He took our FB pictures down but won't de-friend

It's been about 2.5 weeks since he broke up with me. Over two weeks of NC.

This is our second and longest time apart, but I feel it is what we probably needed.

Our 1st break up lasted about 10 days. I went after him and got him back.
During our FIRST break up I deleted him as my FB friend and simply went on with my life.

When we made up, per his request, I added him back as a friend. He thought it was so funny that I'd actually de-friend him. He asked me why I would do that, I told him because we had broken up.

After we made up we got along fine for a few months, but then we hit another rough patch. He broke up with me again. Fine. Gave him his stuff and said good-bye.

What was odd is to me is that when I went to at his FB page to de-friend him, I saw that he hadn't de-friended me. He took down of our pictures, but he didn't un-friend me.

I know this is silly to ask, but why would he do one and not just go ahead and do the other? Personally think he's trying to keep the door open and keep tabs on me because he's regretting the break up.

He didn't delete you the first time and was surprised you did... why would you expect him to now?

Because HE broke it off. I don't know, I'm thinking if you're truly done with someone - you're done. Why keep their page up?

He's 52, I'm 41

But our ages don't matter. I made the post as it was an odd thing for him to do. I'm just trying to get some insight.

Posted by CutieGirl

Our 1st break up lasted about 10 days. I went after him and got him back.

When we made up, per his request, I added him back as a friend.

So, you chased after him, went back to him to get him per his request?

Or, you mean he requested that you add him back to facebook?


Sounds so highschoolish

So, if the two of you have a spat, you break up?

That seems odd in itself.

And furthermore, just because of this break up (which should just be a disagreement), you defriend him, as if to remove him from your life .. how odd is that?

Have you removed your siblings from your life too, just because you had a fight with them?

Posted by CutieGirl

He thought it was so funny that I'd actually de-friend him. He asked me why I would do that ....

Of course, it's funny, and I'm also asking ... why would you do something like that?

He's laughing at you, btw, not with you.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by CutieGirl

Our 1st break up lasted about 10 days. I went after him and got him back.

When we made up, per his request, I added him back as a friend.

So, you chased after him, went back to him to get him per his request?

Or, you mean he requested that you add him back to facebook?


Sounds so highschoolish

click to expand

No...I didn't really have to chase him. One text and he was back, but very shortly after we made up (this is after our 1st break up), he was at my house and was checking his FB. He searched for my page and noticed that I was no longer his friend. He said: You deleted me from FB? / I said: Yes, I felt it was best. I moved on. He said: HaHaHAA!!! You deleted me from FB! I said: Whatever. He said: I'll send you another friends request. I said: OK, I'll add you back.

Posted by P-Angel

So, if the two of you have a spat, you break up?

That seems odd in itself.

And furthermore, just because of this break up (which should just be a disagreement), you defriend him, as if to remove him from your life .. how odd is that?

Have you removed your siblings from your life too, just because you had a fight with them?

Posted by CutieGirl

He thought it was so funny that I'd actually de-friend him. He asked me why I would do that ....

Of course, it's funny, and I'm also asking ... why would you do something like that?

He's laughing at you, btw, not with you.

click to expand

I never left him P-Angel. I have never sought to leave, even after we have a disagreement it's him that gets overwhelmed and leaves. My de-friending him after our 1st break up was one of the only things I could do to start to move on. You have to understand, I think maybe sometimes he doesn't know how to keep things "going" smoothly. I was the 1st real meaningful relationship he's had after 2 yrs of sobriety, before that he struggled with alcoholism since he was 11 yrs old. I'm not making any excuses for him, but I think maybe in some ways he's having a very hard time handling difficult situations without turning to alcohol.

I just don't know how to feel right now. It still hurts me deeply when I see that we haven't been able to work this out. Some days I think I'm doing OK, other days I'm a mess!

I swear from the way you express what's going you both were much younger, you both behave like your 18.

If you think there will be a chance again to fix things don't delete him, but you can use your security feature to hide all of his post.

Also at the age of 52 if he's the one initiating the break up, essentially discarding you when it gets too hard, then something is wrong with him, he has way too much baggage.

I'm curious...Why are you dating a man with alcohol dependency? Is he in AA? We know what his problem is but what is wrong with you? You gotta have some unresolved issues, self esteem issues to be attracted to a man with dependency problems. Are you Codependent?

Something is not right with this picture with you. Emotionally healthy women steer clear of men with dependency problems so what's your story?

From what I understand regarding people with dependency issues is that they just don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves, I've had my own direct experience with it in my family so I know how selfish people with dependency problems can be, none of it makes sense, they do what they want to do because it seems right to do it.

+1 BullGem

I believe it's nothing as well, he's just doing what he wants to do, doesn't have to make sense, it's over for him until he decides it's convenient for him to come back to you.

To the poster, keep in mind people with dependency issues surround themselves with codependent personalities, people that will enable and hardly give much push back, you can lose yourself in it all, take this time to reconnect with yourself, don't worry about him, he can take care of himself.

He'll be back...

Hi all,

Thanks for your comments and your love. Thanks for understanding that healing takes time and you can't just "snap out" of loving someone overnight.

Concerning his sobriety and our relationship:
He told me about his sobriety AFTER we had fallen in love. I don't have a perfect past, but who among us does. I don't believe I have any co-dependency issues. I'm just a regular woman that did what most regular women do when they are in love. I believe that everyone has something in their past that makes them "dangerous to love", but to his credit he had built up a significant amount of time being sober. He has a sponsor, he has sponsored many others, he lives his life around AA principles and even teaches AA classes. I fell in love with him because he had pulled himself out of a lifetime of drinking.

MY mis-step was thinking that he was "completely" out of the dark. I was the 1st real relationship he had being sober. I was his first in a LOT of areas when it came to his sobriety.

I am learning more and more about depression and alcoholism everyday and think I'm starting to understand. All men are dysfunctional, but men that battle with these issue are alittle harder to help...AND on top of that he's a Cappy too - That's got to be a Double Whammy!

I WOULD like to talk with him, I'm open to it, but I will never be the first to reach out to him anymore. I'm tired and I have learned the danger in giving too much even though it's in my DNA, I have to learn when to give and when not to give.

Knowing him, not deleting me was his way of keeping me within view; I treated his ass like a king so I don't think he was FULLY sure of his decision when he broke things off, and then when I let him walk without any attempt to stop him, I think it really threw him off.

Posted by tiki33
I swear from the way you express what's going you both were much younger, you both behave like your 18.

If you think there will be a chance again to fix things don't delete him, but you can use your security feature to hide all of his post.

Also at the age of 52 if he's the one initiating the break up, essentially discarding you when it gets too hard, then something is wrong with him, he has way too much baggage.

I'm curious...Why are you dating a man with alcohol dependency? Is he in AA? We know what his problem is but what is wrong with you? You gotta have some unresolved issues, self esteem issues to be attracted to a man with dependency problems. Are you Codependent?

Something is not right with this picture with you. Emotionally healthy women steer clear of men with dependency problems so what's your story?

Thiiiiiiiiss.

When she mentioned her age, it was kinda wtf worthy. They both sound immature. No offense, OP. The situation is being handled rather immaturely (so's the fact that you break up and make up).

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by tiki33
I swear from the way you express what's going you both were much younger, you both behave like your 18.

If you think there will be a chance again to fix things don't delete him, but you can use your security feature to hide all of his post.

Also at the age of 52 if he's the one initiating the break up, essentially discarding you when it gets too hard, then something is wrong with him, he has way too much baggage.

I'm curious...Why are you dating a man with alcohol dependency? Is he in AA? We know what his problem is but what is wrong with you? You gotta have some unresolved issues, self esteem issues to be attracted to a man with dependency problems. Are you Codependent?

Something is not right with this picture with you. Emotionally healthy women steer clear of men with dependency problems so what's your story?

Thiiiiiiiiss.

When she mentioned her age, it was kinda wtf worthy. They both sound immature. No offense, OP. The situation is being handled rather immaturely (so's the fact that you break up and make up).

click to expand

Why don't you humor me, OH GREAT AND WISE ONE, and enlighten me as to what would be the most "mature" thing to think in this situation?

No offense to you dear RockyRoad, but I hate it when people take potch-shots like that. The problem with "some" younger people is that they think just because others are older than them, the older person MUST have ALL the perfect answers for every situation in life. This is a sign of YOUR immaturity, not mine.

His actions were strange behavior to ME so I thought the mature thing to do was to "ask" when I didn't know all the answers. Sorry it threw you off.

Posted by 88NPISCES
Good morning lady.. 🙂

I have to go to an appointment but I will be back to chat with you more ok. 🙂

Just give it time ok. Dont start stressing out after two weeks.

I know it seems like it has been a decade and you miss him so much, but the break up is still fresh.

The photos being taken down is normal. He didnt unfriend you because he doesn't hate you and you are not a stalker like soooo many women do which that is ridiculous. By him not un-friending you from FB, speaks very high of you, just remember that and see it in a good way.

I'll be back, but stay focus do not get sad on me. 🙂


88

Thanks Lady,

Have a good apptmnt. Chat with you soon!

I thought maybe I STILL hadn't done enough; turned out to be I was doing too much.

All I can do is take one day at a time. I hope one day we can talk, I love and miss him a lot! But honestly, I think I need a vacation or at least a freakin' lunch break right now. LOL!!! Cause for the last few weeks I've been workin' my ass off! LMBO!!!

Posted by 88NPISCES
Well, I dont know what the big deal is in regards to the age. some people mature at an early age and some dont.
not because years go by and we have birthday after birthday we become super *wise*. we sure hopeso, lol.

I am 35 and some 18 year old may be more mature than myself, and I don't have a doubt there are some out there. lmao


Anyways she is human she loves him and feels the need to nurture him and help him.



@ Cutie the feeling you have in needing to help him and seeing he has a problem, It is his problem not yours and you shouldn't torture yourself in thinking all is negative and that he is drowning in depression, unhappy, or drinking. He could be laughing right now, happy and relaxing and you are over here all worried and sad.

Be confident and move forward, If he loves you he will come back to you without any addiction or at least will try his best in becoming a better man for you. You do not owe him anything or need to worry about him.

worry about yourself and your wellbeing and move on. Time heals, just give it some time and keep busy. 🙂


88

THANKS!

Posted by CutieGirl

Concerning his sobriety and our relationship:
He told me about his sobriety AFTER we had fallen in love.

I fell in love with him because he had pulled himself out of a lifetime of drinking.

This isn't the first contridiction you've made in just this one thread ... and I haven't gone to read any of your history.

Posted by CutieGirl

All men are dysfunctional ...

click to expand

wow

Posted by CutieGirl

Why don't you humor me, OH GREAT AND WISE ONE, and enlighten me as to what would be the most "mature" thing to think in this situation?

One- don't put so much stock into facebook.

Two- Sorry, but a 40 year old with the username "cutiegirl?" Where exactly is your mindset here? Are you able to really look at this maturely?

Three- both of you are over the age of 40 and your relationship sounds like it belongs in a high school.

It sounds like he's the problem and YOU'RE too old to be putting up with this shit. I really wouldn't be worrying whether there was some secret motive in keeping you on fb. My ex still has me on Facebook and I know he keeps tabs on me via that, but he's also stated that he doesn't think much about who he has on there because it's JUST Facebook.

For the sake of avoiding dramas of deletion, just hide his newsfeed posts and make a setting so he can't see your updates. The end.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by CutieGirl

Concerning his sobriety and our relationship:
He told me about his sobriety AFTER we had fallen in love.

I fell in love with him because he had pulled himself out of a lifetime of drinking.

This isn't the first contridiction you've made in just this one thread ... and I haven't gone to read any of your history.

Posted by CutieGirl

All men are dysfunctional ...

wow

click to expand

Oh P-Angel. Bless your heart. I didn't think what I wrote would be so confusing. Sorry.

Please allow me to explain:

I did not contridict myself. I did fall in love with him AFTER the fact. I was ALREADY in love with him when he told me about his battle with alcoholism. I STAYED in love with him was because I admired him for "staying the course" with his sobrity. He had made great strides to overcome the effects of a lifetime of poor decisions.

Regarding your 2nd comment:
1st off, please excuse my generalizing of men.
Secondly, yeah, I DO think on some levels men are dysfuntional, in varied ways, but the same is so for women. I wasn't implying he was "worthy of the looney bin", I just meant that since we are all imperfect, it's very common to find even the most "perfect" people working through issues in their life in an effor to make themselves better. If you let someone get close enough to you, eventually it comes to light.

I hope this clears up any confusion.

I didn't read the thread completely, so sorry if my opinion is a tad irrelevant or repetitive to what others have said.

I've taken down my couple pictures on fb, myself. It was a way of moving on. I really value pictures, even of people who have left my life, etc, so taking them down was a more definite sign that I was done and didn't want to think about those times, anymore. Though, I didn't delete the person because for one, I just didn't really care enough to, and for two, I didn't remove the option of being friends in the future.

Even if you really like/love this person, are you sure it's healthy to be with him? If you're constantly having problems or breaking up, that's usually a sign that it's just not best. Even if you think otherwise, that's fine. Maybe you guys will end up working things out and getting back, but perhaps one day instead, you'll realize you just don't want this anymore. To me, it sounds like he may be done done done. But, I'm not psychic and people are moody and unpredictable, so all I can say is good luck.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by CutieGirl

Why don't you humor me, OH GREAT AND WISE ONE, and enlighten me as to what would be the most "mature" thing to think in this situation?

One- don't put so much stock into facebook.

Two- Sorry, but a 40 year old with the username "cutiegirl?" Where exactly is your mindset here? Are you able to really look at this maturely?

Three- both of you are over the age of 40 and your relationship sounds like it belongs in a high school.

It sounds like he's the problem and YOU'RE too old to be putting up with this shit. I really wouldn't be worrying whether there was some secret motive in keeping you on fb. My ex still has me on Facebook and I know he keeps tabs on me via that, but he's also stated that he doesn't think much about who he has on there because it's JUST Facebook.

For the sake of avoiding dramas of deletion, just hide his newsfeed posts and make a setting so he can't see your updates. The end.

click to expand

Thank you dear, I know you've done the very best you can do. And BTW, I didn't get hung up (to the point of distraction) over getting advice from someone who had named themselves an ice cream flavor, so I think you should let that "line of attack" go. At 41, I can give myself WHATEVER name I prefer... So how old are you?

I DO however; appreciate SOME of the points you've made. I will look beyond the responses that where not at all helpful in addressing the issue and keep the more note worthy points of your response in mind.

Posted by Scenic
I didn't read the thread completely, so sorry if my opinion is a tad irrelevant or repetitive to what others have said.

I've taken down my couple pictures on fb, myself. It was a way of moving on. I really value pictures, even of people who have left my life, etc, so taking them down was a more definite sign that I was done and didn't want to think about those times, anymore. Though, I didn't delete the person because for one, I just didn't really care enough to, and for two, I didn't remove the option of being friends in the future.

Even if you really like/love this person, are you sure it's healthy to be with him? If you're constantly having problems or breaking up, that's usually a sign that it's just not best. Even if you think otherwise, that's fine. Maybe you guys will end up working things out and getting back, but perhaps one day instead, you'll realize you just don't want this anymore. To me, it sounds like he may be done done done. But, I'm not psychic and people are moody and unpredictable, so all I can say is good luck.

Thanks Scenic!

Your comment was just fine! Thanks for your well wishes.

Oddly enough, I've been thinking those exact same things about whether it would honestly be wise to try this again. A healthy and happy relationship shouldn't look like this and if he acts like this all the time, I couldn't handle being in a relationship with him.