quite unnerved

i posted once before about my best friend and his new boyfriend. how they fight constantly and new bf admitted he was a drunk. well, last week my best friend was supposed to go over to his bf's place and break up... hours passed with me waiting at his apartment. i already knew that it wasn't happening and they were probably having make-up sex instead. he confirmed it upon his return. i bite my tongue, take a breath, and so the story goes...

it's going on 3 months since they've been together. they've already confessed their love for each other. their relationship pains me so! it's one of those ordeals where u just have to stand back and watch someone u love make a huge mistake. one they must learn for themselves. his bf isn't the worst guy in the world, and i don't hate him, but i definitely don't like him as a bf for my best friend. very wrong for each other in so many ways. really, they're both vexing me.

so bf is an alcoholic. i don't condemn him for his problem. they had an agreement that he would stop drinking the day after thanksgiving but he continues to violate it on a daily basis. the guy literally had $ 3 in his account and tried to spend the rest of it on a beer at the corner market. he takes my best friend for granted. he'll be on the friendlier side when i'm there but will mostly avoid us both. he often will sit on my best friend's bed and non-stop play on his iphone. he seems jealous of the closeness between my best friend and i. he obviously doesn't like it when i'm around because i guess i take that time away from him. it's BS because i only get to see my best friend about once a week due to schedules and i live 20 mins away. they are within walking distance from each other and spend time together almost every day. he's very selfish and self-absorbed. he acts bored and detached whenever we go out to do anything. won't even try to involve himself in any experience.

the thing that bugs me about my friend is that i have to watch him fold into himself and become weakened under this guy's inluence. he's also "thinking with his other head" a lot. i understand. my friend is 27 and has never had an LTR before. he's wanted one so badly for so long that when he finally met someone of potential bf material he went kinda nuts. they held off on sex for the first 6 weeks which doesn't help. he has a hard time letting go now that he's getting some on a regular basis.

all in all, i just want my best friend to be happy with someone that deserves him. i hate to say it but he has TERRIBLE judgement of character when it comes to boys. he's had a few bf's in the past and they were completely awful. he seems to attract ones that are both bored and boring. nothing to contribute to conversations. nothing at all going on upstairs. it sucks cuz that's actually a big deal for him. like i said, i believe he allows his other head to do the thinking for him most of the time.

anyway, i'll continue to be supportive. he knows who and how i am so i don't remain silent about what i'm thinking or how i feel. i'm brutally honest with him but he knows i won't interject too much. i won't harp on him or nag him. i'll still be civil and friendly with his man.

it just sucks. that's all i'm sayin'...

yeah, he's in college again. he has a part-time job but they're only giving him about 6 hours a week these days. his dad is rich but i guess he's cut off his credit card cuz he was overspending. probably on alcohol. u know those huge bottles of wine u see in the store? the first time i met him he polished one off to himself in less than an hour. his alcoholism is bad. instead of drinking to get drunk, he drinks to feel normal. i think he needs to get away from college too. that's how college life is... lotsa partying.

😢

The guy is in trouble. If he is serious, or even half serious, about getting better tell him to try mega-dosing niacin (also known as vitamin B3). Apparently, it does wonders and it was originally suppose to be part of the AA program. Probably a lot of the tension in their relationship is caused by his lack of sobriety. However, your best friend might be in some sort of emotional trouble too if he has fallen for an alcoholic. I think he needs to be serious about his own sense of value and why he has attracted this guy to him.

Try not to take it personally. The high of the emotional drama is probably a little more appealing than your stable loving friendship at the moment. The emotional drama is distracting him from something, probably his insecurity and lack of worth, so he is hooked in until he faces what he doesn't want too.

I wish you luck honey. When he crashes, I hope you will still be there for him.

update! my best friend dropped him for good tonight.

the boyfriend was supposed to take him out cuz daddy re-opened the credit card account. however, when my friend called to ask him when he was coming over bf became distant. bf finally gave in but he made it sound like a chore. (note: bf usually goes out and parties aka drinks all weekend long with his friends).

so bf arrives at my friend's place and everything seems fine. they were in the kitchen and my friend was trying to discuss something serious and important to him that was going on in the world. instead of actively listening or partaking in the discussion the bf is non-stop texting his friends. this of course irked my friend and he actually got fed up and demanded bf put the phone down. he let him know that he would like his undivided attention because it was important to him. bf got defensive and said,"oh. sorry i have so many friends."

this, of course, turned into an argument. my friend explained to him that this happens all the time. every time he tries to talk about something serious bf checks out. my friend told him that he didn't like playing second fiddle to his friends, the drinking, the partying, etc. he wanted and felt deserving to be number one. i guess bf just completely shut down. my friend did all the talking and even asked him to at least say something. basically, my friend wanted bf to fight back. not to literally fight but to fight to prove him wrong and fight for his love. instead, bf pretty much agreed with everything being said. it only went on for about 20 minutes when bf stated that he had to leave. my friend said that if he walked out the door then it was over. so bf left.

yes, i am somewhat happy about it because i know it was for the best. don't get me wrong, i still want my friend to be happy so it does sadden me that this couldn't have worked out. oh, i found out that today was their 2 month anniversary, not 3. couldn't believe it. with so much drama that had transpired between them it felt like it had been a year.

little_sparrow - my best friend accidentally found out about the alcoholism. they were in the middle of a fight, bf was drunk, and blurted out that he was.

Good to hear! Hopefully, that is the end of it and there is no ping-ponging about it. Sometimes these short dramatic relationships have a way of holding onto you in a way that stable happy relationships don't.

Fingers crossed that your bf is okay and meets someone more suitable quickly. 🙂