Critique my Articles

I'm going to write a blog but I have no idea how good I am at writing... so I will ask you guys to critique my works. This is going to be a thread about the articles I've written.

The Ephemeral Colours of my Very Vivid Dreams
Originally written October 13, 2015

Every time I close my eyes to sleep, lines and colours spring forth from nowhere, creating patterns that appear like pieces of art and architecture.

Against the backdrop of coal black, I see what are often purple lines and figures intertwining with each other, forming objects that are splendidly beautiful. Blinking as they usually are, the colours change from purple to pink to yellow to orange to indigo, flickering ceaselessly like Christmas lights.

Sometimes the lines would form buildings of architectural designs that are nowhere to be found on earth. At other times, the lines would form dancing fireworks in the night sky. And just last night, the blinking lines have endlessly formed diversely-looking flowers and plants, imitating the flourishing garden I had just visited hours before.

I wish I could draw and paint my vivid dreams to share the awe-inspiring imaginations my sleeping mind would allow me to see. Unfortunately, just as I am not well-acquainted with the arts, to the same extent the speed through which the blinking lines and patterns would change. So even if I can write the things that I see, I could not describe them with such particularity as to accurately portray them in the minds of others.

The Ephemeral Colours (continued)...

The formations would change from second to second so it’s impossible to remember exactly how they look. And even when I try to stare at them, they would change just as quickly as I would never remember them.

Despite my inability to describe them with sufficient particularity, I might reduce these broad descriptions through some deductions. For instance, although colourful, they never resemble an impressionist painting whose contrasting colours can be just as magnificent nor a sci-fi movie shown in a three-dimensional cinema whose cinematic effects make viewers feel as if they are part of the scenes. A dinner at a gourmet restaurant may also be reasonably eliminated as the colours are only for my eyes to see.

The colours look neon lights that change as fast as I would never recall them after I wake up from slumber. No words can accurately describe how splendid they look. Each time they create new formations, my jaws would drop, awed by the beauty they possess. But they are not just beautiful, they are also magical in the sense that they would never imprint in my mind an everlasting memory. In a sense, they are just for me alone to see and for that precise moment only.

I feel sad for my inability to share my dreams to others. The colours are only for me to see and for no one else. But perhaps, this very inability makes my dreams even more special, for they seem to form a bond that I share only with God and nobody else.

The seeming sadness I feel reminds me so much of the famous post-impressionist painter, Vincent Van Gogh. The contrast between beauty and sadness is just as blinding. Yet I have to go through it all each night. I am happy, yet sad. Awed, yet feeling bitter. Amazed but feeling empty.

I would post more articles in the coming days. Hoping that some of you will be interested to critique my works! 🙂

I like it. Lovely start.

It's not perfect but interesting enough and as you continue, likely it will come together better each time.

I'd like be more specifically critical but my brain is not cooperating.

Thank you, Duchess. I want to improve on my writing. It's my passion but I don't have a good academic background about it. I'm planning to buy Elements of style (a book) to further improve on my skills.

What 13 pesos and 25 centavos can do.
Originally written April 2015

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon on the very last day of February, just a little over a month before I graduate from law school. As the days and weeks before I finally have “Ll. B.” attached to my name dwindle, the amount of money left in my wallet, likewise, shrinks to just coins and smaller bills. Apparently, my parents are emphasizing the need for me to work hard in order to earn money. At that moment, I didn’t even remember that some of my classmates from college are already earning hundreds of thousands of pesos and some have already bought themselves SUVs and houses and lots. On the contrary, I was standing inside a branch of 7-11 in Legazpi with nothing much to spare.

When I counted the small bills I had and the coins, I realized that I needed to buy the cheapest hotdog sandwich and a bottle of mineral water for my merienda so I could still come home without having to walk the whole stretch of about six kilometres. Thereupon, the money left in my wallet was only 13 pesos and 25 centavos. At already 27 years old, it was a humbling experience to have that amount of money left. I don’t even have money in my savings account then.

It was a Saturday, I told myself. I shouldn’t open my Insurance book to study but I neither had load to contact my friends for a night out and I didn’t have money either to spend for gimmicks, so I had no idea what else to do for the remaining hours of the afternoon. I didn’t know, at that point, that the constraints I had are actually brewing for something good and unforgettable...

Walking out of 7-11, I noticed that the mall just across the street seemed to have changed. I checked it out and soon I was standing on the newly-installed escalators. It now has a sensor machine, by which it automatically escalates whenever a person stands upon it. That is the first of its kind in the little city of Legazpi.

What 13 pesos and 25 centavos can do.
(Continuation)

Upon reaching the third floor, I looked out of the mall and found out that the sky was clear and bright. It might be a good day to walk, I believed. With nothing else to do, and no load to contact my friends, it became an unexpectedly exciting moment in what was supposed to be an ordinary day: why don’t I tour myself around and walk until I reach the boulevard facing the Pacific Ocean by myself? Legazpi is no ordinary city, as I tried to convince myself. It has some of the most amazing landscapes and seascapes in the entire world, owing to the beautiful Mt. Mayon hovering just north of it and the calming Pacific Ocean on its east.

I began to walk and observe the small buildings around. As I was passing by LCC, I heard a beautiful music being played from somewhere. The music, gentle and soothing that it was, was something I haven’t heard before. As I came closer to the very spot where that music was at its most audible, I saw two old beggars playing tiny violins. The music and the sunlight at about an hour before sunset blend perfectly well that I didn’t even hesitate to grab some of the very few coins I have left in my wallet, and gave the beggars 3 pesos and 25 centavos. After all, I could still come home with only ten left.

I proceeded with walking. While crossing Quezon Avenue, I saw Mt. Mayon in its full naked glory. On its west side, the sun, which at that moment had an unusually golden glow, casts a dramatic illumination into the city. I don’t remember if there were some clouds around but as I can still hear the violins being played and the natural splendour that I see, I said to myself, “perfect. I don’t even have to pay for these little pleasant things and yet I am enjoying the moment.”

I headed further eastward. I was almost at the eastern end of the city facing the Pacific Ocean. At this time, the blowing winds of Amihan, so cool yet gentle, began to embrace me. I went inside Embarcadero, a small seaside al-fresco mall, to check out what’s new. I don’t come here as often as I visit Pacific Mall so it would be nice to see if there were any changes. I couldn’t recall much what stores I discovered but I did found out that there was a Bingo hub inside. I remember that one of the employees of that little establishment told me that I have to insert a 50-peso bill so I could play. It was funny because I only had ten pesos! I don’t want to embarrass myself so I went out but not too immediately so he wouldn’t notice.

What 13 pesos and 25 centavos can do.
(Continuation)

I went to the corner of Embarcadero where I can see three things at the same time: the Pacific Ocean, Mt. Mayon, and the sun with the golden glow. The gentle yet cool Amihan breeze continued to embrace me. I closed my eyes so I would feel both the breeze and the sunlight even more. However, some thoughts whispered to my mind that if I continue doing this, I might fall asleep and, thus, fall off the railings. And so, I decided to just open my eyes and see everything. It was amazing…

At that moment, I had to remind myself that the best is yet to come for, as a resident of the nearby town of Daraga, I knew very well that the boulevard nearby is an even greater spectacle to experience. I have been there so many times to jog and exercise in the early mornings but the last day of February, 2015, had an unusually clear sky and a golden sun to boast, and, therefore, this might be the very best day to be there.

Void of the hassle and bustle, I walked unhurriedly towards Legazpi Boulevard. It was pleasure-walking at its finest. And with only ten pesos in my wallet, it couldn’t be any better! The boulevard is entirely bounded by the sea on its eastern side so it was all sea that I see. Upon reaching the point where a breakwater extends the dry portion the city, I stepped on the large rocks composing it. I didn’t stop until I reached the farthest end of the breakwater, where I sat and felt the breeze embracing me. The sea, the waves, and the sounds make for a perfect moment to relax. It felt like I was floating on the sea, but remaining dry as a desert.

After a couple of minutes, I stood up and went back to the boulevard. With remaining time left before sunset, I told myself that I couldn’t reach the farthest end of the boulevard so I decided that I will come home upon reaching Macabalo Bridge.

I went round Kapuntukan Hill, which locales also endearingly call “The Sleeping Lion Hill” because it resembles the shape of a sleeping lion. Passing by it, I saw a small volcanic sand beach nearby. I recalled having read somewhere that volcanic sands may be used to massage somebody because of its therapeutic attributes. And so, I went to the shoreline to massage my hands with moist volcanic sands. At first, I tried it with my right hand. Not satisfied, I also massaged my left. I scrubbed the sand particles against my skin. The cool refreshing feels the sand particles have relaxed me even further. After a few moments, I washed my hands with the waters of the sea.

What 13 pesos and 25 centavos can do.
(Continuation)

It was already dusk but Macabalo Bridge was just about thirty steps away so I decided to go there. Upon reaching the middle of the bridge, I opened my arms wide to feel the continuously blowing winds of Amihan. All throughout the time I was standing there, the winds seemed to blow forever. The winds didn’t stop, not even for a moment. They just blow and blow. Not a part of my body could feel any tension even as I was wearing long pants and rugged shoes the entire afternoon. There I was, having a wonderful time. My feet didn’t feel a scintilla of tiredness despite all the walking. I noticed, too, that my hands were unusually dry. I smelled it and was pleasantly surprised that it had a scent that it seemed to have acquired from the volcanic sands I have just rubbed against it.

Night time has arrived and it was completely dark. The lampposts are now the only sources of illumination. I was still experiencing the gentle winds from the Pacific, which up to this time, still continues to blow non-stop. I looked up north, and there I saw the silhouette of Mt. Mayon still visible. Little bright dots peppered the sky with glitters. The stars were shining upon me, and that was the end of the most fascinating way to spend a day without money.

The morale of this experience is simple. The constraints that you have should not bar you from becoming happy. A little stroke of creativity could even make you happier than if you have money to spend. Make your day with the little that you have.

-oo0oo-

you should make an article called "Why I wish Ands was my uncle"
in the article you would describe why you'd like to have an uncle as Ands and all the cool things you would do together.
It could double as tourism advice in the phillipines