Am I a horrible aunt?

So, I have a 2 year old nephew, whom I love and adore, but he doesn't take to me very well, and is a bit of a Dennis the Menace. I watched him for 1.5 hours last week, and he drove me crazy. He didn't listen to me, and so on and so forth.

I wake up for work at 5:30am, and I look forward to my weekends to sleep in. My sister asked me if I could watch my nephew Saturday morning, I asked her at what time and told her that my limit was 2-hours, because he drove me bonkers the last time. She told me 7am-10:30am, which basically means 7am-11am, she always lags. I told her that was really early and kind of long and asked her what she had going on, she told me "forget it" and I responded "ok"

I don't mean to come across as insensitive, but I hardly babysit him, I just don't have the attention span or patience that exceeds 2-hours. I do spend time with him though when the fam is all together once a week.

He senses you don't like having him around. Kids are smart like that. How old are you?

If you can't handle him you can't handle him, he was born into your family and not someone you chose 🙂 Your sister might appreciate the not oft asked for support though and reciprocate when/if your time comes. I pretty much just ignored my nephews/nieces when they were tiny and I was minding them which was a bit too often for my liking, just bided the time and let them run around amusing themselves until their parents reappeared! Anyway, maybe you just enjoy older children more - not everyone loves little things.

and that was all meant to say, NO you're not a horrible aunt, just an aunt 🙂

I babysat my twin nephews once when they where 5 for maybe 3 hours, when my sister returned I told her never again. She laughed because she thought I was joking, they just turned 18 & I was never asked to babysit again after that time! You are an aunt not the parent, its ok to say no.

No, you are not a horrible cunt.

Posted by aquapiscescusp
He senses you don't like having him around. Kids are smart like that. How old are you?

I could understand that if this was the case, but I'm always fun and goofy with hm when we are all together. I love being around him and can't get enough of him when we are all together, and I try to be the same when it's just the 2 of us, but he just goes bonkers.

Posted by robyn808
Yeah but idk if it makes you a good sister tho... If she's not taking advantage of you, and could really use the help, is it really that big of an inconvenience?

Did you really have to drag it out and make her feel bad for asking? Adding on all these conditions? but that's a straight up Taurus perspective, you do what needs to be done, and you don't cry about it.

And, I don't think your life is made up to be all about you. Its the people who are important to us that make it rich.... and shit.

This.

If you were my sister, I'd NEVER ask you again. Infact, i'd probably turn cold towards you and maybe you won't ever see your nephews nieces again since you find them menacing and deplorable.

aquapiscescusp: Oh, and I'm 35

better a stranger to give them warmth (like daycare) than flesh and blood who can't stand to be around them for a few hours or half a day.

Oh guys, I may not have said it correctly, I love being around him, and he makes my heart melt, but it's when it is just he and I that he turns into a little terror. I do love on him and am always goofy, but he just isn't having it. He throws his cards all over the place, runs on the couches...

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24
Fuck that. It's always that flesh & blood garbage when they want something from you, but don't let the motherfucking tides change.

it has nothing to do with that, and you know it. It's once in awhile and not taking advantage. If you can't leave your children with their aunts once in awhile when she is FREE, then what's the point?

Besides, you'd know what type of person she is and if she's responsible or wants to do so.

Just trying to place myself in her position as a sister. My sisters don't usually ask me and i usually don't ask them either, but we do once in awhile and it's not a big deal. But as long as they are free of course.

Alright lisabethur8, you're right, when you put it that way. I'll offer, if she'll still have me.

Posted by RaeofSun
Alright lisabethur8, you're right, when you put it that way. I'll offer, if she'll still have me.

aw hugs.

but don't do it cause you feel guilty. Geez!!! do it cause you love them and love being around them every so often.

now if i were to say you watch them every day of the week. ALL DAY. lmao! now that's too much and overkill.

you'd have bad hair day everyday.

as long as you're not a drug addict sister. lol

No drugs here, but I may have to pour myself a glass of wine... oh wait, it's too early 😉

I didn't, but she's super sensitive, and I know she's upset, because she has asked me a handful of times before and I am usually busy. She views it as me not loving my nephew or wanting to spend time with him, but from my perspective, that has nothing to do with it, it's him being a little terror that does, an adorable little one though.. of course.

Posted by RaeofSun
I didn't, but she's super sensitive, and I know she's upset, because she has asked me a handful of times before and I am usually busy. She views it as me not loving my nephew or wanting to spend time with him, but from my perspective, that has nothing to do with it, it's him being a little terror that does, an adorable little one though.. of course.

honestly how you sound and you making this thread, i would honestly never ask you ever 'cause of how you feel. You'd definitely have to be the one to ask HER to babysit. You would have to go out of your way to ask her and not her. But then she's a different person. I would already get the feeling about you, and no way would i bother. I don't want my children to be around someone who doesn't WANT to be with them you know what i mean, even if they are close relatives. It's just not healthy for them and it's not right.

I have friends who had kiddies young, and now my siblings have provided nieces and I can understand both sides...

I guess essentially until you have your own you can be 'selfish' and/ or self involved. I don't say that in a negative way, just realistic! So it can be hard to give up a sleep in and whatnot. And I love being able to give my nieces back after a couple of hours...

But I also think of it like a credit rating, and unless you are planning to never ever have your own kiddies it pays to have a good amount of credit with people who can help you out when it's your turn! 😛

I do want to be with him, I just don't want to babysit. I have a blast with him when it's all of us, but him being a terror when he is just with me and not taking very well to me, makes that difficult and spending time together when it is just he and I... rather challenging. I've always been good with kids, and they have always seemed to like me, but he is the first one that is a bit different, and I'm not sure how to handle it or what to do. Who knows, maybe he doesn't want me to spend time with him... ok, I'll get serious. But yes, I'm surprised she continues to ask me also. I've never been a fan of babysitting, like I said, I don't have the attention span for it or the patience if it exceeds 2-hours. It's the act of it that I don't like, not the child.

Posted by RaeofSun
I do want to be with him, I just don't want to babysit. I have a blast with him when it's all of us, but him being a terror when he is just with me and not taking very well to me, makes that difficult and spending time together when it is just he and I... rather challenging.

Don't feel bad. Kids are super smart and he probably acts different 1 on 1 with you because he can and wants to see how much he can get away with. With the family you can be the fun, cool, lets have a good time aunt but when you are the only authority... you have to be the authority. That means saying, "no you can't do that." and mean it.

Once he knows your personal rules, what he can and can't do... he'll feel safe having you in charge and you guys can go back to having fun again.

Posted by RaeofSun
I I've never been a fan of babysitting, like I said, I don't have the attention span for it or the patience if it exceeds 2-hours. It's the act of it that I don't like, not the child.

ohhh I missed this part.

You don't have what it takes to be in the position of taking care of a kid... and he knows it. Probably just a reflection of your negative energy. Kids are so bloody perceptive.

@shellshocker: Yes, it's so weird. I use to be great at it, but as I've gotten older.. not so much. I do, however, think you have a good point in regards to discipline. Last week was the first time I had watched him since he was 1. I tried to discipline him, but he wasn't having it. He could have very well been testing his boundaries. I don't know where my negative energy comes from regarding kids, it never use to be there. It could be that I am a bit resentful for not having any of my own and perhaps it doesn't appear that I will have any of my own in the near future. And when I was younger, all I could think about was having my own fam?

Ya, I see what you mean. You really have to be in the right mind frame to be around kids. If you're not there... don't do it.

I don't have kids but have A ton of nieces and nephews, why am I "supposed" to babysit just because I'm the aunt? Perhaps that isn't what some of you are saying, but it seems to be sort of what some are implying. It' my time and energy I would be investing with babysitting, why am I a bad person if I tell my bro or sis no? Just wondering the thought behind this...

Posted by justagirl
I don't have kids but have A ton of nieces and nephews, why am I "supposed" to babysit just because I'm the aunt? Perhaps that isn't what some of you are saying, but it seems to be sort of what some are implying. It' my time and energy I would be investing with babysitting, why am I a bad person if I tell my bro or sis no? Just wondering the thought behind this...

we kind of resolved it below....

you don't have to, especially if your "sister" has a feeling about you. Obviously SOME women can't figure it out and that some sisters/ relatives just don't want to be around children.

You're supposed to WANT to, not be forced to. Isn't it just common sense? If it's not there's going to be some family friction over their children and honestly, that's just more headache and stress.

I'll say this...If your sister called you a "bad aunt" all b/c SHE can't get her child under control when he's in the company of others, then she's dead wrong.

If you feel that you can't get him under control with your own forms of discipline, then he is no good being in your care anyways. People talk a lot of sh**t until something happens to their child in your care...then they wanna sue you or blame everything on you! lol

Children who go bonkers belong in the care of the parents, appointed babysitter OR the person whose discipline works! Every mother understands that no one will want to watch their child if their child acts a fool. You can't keep handing your bonkers child over to others & pretend like you're unaware that he's out of control. Now THAT is insensitive!

If you don't wanna do it, be honest about it like you were & back out. Your sleep/rest is just as important as whatever it is that she had to do

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by justagirl
I don't have kids but have A ton of nieces and nephews, why am I "supposed" to babysit just because I'm the aunt? Perhaps that isn't what some of you are saying, but it seems to be sort of what some are implying. It' my time and energy I would be investing with babysitting, why am I a bad person if I tell my bro or sis no? Just wondering the thought behind this...

we kind of resolved it below....

you don't have to, especially if your "sister" has a feeling about you. Obviously SOME women can't figure it out and that some sisters/ relatives just don't want to be around children.

You're supposed to WANT to, not be forced to. Isn't it just common sense? If it's not there's going to be some family friction over their children and honestly, that's just more headache and stress.

click to expand

But that's the rub, why do you view it as I don't want to be around them? I never said I didn't want to, I asked why would I be a bad aunt just because I didn't babysit? Paid or not it's not about $ $ I love my nieces/nephews but I'm not a bad aunt because I didn't give up my time to babysit. It isn't a requirment to be free babysitter because I'm the sister.

If it's not in your heart to raise, babysit or be there for a child, then don't. You are doing no favor to the mother or the child when your heart is not in it when they are under your care.

Would you hire a babysitter who said, "Well, I don't really wanna watch your child, but I need the money?" I'd hope you wouldn't!

Why not? B/c while the babysitter might be a stand up citizen, there's just a huge difference in how children sub-consciously feel when they are being watched by someone who doesn't really wanna be there. Doesn't mean that you don't love the child. Some parents are guilty of feeling this way with their OWN children.

The best part about daycares, schools, etc. is that these people are watching our children b/c they WANT to & their heart is in it, despite knowing up front that the children might go bonkers all day. Some people's hearts/desire for it goes out of the window when children become unruly. There is nothing wrong with that & is human nature. Nothing to apologize for. But at least own that!

Posted by justagirl

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by justagirl
I don't have kids but have A ton of nieces and nephews, why am I "supposed" to babysit just because I'm the aunt? Perhaps that isn't what some of you are saying, but it seems to be sort of what some are implying. It' my time and energy I would be investing with babysitting, why am I a bad person if I tell my bro or sis no? Just wondering the thought behind this...

we kind of resolved it below....

you don't have to, especially if your "sister" has a feeling about you. Obviously SOME women can't figure it out and that some sisters/ relatives just don't want to be around children.

You're supposed to WANT to, not be forced to. Isn't it just common sense? If it's not there's going to be some family friction over their children and honestly, that's just more headache and stress.

But that's the rub, why do you view it as I don't want to be around them? I never said I didn't want to, I asked why would I be a bad aunt just because I didn't babysit? Paid or not it's not about $ $ I love my nieces/nephews but I'm not a bad aunt because I didn't give up my time to babysit. It isn't a requirment to be free babysitter because I'm the sister.

click to expand

why should you get the privilege of being around her kids and enjoying them? She shares HER time and the KID's time with you?

It isn't a requirement that you get access to them just because you are the sister...

Are you one of those childless people who think they have it BETTER.. because you DON'T have kids? hahaha! Some children suck and some children are hours of entertainment and joy. I have family members calling me up asking to see my lil guys.

Yes... they rock like that

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by justagirl

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by justagirl
I don't have kids but have A ton of nieces and nephews, why am I "supposed" to babysit just because I'm the aunt? Perhaps that isn't what some of you are saying, but it seems to be sort of what some are implying. It' my time and energy I would be investing with babysitting, why am I a bad person if I tell my bro or sis no? Just wondering the thought behind this...

we kind of resolved it below....

you don't have to, especially if your "sister" has a feeling about you. Obviously SOME women can't figure it out and that some sisters/ relatives just don't want to be around children.

You're supposed to WANT to, not be forced to. Isn't it just common sense? If it's not there's going to be some family friction over their children and honestly, that's just more headache and stress.

But that's the rub, why do you view it as I don't want to be around them? I never said I didn't want to, I asked why would I be a bad aunt just because I didn't babysit? Paid or not it's not about $ $ I love my nieces/nephews but I'm not a bad aunt because I didn't give up my time to babysit. It isn't a requirment to be free babysitter because I'm the sister.

why should you get the privilege of being around her kids and enjoying them? She shares HER time and the KID's time with you?

It isn't a requirement that you get access to them just because you are the sister...

Are you one of those childless people who think they have it BETTER.. because you DON'T have kids? hahaha! Some children suck and some children are hours of entertainment and joy. I have family members calling me up asking to see my lil guys.

Yes... they rock like that

click to expand

No actually in childless because I can't have kids, even though I am dying to have them. 😢 But thanks for assuming something. I was playing devils advocate because some posters assume its a right to have babysitting just cause of being family & and its not a right, its a privilege.

@justagirl... i was playing devil's advocate as well.

RaeofSun was very honest in the fact that her feelings around watching her nephew involved some issues within herself. it will change her outlook and dynamic with her family because she is aware of herself in this aspect. That's a great knowledge to have

the same is kinda apparent in your outlook regarding watching children. i wasn't wrongfully assuming anything. I didn't know your history but noticed your defensivness with this topic. It wasn't my intent to offend, you're rightfully sensitive to this topic

@ Shell

It's all good, I came to terms with it years ago and really was/am playing the opposing side/view which I think you are equating to being defensive?

Guess I am because I stand behind my statement.. Just because someone's family doesn't mean they have to babysit, hopefully they will want to.

NO! 2 year olds will drive anyone crazy.
They don't call it the terrible 2's for nothing.

But anyway, all of my nieces and nephews are all grow up now.
The youngest is 12 and I love to have a 2 year old kid in the family.

So, my sister is hurt my what I said, and my mother blew my cell phone up with texts last night on how she she couldn't believe I said that to my sister. In regards to him driving me bonkers the last time I watched him and my limit was 2-hours. I was just being honest, but perhaps I should have been a bit more tactful. Although, there have been plenty of times when I have heard my sister say things in the same nature as I did, but I'm the bad guy. He's 2... he's a boy and he's a handful... it's normal.

So, I apologized to her and told her that I'm not always the most tactful when I say things, and that the last time I watched him I was just a bit overwhelmed. I haven't watched him by myself since a year ago, he has never behaved that way with me and he was just obviously testing his boundaries, and when he's all over the place and not listening to a word I say, it was a bit trying. I told her that I would love to watch him, but asked if she can please give me some tips with discipline and a list of what he eats, naps and all that jazz.