Having the upper hand

What does this mean to you?
Is it something you actively strive for- to have the upper hand in relationships and/or situations?

State your sun/moon sign.

It's something I stay clear of as much as I can. It only caters to my ego and my ego doesn't need feeding. I'm trying to let the bitch starve.

People see me being confrontational as trying to get the upper hand, which is so far off the mark it's not even funny. It's how I express myself and how I come across that trips people up.

Virgo Sun/ Aries Moon.

The upper hand? Hmmm...I'll make it brief...I know I don't like to feel like I'm under someone's control or "spell". When I feel like that then I do almost anything to feel "in control" again. I hate to feel like I'm losing control, be it with my own feelings or a situation. I have to balance the power somehow to calm myself.

In relationships I tend to start quarrels when I feel like I'm losing control of my feelings/situation. I start the fights to have a moment where we are both mad at each other, not speaking, etc. I use this time to gather myself emotionally & to see who is going to crack first. It's definitely NOT going to be me, that I can assure you. I know I'm a piece of work, don't judge me 😛

Aqua Sun / Scorp Moon

Posted by MissFisk
Upper hand = control

Control over the situation and/or people. That's why 2 dominant people are almost always fighting, one is always trying to gain the "upper hand." Done either forcefully or manipulatively.

+1


I play around a lot and make a joke of thumping my chest and proclaiming "me alpha" but in truth I really don't care for it. I have no need to have the upper hand on anyone and good luck to any person who thinks they can control me.

Would rather be a team player.

Virgo/Cancer

thanks for the responses, everyone.

I really never think about gaining the upper hand. Cap Sun/ Scorp moon.
I honestly had to stop and think about what that even means.

I was just wondering because the Scorp said that even my best friend has the upper hand in our relationship, that I let people walk all over me and I cater to everyone.

I don't think that's true, or I think about it differently.
I'm always wary in the beginning of any relationship, of people trying to fuck me over, but once I trust someone, I don't even think about it anymore. This is why I trust few people.

I would guess he is always trying to get the upper hand, though I let him have it here. He is a Scorp/ Cap Moon.

Posted by TMV

Posted by MissFisk
Upper hand = control

Control over the situation and/or people. That's why 2 dominant people are almost always fighting, one is always trying to gain the "upper hand." Done either forcefully or manipulatively.

+1


I play around a lot and make a joke of thumping my chest and proclaiming "me alpha" but in truth I really don't care for it. I have no need to have the upper hand on anyone and good luck to any person who thinks they can control me.

Would rather be a team player.

Virgo/Cancer

click to expand

+1 again

The "upper-hand" isn't much fun-- feels limiting and burdensome.

Equal input, equal say is soo much better-- limitless, in comparison.


LEO/Pisces

Posted by Slicks
I don't want to have the upper hand. As Damnata said, my ego needs to chill. Fack that noise.

I seek harmony. Lets meet in the middle, so we can take care of each other.

Taurus/Aries

I love this response! 🙂

Upper hand ....meh

But the person that cares the less has all the power.

I believe for the relationship to last and for the man to be faithful, he must love you more than you love him.

Old wives tell ? Perhaps except all the normal lasting relationships I know are this way. The man is convinced he has hit the Mega Millions.

Woman for the most part, are going to do what we have/need to do but a man must love your dirty drawers to adhere to the better or worse part.

My next husband is going to think the Sun comes up when I get out of bed. If I say Im sick and staying in bed he is going to peek out the window.

Google "husband must love wife more". Its really eye opening.

Posted by capgirl69
What does this mean to you?
Is it something you actively strive for- to have the upper hand in relationships and/or situations?

State your sun/moon sign.

No. I don't actively strive for it. I prefer balance and 50/50 interactions...like two mature adults dealing with eachother. Although, I rarely feel like I have the "upper hand" in relationships and if I were to I tend to lose interest in men I feel allow that and are passive. I also don't like being on the receiving end of men who want that kind of power over me. It's insulting.

Pisces Sun/Libra Moon.

The second I feel that I'm being controlled or made to submit, my instincts just make me annoying, and I just go off doing my own thing without regard to my BF at the time??_..

lol I've been in fights with my exs and have actually screamed at them "I'm a fucking human being"!!!! lol i don't really know what its supposed to mean It just feels good to say it!!

Posted by Nala13
My next husband is going to think the Sun comes up when I get out of bed. If I say Im sick and staying in bed he is going to peek out the window.

lollol


I — this, Nala.

Posted by Nala13
Upper hand ....meh

But the person that cares the less has all the power.

I believe for the relationship to last and for the man to be faithful, he must love you more than you love him.

Old wives tell ? Perhaps except all the normal lasting relationships I know are this way. The man is convinced he has hit the Mega Millions.

Woman for the most part, are going to do what we have/need to do but a man must love your dirty drawers to adhere to the better or worse part.

My next husband is going to think the Sun comes up when I get out of bed. If I say Im sick and staying in bed he is going to peek out the window.

Google "husband must love wife more". Its really eye opening.

I agree 200% with this.

if in a romantic relationship I feel that I have to fight over this upper hand..control/or manipulative things (as other users said)..then I think said relationship is not worth pursuing.. too much mind games and power/hegemon games..they shouldn't enter or exist in a good, healthy romantic relationship..at least visibly
if there were those games being played then..too much trouble lol & I refuse to be a participant

but then it's very a rare case that there's a perfect balance of power...even if one is seen like to have it, but underneath it's very probable things are not that simple..so the struggle for upper hand thing whilst might not be very apparent, chances are it's happening all the while..like unconsciously
we see that there's a couple and they're a very happy one indeed and at the first glance it seems that they love each other equal amount..but if we look into more closely..lots of cases there is a very subtle game of gaining power over the other party is still going on..but with the unawareness of the both parties...or at least one party..and this party is not to take advantage of the other party is the condition..but in this case, we will observe that this knowing party tends to flaunt the power one happens to have from time to time..under the name/notion of 'we're happy and equal and love each other equally, too (but...) -words in the parentheses are not to be spoken out loud and used to against the other party, because if it be so then it stops being unaware and subtle-'
it's ideal that both parties are to believe that they have equal power or more power than the other party..even if it's not really true at all..this happens quite naturally when a relationship is a healthy one..both are somehow delusional lol but right at the same time

it is then to watch out when this unconscious and unawared power dynamics comes out in the open field and displayed in the plain view..that becomes apparent mind games (aka mind fuckery games) and pure manipulations...stops being unconscious but now on the conscious level..
things tend to be very unhealthy and even nasty at this stage and level

so if I observe above signs from a relationship I am involved in, I try my best to walk or stay away
for my own sake lol