Who here has NOT pulled the disappearing act?

In relationships? (Posted here, since that's where everyone seems to be. heh)

And what's your Sun/Moon/Venus?

Posted by DazedScorp
This should really be in the "Relationships" forum...





However, I have not done a disappearing act. Fwiw, the disappearing act to me, means leaving with no explination as to why. I have always said I was leaving, and when/if I would be coming back.

Scorpio/Leo/Scorpio

Haha sorry mods, it just seems busier here. 😛

And I agree with your definition of a disappearing act. I'd further qualify that as someone who even goes so far as to not respond to a partner asking what's up.

Posted by DazedScorp
What do you mean... "What's up?"

Like when they ask you whether you fell off the face of the earth, if you're still even interested in them, etc.

Of course I have I'm an aqua. Why? Depends maybe Iam busy or sorting personal issues out. Perhaps I am feeling too close to someone and need to pull back and evaluate the relationship. Also maybe i just dont like the person and dont want to give the wrong idea. Why do you ask?

Posted by DazedScorp
The way I look at it...

If they don't have the respect/love for you to simply let you know that they need to step away for just a bit, then it's not worth dealing with and sweating over.

Shoulnt it go both ways I have never been a big fan of being at someones beckon-call.

Posted by DazedScorp
It's not being on call.

It's having enough respect for them, to let them know that you'll be gone for while. Even if it's just to clear your mind and focus your thoughts and feelings.

When you leave, and not tell them, or not even tell them if you're coming back, you cause them to worry. And that's not fair to them.

To be fair, let them know. They then have the peace of mind, and you have your time to think things over.

Exactly.

I've never done it and to me its simple irresponsibility. Furthermore, those who do it wouldn't want it to be done to them no matter what they say. You just don't bounce on someone...especially if its going good. Why "evaluate?" If anything, use your personal issues to strengthen the relationship by actually talking to them about it.

Posted by DazedScorp
It's not being on call.

It's having enough respect for them, to let them know that you'll be gone for while. Even if it's just to clear your mind and focus your thoughts and feelings.

When you leave, and not tell them, or not even tell them if you're coming back, you cause them to worry. And that's not fair to them.

To be fair, let them know. They then have the peace of mind, and you have your time to think things over.

I suppose time factors into it. I assumed the OP is talking about a few days or less. That being said i am guilty of taking longer if i need it. When that has happened i rarely explain why until i am ready. No point in lieing or making lame excuses if I am not ready to say why.

Hello
I wanted to know what if someone don't believe in these sun signs. if someone don't have any knowledge of such things then how situation will adversely effect his condition. Please explain.

Is it irresponsable yes from a certain point of view. Or is it worse to tell the person a lie and after things are sorted out then what? Once again this normaly aplies to new relationships, not one that trust and love has been built. Once that has happend then no its not kosher to disappear.

Posted by ninjafish
^huh?

My post didnt make sense? Iam sleepy and ramble

To be more clear if iam "with" someone then we are beyond all the trust issues. I live with my gf not even sure where i could hide lol

Posted by ninjafish

Posted by EvilTurtle

Posted by ninjafish
^huh?

My post didnt make sense? Iam sleepy and ramble

Naw you made sense 🙂 I don't necessarily agree with you but you made sense. My 'huh' was meant for vicky 😛 I should have specified, my mistake.

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Understood my way of doing things isnt for everyone. If someone doesnt have my trust and i wont lie, explaining isnt an option. If thats a deal breaker so be it.

Posted by EvilTurtle
To be more clear if iam "with" someone then we are beyond all the trust issues. I live with my gf not even sure where i could hide lol

I understand where you're coming from but look at it thus way. Even in the beginning that other person has placed a certain level of trust in you and expectations have developed. Lets be real, you spend hours talking to them, building chemistry and a rapport, but then disappear for whatever reason. Essentially, you've made the decision for them and they haven't given you permission to. Not thst tey control you but they have a right to make a choice as well. Why would you worry about lying anyway if you've been honest with them from the start? Telling them the truth may hurt, but like everyone has said, better that than leave them in the dark and create unwanted karma.

Btw

Sag/Leo/Sag

Posted by EvilTurtle

Posted by DazedScorp
It's not being on call.

It's having enough respect for them, to let them know that you'll be gone for while. Even if it's just to clear your mind and focus your thoughts and feelings.

When you leave, and not tell them, or not even tell them if you're coming back, you cause them to worry. And that's not fair to them.

To be fair, let them know. They then have the peace of mind, and you have your time to think things over.

I suppose time factors into it. I assumed the OP is talking about a few days or less. That being said i am guilty of taking longer if i need it. When that has happened i rarely explain why until i am ready. No point in lieing or making lame excuses if I am not ready to say why.

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No, I'm not talking about a few days or less.

I'm talking about at least a week, if you've always communicated regularly before. And especially when it comes to getting rid of the person - ie, doing the "fade out" to avoid actually telling the person that you were no longer interested.

And me, no. I've never done a real DA. I've gone AWOL for a few days, but never longer than that.

Libra/Sadge/Scorpio

Posted by NoComply

Posted by EvilTurtle
Is it irresponsable yes from a certain point of view. Or is it worse to tell the person a lie and after things are sorted out then what? Once again this normaly aplies to new relationships, not one that trust and love has been built. Once that has happend then no its not kosher to disappear.

But wouldn't you be shooting yourself in the foot just as much by disappearing on them as you would be by lying to them?? 'After things are sorted out', there is still a lack of trust there in the place of them not feeling secure that you will stick around or explain things if and when you want to go your own way. .. Just as much as there would be a feeling that you might never be telling the truth if you lied!

If you disappear when a relationship is new, then how do you expect to build any trust?

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So your saying, tell your love interest that im not sure if i am into you or not and i not sure i want to go on with this is better than being sure about it? Whats worse? Because i'll still take the time apart to sort it out either way.

Posted by NoComply

Posted by EvilTurtle
Is it irresponsable yes from a certain point of view. Or is it worse to tell the person a lie and after things are sorted out then what? Once again this normaly aplies to new relationships, not one that trust and love has been built. Once that has happend then no its not kosher to disappear.

But wouldn't you be shooting yourself in the foot just as much by disappearing on them as you would be by lying to them?? 'After things are sorted out', there is still a lack of trust there in the place of them not feeling secure that you will stick around or explain things if and when you want to go your own way. .. Just as much as there would be a feeling that you might never be telling the truth if you lied!

If you disappear when a relationship is new, then how do you expect to build any trust?

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So your saying, tell your love interest that im not sure if i am into you or not and i not sure i want to go on with this is better than being sure about it? Whats worse? Because i'll still take the time apart to sort it out either way.

I remember going AWOL once. That whole period in my life is confusing because I cannot for the life of me understand my reasonings for doing what I did then, in general, nor understand or remember much of anything else from that event. I went on a few dates with this guy, but realized he was much too forward for me and I got scared off. I stopped texting him out of nowhere, and he stopped after he didn't get a reply the first time. I really hate thinking about him, but oh well. I think he could tell the chemistry was off, but I should have said something. I must have been too meek to come out and reject him, and I know it was wrong. But, I've since gained a little more confidence and dominance, so I doubt it will happen again. Other than that, I can't remember doing any disappearing acts or anything of the sort.

Pisces/Pisces/Aries

Posted by steponscorpionsCRUNCH

Posted by EvilTurtle

Posted by DazedScorp
It's not being on call.

It's having enough respect for them, to let them know that you'll be gone for while. Even if it's just to clear your mind and focus your thoughts and feelings.

When you leave, and not tell them, or not even tell them if you're coming back, you cause them to worry. And that's not fair to them.

To be fair, let them know. They then have the peace of mind, and you have your time to think things over.

I suppose time factors into it. I assumed the OP is talking about a few days or less. That being said i am guilty of taking longer if i need it. When that has happened i rarely explain why until i am ready. No point in lieing or making lame excuses if I am not ready to say why.

No, I'm not talking about a few days or less.

I'm talking about at least a week, if you've always communicated regularly before. And especially when it comes to getting rid of the person - ie, doing the "fade out" to avoid actually telling the person that you were no longer interested.

click to expand

Ah thats clearer than no if its over, i am clear and direct. No reason to run and hide my mind has been made up.

I don't know why men are supposedly so afraid of just telling a woman that you need time to decide whether you're still interested in her.

It's easy. Just text them this:

"Not sure if still into u. Need space/time to think, k?"

Then, the woman can decide whether to wait around (she shouldn't). But really. It takes no emotional vulnerability at all - just copy and paste those exact words. As for reaction...what do you think a woman is going to do? It's happened to me once. I just thanked him for the honesty, wished him luck, and forgot about him. Who cares. Honesty is best, people should just walk away if someone says they're not interested.

You do women a favor by just telling them, so that they can stop wasting time and move on.

Posted by seraph

Posted by steponscorpionsCRUNCH
In relationships? (Posted here, since that's where everyone seems to be. heh)

And what's your Sun/Moon/Venus?

It's either you say nothing at all, or you tell them you need some alone-time.

Saying nothing all will be far worse - not even counting the moral element - because on the most practical level, leaving the other person hanging will often result in an earful later, not to mention phone-call after phone-call and voice-mail after voice-mail asking why and how. Additionally, it's just *wrong* to do that to someone. So it's lousy from a practical perspective, and especially low from a personal and moral standpoint.

Telling them means *they will know what to expect*, and no matter hoe much you might value spontaneity in close relationships, a degree of predictability and *reliability* is often reassuring to the point of necessary.

Sun Leo
Moon Libra
Venus Gemini

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Exactly. It's practical, too. By disappearing, of course the other person will be bugging you with questions. People who "want space" will be much more likely to actually GET it...if they simply ask for it. herpderp

Ah but is safe to say flaking out for long periods must mean something real is wrong. That being said if the person cant wait then life goes on. Arrogant some might say but life doesnt stop when you lose a love intrest. Truth is i need space when things are good. How are they going to able to handle that if i take a few days to myself and dont answer a text.

Posted by EvilTurtle
Ah but is safe to say flaking out for long periods must mean something real is wrong. That being said if the person cant wait then life goes on. Arrogant some might say but life doesnt stop when you lose a love intrest. Truth is i need space when things are good. How are they going to able to handle that if i take a few days to myself and dont answer a text.

That's understandable. Sometimes I go AWOL for a bit. But never more than 3 days, if in an actual relationship with the person.

Sun: Leo
Moon: Scorpio
Venus: Cancer

Yup. Done to me by scorp. Several times. Currently being done to me by Sag with scorp venus.

I did it last week but I gave advance notice. Said I didn't want to talk today, but tomorrow. Was only taking ONE friggin day off. Didn't go over well. Guess advance notice ain't a good idea?

I dislike it being done to me. I had enough from the scorpio. It may be a deal breaker if the sag resurfaces. No matter how much I like him, and I do. I just can't allow it again in my life. It hurts too darn much.

All a person has to say is: "I need a break". Period.