Relationships and Men

Relationships fail because communication as individuals is never easy. Either or is to scared of tipping the boat or even worse knows it will tip the boat and does not speak up. Younger women seem more career oriented these days. Which is fine. But i know 3 women over 40 who put career first and never found a "mate". All 3 of these women regret it are unhappy and lonely. Not to say everyone in that position is but the 3 i have to evaluate with are.

Also because of gender roles changing i find men are really confused. Most of my friends are. Some married at 22 and now a few years later are divorced. They rarely have access to the children and pay child support that basically leaves then in a terrible apartment and hungry as hell. Im sure there are variances of this situation but again ive only seen the worst of this situation.

Every one of my divorced friends has given the same message "Dont get married and dont have children!" Out of the group of us that has never been married and has no children. 6 of the 8 do not want children or to enter into marriage. My parents have never split up and i grew up in a two parent family with both biological parents.

If i look at the friends who grew up with single mothers or with a replacement dad. Everyone of the boys is totally fucked up. They are either unable to operate in a relationship, are horrible parents or worse yet are in and out of jail. Now recently my sister and her husband entered into divorce talks.

The rules here have changed, they no longer grant a divorce where children are concerned. The couple must attend council sessions and under go family therapy for one year before they will be granted a divorce. If separated neither parent can introduce a new romantic partner to the children. Shes furious about this but i think sometimes people get angry and divorce was all to easy until now. Both of them will go bankrupt because the mortgage can not be payed on a single income.

After seeing firends and family go broke and the heartache it causes im torn. Im romantic at heart and wish ever so deeply for till death do us part. But given the nature of things in this age im inclined to shy away from marriage and children. Ive seen and felt the pain an i cant say i want that experience personally.

I bring this up because this was a recent topic od discussion with my pisces. She had a night out with her girlfriends 2 got engaged over christmas one is hoping to get engaged to her boyfriend soon.

Another of her friends is married unhappily i might add. I can feel that shes searching and looking for my feelings on this subject. But my stance is undecided and i wont give an answer until ive really come to a personal conclusion.

My circumstances are different as i built my earthship and i dont really have any bills to speak of. I looked a little into it an a lot of marriages die in financial struggles. I could literally not work if i chose and my home would provide what i need, sides tax on the land. But even still i think any man would be crazy in our times to jump into a family and marriage as the risks are very very high.

I love my pisces but with the evidence i have against family and marriage im strongly leaning away from it. Something inside me wouldnt feel complete without children but at the same time...... Im a bit over analytical at times. Im not sure how many of you out there are married or have children. But the world has always survived on 2 parent biological families as the norm.

I think weve curved away from that and honestly i see a huge mess. My dad was the discipliner. If i got into shit... mom would say when your father gets home your gonna get it. My dad loved me but also dealt out punishment that was needed. I dont think i would be who i am today without his direct and constant influence. He always treated my mother very well. If problems arose they hammered it out together.

I just dont think if you commit to marriage or knowingly conceive children you should be so quick to bail out. Im a bit of a recluse i chose to live pretty far from town in my sacred space. My pisces comes here a lot i would say almost lives here. I would commit but reality says no... sad to say.

What does anyone else think?

I keep in mind no one should stay in an abusive relationship and i agree with that. But also i think a lot of people get pissed dont communicate and quit. Im more than willing to provide or support her with whatever she desires whenever she needs. But im not sure im going to subscribe to the broken marriage market.

No anyone may feel free to contribute. =) I just put it in here because the pisces forum is my "comfort zone" haha

What makes you think this is a "marriage" issue?

People are justly confused in non-marital relationships.


The problem here isn't a legal union ... the problem is people. They think they have some kind of entitlement, and so wait to be bestowed, rather than actually working, putting forth effort .. as in meeting half-way.

And I would imagine a lot of this has to do with the parental situation of todays young adults .. they grew up without proper guidance, since mothers are now in the work force full time, and they learned how to force their way for survival, rather than be tolerant of others.



I say just go with the two Ups.

They were raised to be cowards ..... because parents weren't around to hold them accountible for their fuck ups.



Actually, if a lot more younger adults decided to not have children, then perhaps this would change our future ... after a couple generations of men not wanting children for this reason .... people would begin to honor their parenting role, and take it more seriously, since it would be rare for them to actually "want" kids.

yeah i do find it cowardly that people cheat in order to initiate divorce etc. Yeah P-Angel its already starting. Most of my friends will never have children theres just to much risk. I wont date a girl who has divorced or has divorced parents either ... its just a rule i have. I think most women still want to get married etc. not all do. But i do know a few girls in the 26 to 30 bracket who are freaking out because they cant find a boyfriend that wants kids or will even think about getting married.

I always told myself if i ever had kids and was married id figure it out if there was a problem. I guess maybe my trust in others to do the same has faltered. I mean honestly if you loved a person enough once to consider marriage and conceive children. There must be something seriously valuable in them as a partner.

So i guess it just stands that todays couples are cowards and quitters as sad as that is. Here in canada tho they are starting to pass laws to make divorce really difficult. The one year of counciling was just the start. My sister just got hers started before they passed the $ 15,000.00 dollar application fee. thats a steep up price from the $ 150.00 she paid.

Government intervention is a joke in so many ways. They go. " lets make divorce easier " then " Oh shit this is crazy lets make it wayyy harder " total fuck ups. Anyhow yeah moms are never home and dads are never home so kids go wild. The result is the mess we have now. I think im just gonna hold back for now. Heh

Nowadays, we coexist with an individualist and selfish society. Even if you are tolerant this could not be enough.

My parents and all couples of my family are not happy, but they managed to stay together somehow, maybe because they have the survival instinct, we dont. On other hand they focused their lifes in supporting family and none else, no getting out, travel or have fun, at least not so often.

Nothing to do with them tough, we have other purposes in life, and conflict is more likely to happen because the purposes and intentions can be diffrent. We are smarter somehow but dumber in other things like this matter.

Im getting married and I think of children alot but I am worried for different reasons, future children will suffer more then us. I want to be there always for them.

I think that there is instinct that will always be in the back. A motherly side a fatherly side. Protection survival etc. But we are taught now it seems if somethings not working drop it and try something else. We are in a society now where people are disposable marriage is disposable and children too. Successful communication is what is lost.

It seems like a lot people get into marriage for the wrong reasons. They also don't take it seriously. Some spouses expect their other half to magically transform for the better after the wedding. People don't change! If you dated a bossy/demanding person, guess what? They??ll be a bossy/demanding person during the marriage. Same goes for cheaters, jerks, etc.

I totally agree that many people quit their marriage and want an easy way out.

Everything of value requires work and effort. Marriage also requires commitment and support from both individuals.

Personally, I do want to get married. But I hope not to enter into it blindly.

OP, I only read your post and not the replies:

Self-fulfilling prophecy is what I gather from your post. Why not learn from the unhealthy relationships happening around you? Learn from other people's mistakes/issues? It's a good thing to know WHAT NOT TO DO in relationships too...

At the end of the day when a man (or woman) REALLY wants something/someone - Objections don't come if you want something bad enough. Simple as that.

Posted by thefish
I wont date a girl who has divorced or has divorced parents either ... its just a rule i have.

hi there....this is my first time posting in the pisces forum, but i was trying to gain insight in regards to a new pisces who wants to date me....stumbled upon this thread and i just had to comment on this...

thefish, i can identify with your stance. i too had that same perspective because my parents were together....until they divorced after 40 years of marriage. it wasn't until i left where i grew up and got away (1500 miles away) from most of the family issues that i really looked at how unhealthy their marriage was. i was 25 when my parents split, and i have to say that it completely changed my opinion on whether to date someone whose parents are divorced...while i still do tend to steer clear of them (yes, even though i am one myself), i always listen and appreciate their viewpoints on marriage, divorce and relationships....and sometimes i am very surprised because sometimes they share my same opinions. i have to say, i learned what NOT to do in a relationship, how to prioritize your relationship and partner's needs, etc. ...you seem like such a forward-thinking and accepting person that it seems odd to me that you would discount dating a person because they are the the product of a mistake that was not their own doing.

btw, my best friend for the last 15 years is a pisces and my roommate for the last 5 years is a pisces.... i think you guys (and gals!) are great. xoj

Here's another question for you people. How is it possible that when a man cheats--the wife finds out--he asks to be forgiven and given another change--which she does give--he turns around and does the same shit over again and expects the wife to be okay with it? And he still has the nerve to say "I tried", what kind of bull is this?

what's that saying? "fool me once, shame on you....fool me twice, shame on me" unfortunately in most cases, when someone gets away with something they will do it again. i'm not discounting everyone...just seems that way to me. i learned that the hard way with my first boyfriend (lasted seven years and we were engaged a year when he decided to come clean to his cheating twice before the engagement) and i ended it. it was the hardest thing to do, but i knew that if he had the capacity to cheat and lie repeatedly to me that he would know he could do it again and again and i would still be there for him, if i had stayed.

^i forgave him instantly...i truly loved him.... but had he made the mistake and come to me the next day with it, maybe i would have a different opinion and reaction....but he cheated twice, lied to me repeatedly about it even when i confronted him with questions as to his whereabouts and he perpetuated the lie for years... i don't think it's about forgiveness, nor giving up on something you work hard for.... i worked hard at maintaining the relationship, and when he made the choice to cheat it was apparent that he was not working as hard as i was. ...try not to become bitter...it only hurts you in the end. try to forgive and learn from it, and keep in mind that there is someone out there that holds faithfulness in high regard as you. xoj

oh yuck, seavixen...i'm sorry that happened to you. i for one think it's a tragedy when people take advantage of any person but especially sensitive people because it can forever alter their lives and the people they were meant to become. remain the soft pisces you are.

Posted by seavixen2
@cappiebelle
we love new visitors to the pisces forum🙂

🙂 thank you kindly! xoj