Stressed

I already had a full plate and I have heaped more on, much more!!!

I am starting to freak out a little, and I am regressing back to childish things i.e. comfort toys etc...lol

Anything would help!

Is it a temporary workload, or a long term thing?

It's weird the things that stress makes you do - i generally have no outward signs of stress, but find myself getting really obsessive (ocd, it's easy as 123 lol) usually it manifests itself with me falling in love with a complete stranger - bizarre!

Good luck with it all though - have a big vent - go for a long jog - that usully helps me.

Cortica,

Well, it looks like it will be long term. I am starting a new career; it is what I have always wanted, but now that it is here, I am screwing with myself!

This is how I am. I have to be in the middle of a crisis.

Cortica, I dont know how you do it?!! Must be kind of thrilling, but I dont want to be around people I dont know.

I have no outward apperances that I am stressed either, and I am in control outside my home, but when I am by myself I am a basket case( close blinds, won't answer phone or door, and needs complete privacy!)

Like I said it is regressive and to the point of needing these toys and security blankets.

I did go walking and I feel great!!

Suzy_Q,
You're just encountering some resistance to change, this is completely natural. You will make up excuses to yourself for why you shouldnt be doing it, you will think you're sick, you will think you're depressed but at the end of the day, you may be afraid of change and the challenges that lay ahead. To make breakthroughs you have to move through uncomfortable feelings but once you have, you will wonder what you were so worried about. I had a friend who became a school teacher at the start of the year. She is the most unassertive person ever and she rang me about a week before she was due to start sounding really bad. Basically, she was feaking out at the potential change in her life although she couldn't verbalise it. To cut a long story short she has now been offered a permanent job and realises that it wasnt as bad as she thought. You have to remember that just about everyone is in the same boat as you are, they were once nervous at starting a new job/career etc... so just remember this and break through the barrier. It is all just a matter of getting used to things.

That was really beautiful, Libragirl!!

Suzy,
What is the 'more' that you've heaped on...you've made me curious!??

That's what it is!! "This is how I am. I have to be in the middle of a crises." Thank you so much for the insight! That is the part about you that I didn't understand!!

Dancin' Under The Light of The Moon!!! I love new knowledge about someone I like 'cause it helps me to understand where they're coming from! The better I understand, the better friend I can be...

I detect excitement also in your post!! I am excited for you!
Love and Light,
Star

Libragirl,

Great post! You sound like you know what you are talking about!!! What you said makes alot of sense.

I too am going through major career change and it is a little scary. I woke up this morning wondering if I was good enough to pull it off, had this sinking feeling. I just took some deep breaths and told myself it was just that bad little voice of doubt that always tried to mess things up and then I remembered how I got where I was and that I can do anything I put my mind to do! I am a very assertive person, but there are moments when we all have doubt and you're right Libra Girl, it is normal reaction to changes!

I think Suzy-Q, you will lose the toys and security blankets when you get use to your new routine. I would imagine it would be kind of hard to go anywhere and do anything if you are packing around stuffed animals. Give yourself a week and you should feel better, wouldnt you agree LG??

WB

Thanks star, that was really nice of you to say that. It just sort of rolled off the tongue, so to speak!

Wonderbox, its nice to know that my experience with change can shed light for others.

Yes, i am speaking from experience and ive realised its not as bad as you think. Its just a matter of getting used to things. The longer you persevere with your new 'thing', whether it be career, hobby etc... the more comfortable you will become.

In order to grow we must face certain things. To the shy i would say go into crowds and meet people. I used to be extremely shy and i still am to a certain extent but sometimes i will just hang around a group and wear those feelings. I tell myself that its ok, im a good person and i dont need to be totally validated by other people, although i do believe that we need the reinforcement of others to help us feel positive about ourselves.

I can understand the feelings about getting a new job. I have them as well. I havent worked in a normal job for years and freak out at the very thought! I suppose its the same as the example above, just realise that everybody had a first day and realise that maybe everyone is so busy working that they wont be paying as much attention to you as you think.

My golden rules for working are:
1. Never reveal personal details, no matter how insignificant you think they are. You never know who is going to be your friend tomorrow.

2. Dont buy into office gossip. Always try to keep a dignified posture but make sure you know who is trouble and who isnt. Protect yourself at all costs. You do this by standing back and seeing who is and who isnt to be trusted. Be discreet.

3. This is pretty obvious but I'll say it anyway; always turn up a little early, stay within the rules and do your job well. Try to keep personal stuff out of it. This is a sure fire way to get a promotion. You've heard of the quiet achiever havent you? Well, this is him. This has been proven/shown in studies.

Just on the point of not being a gossip, a friend was trying to reel me in the other day and we had this huge fight because i wouldnt buy into it. She was totally trying to cite me. I told her she should be thankful that im like this because she wouldnt like it if i gave away personal details about her life. Cheeky...

Anyway, just a bit of goss for the day. Good luck guys with your new jobs and careers. I will be changing my career in a few years so will be going through these things too. I have already started thinking about it so thats why i seem to be able to talk about it. I am also interested in office politics so i can avoid this in the workplace too. If you have any experiences you wish to share i would be interested in hearing about them. Sloane (on the libra board) had a beauty. Wow, the way people can shaft you. I think you just have to do your job well and keep your hands clean

Also, i dont think i would go out for after work drinks either.

Anyway, speaking of work, i have some to do so id better go. See you guys and to answer WB's question about SQ and the career change/job stress, yes, i think give it a week or two and you will feel better.

🙂

Just not to be sexist (i was being lazy in my last post, it never pays to be lazy!), in point 2 of my 'dont do's' in a job, i should have said, "the quiet achiever etc..., well, that's him or HER"!

Wow Wee! Thanks Libra Girl I am going to print a copy of your post and carry with me, and when I feel the need to, I will read it again. Thank you very much. I agree with all your tips and have learned from making most of those mistakes in the past, but mostly trusting the wrong people. No I wont be going out for drinks; I have not drank in over three weeks and gave it up. I will keep to myself and if I get stuck at the water cooler I will do my best to make the weather sound interesting! I still have the stuffed animal under my arm this morning, and I am taking it in the car with me for today.
Thank you for all your advice I feel much better about my starting my first day thanks to YOU!!

🙂
SuzyQ

I feel pretty goo

I guess that post was for wonder box!

I dont think people like it when the new person is too good at their job. Maybe they are threatened or I dont know.
I really like this job, its me!! The people are great and it just feels really good, like home! I have my own office and nobody bothers me. They just turn me loose and I do it and they are so kind and helpful! I was only there a short time and the office manager is retiring in a year and asked me if I would be interested in her job. She is an ulumnist from the same school that I go to. As a matter of fact, she was in the very first graduating class. She is awesome. Like everyones grandma!!

Sounds great, Suzy!

I, too, agree with Libragirl regarding the job rules...

Good points, LB!

When I was in management, the 'tattlers' thought they would be my favorites...and were quite shocked when I didn't buy in, nor was I interested in what they had to say...
I didn't play favorites. I simply expected everyone to do their best!
The employess were sad when I gave up being their boss because of a personal decision I made...but, now we are friends! Something I didn't allow myself to be when I was their boss...when you are the boss, you just can't do that...

Anyway, things are goo for me! And glad they are for you too, Suzy!

It sounds like everything is good for you Suzi, congradulations on starting a new job. If im posting here in a few years i will probably be saying the same thing. Yeah, im really thinking about the decorum thing in the job, good point of Stars, dont make friends with people. You have to be really careful because people have a way of dragging you in even though it can sometimes be subtle. I have a question for Star:

How do you say 'no' to the afterwork drinks thing and not buy into gossip without offending anyone? Dont the trouble makers hone in on a lack of participation? Won't they find any excuse to bring you down?

LG.

Whoops...I typed LB when it should have been LG...sorry!

When I was the boss, it seemed easier. I simply stated (to the tattlers) that I appreciated their concern, but, that I would check into the situation myself. (I would smile and cut them off mid-sentence...perhaps a bit rude, but, that is what I did...)
If I had to bring an employee in to discuss a problem, I would remind them that if they choose to discuss it with their co-workers...that was their business but, that it could lead to gossip and untruths. (I sometimes felt like a Mom!! LOL!) I would encourage behavior I liked in the tattlers and discourage behavior I didn't like.
When asked to go out for drinks, I would say, "I am your boss, I can't. But, I thank you for the offer."

Now, that I am not the boss...it is trickier. I was present recently when a co-worker started trashing almost everyone who wasn't there...she thought she was very funny and amusing!! Part of her gossip were things that had been told her in confidence. I tried changing the subject, but, she was having none of it...she was determined to do her trashing. Then I made a funny side comment about myself...she gave me a dirty look...and continued in her tirade. Some of the people bought in and enjoyed the 'slamming' conversation. I sat there quietly. Eventually, someone asked me what I thought. I said, "the sad thing to me is that some of those people think she is their friend...but, a friend would not do that". It doesn't mean I stopped it and I am sure that this girl hates me now...
I use my daughter as an excuse not to go out for drinks...(OK...it is a weak excuse...but, a true one!) I say, "I am away from my daughter enough as it is"...

I don't think they are offended by that last one...
but, some people are just trouble-makers and will stir every chance they get!
I do know that my thoughts about her 'friendship' ability hit home with my co-workers...so, like I said, I am sure I am on her 'hit list'..but, I am a strong person. I will take in stride what comes my way. But, I will not have a 'fight' with her...

A good thing to say is: "I dont like saying anything behind a persons back that i am not prepared to say to their face", or "I dont like talking about people behind their backs". You could even say, "I dont like talking about people behind their backs as im sure you wouldnt like me talking about you".

Its really hard though because even if you refuse to participate then some people may be put out by that and trash you for not participating. It seems to be catch 22. If you join the ranks you are resorting to their level, if you refuse you are ostrasising yourself with the trouble makers. I s'pose you could also say, "Ive got work to do, I'd better go".

What that woman was doing is tragic and she's only making a fool out of herself, imo.

I dont understand why people do this, dont they have better things to do. I think I'd rather be the boss than the worker because at least you are controlling things whereas the workers are fighting for the top. Personally, if i was the worker, i would do my job quietly and wouldn't suck up to the boss, i think they can see through all of those things.

Good luck and keep your head up. It sounds like you can see right through it anyway. We, as humans, just need to stop worrying what others think of us all the time, dont you agree?

I think if I wanted to go drink or whatever, I would go! I never payed attention to what anyone said or thought. I just did what I wanted to and if I got screwed out of a job, I would go get another one. In other words, I never let anyone impose there will on me!! I have always done exactly what I wanted and then dealt with what ever came next. I think there are people who get off on office politics and trying to run things but I never let it bother me. If I found out someone was playing games or backstabbing
I would take it up immediately with the person responsible and sometimes it was loud but I always confronted the weasles. Nobody ever messes with me when I was upfront and honest. I dont take s h i t from anyone on the job and I am very nice if you treat me that way!




I think that as long as you have integrity in all that you do then life will be well. You may get people that want to present a problem but if your living right, then there is nothing anyone can do to you. Do you hear me? I have been
told that I am too cool and unapproachable but this is
my way of letting people know that I am watching and I see!
There are always going to be people that want to mess with
others and they are there to teach us things. Learn!
It is one thing not to go to the company Christmas parties,
I never did this either and the boss hated me for it, but I didnt care! This is the way I am, and its another thing to socialize after work. I think any smart person would see this as a potential problem. I use to drink with my boss after work but we were neighbors and best friends and he was a Sag and he expected you to do it and he was a kick in the pants! I trusted him and he never ever let me down.
If you do get screwed over then you still have your principles and that is what matters. Who you are from the core is what matters. At the end of the day all you have is you. Do you want to stand for something or do you want to just get by and fit in.

Actually, LG, I am happier NOT being the boss, and switched the situation around because I needed a change. I love it where I am at now! There will always be those who stir up trouble no matter which side of the desk you are on!! Yes, I do agree that we shouldn't worry what others think of us. Most of the time, I don't worry...but, I find that nothing is absolute...after all I am human! LOL!

I agree WB, that if I wanted to go out with co-workers for drinks, I would go....and I have gone in the past...
It seems that juggling work, home schooling, trying to have a love life, somewhat a normal homelife (LOL!)...going out for drinks is just not that high on my list of priorities...
During the school year, it is busier for me...

Nice talking to you both! Thanks for listening! LOL! I mean I just had to vent about the girl who dis's everyone!

Have you ever felt like telling all the people in your life to go to hell??

I feel like I am one step away at the moment!!!!

And Star,

I have encounter someone just like that where I work and all I can say is I feel embarrassed for her. She is a fool!

WB,
Yeah, i suppose i am treating the workplace like its a hostile place and not every job is going to be like that. I want a job i can fit in well with too and i will be making those determinations when the time is right. I would like to work in the most socially acceptable environment possible. You're also right about getting another job if the current one becomes too hard. There is so much choice out there and i am forgetting this. You should never stay in a situation that is abusive to you.

As for the after work drinks thing, i probably wouldnt go unless i was sure i could control myself and not get too drunk. There's nothing worse than losing your decorum in front of people you work with!

Anyway, nice chatting to you guys, see ya round.
Libragirl.

I have been severly stressed lately(emotionally) and took something to calm down this afternoon. I never dream when I sleep. I fell a sleep early and had the worst nightmares!!! I just woke up and I am still upset and freaked out. It seemed so real! I think it is because I fell asleep in my bedroom with the news on and they have been talking about that sniper. I thought it was morning and time to go back to work and it is only 10 pm! I hate that.

Well I have been sitting here for almost an hour and I am starting to feel better now. I am going to make some tea. Hope I can fall back to sleep. I may have gotten too much.

i understand what youre going through wonderbox, nobody can be happy all the time. I really dont know what advice i can give you, cus i cant even help myself, but maybe saying change will come eventually will make a difference? I hope for that change too. Although its OUR decision to make that change, sometimes its hard.

It must be pretty scarey living with the thought of the Washington sniper, what a gutless sicko. That is the ultimate cowardly act; instilling the fear of god in everyone by hiding behind a loaded gun. I hope they catch him soon. What is it? The Age of psychological terror or something?

Hi LG!!

Glad to hear from you!!! It has been too damn quite around here lately!

They caught the sniper last night!!! I have stayed up since one o'clock watching it unfold. I have so much respect for Chief Moose who was handling the investigation!

It was an ordinary citizen who was paying attention that led to the arrests!

I am very relieved!!!

How are you doing LG— I have been following your posts on the food board and you have some great ideas!!! Thank you for doing that. I will try to put some up when I have time. I will have to make a note or I'll forget! I think my memory is shot from drinking diet soda. I have stopped, and I am drinking only water and I think it is coming back, some.! You know they did a study on mice, and I will have to tell you later what was found because I need to get dressed for work.

Take Care
Suzy 🙂

Yes, I think it is the age of psychological terror. Its Very bad.

Wow SQ, Im glad they caught the sniper, that was a spine chilling story. You cant even feel safe going to work anymore.

Yes, ive been quiet lately, been very busy (and stressed). Im currently sitting here procrastinating because i know i need to do some work..!

What was the study on mice? I dont trust those diet drinks, i never drink anything with saccharine (fake sugar) in it as i dont like the taste and i think its dodgy.

Oh well, better go. Im in one of those 'what am i doing with my life/what is life all about?' moods.

LG (Life's Good!)