Help please ( P-Angel and other Fish's )

Hello dxpnet ...
I have been reading these message boards on and off for 6 months now and I have to say I learnt a lot about my self and my sign.
I am currently living with a pisces girl and want some insight about how to communicate with her better, to give the the background, I met this girl back in june when she came to the UK to work in her summer holidays. we were living in the same house and I along with my flat mate hit on her and her friend ( all 4 of us in the same house). we started a bit bumpy with me going for the goodnight kiss rather early and her asking me not to kiss her again, this followed by another attempt to kiss her again ( which I admit was a test of her will ), again she would refuse, I play it cool for a while and this seems to get to her. Than out of the blue she kisses me and it gets ignited.
We'd go on to have the most passionate month, not sex because she is was a virgin, so was I but she doesn't know it. she asks me to share a room with her after her best friend leaves to their home country in september and I agree. we move in after a bumpy forced evacuation and we end up sharing a single bed in my college accommodation for ten magical days then we move to this house where we have been living for a month.
She plans to go back to her home country in the xmas and remain there until the summer, she will re-take her high school diploma for university in her home country next academic year. my plan from the start was to take this relationship as a learning experience and not worry how it goes but last week reality hit me! I am in love with this girl, I can't see my self sleeping in an empty bed again, I can't see myself ever sleeping without her by my side, since she has been in my life I have been happier than I ever was, I can't see a reason to ever come back from office without her in the house, muller rice will never taste the same without her (she introduced me to that stuff), and all the happy memories we shared will always be dainted by this soreness in my heart everytime I remember the summer days. this feeling is killing me, I know it's illogical but I only realise that after three hours going back and forth, and even then it only lasts for few minutes than I go back to that cycle.

to be continued ...

Your post leaves many questions in my mind, mister ... as well as fond memories of "The First Time".

High-school?

What country is she from?

How old are you two?



The description of your relationship history sounds magical, enchanting .. it's a no wonder why you two would feel so close to each other. Most of us, when we have a first time with our first love, we don't get to spend so much quality time together, and are left heart-broken. You two had the opportunity to make the fantasy a reality, and who could ask for more than that 🙂

Your question is .. how to communicate with her better, and we cannot really help you with this without some details about how the communication lacking.

I can tell you that if she leaves to go home for 6 months, then the enchantment will begin to fade from her envisioning of you being her Knight in Shining Armour .... so, I would suggest that you convince her to stay in the UK with you and take her GED there for university admittance.

I lived in torment last week, my head asking and answering questions while my body shriveled and my heart ached like kids watching their parents argue.
Finally I decided to tell her after she inquired about my lack of eating, she joked and said maybe you are in love and I replied yes I am and I am in love with you, what followed was murmurs, lowering of head and a complete disability to express what I felt, I told her i loved her and that I am afraid I will loose her after she goes, she told me i won't loose her and that she will be with me even when we are thousands of miles away, i just went into this mode where I looked I was trying to extract juice from a rock, couldn't even describe how it felt but it felt bad. I kept telling her that there is no compulsion on her part and that I am just expressing how I feel and that the ball is in her part, she said the ball is in "our" part and asked me to look at her which I was avoiding. just like her eyes make me joyous they can kill me with sadness. she cried and I held her, then i went to the toilet and when I came back she was standing in the mirror drying her eyes.
So I feel better afterwards and we make some food and I can finally eat, we sleep on it then the next day I get the same feeling and I am miserable all day, we meet at a friend's place and I hug her as she enters the room, she senses that I am not ok but I just dismiss it and get her inside, when our friend goes to the kitchen I lean on her and she asks if I ate today, I say do you want the truth or do you want a lie, she said tell me the truth, I repeated the question again and again and she kept saying tell me the truth, I said I didn't and she went to the kitchen and got my friend to make me a meal which I ate like an old man during the ethiopia famine .. with shaky hands.
the next day ( saturday ) we wake up late and have all kinds of sexual fun all day despite the residual tireness from the last few days, we then go shopping for cloths, i needed some smarts trousers for that evening and she picked a shirt for me too, needless to say her fashion sense is ace, she was all glingy ( in a postive sense ) to me in public and I played it cool, because I wanted to be cool and somehow her clinginess made me feel tall and I liked it.
next day we organise our room together and I start feeling better, but not 100% when time comes for me to go for an important meeting she says she wishes I'd stay and I say I will stay if you want me to, she seemed he

You are female .. men don't talk like that .. unless they are Capricorns.

thanks P-Angel and StarFish for replying, sorry for cutting the thread in the middle, I wrote the first part in the morning and now I just did the second part which seems to be cut for some reason :/ ...
to summerise: this week was also turbulent but I made it a point not to let her know I am still miserable, it's like i have this unreasonable expectation from her to come forward and hold my hand or else I get very upset and think she doesn't love me, sometimes I paint very negative images about her using me and in my head she turns from a princess to a witch but I still love her and I feel that if she ever turns cold on me I would crumble to dust and disappear.
to be honest with you guys I have seen myself with this girl 50 years from now holding hands, me telling her one of my usual elaborated tales and her agreeing "yes dear" as we walk under a full moon summer evening, I see little kids, I see a home, the full monty.
I am 26 years, virgo, she is 19 years pisces, I read horrid stories about this couple and how they are the complete opposite, the little time we spent living together and my observations in the past few days led me to beleive a lot of this. we are rather different, I am organised, she is easygoing, I am disciplined ( to a certain extent ), she is lazy, but I have managed to learn to live with this for now and most of the time I think her presence is a cure to my obsession with details, but I don't if this adaptation will be permanent or i will snap at stage and we will get into an argument, I don't want to argue with her, not now when I feel very vulnerable because I might lash out some dark stuff about me or her that will just cut it prematurely, i really don't want us to argue at all because from her occasional slips she can be very mean which will break my heart, I know I have a sharp tongue too and I wouldn't want to hurt her.
I just think it's a communication issue that is blocking us, i can't read her body language and when I try to express myself I come out wrong or she takes it the wrong way, it's like i keep messing things up every time I try, and she doesn't want to tell me stuff despite my insistence on her, sometimes I feel like I am nagging. she is closed book, I don't know, is she afraid I will judge her? does she not feel the same and don't want to hurt me?

A lot of coincidences in here, a LOT, and I don't believe in coincidences ... this is a set up.

And so, I will digress .......

listen to me girls, wait until i finish then give your input .. OK I finished now

"that the ball is in her part, she said the ball is in "our" part and asked me to look at her which I was avoiding."

hey mister_eee

This is pivitol to me .. i believe whenever a pisces says "we" ..BELIEVE it. Romantically, she doesn't want to see a "you or an i", she only wants to envision an "us". Everyday life can certainly give out certain (mundane, practical) circumstances, that we have to work around and adjust to.. at only 19 she has her education to work through and a certain amount of space needed for her own self-discovery, while (still) being assured that you will be around and she can count on you. Physical distance not withstanding.. i think what she needs now, is a calm, mature, confident outlook on things in general. And she needs this from you. If you give an opposing kind of impression, the she may start doubting herself or her union.

As for communication ..love can be complex, so too our entire birthcharts and the whole synasty aspect, for that matter. Maybe learn more about her (whole) chart and this will give you further guiese for understanding, insight & tolerence. A Pisces will "envision" and "feel" from the 'inside' before they speak. Try to ignore the more perceived negatives and quirks of each other, and accentuate the "positives" of being opposing sun-signs. Like you yourself inferred, there IS great balance and insight to glean from each other. Find something to appreciate (even the smallest), and find a whole lot of humour in the rest. A couple that laughs together about something everyday, (even yourselves) stays together, imho. You are a few years on her, as well..so she needs that extra time to discover the world and learn about herself, as well.

So basically, be patient, show her you "have" trust and faith in each other as individuals and as a couple. Stand tall .. Pisces likes security, assurity and confidence. Never continually doubt, or she may soon find this a heavy burden. Just remember she said "we". So believe. I think 'TIME, patience, confidence & tolerance to be your greatest allies.

(remember too, alot of this is just "growing" pains of new love; be good to yourself too, and keep the faith..)

"Much luck ..

I didnt think Cappys talked like females !!!!

Update ... good morning
She is now one week late on her period and very worried, I am worried too but I realise nothing can be changed now and I am thinking what to do next. I only discovered how serious her worrying was on wednesday, and I kept on reassuring her that she isn't pregnant because I made a point of ensuring she took her anti-pregnancy pill every night for the last month, she also took a pregnancy test which was negative, yet the period hasn't come yet and it's been a week. I kept on telling her she is not pregnant and that I am sure of that, I also told her that whatever the outcome will be I will be there for her, I told her it's absolutely her choice if she decides to keep the baby or not, but only if it ever comes to that and that it won't because she is simply not pregnant! one mistake I might have made was when I said that I'd prefer for us to keep the baby, I only realise now how stupid that was ...
However I stayed by her side and kept on telling her everything is gonna be alright. Thursday afternoon I cut work short and go to stay with her, comforting her, then I take her to work. later in the evening we were supposed to meet a friend of us and her brother was coming to visit so when the plan was to meet her outside work and go wait for him in the station but when I arrived to my friend's house I found him in a hell of psychological state, things coming at him left and right and I decided to stay with him because he was about to collapse, she comes to his house and we have a nice meal, we stay behind and I hold her telling her everything is fine, and explaining why I had to stay because of our friend's problem, later that night I felt he was getting worse and I suggested the four of us stay together at his place, she said I can't, I don't have my cosmetics and I look like a zombie in the morning, this really hit me hard because I was under the impression that she would be so shallow that she cared about how she looked to some bloody strangers rather than keep this friend's company and I snapped at her before our cab arrives, she said why didn't you tell me and I just stopped talking, in the cab we'd talk reasonably and I explain my part, she explains hers, I told her that I was sorry I expected so much from her and she said it's her fault I said it's not, I told her she came first, and held her but she seemed to push away and she seemed quiet tormented and confused.
in bed she crawled to me and I held her, kissed her head and rubb

dxpnet problem again ... her is the continuation

in bed she crawled to me and I held her, kissed her head and rubbed her shoulder, she told me she hopes that our friend didn't take it the wrong way, i said he probably didn't hear it ( which was a clear lie ) then I spooned her ( I do that everynight ) and we slept, we wake up and I tell her she doesn't have to go to work, she said it's unfair to her colleagues, I take the bus with her and walk her to work. hug her and assure her everything is gonna be fine and ask her to call me when she gets out of work so that we can go see a doctor and get it over with, it's better to know than keep worrying, now I am contemplating calling her after work and going to the clinic with her to make sure it's all fine.
I have realised just from writing this post that I have made several blunders, from snapping at her to not getting my priorities right, to not communicating that I will be the rock she can lean on, I know deep inside that I am that rock but it seems to me that my behaviour doesn't indicate so with the mixed messages I might be sending her. I have also been more relaxed in terms of action ( like going to the doctor and me taking the lead in that ) I have always been like "if you want to I will do blah and blah" which I think I should skip and be more assertive.
What is your take on these fellas, I really need help

Never met a Capricorn male who talks like a female. Heck, some Cap females don't talk like females either (the tough cookie types). Some male scorps on the other hand ---once you've penetrated their shell -- come off as a mixture of Pee Wee Herman & Richard Simmons

http://www.dreamnotoftoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/simmons.jpg<BR> http://peggynature.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/simmons-nude-in-salad.jpg<BR>
🙂

what's troubling me is that I am very decisive and can be very assertive in my studies and elsewhere but with her I feel like walking on egg shells, I can't think straight, yes these entries are more like rantings for my own thought but i was hoping people would come forward and give me insight into this elusive girl, all i got is a questioning of my gender. others please come forward

Virgo's, from my experience, are too passive/aggressive for most Pisceans, when it comes to communication.

A Virgo will take upon themselves the position of being accommodating, to go with the flow in a relationship that is running smoothly, and won't voice their concerns or desires or wants or needs .. or any other kind of positive communication to help reinforce the relationship.

Sort of like .. it if isn't broken, then don't try and fix it. Problem is though ... people actually NEED their partners to continue to reinforce .. they need to "hear" words from the other, even when the going is great >>>> a building tool which makes the partner feel secured.

A Virgo typically won't do that .... they'll remain silent with communication UNTIL they get upset.

At which time passion kicks in ...

To voice disgruntlements comes out loudly, when the going, is going against what they want for the relationship ... and this is very disheartening to a partner. All the while, you will never say what it is you like, so the partner can make life good for you .... however, you will critique what you don't like, as if the partner should automatically know what you don't like, eventhough you never told them what you do like.


This passion of the Virgo to voice what harbors and builds inside of them, to a boiling point, in which is the only communication a person can get from you ... is in opposition to the Piscean.

Though, we will be elusive ourselves to some degress, we will however, express ourselves when we are zinged, to include both reinforcement and disgruntlements ..... the thing is, we can tell what another person is feeling .. so when we ask a Virgo "what's wrong honey" .. and you say, "nothing, I'm fine" >>> it is to us.

And then when you've reached your limits of irritation .. you explode with intenseness of anger. when we actually tried to prompt you to communicate BEFORE this explosion, in which you passed off at the time, only to become aggressive at another time.

And that is the main problem with communication between Virgo and Pisces. Just say it, even if it doesn't make sense. Hell, we often don't make any sense which leaves the other to scratch their heads and wonder what the hell we're talking about.

But, the point is .. we say it, we express it, rather than waiting until the irritation/frustration is overwhelming and then snapping out what is not liked .. a Virgo will do.

OOoppps, it all didn't post ... it should say ...



Though, we will be elusive ourselves to some degress, we will however, express ourselves when we are zinged, to include both reinforcement and disgruntlements ..... the thing is, we can tell what another person is feeling .. so when we ask a Virgo "what's wrong honey" .. and you say, "nothing, I'm fine" >>> it is a lie to us.

To you it isn't a lie, because to you, you are just fine allowing your irritations to pass by .. to us, we KNOW that you are feeling unhappy or irritated in some way because this is why we asked you to express it. when you say, "nothing honey, I'm fine" >>> you just lied to us.

And then later, when you can't handle your irritation any longer .... you explode with sarcasm, critiquing, being pissy ..

Pisceans will remain incommunicative with a person like this. When you do ask us something, we will avoid answering you ..... because we know that if we tell you something you don't want to hear then you will let it fester inside of you, until a day comes when you let all this aggression rain down on us.

how about her, does a pisces girl hide her feelings and expect to be "read"?

Not really. We don't necessarily hide our feelings .. rather, they are conveyed moreso in our emotional expression, rather than with mental thought processes.

Like for instance, a Pisces girl would say something like ... "Oh, that is so beautiful, I would love to have that Dragonfly hairclip, it would go with my new red outfit".

We would express how we felt ^^^^^^^^^ about something, rather than come right out and say, "I want that, will you give it to me"


We talk about how something makes us feel. If she said to you something like, "Why are you upset with me, have I hurt you in some way". > by being angry about it is essentially expressing to her that it's her fault, because it's to her that you are angry.

To say the communication between Virgo and Pisces is difficult, is an understatement .. for the two is at complete opposition with each other.

Pisces wants and needs Virgo to express EVERYTHING as it arises, good and bad, positive and negative = verbally, since verbalization is our handicap in life. We can "sense" that something needs attention, but, cannot know what it is unless you tell us. So, it's imperative that you speak about your feelings, no matter how small or scarry.

Virgo wants and needs Pisces to be more precise in their vocal expressions .. Virgos, typically, don't understand nuances so well and normally have no clue something is up unless it's spoken in precise, exacting terms. Whereas Pisces will speak, but, it's obscure, it's speaking in terms of how life feels to them, rather than telling you what they want.

It just takes time .. it took years for my husband to be able to know that I need him to tell me things, and not hold them in ... and it took even longer for him to decipher what I need according to me expressing how I felt about something.

However, to this day .. he STILL holds his frustration in, and it comes out being extremely critical.

We talk about how something makes us feel. If she said to you something like, "Why are you upset with me, have I hurt you in some way". > by being angry about it is essentially expressing to her that it's her fault, because it's to her that you are angry.

--------------

That made no sense .... some of my posts get chopped up. I guess because I write too much. Anyway, that's not what my original thought was.

wow thanks P-Angel, so I am learning to read her a bit but can't put my hand exactly on what she is feeling, all I say is that she looks bothered, angry or uncomfortable and I ask her what the problem is. As for me I learnt to say how I feel except that sometimes I actually do not know how I feel or maybe the emotion inside is to do with a dark side of me or an area of insecurity that I would never divulge for fear of rejection ... so my next question: are pisces generally judgemental?
another one which is bugging me is how do they respond to criticism, I have learnt not to criticise verbally but i still have these unconscious tendency to fix her hair when I hold her

"..thought but i was hoping people would come forward and give me insight into this elusive girl, all i got is a questioning of my gender. others please come forward"

I did give you some advice mister_eee, perhaps my post didn't come through for some odd reason..

I can't read all of this, sorry .. but, can't.

However, I get the drift that it is all full of how you "feel" about this lady.

So, let me ask you ..... have you told her all of these things?

Do you tell HER how you feel, like you have said in here?

I told her the reason why I stopped eating is because I couldn't imagine my life without her

I told her I am afraid of loosing her after she goes back to her country.

I told her I am afraid she won't love me back.

I told her I am afraid to make a mistake with her or argue with her because I don't think I can bare her wrathful side, but in all maintained that I am not pressuring her in any way, however I anted her to know.

Fear?


You said all these loving things about how you feel that is nurturing and sentimental .. and what you express to her is fear?

Why don't you try writing it out, then, since you are able to do that. Some people do better with writing out their feelings.

A person, especially a Pisces, needs to hear words that convey feelings of why a love is worthy ... not words of fear of your end to make her feel guilty.

That is sort of along the lines I was saying ... my husband will voice his feelings when they are BAD ones .. and keep his loving ones to himself, and not use the words of these feelings for nurturing and supporting the relationship.

Express words of encouragement as to why this love is worthy of both of you, and not ones to leave a negative impression on her .. such as ones to suggest she should feel guilty if she did something to hurt you. You know, a Fish lives within their environment, and if the only thing you give her are your negative feelings .. then this is what she will absorb.

If you can't say them .. then print this out, and let her read all the positive thoughts and feelings you have.