Why Men Don't...

Approach.

I've been meaning to write this topic cause of seeing a lot of posts here regarding women and their prospective sutiers. I mainly want to help women on here have a deeper understanding of why some some guys dont approach. It isnt always a matter of confidence, there are other factors involved.

1. Display of Interest - No offense gals, but this is where you all fail miserably. Subtle displays of interest ain't gonna work with most men. Now some men with experience in dating will pick them up. But most wont. You have to be blatant with your signals. A meek smile back when eye contact is made will not do it. Most guys are going to assume you're trying to come across as friendly and not b--chy. I've seen female friends who have ADD in their interactions with men. If you're actually liking the guy but cant focus, it comes across as disinterest. Thus the guy picks up on this and ends the conversation.

2. Caution - You will see men eye a girl they like but dont approach within 5 minutes say at a bar, nbookstore, grocery store, whateve. Its always not always what women assume being a lack of confidence. A guy wants to make sure you're not with another date/boyfriend. Oftentimes I've approached immediately when I thought there was strong interest only to have a boyfriend come in 2 minutes, and me having to gracefully leave. Now, whereever I spot a girl who interests me, there is a standard wait of at least 5-7 minutes to be safe. But I never once stay in the same area as she. I just move along to a different area with intent to approach later. Some will say this tactic is lame, biut it has saved me from many blowouts.

3. Conversation - A lot of guys like to have some what of a game plan or structure when approaching a girl. Men like myself take note of the fact that a lot of attractive women get approached all the time. They hear the same old rap, get bored easily and brush the guy off. So there's more work involved to have some outline or strucutre of conversation where she isnt bored to tears. I'm not scripting out a potential conversation, but more having a structure for me to bounce off of. I do better improving with structure.

4. Friends - The biggest barrier yet between men and women. Let's start with the female friends. A lot of men wont approach a woman that shows interest when she is sitting with female friends. Here's why. While they may have an idea of what to say to be continued...

To the girl who's interested, but dont have a clue what to converse about with her friends. Attractive women usually run with ones who are not considered as attractive as they are. Mianly because most pretty girls are insecure around other attractive females. But this is where a problem is created, because the one that is considered "average" will start getting angry seeing her friend get approached consistantly. And will try to sabotage every guy her friend likes that comes along. Even if its a nice guy who is approaching her friend she will act like a total b--ch and treat him like dirt. Men start having enough of these experiences to where it makes them gun shy to approach a woman with a group of girlfriends.

Guy friends - Even the huger obstacle than the girl. Because most men are cowards and pose as just wanting to be friends with the girl. But in turth want something more but dont have the balls to act on t. Thus they take it out on every guy who approaches her. To be fair, I've met some cool guy friends who had nno problem with me hitting on their friend. But they were in the minority not the majority. The guy friends can be total jerks liek the female ones to even the guy who seems decent that approaches. As a guy, when you've had more tahn one of these experiences it makes you leary of approaching.


The solution -


Display stronger signs of interest. If you see a guy that you dig, when eye contact is made, smile broadly and wave. I know it sounds really freaking cheesy, but the guy will definately know you're interested.

If your attention span is short, but you still like the dude, do light taps or push on his shoulder to indicate you're interested. Also, ladies I get the fact that you're in your your own head sizing him up. But while you're analyzing him and being quiet and nonresposnsive, it just makes the guy more nervous. Participate in the conversation, ask questions back, make a joke or two. It helps the guy be more rleaxed thus giving you a better feel for who he is as a person.

With friends in social settings ala bars, restaurants, bookstore. If there's a man you like and eye make contact with get up and go to the bar or a different area while signaling him to come over. It makes things much easier, plus eliminates your girl and guy friends from c--k blcoking ya. to be finsihed next post...

Bryn maybe if you read the topic closer, this isnt addressed to fellow dudes. Its to help girls.


PS ladies, if you trying to get a boy toy on the side cause your bf isntup to par, never signal a guy to come over when your bf is in the same area. Ive had women either send out strong singlas to apprach or just came up themeslves only to have an angry bf come in later on threatening moi.

If you have pen and paper on you, just write a not along the lines of "I noticed you, but due to certain cirumnstances, couldnt come and say hi. Her'es my meail/number. If you're interested lets chat sometime" Then wait wait till your bf leaves for a minute and slip the note to your object of desire. Makes things much easier.

That is all I have time for, feel free to dissect, criticize, whateves.

I'm all for finding a girl that is willing to make the first move. The reality of it is that it will very rarely happen, and when it does, it doesnt mean that you will have any interest on her just for taking the initiative. If a man wants to find his dream girl, hes gonna need to go out there and get it. Waiting for a girl to approach you first is like sitting home on the couch waiting for a job to find you (which doesnt work, ive tested this extensively). There is only a couple reasons one can expect many girls to approach a man

1) you are very good looking
2) you seem very rich (not to take a shot at u females for being materialistic, but this is true in a lot of cases and im old enough to realize that money talks)

if you are going to sit back and let the girl do the work, than u better be atleast one of those things, otherwise the more outgoing guy that can break the ice will win the battle 9/10 times. Girls love to feel that they have the goods to attract our attention. It's a great compliment to them, as it is a great compliment to us if we are approached by a girl. Guys, unfortunately, are for the most part not receiving of such compliments, nor should we expect to be.

All right, since I have some spare time, ready to enter into the boxing ring. I immediately knew when this topic was made, I would get some type of bs accusation of sexism.

Even though this post was meant to help women understand better about men approaching. Bryn, the only thing that you could possibly take as sexist is the fact I call men out for being cowards and decieving women under the "just friends" frame.

Ok to be fair, the last comment about taken women was snarky. But I was venting cause I had a girl approach me in a bookstore earlier that day. I had been reading my hero Patti Smith's new self-penned bio and she approached. We talked for maybe 7 minutes, we hit it off so to speak. She was flirting way more with me than the otherway around.

Believe me after 12 years in the dating scene, I do know the difference between flirty socializing and flirting in a "my place or yours" way. Definately the latter on her part. Anyway, a familiar scenario soon takes place. A guy comes up with the usual "wtf why are you talking to my woman" look and puts her arm around her. As usual, I have to pull a stroke of total bsness saying she was asking me for directions. Which pleased him and I talked to him for a moment. Then quickly got the hell out of there. A typical day in "Swingers-Town" here.

Anyway, back to the point. Just because I describe situations in approaching women doesnt mean it reflects the way it happens for me currently. I approach all the time. I adhere to my own advice that you have to make your own happiness. Now years ago, I did not feel that way. I did everything I could to get out of approaching. I found it and still do at times to be extremely degrading and humiliating . But i manned up and started getting out there.

Ovi, i already know about winning over the friend. I've spent sometimes up to an hour chatting both up. But there is somewhat of a flaw in your technique based on my experience. If you spend too much time trying to win over her friend, the interested girl will back off and leave you alone. The best thing to do is to be friendly for a few minutes with both her and the partner in crime. Then at that point, focus the conversation back on the interested girl. If you seem cool enough, usually the firend will take a hint and give space.

And Ovi, believe me I do not approach a girl unless there is a blatant, definitive "how YOU DOIN'" vibe from her. Finished next post..

I'm not trying to change the world here either. I just want women to get a better understanding of the approaching experience from a guy's POV.

But I do feel women need the suggestion of being blatant in their signals. Cause half the time, men cant tell if a women is being friendly in a social way or if she actually likes the guy. Any attractive woman that complains about not finding any good men isnt applying enough effort. You cant expect physical attractiveness to lead everything to you.

Sometimes the right guy may be the one who doesnt approach. Now not always, cause I hve seen a lot of quiet guys to be psycho controlling douchebags like their more outgoing counterparts. But once in a while, it is true.

Its up to both genders to make their own happiness and not hide behind meek excuses covering for pride and laziness. BTW thank you to the other posters who actually got the intention of this post. It is appreciated.