I just need to get this out but would appreciate

any feedback...

My 15 year old girl is losing it! She's not listening to any teachers at school and is completely defiant, if she doesnt want to attend a class she just wont and if she is in class and doesnt want to do any work she just wont and sits there or disturbs others. (She has no idea what she wants to do for the future and I have been talking to her about a career if she were to leave school in the next few years.)

I am constantly being called up by teachers because of her attitude and lack of work or uniform and she has been internally and externally suspended on numerous occasions. At home she is fine and the only real bother we have is fast forgotten, she'll spit and then within like minutes she's over it and wants my love or acceptance which I give unless she has spat a little too much at me, hurtfully! (She's Cancer and I'm Libra and we get along fine mostly)

Anyway long story short, today I get another call because she refused to go to an internal suspension and ran away from her teachers 3 times, so they externally suspended her for 2 days. i come to pick her up and as she had no answers but it's not my fault (as usual) I decided that she could walk home (30 min walk home) and reflect on what she is putting us all through, and left her there...The teacher pulls her back into school and so sits her in internal suspension and calls me again at the end of the day. I decide that she is to stay in her room for the night. She doesn't want to and tries it on me, so I say either go to your room or there is the door. She leaves...and I call all her friends parents to make sure they dont offer her a place to stay.

My attitude now is that it is time for tough love! She has been bought up in a priveledge home and as alot of kids these days acts like a princess! I used this technique on one of my other daughters and while it was hard for me to do within 7 days she had called me begging to pick her up!!! That child (Leo)was street wise unlike this one....but she had the be-jesus scared out of her!!!! And was a changed person...

Dont know about this one...whether she will find somewhere to stay or come home after we are asleep...I know I wont get much sleep...

My plan of attack is to pull her out of school for the last 3 weeks and have her sitting around without internet and friends through the 9 weeks over Xmas to wake her up to the reality of being out of school... She normally loves school and cant wait to go back after the holidays

and her friends are very important, so I'm thinking that this will show her what she will lose if she weren't at school anymore...the connection will go gradually...

I know I'm grasping at straws here but how else do I wake this kid up? Honestly nothing she does she feels is her fault, she has no desire to do anything with her life and doesnt want to not listen to anyone but herself...

Suggestions will be great if anyone has any insight...Beating her YES I'd love to but it really wont work!

Cancer born 19th July 1995 approx 1am

not real good with charts ect yet but will have another look in the morning, tired, worried and not thinking...

My mother would have never let me walk out the front door in the middle of the night to roam the streets...
I surely hope nothing bad happens to her to prove your point. :/

My daughter pulled something quite similar all through school. Bright girl, social butterfly. And that was part of it, she was flaming bored out of her mind at school. Constantly seemed like I was clapping eyes on a teacher or principal of the school. Tiresome.
What helped was a complete change of environment. After making sure that no one at school was hassling her, no boy had her
attention ( meaning she wasn't sniveling in her room listening to Sad FM in secret. Swooning and scribbling his name in Sharpie all over her notebooks.. )all the ups, downs and 'joys' of being a girl.
So, she took dance, some advanced courses at school to challenge her.
I understand your immediate reaction to have her walled up at home, but that might cause resentment on her part and a bigger push for her not only to continue the behavior, but to bolster it with other things just to be a...a 15 year old, that's what.
I'm sure I'll think of something else, sipping my first cuppa with one eye clapped on the screen. 🙂

I was very similar as a child. My mum eventually locked me out and I went, she told me if I wasnt home by 10 the door would be locked and it was. I slept on the streets for a couple of nights, then my friends family took me in.

I was fine with their family. I started being on time for school, my grades went back to how they were and my teachers had no problems with me. Best thing that ever happened to me. My mum eventualy called to see when I was coming back, I told her to F*** off. I acted the way I did because I was acting out, I felt unloved in my home, even though there was a lot of love there, I couldnt help the way I felt. My mum throwing me out backed up, in my head, the fact I wasnt loved.

Me and my family get on OK now, and I dont really blame her for throwing me out as i'm a firm believer in "If you cant live by the house rules you dont live in the house". But I feel everything that happened was unecessary and could easily been resolved with a lot more talking, not shouting, not telling off but talking. It didnt help I was a very private and closed off person, my mum didnt know half the stuff I had been through, she actually cried when I gave her my diary to read a few years later.

She sounds like another Lindsy Lohan (cancer). I kid. 🙂

Anyways, she sounds like she's having problem at school like being bullied and all. Most teenagers now a day keep to themselves and being threatened not to tell anyone. You should talk to her more thoroughly and try to open her up emotionally (cancer). Her father should do his job as well by counseling her. Both parent should handle this not by yourself.

My comment wasn't meant to sound like I was judging or thinking my mother is better or something....it's just a little different perspective. My mother was concerned about my safety before all else.

I could act like a sniveling little brat all I wanted, but she wasn't going to give me the reaction I wanted her too to make things worse off. If she had let me stay out all night & never came to look for me or make sure I was safe...I'd definitely take that as she didn't care about me and it would make things 1000X worse.

The feeling I get when teenage girls act like this is that they're crying out for attention for whatever reason.
They'd rather receive the negative attention than be ignored or shrugged off - hence why they act out.

She probably feels like no one cares to listen to what's bothering her...or if they did, they still wouldn't care and/or understand. Which is clearly being validated by the reactions she's receiving - ie: get out of my hair, I don't have time for your shit. 😢



I'm just saying.
I know a Libra mom with a "difficult" (Cappy) daughter.

Posted by brianafay

Posted by libra sun
My mum throwing me out backed up, in my head, the fact I wasnt loved.

click to expand

Yeah I agree with everything you said Briana, for me it was even worse my mums a psychologist she should have known this stuff!!

Suppose its easy for the people looking in to tell people what they need to do. But sometimes it takes someone to not be emotionally involved in the situations to see that needs to be done.

good ol fashion ass whopping just might do tha trick or take away everything she loves and make her earn back everything.

There are 3 weeks left of school before the holidays, so taking her out is only for the year and she will return next year as normal. She isn't complying with anyone at school now (the teachers) they are the ones I believe she is having the most problems with. they have been nitpicking at her over uniforms whilst everyone else is free to wear what they want...this I believe has contributed to her behaviour. Suspension over this twice and it is ludicrous but they havent listened to me either!!

She has no special talents or interests but to hang out with her friends...I've spent alot of time talking to her and trying to work out what she wants to do with her life after she leaves school and nothing has come to light yet.

@ Mr Nice, when we talk she sits with a blank look on her face while I wait for her to talk and wont go into anything and Yes I believe she is a little jealous over my relationship with Miss Leo.

@ Ellessque, From your chart she is Cancer to a T! doesn't like change and feels like she is being picked on over the smallest issue and has developed the attitude I'll give you something more solid to suspend me for. I mean why perform when you are going to get in trouble anyway—

Wsigaf, Dads not there much to help out and she is with me after spending a year with him. In the end he rang and said come pick her up!!! He couldn't deal with her anymore!

@ VB, she is below average in all her schooling which is weird because she started off her first years in schooling above but now has no desire to even try or listen during class. Doesnt complete or go to classes or do assessments.

@ Dom. Have tried forcing her to wake up in many ways and it hasn't worked thus far. And no I wont physically bash her!

@ LS I will bring her back home, listening to you has opened my eyes to her needing more love and understanding to deal with her issues.

She probably feels like no one cares to listen to what's bothering her...or if they did, they still wouldn't care and/or understand. Which is clearly being validated by the reactions she's receiving - ie: get out of my hair, I don't have time for your butter.

@ BF you are being judgemental with insinuating this. But I overlook this as you are young and dont have kids let alone a teenager.

There is no rule book to help bring up children, every child is different and alot has to do with personalities. We have a good realtionship on the whole but her struggles at the moment are undisclosed because I have backed the teachers thus far getting her to comply with the uniform regulations when the majority of the pupils dont.

^^^ that is the underlying issue here and what I firmly believe has caused her reation!

Her first suspension came about from her not complying with school uniform originally.

She ran off from a teacher so she didnt recieve a detention twice so they suspended her for that...BUT wont except that her suspension came as a result of her actions (running off) and is adamant that it was because of the uniform that she was suspended. I had explained it over and over as well as the principle but it wouldn't sink in that it was because she ran off! In her mind it was because of the uniform.

She has been forced to wear the correct shoes since but carries a pair in her bag and switches them at school. They have to be Black leather uppers and everyone else can wear coloured leather uppers(NORMAL RUNNERS) and get away with it

YES I believe it is injust but as a parent what am I suppose to do? I have to back the teachers because she needs to learn that they are in authority and in this life you have to listen to authority or you will get more than just suspension later on!!! I have told her she has to conform to the laws/rules. But she doesn't want to except this!

No it is just because everyone else can wear the coloured ones until next year they say when they are going to clamp down!!! HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE! It wont happen.

She has black Nikes with purple laces...if that isnt cool I dont know what is!

It's purely that she has to conform while everyone else doesn't have to!!!

I'm seriously thinking of getting her the shoes of her 1st choice so that that wont be an issue anymore. I mean talk about splitting hairs!!

However, will it reverse the now attitude—

I would also refuse to wear the shoes. One thing I hate is victimization, hell I would still refuse to wear the shoes at my age now! Theres no way I would stand for being treated differently from all the other children.

I would also not only want to be able to wear the shoes that everyone else wore but I would also want my parents to back me on this.

I understand that because that was how I felt in the beginning but I chose to teach her that in this life there are rules that have to be followed. In the real world if you have rules in the work place and dont abide by them you get sacked!!!

In the real world if you go with the crowd that chooses to do drugs and do it because everyone else does it then you go to jail if caught. So I think there was a bigger issue that needed to be addressed and a bigger life lesson to learn here.

The real world can be so unjust but that doesnt mean we should take it upon ourselves to break rules for the sake of it.

I have a meeting with the teachers now and I will make it clear to them that there has been injustice here and this has had a lot to do with her now attitude...somehow though I feel it will fall on deaf ears! As I have spoken up on two other occassions and they have swept the uniform issue under the carpet now focusing on her attitude!

I think it all depends on WHY someone is acting the way they are. If they are just pushing boundaries then put them in their place, but if they are crying out for help then there is nothing more detrimental!

Bottom line after the meeting is that she is non-conforment and compliant in anything she doesnt want to do at school. I have spoken up about the uniform but have come to the realization that it is more than that and somehow I have to wake her up to the harm that she is causing herself for the future....**takes a deep breathe ready to go into the ring again**

I have pulled her out of school for the next week with the backing of both the vice principle and head teacher. Now i need to get her back home...she spent the night with a friend. And the nother rang and told the principle this morning.

@ Pesca, i understand all you are saying. Now though the shoe is ont he other foot and I am the parent having to deal with it or find a way to get through to her. She doesnt get much bought for her these days but i guess I have to be more persistant in her buying for herself from now on. No more $ 20 here and there because she wants to go to the movies or hang out at late night shopping with her friends. Instead I will try and see she gets a part time job which is what I am working on with one of the career ladies at the school.

Control.

They caged me and shaped me to be the son they wanted. That is until I graduated from highschool. I was supposed to go right into state college. Everything was set. Even made a perfect class schedule for myself. Yet, at the very last minute I chose to turn my back from it all and return home with my tail in between my legs. I had just realized I was lost. I felt like I had just snapped out of an illusion. Thats when I started to fall to depression.



My parents don't believe I can make my own decisions because what I choose does not abide with them. They will not trust me and because of that I feel so incredibly alone in my family. Because they will not trust me I cannot trust in myself and I am dying more and more on the inside everyday until I'm reduced to nothing or to a shell that will conform to them.

Going through puberty slowly sucks dirty, dingleberry ass. 😢

I know what I must do to earn their trust back buts its going to be difficult. I have to go on with what little knowledge of life I have, social anxiety, and melancholy always waiting to grab me from behind.





But fuck my ignorance, fuck my social anxiety, and depression can kiss my ass. Fuck my three incredible pains. I have a dream. I'm going to go through this and let it come true to me.

If she had a dream or wish then i would be all for it Jase...she has no desire to do anything but sit on her behind and suck up the system...

Sorry you were born into the strict Asian family that you were...my mother escaped that to a Western country and gave her children a different life style ...unfortunetly there are downfalls on this side too...just different obstacles to overcome!

Just don't kill their free spirit..!

Who says that those establishments of what we called (educations) are right and good for everyone in general..?? I have a daughter at the same age and I am in a constant battle with the same authorities almost every week.

Teach your child to stand up for their own thoughts with pride and make them trusting you instead of some popular bullshits in schools or what ever the authorities says, make them believe that they are responsible for their own actions and choices and supporting their what ever ideas.

Be smart and wise??_ fight the authorities or else your child will be kidnapped in no time by the same fucking authorities.


You as a parent should deliver HUMAN to the community not a ROBOT.

Amandus



It is hard to be a Virgo, when I was at your age I always thought it was a curse! It takes TIME to realise where you at and what to do next mate..! But whatever you do, make sure that it??llbe your own decisions (right or wrong doesn't really matter), stay put and be as you are mate and just DO IT. You may not get any sympathisers on your way up but who cares anyway..!

Virgos are famous to be known as loners??_ accept the fact and work with it instead of fight against it, the sooner you learn that, the better your life standard will be..!

Stay put mate and try learning how to survive without getting hit by.




Fuck the establishments and authorities.. Fuck rules..!!



There we go..

Adding and to correcting what I said above ....I didn't mean that you take shotgun and start to killing everyone on sight if they are not agree with you... Just realise where you at and take good care of your FREE HUMAN spirit and nourishing it with kindness without any expectations in return..



That's what I call LIVING an accomplished LIFE..


Choice is yours as usual..!

Thanks and yes I'm taking alot of this in and it is helping.

She is back with me and yes felt unloved and also asked why I bought her back when her sister was out til she came back herself. My answer, I treat you differently because you are different people and need me in different ways.

I have taken her out of school for all of next week and already she wants to go back to school, so she now has to have a meeting with the principle and head of year 10 to be excepted back. After talking to them today they decided that they weren't going to suspend her and let me try my way.

If it was just as easy as her having a voice, that would be one thing but when you refuse to do your school work and constantly chat to others or use the computer to go online and look at formal pics instead of what is asked of you defiantly not listening to the teacher or sitting in the cupboard for god knows what reason then it isn't exceptable at all!!! Now I have to admit reading through the report that she put herself in the closet made me spit my wine...but on a serious note...Who the hell does that— and furthermore why—

All in all she is a good kid at home, no boy trouble yet thank goodness, her and I have a loving relationship. Her Dad loves her and if she reaches out for him he will be there but he doesn't reach out himself. He couldn't handle her becasue she had decided she wanted to come home and live with me so she forced his hand over a period of time and didnt let up til she got her way. He isn't a strong father at all but he and I have a good friendship and I keep him well informed about the kids even though he lets me do it all. (one thing I would prefer different but havn't managed to change him there and I'm done trying, it just results in him saying that I'm putting him down about being a good father and I cant make him into the father that I want him to be)

So tomorrow we go to school for an interview to get her a part time job (school scheme to work one day a week job experience to gain a certificate in hospitality) and then she can make an appointment with the principle if she wants to return to school next week.

Crazily this kid gets over things this quickly...is it a cancer thing? As I said before she will be mad as hell at me and spit some venomous stuff then within minutes want a cuddle—

Not convinced the attitude will change at school...but all i can do is hope that it might have been a wake up call and she will start thinking a little more seriously about what she has to lose if she doesn't start to listen to the teachers!