Restless feeling.. akin to Boredom?

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mfwb55
@mfwb55
12 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 96 · Posts: 1422 · Topics: 63
I have this restless feeling I was born with and need to know what it is? Is there a specific way of finding out what it is and what I can do about it? I need the missing part of the puzzle to help me sort this out as know its the last missing part of the puzzle to realise so its something thats really annoying at times but also is a mystifying part of who I am and so need to sort this part out and I just cant. Noone I knows can help me with that as they have no idea what the fuck I am talking about so it is best to not say nothing at all about that coz you all look at me and think wtf is she going on about so therefore nothing can really help me. Yeh so its a strange situation I find myself with constantly, I liken it to my constant companion, haha. Its there when I wake up, its there when I sleep and there when ever I either want it to be or not. Very wearing at times but a great motivator to get through the times

It feels like boredom but its not
It feels like restlessness but its not
It feels like nothing I do is ever 'good' or 'bad' enough even though I know it is and I do my best at times which is all I can do
It feels like I fall short all the time and I ask myself why this is all the time
It feels like constant criticism in my head
It feels like 24hr, 100% noise blaring in my head that is why I am so 'spaced out', I am trying to figure out why this is happening to me and not anyone else there has to be a reason for everything yes? then what is the reason for this to happen?
It feels normal to me when I like to be by me, myself and I and my own company coz really its the only thing I feels in this world that 'understands' what I am going through noone does
It feels like it is all around me not just only in my head, noiseless noise that only I can seem to hear
It feels embarrassing to have this that makes me 'sensitive' and 'non-sensitve' at the same time as well and all over the place so its hard to really let myself 'go' in the company of others as I know they wouldn't understand in the first place what it is I am going through or interested in it that is why I am seemingly 'on edge' in the presence of others.
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mfwb55
@mfwb55
12 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 96 · Posts: 1422 · Topics: 63
Even though I am not, I pick up other peoples vibes and surrounding environment and if this are on edge it makes me edgy, and if this are not edgy then I am not edgy.
Hyperactive is an understatement you so-called experts say is this, it is just me being normal ans its you people who are the crazy ones that say oh if you are too over active then theres something wrong with you and you can not see that its you crazy ones who lack the essential skills and can not keep up with me and can not handle me being full on and so have write excuses on subjuects that you have no idea what you people are talking about. So I have to end up not being active the way I like to be and change who it is I am to 'fit' in with your so narrow minded bullshit views that it is so am extremely fucking bored shitless with everything.
What else is there, it akin to being dropped in the ocean and fending oneself with the animals that exist, poorly I might add, in lifes oceans. Why have I come here to help people/animals who are too stupid to see what there really is, maybe it is FEAR for a lack fear and lack a brain and lack pretty much everything else you peoples lump on my and you say you want to help me? Huh!? You only want to help me so that you can pin that on me and turn around and expect help from me because you 'helped' me and you had hoped against all odds that I would not 'see' this, This is called selfishness and I am not selfish in this way at all. I am not an animal, I am a person unlike youselves.

Now for the people who not animals I thank thee very much and you will all be blessed and given to all and you will 'have it all' or so to speak, you guys or so far between that its hard to see straight at times and keep on the straight and narrow but you guys make it worth everything I ever have been through and for that I give you all.

Oh I guess onto the next section of my everexisting life, yawns trys not to fall asleep.

Oh dont bother aswering if you havent anything worth adding to this post/thread/whatever (P.T.W.) (P>T>W) (P
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lnana04
@lnana04
15 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 8822 · Topics: 132
Feeling of my life.

At work people around are now starting to ask "are you here today?" which is annoying, but they've caught on to my spaciness(sp?) how everyone else eventually does, and so it continues...

Idk if its my pisces lilith that makes my life so blurry and prevents me from adjusting to reality or what, but whatever it is...you do feel alone...very alone. Im VERY sensitive, and pick up on how puzzled people look when I speak even. Its as if I dont grasp something thats so clear to everyone else, which makes me retreat even further.

I do find myself bored with life though. Maybe thats partly it. I dont know, but i often feel nothing in it will satisfy me.