dont hide under a blanket and pretend Im giving blunt advice. No Im telling them off becaise I dont like them. 😄
click to expand




😄
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
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Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by venusianbull
I refuse to take 'advice' on that level. If you are out to wound someones feelings intentionally it's NOT constructive to anything. It isn't 'helpful' to add insult to injury. There are better ways to get your point across without being a horses patoot.



Yeah, I hear that. I am that way in real life with people I know. If someone has some constructive criticism for me I am always ready and willing to hear it. But it best be delivered without disrespecting my intelligence and my integrity.

Maybe I don't get as pissed here about it here because this isn't real life or real people in my life who know me? IDK

But I am not defending everything P and C do, I think a lot of their tactics and accusations are unneccesarily mean and just plain stupid. But that isn't the point.

Yes, P and C are mean, and you don't have to like it or be their friend, but you're a fool if you refuse to listen to truthful insights someone has taken the time to give you, just cause you don't like the delivery.
click to expand




I read everything objectively, note what I perceive as truth. On the other hand, I also see unnecessary bashing, name calling, etc. That isn't about being helpful. That is being combative. That is not giving someone a necessary leather glove to the cheek, it's laying things open. For what. Why exactly. There's no need for it. Especially when someones perception and opinion of a situation is simply that. A perception and an opinion. I try to look at all angles because ultimately what we read before us on a page is only half the story. If I feel the need to call someone on their b.s. I'll do so, but it is never my intention to be unkind about it. I simply do not see the need to whip out the lemon juice and salt when someone is laying their heart out to bleed in a public arena.
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venusianbull
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Posted by blueribbons
Idk people have been very very mean to me on these threads when I was here in the past.. and really for telling them the truth without insult. There are a lot of self righteous around here, people want to sound the smartest and sometimes they get so defensive if someone offers up usable advice. So that's why I feel that there's not just one good way to send the message. Advice and delivery is like medications, one may help someone tremendously and that same medicine can cause the death of another.



Yes, and like Ripley's Believe It Or Not...the sun does not rise in the morning just because someone bends over to tie their shoelaces.
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brianafay
@brianafay
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Posted by Nemesis
Posted by AA
Question is. WHY DOES SHE CARE?
higher spiritual self maybe?



the question might be: does she care? probably not.

there is a sort of sadistic edge to this. by putting people down; their ego is up.

claiming to be helpful by using this harsh "truth" for them to see it, is a load of bullshit imo.

for me it all boils down to a ego-trip. period.

and they call it reversed pyschology? lmfao.

click to expand




basically, this is the case quite a bit of the time. :/


I usually just don't give advice at all if I think I'm going to yell HOLY FUCK YOU'RE STUPID, THIS MUST BE A JOKE!
Haha, not that I'm always nicey nice, kittens and butterflies...
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AA
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Posted by brianafay

——

Haha, let's be real though...sometimes people do need to be bitchslapped into reality.

I would prefer it be by a friend personally...someone who ACTUALLY gives a shit about me...not some random bitch on an ego-trip online. 🙂


I was gonna say it's probably ony really valid when it's from family and friends because stuff gets translated wrong online and they don't know you.
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
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Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by venusianbull
Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by venusianbull
I refuse to take 'advice' on that level. If you are out to wound someones feelings intentionally it's NOT constructive to anything. It isn't 'helpful' to add insult to injury. There are better ways to get your point across without being a horses patoot.



Yeah, I hear that. I am that way in real life with people I know. If someone has some constructive criticism for me I am always ready and willing to hear it. But it best be delivered without disrespecting my intelligence and my integrity.

Maybe I don't get as pissed here about it here because this isn't real life or real people in my life who know me? IDK

But I am not defending everything P and C do, I think a lot of their tactics and accusations are unneccesarily mean and just plain stupid. But that isn't the point.

Yes, P and C are mean, and you don't have to like it or be their friend, but you're a fool if you refuse to listen to truthful insights someone has taken the time to give you, just cause you don't like the delivery.



I read everything objectively, note what I perceive as truth. On the other hand, I also see unnecessary bashing, name calling, etc. That isn't about being helpful. That is being combative. That is not giving someone a necessary leather glove to the cheek, it's laying things open. For what. Why exactly. There's no need for it. Especially when someones perception and opinion of a situation is simply that. A perception and an opinion. I try to look at all angles because ultimately what we read before us on a page is only half the story. If I feel the need to call someone on their b.s. I'll do so, but it is never my intention to be unkind about it. I simply do not see the need to whip out the lemon juice and salt when someone is laying their heart out to bleed in a public arena.
click to expand




VB, I agree with you.

I think P and C see some benefit from doing things their way. I actually don't and when I first got here confronted P about why she insists on communicating her thoughts the way she does.

But P is P and C is C and I don't see either of them ch
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
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Posted by blueribbons
Posted by venusianbull
Posted by blueribbons
Idk people have been very very mean to me on these threads when I was here in the past.. and really for telling them the truth without insult. There are a lot of self righteous around here, people want to sound the smartest and sometimes they get so defensive if someone offers up usable advice. So that's why I feel that there's not just one good way to send the message. Advice and delivery is like medications, one may help someone tremendously and that same medicine can cause the death of another.



Yes, and like Ripley's Believe It Or Not...the sun does not rise in the morning just because someone bends over to tie their shoelaces.



Wait what? Now I feel deflated 😛 lol
click to expand




LOL I do hope you were sitting down.
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brianafay
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Posted by Nemesis
has it ever occured to anybody that some of these folks that make thread after thread about their current, future or past love interest and write a novel about it; do this to seek justification and approval and want some ego blast of their own?

as in awww poor baby, you are so right, he is an asshole....see, this is why, there are always two sides to a story....



of course.
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brianafay
@brianafay
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Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by brianafay
Posted by Nemesis
Posted by AA
Question is. WHY DOES SHE CARE?
higher spiritual self maybe?



the question might be: does she care? probably not.

there is a sort of sadistic edge to this. by putting people down; their ego is up.

claiming to be helpful by using this harsh "truth" for them to see it, is a load of bullshit imo.

for me it all boils down to a ego-trip. period.

and they call it reversed pyschology? lmfao.



basically, this is the case quite a bit of the time. :/


I usually just don't give advice at all if I think I'm going to yell HOLY FUCK YOU'RE STUPID, THIS MUST BE A JOKE!
Haha, not that I'm always nicey nice, kittens and butterflies...



Oh no doubt, P and C are egotists. lol. But that doesn't mean that they don't care and want to help people see what they know.
click to expand




that's the thing, I honestly do not believe they intend to be helpful when attacking others.
*shrugs*

Few and far between
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brianafay
@brianafay
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Posted by Nights22
Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by Nemesis
has it ever occured to anybody that some of these folks that make thread after thread about their current, future or past love interest and write a novel about it; do this to seek justification and approval and want some ego blast of their own?

as in awww poor baby, you are so right, he is an asshole....see, this is why, there are always two sides to a story....



Yeah, that's exactly what the OP was saying.



No the op was trying to defend his gf.
click to expand




Lol, so it's true then.



He's so nice though! :/
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brianafay
@brianafay
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Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by Nights22
If P would just stop pretending like she is giving advice when she is just attacking then fine. But no she pretends she is giving advice and that her advice is the end all be all when its just cuntiness.



Dazed, I agree with you about that sometimes. Sometimes it's just pure hate I see coming from both of P and C, nothing more.

But my point is, we don't have control over what they say and do... all we have control of is our own reaction to it.

And learning that skill, not to react, to be accountable for our own actions, is the only thing that's important.

If someone can't be accountable for themselves and gets so butthurt from "adversity" of any kind, as the OP put it, then we have failed.

I think the OP sees this kinda metaphorically in that P and C bring adversity, and whether their intentions are good or bad and whether there is any truth in what they say, OUR reactions are everything. Just as how we react to any adversity in life determines whether we succeed or fail as healthy souls.

Again, not to defend P and C. Despite what they may think, they aren't gods and we aren't all Job's to be fodder for their humiliation and persecution. lol. And that won't be if you take their words with a grain of salt. But to me they do symbolize the trying people and adversity that we are all bound to face in the real world.
click to expand




I get you here. 🙂
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
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Nights is Nights, he's got two hooves wayyyyy up in my book.

My sticking point in all this is that they're HUMAN. Quit ascribing such power to someone. We all put our gotdamned underoos on one leg at a time. No one is up on a mountain top burning incense and getting divine whisperings to impart. We're here to learn from one another. Hopefully it's positive, sometimes it's not. But we're all people, we all fuck up and make mistakes. Own 'em.
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AA
@AA
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Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by aPiscesPrincess
Posted by SatoriFierce
Posted by Nights22
If P would just stop pretending like she is giving advice when she is just attacking then fine. But no she pretends she is giving advice and that her advice is the end all be all when its just cuntiness.



Dazed, I agree with you about that sometimes. Sometimes it's just pure hate I see coming from both of P and C, nothing more.

But my point is, we don't have control over what they say and do... all we have control of is our own reaction to it.

And learning that skill, not to react, to be accountable for our own actions, is the only thing that's important.

If someone can't be accountable for themselves and gets so butthurt from "adversity" of any kind, as the OP put it, then we have failed.

I think the OP sees this kinda metaphorically in that P and C bring adversity, and whether their intentions are good or bad and whether there is any truth in what they say, OUR reactions are everything. Just as how we react to any adversity in life determines whether we succeed or fail as healthy souls.

Again, not to defend P and C. Despite what they may think, they aren't gods and we aren't all Job's to be fodder for their humiliation and persecution. lol. And that won't be if you take their words with a grain of salt. But to me they do symbolize the trying people and adversity that we are all bound to face in the real world.



I agree with that too. But some people are brand new here, and just come for some helpful advice, not expecting to be put on blast right off the bat. So they're put off guard when it does happen, and probably react badly. Because they're like 'Whoa where did all this hatefulness come from??! I just wanted some advice.. not to be told I'm a stupid moron'. The ones who have been here awhile know to expect it, so they should know how to handle it after awhile lol.



Yeah, I know. lol. When I first came here in 08 I made a thread entitled like "why is everyone here so mean?". lol

Like I said, I know it can be a bit jarring at first meeting P and C, but we all get broken in pretty fast, I think. 😛
click to expand



08? Thought you
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brianafay
@brianafay
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Posted by scorchedearth
Posted by PurrrrHissss
Posted by SatoriFierce
Youtube brawls get pretty ugly.



Youtube fights are awful. You could be watching a video of a cute little kitten, and then when you look at the comments section, it's "f*** you f***** n***** c***" this and "s*** my d*** you p**** liberal w****" that.

:-O



well obviously, that kitten was fucking gangster and people had to rep up in that bitch.
click to expand



exactly.
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MsPisces.
@MsPisces.
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 4248 · Topics: 32
lol Bling. You so stupid :p




I can always respect honesty, BUT I respect having the intuition and foresight of knowing who the brutal honesty will work on... even more.


You're not nearly as bright as you think you are if you can't distinguish between those intelligent enough to get your 'truth', and those who aren't. Most of the time you only end up wasting your time going back and fourth, not accomplishing anything, except for maybe the occasional ego stroke.


And yes. I'm often guilty of this myself.
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