L I A R S

Scenario:

Someone is lying to you, you're almost positive you're being decieved. What do you do? How do you handle the situation? What if it's someone you deeply care for or even love? How do you feel?

All responses welcome...urged, in fact : )

It depends on the situation, you have been very mysterious...

Ok, first, you need to work out whether or not you can trust their integrity. Eg. Have they been known to lie before, what do your instincts tell you?

If it is someone not so close it doesnt hurt as much because its a simple case of "you're lying to me, therefore you wont get any closer in the future"...

If, however, its a boyfriend or something, like i suspect, then it is more important to get at the truth. If you are asking and you are not getting answers, or at least answers not satisfied with the answers you are getting then you will have to take matters into your own hands, you may have to do a little spying.

I have had to do this before and it was the best thing in the end because it gave me closure. The words coming out of that persons mouth and my gut instincts on the matter did not match up.

I see nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hands. Remember it's YOUR life and you deserve to have the truth rather than waste your time with someone who may not have your best interests at heart.

Of course i could be wrong about all of this, it might not be about a lover at all!

Libragirl, thank you so much for your help!

Okay, now, the person I'm referring to is indeed a guy who I've known for about six years, who I have fallen in and out of love with a few times over those six years. I'm just in a pickle right now because he wants me to leave my bf of 3 years to be with him, he even wants us to get married. He's a Taurus btw. Anyway, I sometimes get the feeling that he tells me things that aren't true to try to impress me or something, for example, he'll tell me about these random fights he gets in (he's a dj and he works at clubs and bars and such) with drunk people, and the stories sometimes seem a little farfetched, like just this side of too dramatic to be true. He had a cancerous tumor removed from his throat a few years back, as well as his thyroid I think it's called? Well anyway, now he says he was rushed to the emergency room the other night for 6 hours because he couldn't breathe and they told him he has pneumonia...but then he went to work the next day. He also sometimes tells me he's not taking his "cancer" medication...it seems like he does this to get a worried reaction out of me. But I can't be sure if he's lying...I'm considering your spying idea...lol. But it would be a very complicated mission as I would have to do some really undercover work to find out about these things.

Arrrg, it seems like liars always find ME. I swear. I had a different Leo bf a few years ago who invented a heart condition, even went so far as to fake passing out on several occasions just to scare the s h i t out of me. He also lied about being in the hospital--my mom went to the hospital cuz she suspected he way lying, asked if he had been admitted, and the girl was like, "No". lol. I broke up with him shortly after...

To embellish a story about a fight is one thing, but to lie about his health is not something I could look past (if he is).

Does he live near you? Have you taken a look in his medicine cabinet to see if there is medication for his cancer (I feel so evil). And, I might just stop by that club where he works....u know just for a heytail...and casually ask a coworker how the ole Taurus is feeling, but not mention the "hospital trip". I would think they would know if he went, right?

I hope he would not lie to you about his health. That is just cruel. Go with your gut on this one. I have read some of your post and I know you are capable of getting all the facts you need. lol

a Taurus girl

err, "heytail"=drink ..i guess they would let me use the fancy word lol

Hmm, have to have a bit more time to mull this over. Going from gut, it seems the taurus guy wants attention. It is like his 'test' to see if you love him; but that's pretty obvious i guess.

Well, hmm, as to who to love or leave or whatever etc. i dont know. You have to be careful in these situations. I would say go with your heart but you also HAVE to be sensible.

Who do you have the most affinity with? And have you thought of settling with neither and starting a fresh with someone else or having time on your own?

Libragirly.

Many thanks for your support girls, I really appreciate it!

Now he lives in a different city than me, so I don't know how easy it would be to take a med cabinet peek (I would if I could, sometimes you have to play dirty to protect yourself)--also because we don't get to see each other very often...

I'm still trying to decide who to choose I guess. It's so hard because they each are the opposite of one another--each one has all the qualities the other doesn't...bad qualities too unfortunately in both of them, not that I'm at all perfect but you know...

It's a very complicated situation and my indecision is poorly affecting all of us. I need to get it together; I'm just petrified of making the wrong choice, and there are many details I don't have time to go into right now but will come back with later.

Ladies thank you again! : )

Now i am seeing the libra side of you Phoenix, lol. I am the same; terrified of making the wrong decision - but you phrase it nicely as a "choice", because it is a "choice" and life is basically a series of choices (when you really look at it).

Its funny actually, i usually mull things over in my head for a while before making a decision and then bammo, out of the blue, i will come up with something radical. The thing is though that spend so much time exhausting my options and narrowing things down that i am usually happy with my final choice.

Here's how i do it. When i have to make a decision I consider ALL possibilites seperately. I analyse them one by one. I am very close to virgo, i have venus and some other planet in virgo and my south node is in virgo so i analyse the s... out of everything! Anyway, what i do is pick the issue apart and break it down into small parts, kind of like components. I then pick up each component and look at it in the light. After i have considered every angle of the component (kind of like looking at a diamond) i then decide whether to accept or reject that particular aspect of the decision. After looking at all the components, i then group them together to form a cohesive new 'whole'. This is quite psycho when you think about it but it helps me to understand the issue so much more. Once i have pulled it apart i can then see all sides and make a decision based on what i know.

The funny thing is that i think i do this to decide if the issue is even WORTH making a decision over in the first place.

But anyway, obviously you feel there is a worthy choice to be made. Have you considered the possibility that neither of these guys are for you? Maybe just let go a little and see what fate dishes up for you?

Wow Libragirl--I so appreciate your help and advice, thank you!

Okay...well I have actually been giving some serious thought to just saying goodbye to both of them...you see this dilemma of mine has been going on since June, with about as much drama as possible (blech, ick, I know, it's my own fault)--all because of my indecision. Actually what's weird about me is I vascillate between thinking I've made a decision, and then something happens, like one of them will do or say something disappointing or upsetting, and I'm back to square one, or even change my decision altogether! Yep, I'm a mess...lol. But all these things I'm thinking, like the indecision, I keep it all inside my own head because I really don't want to purposely "play" with people...I despise people who do that--yet here I am, even though I don't MEAN to play games, I am-- just by virtue of continuing to stay stuck in the middle of them both.

I love, love, love your method (VERY Virgoan indeed) of problem solving! You know the only planet I have in Virgo is Mars--the "action" planet--the aggressive, go-getter planet...and lookie, it's in one of the least aggressive signs in the Zodiac! lol, explains a lot. But anyway I need to use my Virgo Mars here somehow, like maybe channel that analytical side into actively analyzing which would be the best choice...wow it's late and I've had a beer or three so please excuse my post if it makes less than perfect sense! : )

Libragirl, I somehow feel through intuition, that I am indeed very close to getting that "BAMMO" moment you were talking about. I don't know why, but I just feel it coming. It's a very emotionally intense time for all of us and I feel like one of these days in the not-so-distant future, something is going to happen and something's going to give. I believe you see people's true colors in times of stress and emotional upheaval and particularly if (and that's a big IF because I still don't know if he's lying) there are serious health problems going on. It's when people tend to brush all the petty fluff aside and get down to the nitty gritty. So we will see...but I am getting closer and closer to being able to make a decision, as I see more and more of these people's real motives...you're definately helping so thank you again : )

Oh my goodness, you are right. You really DO see peoples true colours in times of stress. I vaguely recall having a conversation about this with a friend some time ago. Wow, you are right, that has just driven it home to me...

Yep, the bammo moment. I think if you think long and hard enough about it for as long as you have then something will give, its human nature. You can only go on for so long without things breaking...

Anyway, i dont want to stretch this topic out for you any longer than it has to be. Remeber, however, that you are young, you deserve to be with your soul mate (provided he is mentally stable and able to take care of his responsiblities), you have choices and i would be careful of someone who may be lying. It seems an odd thing to do at the end of the day.

Anyways, i have every confidence in you and your intuition. I believe you will find the right answer, we all have them within us. Its just a matter of listening. Sometimes its so hard (to listen) but you seem to be removing yourself for long enough TO listen.

Goodluck, you will be fine. Just let it happen.

PS. Since june is a long time but its not that long if its the rest of your life you are talking about.

Like libragirl said use intution and then follow ur heart.

Thanks so much you guys...I have told him that considering a lot of things, we can only be friends...I have barely heard from him in two days since I said that. Oh well, I suppose if it's meant to be, it will be...Que Sera Sera (sp?lol), whatever will be, will be...I thank you for your support! : )

Sorry but he's just f'n w/your mind. I NO DOUBT am taking the same med as he is. IF you could get a looksie into his med cabinet you'll see a med called Levoxyl (not sure if this is the generic name for the "original" med..do a search on the net for it) but to me it doesn't seem to be the point. I too have the same condition as "your friend". The only difference is that I haven't done anything about yet cuz it's really not a matter of "life and death" only because thyroid problems especially those w/nodules are hard to say that they may be cancerous? Therefore those who DO have surgery to remove the nodules ARE STUCK for the rest of their lives having to take this Levoxyl (it's a med to balance the hormones be a person male or female especially if the thyroid is gone due to surgery).

He's a REAL LOSER for doing what he's doing to you and you'd be the biggest JACKASS of all for beliveing him (especially since he informed you "that he doesn't take his CANCER MED?). Get real...if you really believe him!? What person wouldn't take a med if it meant life or death? Would you? He's playing on your sympathies for some reasons but IMO he's still A LOSER! Sorry but his condition, like mine is VERY COMMON! Educate yourself before you JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS!

Hi Saggie...

First thanks for your response...you're definitely a Sag--I can tell because you tell it like it is. lol. That's a good thing. Now I have some questions as well as statements. First, I have no doubt that he has a thyroid problem, I have no doubt that he also takes medicine for it. That part I believe. I also know that it matters what KIND of thyroid meds a person takes and that depending on the type and amount, it can affect their personality. I know this because I have 3 family members who also have thyroid issues. I don't know much about that condition, other than that though. I agree he's a total jerk off if he's lying about the cancer thing though. And yes, I would be the biggest dumbass to believe it...the cancer thing is what I think he might be lying about. I know he's playing on my sympathies, I just wish he knew he doesn't need to do that to get my attention. Now about the part where you said he's f'ing with my mind...which part do you think? The cancer thing or the thyroid thing?

And I asked him why in the world he would refuse to take his meds, and being the "earthy" type he told me if it's his time to die he won't fight it. Which made me freak out, I was like, you're going to be weak then? And then he got really pissed at me and told me to never call him weak again.

So we got in a huge fight and didn't speak for a few days, and then after that he's like, "I want a decision now" so I said friendship only regardless of my love for him. It's things like this that make me hesitant to get in a relationship with him...your thoughts?

Hi PR, Yes I value honesty above ALL ELSE in this world. I'm just sorry some people can't handle it and they choose to live in a GRAY world instead. How sad I feel for them.

First of all your friend should be a little more careful what he "wishes" for. Our thoughts create our reality doesn't he know that? And the Universe may just grant him his thoughts and make them real. The Universe seems to have a really bizarre sense of humor IMO. And guess what? There really isn't such a thing as a cancer med! If there was do you think countless of people would die every year? Shame on him for his selfishness! He gets a ZERO for that.

Like I said I have the same condition as your friend. I have had a total of 10 biopsy to determine if cancer is present. All 10 came back inconclusive. It's hard to tell with the thyroid. Anyway since your friend had his tumor removed along with the thyroid he HAS TO take the med Levoxyl AKA Synthroid. One of these is generic not sure which? The thyroid med is taken to reproduce the hormones that the thyroid gland use to make on it's own while he had one so the body can function as normal. Also people taking this type of med are required to have blood tests done AT LEAST 2x a year so all the levels are neither to high or to low. If people you know seem to have different moods or they are constantly mood swinging the med may have to be adjusted on account that either there's too much or not enough so therefore the importance of twice a year blood work is of upmost importantance.

BTW just for future informational purposes...if your friend is refusing to take his "cancer med" like he calls it, he will have no sex drive because without the synthroid he'll have no desire for it. The thyroid plays a big part in our sexual urges and without one it can't produce the necessary hormones to "get the urge" and without taking the proper med to bring the body back into balance he'll NEVER have the urge. As you see it's not something to really play with is it?

I don't know how old he is but he's to immature in my book. I would never tolerate that sort of thing from anyone. Sorry but personally I would leave him "at the curb"!

Wow Saggie, thank you very much for the information...and you know what? I suspect that he is taking his meds just like he should be--his sex drive is normal if not above normal! lol. Hmmm...seems I'm being taken for a fool here. Well I will not allow it any longer; he gets no sympathy from me or even voiced concern until I see actual proof that his health is declining...now I will say that he is quite moody, so it could be that he's not taking the right amount of the stuff. But I just don't believe him that he's not taking any.

By the way, I certainly hope that your test results end up being good...that's a lot of biopsies. That must have been very painful for you. My thoughts and well wishes are with you.

"Our thoughts create our reality doesn't he know that? And the Universe may just grant him his thoughts and make them real."

I completely agree with you! I even tried to tell him that in so many words and it only pissed him off more...I guess some people really are thick-headed. Not to mention I think he's going to incur some really bad Karma for lying to me about his cancer...if he is lying (which I think he is).

Anyway thanks again Saggie...I like your style : )

i... KICK HIS ASS AND THROW HIM OUT THE FRICKIN WINDOW..LOL no j/k. *cough* Umm, i'd just be like we need to talk and i'd try and talk him face to face about what i feel and hear his situation and if he totally lied to me THEN id kick his ass and throw him out the window lol HAHAHA no...

Hi ya girls! Just poking my head in and seeing what's up!

Wow! Phoenix that is a tough one and sounds like your man has some stuff going on! Like insecurity!!!

I think I would grab him and tell him how much he means to you and how much you love him and you want him around and you need to know the truth because this is about more than just him; it effects the both of you and tell him how it makes you feel too!

Try and work it out, and get to the bottom of why he is acting the way he is! It may be manupualation and it has to do with him wanting your attention and that is the only way he could find out how you feel about him? Yes, dirty and underhanded, but not the end of the world, IMO. If he is lying, find out why he is insecure about your love.

Good Luck

Luz, again you make my tummy hurt with giggles with your posts sometimes! lol...thank you for the support my dear : )

Suzy-Q (love your name btw--totally kick-tushie CCR song!)

Yes, I asked him why he is insecure about my feelings for him, why he feels the need to sometimes be mean to me, etc. He said it's all for my own good (he thinks he's like my guide in life). I don't yet have the balls to confront him on the lying...I definitely will but I have to think of a way to say it first. Anyway he said he is definitely questioning my feelings for him because (drumroll here)...I still haven't left my bf for him. I told him I'm honestly not sure if I want to do that at this point because of his frequent disrespect he shows me...and the fact that if my parents even find out I've so much as been TALKING to him, I will be kicked out and possibly disowned...so it's a major decision that I don't feel right about making yet. I told him as I have many times before that he is free to date anyone he wants to, that I am asking nothing of him besides respect and friendship...he said he can't be friends with me if I'm still with the "a**hole" because he feels he would be watching me destroy my life (he's a bit dramatic). He won't date other people yet wants to be upset that I haven't left the Leo yet...even though I've been very clear that I'm not asking him to wait for me. It's almost like he will NOT accept my decision no matter how clear I state it...because he knows that I love him. Well sorry for the lengthy update and thanks for your well-wishes, how ya doing by the way? It's freaking COLD and STORMY and RAINY in Oregon.

It is hard to let go of someone when you love them but i dont think i'd risk being disowned by my parents over someone i am not sure about. Your common sense prevails yet again Phoenix rising!!!

Aww, thank ya my dear Libragirl! But I must admit, I know I'm being such the typical girl right now by saying this, but darn it...it's so hard to stick to my guns and be like, "no, we really really can't be together" when I hear his soft, wonderful voice on the phone telling me "but we CAN be together, I will do {this} and {that} for you...blah blah blah"...lol. Ah, but he does not know that I struggle to maintain my common sense...so that's good. As long as I don't back down, if I can just be strong and not get swept up in his romance again...everything will be fine...and once I have enough money I can move out, and won't have to worry about what my parents think of my social life, maybe then the relationship can be re-evaluated. I just am trying to keep my head above water at this point as hard as it is.