Am I wrong to want an emotional connection?

Posted by P-Angel
Why would virgo not care about a personal tragedy?

title of thread ^^^^^^^

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

I just don't see how any human interaction can be without personal connection.

It appears to me as though you have conflated his feelings with yours ... and they are seperate entities, in reality. Because you care about something that is personal to you, you believe that it should be acknowledged across the board into humanity.

You have made the insinuation that if you care = then he is required to maintain a certain level of emotional connection to humanity, according to your standards.

Just because he has no personal connection to something he isn't even required to be connected to in the first place doesn't equate to him being subpar in his humanity.

You are confusing the responsibility of his feelings with the responsibility of yours ... and I'm unsure why, exactly.

If he were your husband I could see the issue, however, not the fusing .... he then would have a responsibility for the nurturing of your feelings on the situation, but still wouldn't be required to feel the same as you, because he isn't you.

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From the Virgo board .... where you said you didn't get much response.


Yes, in this siutation you are wrong. A friend isn't responsible to catering to your feelings. For you to expect a platonic friend to nurture your feelings is unreasonable.

it would nice if a friend does ... but, you cannot expect it, and then if they don't do it, then feel dispondent towards them.

I think you are proving to be an unworthy friend for him because he cannot trust you to realize the place of friends within that relation.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

Yeah, we speak every day, but only about things that don't matter. I don't feel I need to tell him my emotional problems every day, but once in a while something big happens in your life, like a friend is killed or you are very ill and you feel the need to tell people.

Just make sure you realize that just because you have a need to tell about your feelings because you need to vent it off, that you aren't having an expectation on another to suffer the feelings as you do.

You need to tell doesn't mean he has a need to talk about it.

He's just a friend, he's not emotionally involved with you.



Maybe that's the part you aren't getting = he's not emotionally involved with you, so therefore isn't going to participate in the emotional side of your being.

You need to take a step back here to acknowledge something yourself .. he doesn't have to feel anything that isn't personal to him.

I dated a taurus for 6 months that when I told him about anything he serious he would just look at me. Maybe be like "oh" and then proceed to tell me a funny story from earlier that day. It was kind of frustrating, I guess I would hope he'd offer consolation or ask how it made me feel or whatever. I just figure he didn't know what to say or how to handle it. I learned to live with it. We never told each other we loved each other, I don't know if iwas ever in love with him, and after 6 months together you would surely think that would have come. Maybe it had something to do witt not making that trusting emotional connection.

I'm not seeing anything wrong with he not acknowledging it. I would probably be like "Wow, let me buy you a drink". The thing is, I wouldn't want the person to dwell on what happened and would want to pull them out of it. Hence, the changing of the subject and telling jokes. Keeps things light hearted given all that's bad in the world. It's just the way he approaches those types of things in life, he can disassociate as it is not effecting him directly, I wouldn't take it personally!!!

Did you ever ask him why he never says anything about your friend? I think that's weird. You also mentioned that when you don't answer him back he wants to know why which makes your friendship look one sided. I agree with APP ask him what's going on and if you don't like the answer forget him. You don't have any control over the way he acts but you can choose to be around people who treat you the way you like.
If I ever acted that way towards someone it would mean I don't believe what they are telling me and that I think they are just trying to be dramatic. So to me he's either a strange person or he doesn't have a good attitude towards you. Also I don't think it's wrong to want an emotional connection but stick with people who want what u want and forget rest.

*I meant I think it's weird that he never said anything about your friend

I get it now when people get irritated with Pisces emotional dependency, and they say we're weak ... and this is the first time I get it. How many times I've argued it isn't true, I have no clue. But, not only is it present here .. it's co-signed by Pisces people.


I cannot relate to any of you on this topic .... because I know the difference between my emotions and another persons emotions .. you all seem to not comprehend the difference, and are confused into believing that if you feel a certain way, then everyone must also, or they are inhumane.



**** shakes head ****

Posted by Scorporella

The only other thing that I can suggest is that you talk with him about it. Tell him that you value his friendship but that you feel hurt when he doesn't acknowledge personal or traumatic events in your life, that you understand that he may not know what to say, but even and "I'm sorry you are going through this," or "I'm sorry you were ill" is enough acknowledgement.

wtf —


So, you would counsel on telling her to guilt-trip him into it?

Use the friendship as hostage to make him be the person you want him to be, or else?



What the hell is the matter with you people?


This man is who he is ... and that is all that should be expected of him. If he wants to be a platonic friend who only wants to share on a limited level, then you either accept him for who he is or be that good person and let him go.

You do not have a Talk with him, as if you assume that by virtue of your feelings, his place is to conform to you.


wtf —?


Have people gone mad?

I don't think the issue here is a Virgo characteristic ... I think the issue is the Pisces charactistic in where the Fish believes that another is suppose to feel life in the same fashion.

Every Virgo I know is very expressive when a personal tragedy happens.


But, this topic isn't about that .. so, how can you say that it's a Virgo glitch?

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

To me what he did makes me not want to be in contact again, because it feels like he has no heart.

I just don't get it .... Pisces people really baffle me sometimes.

But, you aren't basing his value system on him, you are basing it on you.


In the face of a personal tragedy ... he could be very compassionate and emotionally expressive. But, you don't know that because you haven't witnessed him during a personal crisis.

I think most people in the world would feel this way though. I think you would feel strange too if this happened to you.

Posted by P-Angel
But, you aren't basing his value system on him, you are basing it on you.


In the face of a personal tragedy ... he could be very compassionate and emotionally expressive. But, you don't know that because you haven't witnessed him during a personal crisis.

Theoretically I do agree. I just find it difficult to accept that there are people who would act that way.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
I think most people in the world would feel this way though. I think you would feel strange too if this happened to you.

If what happened to me?


If I had a friend who is different from me?

I think if a close friend of yours was murdered and you told another friend about it and they pretended you said nothing, you would find that strange and hurtful. You would wonder why, also because in those moments people are not so cerebral, they are emotional.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

Posted by P-Angel
But, you aren't basing his value system on him, you are basing it on you.


In the face of a personal tragedy ... he could be very compassionate and emotionally expressive. But, you don't know that because you haven't witnessed him during a personal crisis.

Theoretically I do agree. I just find it difficult to accept that there are people who would act that way.

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Who act what way?

Who act like themselves in which is different from me?



I can't relate to any of this. You, and the other Pisces in here have firmly declared that by virtue of how you feel, that everyone else who is to be considered worthy of you has an obligation to feel exactly as you deem required of them to feel. And I can't relate to any of it.


I guess I'm just not going to get it.

That is what I thought. 😢

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

I think if a close friend of yours was murdered and you told another friend about it and they pretended you said nothing, you would find that strange and hurtful. You would wonder why, also because in those moments people are not so cerebral, they are emotional.

I'm 52 years old ... do you honestly think I haven't experienced death of any of my people?

You have made the assessment that he pretended not to notice ..... and you have never let the thought cross your mind that he is a friend, not a crutch.

You say in those moments ... without any awareness that it was your moment .. not his.


I don't get it .... you have experienced some sad times in your life in which you are attempting to lay responsbility on other people to feel YOUR OWN personal feelings about the situations, according to your values.


And then say he doesn't have the same value system ... when you've not even witnessed him even having a personal crisis.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
I posted this in the virgo forums but didn't get much response and another post made me re-think the situation.

Do you think it's wrong to want an emotional connection with people? I don't know how to be in contact with someone without knowing them and caring about everyone I meet as a person in their entirety of experience.

The back story was that I am a pisces and have a virgo guy friend who contacts me daily with things like jokes and news articles and so on, but when it comes to anything serious, he ignores me. I was in hospital last year and when I told him he ignored that email. Then recently a friend of mine died violently and when I told him, he also didn't respond. If I ask him anything else or talk about anything like politics etc, he will talk about it.

I feel like this is a strange relationship and yet when I stop replying to him, he asks why. When my friend died recently I wrote to the virgo and told him what happened and said that I am glad to have his friendship, I guess as I was feeling emotional over my friend. He emailed me today a news story about something and still hasn't even made reference to the fact that my friend died.

That's pretty harsh, a simple message wouldn't have hurt for them to send.

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I agree, that it wouldn't have hurt ... however, that isn't the issue.

The issue is that it was expected.

Posted by Lena282

Posted by P-Angel
You, and the other Pisces in here have firmly declared that by virtue of how you feel, that everyone else who is to be considered worthy of you has an obligation to feel exactly as you deem required of them to feel.

Yes, because we're Pisces. Just another glitch to add to the basket.

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So then, this glitch ... which is clearly emotional weakness, since it is in place to fulfill the insecurity called, emotional-dependency .... is just accepted without any desire or will to overcome, eventhough it is acknowledged as being present?


Really?


Never, for me ... I will never give in to this kind of weakness, and I'm unclear why anybody other Pisces would? I thought we were suppose to be the emotional strong ones, not the emotionally dependent ones.


Where are the strong willed Pisces out there .. I can't be the only one.

TyDyed - Ok, good to know. It sounds like it could be the case.

Also by Ascendent is in virgo so I must have a little virgo in me and I would never act like that.

That is so nice, you are such a good friend! - Didn't you just say though that guys treat each other without care where there is nothing deep or emotional?

ahh ok.... good point.

Thank you for the advice. What you did for your friend was so kind. I think you're a wonderful person. 🙂

I joined this site in 2005 to tell Branh he was wrong about the Pisces being emotionally co-dependent ... he was right.


And I'm putting this out there just incase Mr.Defense is still here and reading.


You were right, Branh ... I was wrong .... the Pisces, by nature, is emotionally co-dependent

P-Angel, remember how you said it wasn't wrong to not care if someone died, well couldn't you extend that to your argument about being co-dependent?

Posted by Lena282

Pisces want to connect with others emotionally because emotions define our reality.

To want to connect with others emotionally ... and depending on others to take care of your emotions for you ... are two entirely different things.

For me a "that must be terrible" from him would be so good.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

.... and caring about everyone I meet as a person in their entirety of experience.

The more I think about this situation, the more I begin to realize that you are likely emotionally smothering .... their entirety of experience is asking too much in return for just a regular friend.

What I mean is I don't compartmentalise.

I don't think it's smothering to say "I am sorry" or "That is sad" to the news that someone had been murdered. It's emotionally deficient to say nothing.

I didn't even want support, he could have said anything. What I wanted was validation that he heard what I said.

You all are missing a huge fundamental difference ... you are looking at this situation as if YOU were the person on the other end, and what would YOU do .. and that is how you are answering .. when that isn't even a part of the equation.


What you would do is irrelevant.


because isn't you .. he is him ...



I just won't get it ... for the life of me, I guess it isn't possible for me to acknowledge that kind of selfishness.

TyDyed - I'm definitely now realising that I'm not his friend. I'm embarrassed to think that I was actually. I've decided not to respond to him again actually. I got the idea he liked compartmentalising before, because when we worked together he told me that he liked to keep his colleagues/lover/friends all separate and that the one time he didn't do that he got in trouble.

What do you think he will feel if I stop responding to him? Will he realise why?

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

.... to the news that someone had been murdered. It's emotionally deficient to say nothing.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

What I wanted was validation that he heard what I said.

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Right .... you are co-dependent emotionally, and if he isn't supporting/validating your feelings, then you are lost in grasping a hold on your own feelings, so you have no other recourse except to turn it around and say .... he doesn't care about personal tragedies.


when in reality .... you haven't even witnessed him during an emotional crisis that is personal to him.



What this all boils down to is that he considers you a regular friend .... and you can't stand it that he doesn't consider you as being more. You want him to consider your feelings as personal and he doesn't and you cannot accept it that you aren't as important to him as he is to you. Yet, I've heard nothing in any of your testimony where you've expressed to him how you feel about him, how you feel about the two of you ... you've used him as your crutch to lay your emotional burdens on him because you cannot handle your own feelings.

That's what it is, isn't it?

You're just pissed off because he isn't coming to rescue you being a damsel in distress.


Grow up

Thanks TyDyed!

"Yet, I've heard nothing in any of your testimony where you've expressed to him how you feel about him, how you feel about the two of you ."

Not true, remember the first thing I said was that I told him that this had happened and then said this experience made me appreciate our friendship, I wouldn't want anything to happen to you and I want you to know I care in case something were to ever happen to you.

TyDyed, I'm beginning to realise that now! I think he will only ever want to send jokes and news and talk about politics. I guess I have to accept that.

I love scorpios, they are my favourite... 🙂

"Am I wrong to want an emotional connection?

No... you just have to find the right person to connect with."


hehe... true!!!!!! Good summary of the discussion!

A person can only give you what they are capable of giving according to themselves .... and that isn't acceptable to you, and you would judge his humanity because you cannot accept that he doesn't life his life to suit you.


that's pretty pathetic